Confession - Can the priest be rude to you?

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Cold_as_stone

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A few weeks ago I went to confession. It’s been a few years since my last confession and I told the priest so, as you are required to do in your opening sentence. He did not look happy. I told him my sins, which were all pretty small stuff in my opinon.

He told me that I should be going to confesion at least once a month. Then he asked me to recite the ‘Act of Contrition’. I smiled and said that i could not remember it. Not surpisingly as I had not been for years.

He gave me a withering look and said, ‘So you think this is funny? Go outside and read the pamplet and then come back in here.’

I skulked out of the confessional box with my tail firmly between my legs. I had a look at this scuffy piece of paper that was on the pew before I went in but why wasn’t the pamplet in the box so that you could read the Act of Contrition from it? The previous priest had all the details on a laminated sheet in the confessional box. So you didn’t have to rely on your memory.

Anyway, as soon as I went out of the door someone else swept in and there were other people waiting, so it dawned on me was at the back of the queue again.

Then the priest come out and announced abruptly that confession was over and you would have to wait until after morning prayers.

I could not wait as I had arranged to meet someone so I went out of the church feeling angry and humiliated. This priest has always been rude. He has treated other members of the congregation in the same way. He always gives out communion to people who have not attended mass before, and I feel cheated that I did the right thing and I have not had communion in all the months I have started attending mass again. But he will happily accommodate the ones that have not had the same dedication. OK, I know I’m guessing here, but I can’t imagine these people going to confession once a month like he recommended. He even bans people from receiving communion at christmas if they have not been to mass and confession within the last twelve months.

Can I now go to communion, even though the procedure was not completed?

If I must go again, I will not go to him. I will go to another church, but it does seem unfair when I have made the effort to go in the first place.

Any thoughts?😉
 
If you’re not in a state of grace (i.e. have committed mortal sin) you should not accept communion.

Not all priests have the best bed-side manner possible, but you should recognize they have a hard job and life.
 
Cold_as_stone said:
. He even bans people from receiving communion at christmas if they have not been to mass and confession within the last twelve months.

Any thoughts?😉
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That’s extraordinary. How does he know? They may have gone to another church. Are you sure about that?
 
My only thoughts are these:

You commented that if you must go again, you wouldn’t go to the same priest. I would encourage you to go again, to go monthly as he suggested. But I would agree, not with the same priest.

You need a priest you trust and a priest you can grow with.

And as another poster said, are you sure about him not allowing communion for some who haven’t been to confession? He would have no way of knowing if they had gone or not.
 
Hmmm, I’ve encountered some rude priests in the confessional over the years but your experience is a bit special.

Please, don’t let this keep you away. Go to another priest. And learn the Act of Contrition 😛 It helps to be prepared.
 
Worry more about your sins and less about the Priest. If the Priest did not give you obsolution, then you´re still in a state of mortal sin. Once a month is good advice, even if given in a rude manner. The Priests are not there to make you comfortable about your sins. They are there to give you obsolution. We would all go to Hell, if there were no Priests to obsolve us. Like all Sacraments, the Sacrament of Reconciliation is serious. It saves your soul. The act of contrition is something worthwhile to memorize. Wear it on your heart. God bless:thumbsup:👍👍
 
That’s sad you had such a bad experience after keeping away. I know it can be hard to go back after such a long while.

From what you say of the confession, it didn’t reach the stage of absolution so you’d still need to go again before taking communion.

Another tip: get a little notecard and write the act of contrition or even the whole rite of confession on it. I’ve got a little card I was given when I was in RCIA and I’ve also started using the confession iPhone app (you can get it for android phones now too) and I found those things really helped me get back into regular confession.
 
Yes, i did experience yesterday that the priest (this is actually the priest that took me into the church in the full fellowship in november) last year.

I could tell from what he adviced me to and the chuckle he made when i told him my sins, that he was not very impressed with me at all.
But it`s OK. I understand why and have learned something from this.

Sometimes you need to be encouraged in a tough way to learn, grow and understand the consequenses of your actions (i speak for my own experience now and i just say i did deserve it).
 
Cold-as-Stone, what happened to you, like other posters have said, is extraordinary. I’m so sorry you went through this. I admire your bravery and sticktoitivness; if that had happened to me I fear I would have burst into tears and fled the confessional and the building completely.

A bit of advice, especially if you own an Apple device. Download a Catholic prayers app; all of the ones I have on my iPad have several versions of the Act of Contrition. If you’re nervous during confession like I usually am, it helps to have it right there so you don’t have to worry you’re going to forget it or stumble through it.

If you don’t have an Apple, keep a copy of the Act on whatever electronic device you use, or just write in on a piece of paper, along with your examination of your conscience. I get flustered easily, and I tend to cry during confession :o, and I find it incredibly helpful to have my hands around something.

I hope this helps.
 
What do you do if a Priest cuss’s you in the confessional? Is that abuse??
 
The priest obviously felt you were not taking the sacrament seriously and he sensed you did not have true contrition, your statement that all your sins over the last two years are only small stuff and that you left before actually been absolved because meeting your friend was more important to you than been absolved of your sins hints that perhaps the priest was right.

He has made you stop and think about this and in so doing has done you a huge favor imo. If you draw the right conclusion from this lesson he may have even made the difference between you going to heaven and going to hell.
 
Cold_as_stone said:
He always gives out communion to people who have not attended mass before, and I feel cheated that I did the right thing and I have not had communion in all the months I have started attending mass again.But he will happily accommodate the ones that have not had the same dedication. OK, I know I’m guessing here, but I can’t imagine these people going to confession once a month like he recommended. He even bans people from receiving communion at christmas if they have not been to mass and confession within the last twelve months.
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How do you know this? How does the priest know they have never been to mass before?

You are not competing against other people.
Cold_as_stone said:
Can I now go to communion, even though the procedure was not completed?
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Nothing has changed, you were not absolved, your soul is in the same state as it was before so if you could not go before you still cant go.
 
Personally, I would go back to confession with the same priest and confess to having uncharitable thoughts about a priest that was rude to me when I had come to him for a Sacrament of Reconciliation. He may be rude again, in which case I would say “Make that 2 times…”

Of course that’s not the most diplomatic path, but…

God bless
 
Ben_F said:
Worry more about your sins and less about the Priest. If the Priest did not give you obsolution, then you´re still in a state of mortal sin.
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Did I miss something? Who said that the poster was in a state of mortal sin?

I’m not trying to be argumentative, either the poster never said that or I missed it.

If you are in a state of grace, you are not required to confess, though it’s certainly a good idea in any case, at reasonable intervals.

On the other hand, most any priest will tell you that hearing confessions in the worst part of his schedule, so cut the guy a little slack.
 
Brendan_McCabe said:
The priest obviously felt you were not taking the sacrament seriously and he sensed you did not have true contrition, your statement that all your sins over the last two years are only small stuff and that you left before actually been absolved because meeting your friend was more important to you than been absolved of your sins hints that perhaps the priest was right.

He has made you stop and think about this and in so doing has done you a huge favor imo. If you draw the right conclusion from this lesson he may have even made the difference between you going to heaven and going to hell.
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He had no chance to finish his confession because the priest ended the confessions before he could return to it.

And some people smile or laugh when they are nervous, so for the priest to assume he was not taking the confession seriously was a stretch.
 
I’ve been blessed that I have not any rude priests when I’ve made private confessions.

I am not sure what I would do if I encountered one in the confessional. I would probably bite my tongue and get confession over, and if I was denied absolution, I would go to a different priest to confess again.
 
Have you ever read anything of St. Padre Pio? He was not always known for being nice in the confessional. He chased many people out of the confessional, encouraged weekly confession, and after refusing absolution to one person, he told him not to seek another priest for absolution as both would go to hell. He said this meaning that people who are not serious about the confession and not wanting to change their lives make the sarament profane. So this priest’s actions are not unheard of…

As another poster said, this is a great opportunity to reflect on your sins once again and ask how serious you were about confessing to God.

God bless.
 
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