Confession and your Spouse: What do you do?

[Faith1960]

Say something like, “hey Pope John Paul went to confession about once a week, just trying to keep myself as a good husband to you and be faithful to God.”

Did he really? That’s pretty neat but I’d love to know what a man like Pope JPll would have to confess, lol.

 

[rayne89]

I voted something else because I’m never asked nor do I ask. There’s somethings we know because we’re under the same roof. Sometimes we share the things we struggle with but that is volunteered freely, not because we question each other.

 

[Philothea_2.0]

I just tell him I’m going to confession and hope I’m setting a good example since I tend to go much more frequently than he does. I don’t tell him my sins and I don’t ask him about his – I figure that’s between him and God. I also try to offer him times to go – we have a two year old, so we can’t go together without disrupting Holy Hour. So I’ll plan dinner early every once in a while and ask him if he’d like to go to church afterward while I watch the kiddo. Sometimes he says yes, sometimes not. I assume he knows when and what he needs to confess, so I don’t badger him about it.

 

[Em_in_FL]

We usually go at the same time… no need to share our sins with each other…

 

[hilde_the_dog]

True - I have heard it said that if you ever get stuck on your Examination of Conscience and need some help, just ask someone who lives with you - they will provide you with more than enough “valid matter” for a good sacramental Confession.

Thats funny, now I wonder what sins have I overlooked.

For me my wife works of Fridays until 7:30 and confessions start just before 7 (the 2 priests open up for business early) and I get home before her. Or I go to confession near my office since they have daily confession at 11:45. Or I’ll just tell her “I’m going to confession and I got to read on Sunday”.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I tell my wife when I step out.

I Personally feel that confession is a personal thing. I am going to naked and ALONE at judgement so I guess it is a private matter.

I would agree. I tell my husband, but he’s never asked what I confess, and I’ve never asked what he’s confessed. Sometimes we discuss a penance that’s odd or a hoot, but that’s about it.

 

[aurora77]

I tell DH I’m going (it seems wierd to me to hide it) and I would tell him if he asked, so I voted for the first response. But, he has not and would never ask.

 

[BlestOne]

The way it usually goes in my house is, “Honey, I want to go to reconcilliation this weekend. I will go ahead and take the kids with me unless you have other plans for them.” OR “Honey, I would like to go to reconcilliation, would you like to join me? Are the kids scheduled to do anything Saturday afternoon? Do you want me to take them too?”

I don’t question why my husband wants to go, and he doesn’t question me. Usually however, we talk about anything that we feel we need to and sometmes the advice to each other is to go to reconcilliation. Hmmm… That sounds weird when I reread it…let me give an example:
Me: Boy I really blew my temper at work today…{proceed to tell about the event}
DH: Well dear maybe you are misreading the incident. Maybe, X didn’t mean to demean you to the boss.
Me: Wow, I never thought of it that way, I guess I am still suspicious of X because of another event. I guess I wasn’t being very nice to X.
DH: If it will make you feel better, I can watch the kids if you want to go to reconcilliation Saturday.
Me: No, I think I will take the kids, do you want to come too?

 

[KCT]

I tell him where I’m going and he never asks about what I confess.

Dh has not been to confession in the 22 years we’ve been married. He goes to Mass and receives Communion every Sunday. I happen to know what some of his big sins are and pray all the time he’ll return to the sacrament.

I find it frustrating/ angering because there could be more grace in our marriage (grace available when we have disagreements!) if he would go. He knows how I feel, so I really can’t do more than pray and sacrifice. —KCT

 

[Maureen_Fiore]

I tell him where I’m going and he never asks about what I confess.

Dh has not been to confession in the 22 years we’ve been married. He goes to Mass and receives Communion every Sunday. I happen to know what some of his big sins are and pray all the time he’ll return to the sacrament.

I find it frustrating/ angering because there could be more grace in our marriage (grace available when we have disagreements!) if he would go. He knows how I feel, so I really can’t do more than pray and sacrifice. —KCT

I’m glad I’m not the only one who has a husband like that. My husband goes to mass but does not receive and has not been to Confession since the day of our marriage, 20yrs. I pray too for God to knock some sense into him but he has to be the one to want to go to Confession. As for me I just say “I’m going to Confession see ya later” He does not question me because he knows that my faith mean a whole lot to me.

 

[DonProfondo]

Afterwards, Father told me that only one child (out of 24) had taken the opportunity to just have a little chat with him instead of making a Confession. I did not ask him which child, and I doubt that he would have told me if I had.

I’m surprised he told you THAT much.

 

[KCT]

I’m glad I’m not the only one who has a husband like that. My husband goes to mass but does not receive and has not been to Confession since the day of our marriage, 20yrs.

If he hasn’t been to Confession in 20 years, perhaps he shouldn’t be receiving Communion (he could have stayed free of mortal sin all the time - who knows?) —KCT

 

[Khoria_Anna]

Hubby does not want to know, tho’ when I feel I need daily help in controlling certain habitual sinful behaviors, I’ve told him and asked for help in calling me on it.

 

[mommyof4]

Sometimes I tell, other times I just tack it on to my other Saturday errands. I try to go at least once a month, if not more. He really doen’t understand my need for frequent confession. He tells me that the Church only requires us to go at Easter and Christmas, and beyond that, I’m just being fanatical. On the other hand, when I do tell him that I’m going, he has never tried to stop me,or ask me what I’m confessing. And no, I’ve never asked him about his confessions. I really don’t want to know.

 

[Scout]

My husband isn’t even Catholic and he knows someone shouldn’t ask another what they talked about in the Confessiona! He never asks me. I just say, “I’m going to Confession,” and he says, “Okay. See ya later.”

Scout :tiphat:

 

[thistle]

My wife and I would both tell the other he/she is going to Confession. Neither of us ever ask or tell the other what sins we are going to confess.

 

[wisdom_3_5]

This is a difficult one - after all, many of one’s sins do indeed directly impact on loved ones, and some people are more naturally curious and/or suspicious than others about what you’re up to.

Some sins, perhaps, on a practical level, can and should be discussed with those who are affected by them, but confessors won’t always tell you to do this.

I agree, although I put I don’t tell in the poll, there should be an in-between choice where you divulge some but not all and not as a rule.

I will tell my husband when I’m going (and he usually says he’ll go on Monday near work, he likes to be on the same “schedule” as me). Sometimes I tell him a bit of what I’m struggling with, not so much as part of what happened in confession, but so that he is aware of what I’m going through. Its a good humble way to start a conversation. I find him more gentle and less defensive and less helpful (not trying to fix everything for me, but just listening-which is more of what I need).

Its also good for him because he sees me as not being perfect. He struggles with faith more than I do and tends to see me as far ahead of him or “too holy” etc. which makes faith more of a struggle for him. But we’re just different people with different temptations and sins which we both tend to forget.

 

[SeekerJen]

I tell my husband where I’m going. He’s not Catholic so he doesn’t go with me, but he thinks confession is a good idea so he never gives me a hard time about going. He never asks what I’m confessing, and I don’t vouch the info.

 

[jmcrae]

I’m surprised he told you THAT much.

I was the Catechist for that group: he felt that I had a right to know the final results, because of the lessons we’d been doing on the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Otherwise, you’re right - apart from that, it would have been none of my business.