Confession confusion

[ThinkingItOver]

I’ve been away from the church for about 12 years. I was an atheist for about 5 of those years. After a series of events over the course of several months, I’m considering returning to the Church. I’ve attended Mass 5-6 times. I’ve had a few conversations about some of my sticking points/issues with helpful friends and a priest.

I feel drawn to return to the sacraments. I have a great desire to reconcile myself to God and to the church, and to return to the Real Presence. But I don’t feel like I’m there yet.

There are a few things I’ve done in the 12 years that the church considers sinful, but I’m still struggling to accept the church’s teachings. Frankly, I’m not sure I’m sorry, since I am not convinced I did anything objectively wrong, just contrary to church teaching. I’ve been working to try to wrap my head around those teachings (reading the CCC and recommended books on the topics), and I’ve tried praying about it. But I’m not there yet.

What if I never get there? I feel almost doomed to never participating in the sacraments. Any suggestions on how to get there? How to get to where I can feel repentant for sins connected to areas of church teachings I’m still struggling to fully accept?

 

[Denois]

I think everyone’s experienced this on some level. The society that we live in today pretty much promotes much of what the church deems as sin. So we have two conflicting views and one that is thrown at us from every angle - the media, friends, family, everywhere really.

The place I usually start is through trying to understand why said specific sin is a sin. Praying is a fantastic start in my opinion but through experience I personally don’t always receive an immediate answer. Sometimes I find my answer when I’m not particularly looking for it. That isn’t to say that God doesn’t want you to look for your answer. I think the Internet is a great resource. So here’s my advice to you:

1. Write down every act you have committed which would be deemed as sin by the church.
2. Decide which ones you would agree are wrong-doings in your own mind and which are not.
3. Research the sin (on this forum or other Catholic resources online/in libraries) and learn why it is a sin, referring to the Bible and prayer as you go.
4. Once you understand why it is a sin consider that Jesus Christ took on the weight of every sin we have committed so that we will one day be with him. Ponder that, pray about it.
5. If you still haven’t reached the desired conclusion try to fully understand why the sin is a sin- repeating step 3.
6. Consider how society has evolved and how in our society today we tend to accept things that would not have been accepted in the past. We are taught to believe that Homosexual Marriage is equality ect. Not that I will comment myself on this matter, but really try to consider God’s original plan for human-kind. Humanity has evolved and twisted, turning away from God in many ways. We sin because it is in our nature but just because society deems that to be okay it doesn’t mean that God does or will.
7. Understand that the teachings of the church are the teachings of God. It’s okay to question things - that’s how we grow. But at the end of the day no matter how much we can argue that certain sins aren’t wrong, God is not wrong.

Also, I’d advise you speak to a priest who can probably give you a lot better advise. Either way,

Good luck and God Bless!

 

[George_Stegmeir]

I was raised by European parents in a totally Catholic household and attended a Jesuit parochial school through the 9th grade.
I went to sea at a very young age and thus fell away from the Church by neglect.
I was away from the Church for almost 50 years when a series of events led me back.
I simply told a VA Hospital Chaplain that I had been away from the Church for about 50 years and I needed to make a general Confession. He led me through the Commandments and the Precepts of the Church and I responded accordingly. All things considered, it was a painless procedure. I did have an enormous sense of relief afterwards.
Instead of going to a Confessional, I suggest that you make an appointment with a priest at your Parish Office and make your confession face to face with the priest. In that way you will be able to better discuss and understand your shortcomings and better insure that you stay observant.

 

[pianistclare]

I was raised by European parents in a totally Catholic household and attended a Jesuit parochial school through the 9th grade.
I went to sea at a very young age and thus fell away from the Church by neglect.
I was away from the Church for almost 50 years when a series of events led me back.
I simply told a VA Hospital Chaplain that I had been away from the Church for about 50 years and I needed to make a general Confession. He led me through the Commandments and the Precepts of the Church and I responded accordingly. All things considered, it was a painless procedure. I did have an enormous sense of relief afterwards.
Instead of going to a Confessional, I suggest that you make an appointment with a priest at your Parish Office and make your confession face to face with the priest. In that way you will be able to better discuss and understand your shortcomings and better insure that you stay observant.

Excellent advise. We all have to start somewhere. You will find the priest extremely helpful. It’s good for him to know your struggles, AND to absolve you. You need the grace . Do it!
Prayers for you!

 

[ThinkingItOver]

But can I confess if I don’t feel sorry for some of the things I’ve done that the church considers sinful?

 

[pianistclare]

But can I confess if I don’t feel sorry for some of the things I’ve done that the church considers sinful?

Contrition means your sorry. But in meeting with the priest he can explain why a thing is sinful, even if you don’t believe it at the moment. It’s all beneficial. Perhaps he’ll recommend some good reading, or he’ll meet with you for Spiritual direction. A chance to learn is always good for us.

Go. Speak to him. Pour your heart out.
Jesus is waiting to welcome you home.
Grace. It’s a wonderful thing.