Confession before having my marriage convalidated

[grammysue731]

I am so excited…after a long wait and a lot of prayers, my husband and I are finally able to have our marriage con validated in the church this week. My question is if I go to confession the night before the con validation and share the bedroom with him before we have the ceremony, will we be in a state of mortal sin? We have not received Holy Communion and will not attend Mass until the next day, but how will that affect the blessing of our marriage?

 

[Gorgias]

First off, congratulations!!!

My question is if I go to confession the night before the con validation and share the bedroom with him before we have the ceremony, will we be in a state of mortal sin?

By “share the bedroom”, I assume that you’re using a euphemism, and not just telling us where you’ll be sleeping? If so, then ‘yes’, we’re talking about grave sin (which, in the proper circumstances, might be ‘mortal sin’).

If you’re not talking about anything more than sleeping, would you say that, if an engaged couple asked you about it, you’d recommend that they sleep together on the night before their wedding? Wouldn’t you consider that ‘the near occasion of sin’, at the very least, and at the worst, a temptation to actually sin?

We have not received Holy Communion and will not attend Mass until the next day, but how will that affect the blessing of our marriage?

You really should be in a state of grace at the time you’re married. In your case, although a civil marriage already exists, your sacramental marriage begins with the marriage ceremony this week. So, once you go to confession, you should avoid the near occasion of sin until you’re married (well, you should always avoid the near occasion of sin, but you know what I mean!).

I might gently ask you if you don’t think that sleeping in different beds on the night before your convalidation might be a good idea, because it heightens your expectation for the convalidation ceremony, and makes you more aware of the importance of this step in your lives together, and makes it more special…?

 

[maryjk]

I agree with Gorgias, in that we need to know what you mean by “share a bedroom.”

When I had my Convalidation, I had been married civilly for 11 years. We owned a home and had a child.

Yes, we slept in the same bed. No, he did move out, nor did I. So, yes we shared a bedroom the night before our Convalidation.

But no we didn’t *share a bedroom *

 

[isidora99]

You really should be in a state of grace at the time you’re married. In your case, although a civil marriage already exists, your sacramental marriage begins with the marriage ceremony this week. So, once you go to confession, you should avoid the near occasion of sin until you’re married (well, you should always avoid the near occasion of sin, but you know what I mean!).

I might gently ask you if you don’t think that sleeping in different beds on the night before your convalidation might be a good idea, because it heightens your expectation for the convalidation ceremony, and makes you more aware of the importance of this step in your lives together, and makes it more special…?

That is great advice. You could even start sleeping in separate beds now, to help avoid the temptation to “share the bedroom” before your marriage is valid. Better to avoid a sin than to confess it afterwards. And of course, congratulations on your convalidation!