Confession Dilemma

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As some of you may have read in the “Effective Confession” thread, I am planning on going to confession for the first time in, oh probably, 14 years.

Here is my problem:
One of my sins is that I do not attend mass every week. I am of course going to confess this, but I feel “stuck” because I cannot guarantee that I will “magically” begin going to Mass every week. I have two very small children and Mass with them is an absolute nightmare. I feel like we are a distraction to every parishioner there. So, sometimes, when I’m able, I leave the kiddos with my hubby and I just go. Other times, rather than deal with the drama of taking the kids, I skip it.

Do you think I should even bother going to confession before I’m ready and able to “commit” to going to Mass every week? I feel like such a hypocrite saying before the Lord that I am truly sorry for not attending Mass every week (even though I REALLY AM) when I’m just going to go on sinning afterwards.

Any thoughts/advice?
 
I’m not in any position to give advice, but just my opinion, I say definitely go. You get a lot of grace and strength from going to confession.

I can sympathize; at times w/ my child I left feeling I hadn’t even gone to Mass b/c I was spending the whole time, “please don’t do that”, etc. We go daily and she’s now VERY good, has lots of new friends (senior citizens 🙂 ) and actually likes to participate. It was hard at first, though; I won’t kid you.

Also, the idea is not to perfect yourself, then go to confession; it’s a process.

I think on EWTN I heard them talking on Web of Faith about affairs and they said lots of times the man would say, “…I will try to break it off, but I’m not sure I can” - Fr. Bob (I think) said, “that’s all I need” (to give absolution).

Obviously not your situation, but the principle is the same. There are no guarantees any of us won’t go out and slip up again in the same way – in fact, I’d bet all of us are “repeat offenders” on our own personal trouble spots. For me, at least, I think being sorry and having a desire to change are enough; God supplies a lot of willpower when we set the ball in motion.

One more thing re: kids: I don’t know how old your children are; they may be too young for this, but when mine was VERY little I’d tell her, “When we go into Mass, I want you to be good. Being good means sitting quietly by Mommy, being still, etc., etc.” – I know it sounds crazy, but each time I would specifically detail exactly what I expected and it worked wonders. Not just in Mass, but in most situations (going to the store, visiting people, etc.). Again, though, may not apply in your situation, depending on their ages.
 
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SavedByHim:
As some of you may have read in the “Effective Confession” thread, I am planning on going to confession for the first time in, oh probably, 14 years.

Here is my problem:
One of my sins is that I do not attend mass every week. I am of course going to confess this, but I feel “stuck” because I cannot guarantee that I will “magically” begin going to Mass every week. I have two very small children and Mass with them is an absolute nightmare. I feel like we are a distraction to every parishioner there. So, sometimes, when I’m able, I leave the kiddos with my hubby and I just go. Other times, rather than deal with the drama of taking the kids, I skip it.

Do you think I should even bother going to confession before I’m ready and able to “commit” to going to Mass every week? I feel like such a hypocrite saying before the Lord that I am truly sorry for not attending Mass every week (even though I REALLY AM) when I’m just going to go on sinning afterwards.

Any thoughts/advice?
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Do go to confession and talk to the Priest about your situation. I am sure he will help you through it.

It is difficult to go to Mass with small children. You should try not to let this be the cause of skipping Mass though. Believe me when I tell you that all parents of small children are feeling exactly as you do. You are not alone. Although you may feel that you are disrupting the Mass, you are not. Catholics are and should be accustomed to having children in Mass. You may feel that it is upsetting everyone but it is not. If by chance there are a few who have never had children, or have forgotten what it was like to attend Mass with small children, that is not a problem with you - it is a problem with them.

If you continue to attend Mass with your children, in time they will learn to understand what type of behavior is expected of them and it will get easier. I speak from experience.

Here are some suggestions that may help:
  1. Have your husband go with you and help take care of your girls.
  2. Go with a friend or another family member who can help you care for your girls during Mass.
  3. Speak with other parents from your Parish about how you feel and see if they have any advice that might work for you.
  4. Prepare a Mass travel bag with Rosaries, Holy Cards, and Catholic story books for your girls. This may help hold their interest for a little while.
  5. Talk to your girls at home during the week about Mass and what you expect from them at Mass. On the way to Mass, tell them where you are going and go over the rules again. Once you arrive, remind them once more. I do not know the age of your children but this worked for me when mine was as young as 2.
  6. Try sitting at the back of the Church so you will feel less disruptive. It will also allow you easy access to the door if you need to take your children out to discipline them, or nix a tantrum or something.
  7. Sometimes sitting in the front row can help too. It allows them to see what is going on and this may hold their attention.
Do not feel bad if having your children at Mass means you cannot pay attention. God will understand. He granted you your wonderful children and he knows the hardship of motherhood. Parents, especially mothers, all go through this.
 
I would say go! And Go to mass too…from experience, the more you take the kids to mass, the better they learn to behave. I have tried the take a friend thing too…only when I did, one of the kids acted up worse to get attention from my friend and ended up cutting his eyelid so bad he needed stitches! But, everyone is different. Don’t worry about noise, we catholics are used to lots of kids at mass. If you can, sit near the front. Kids tend to do better when they can see what is going on at the altar. I was a single mom with 3 of my own and at times 3 others (babysitting) and trust me…I made it through and you can too! I had them ranging from 6 mos to 10 with a 2 yr old in the crew…it actually wasn’t as bad as I imagined it was going to be!
 
I would go to confession and definitely confess all of your sins. I would try very hard to make mass every Sunday and take the kids too. I think the best example you can give your children is to attend mass. They will learn as they grow how to behave in church. Don’t worry about your children causing a distraction I give credit to parents who bring their young children to mass regardless of the noise.
 
The formula I remember from waaaay back when (and maybe this is not in vogue any more) is that you need to (1) be truly sorry for your sins and (2) be firmly committed to sin no more. This does not mean that you “know” you will not sin again – If that were the standard I would never be able to go to confession. But, the key is a firm commitment to stop the sinful behavior.
 
SavedByHim, all of the first five posts are giving you wise advice. I encourage you to read them over and take them to heart.

Go. Talk to your priest in the confessional. He’ll have advice, and will almost certainly give absolution, even though you can’t guarantee you won’t miss Mass again. You’re sorry and want to do better. It doesn’t sound the same as someone intending to commit the same sin without trying not to. And the grace you’ll get from Confession will help you avoid sin–even if you don’t quite know how you’ll do it.

The kids should go with you to Mass, if at all possible–it will be so good for them (not only spiritually, but from a discipline/self-control standpoint). Talk to them beforehand, try to explain little things as the Mass goes on, and fully expect to have to leave the sanctuary at some point.

Peace
 
How about taking one child at a time to help them learn what is expected of them at Mass? I am the mother of an only child (now grown), and what I did was to bring her to Mass every Sunday and some weekdays, too. I explained to her that Jesus was going to come down to the host when the priest said the words of consecration. I gave her a whispered running commentary about what was happening the whole time. When the priest elevated the host after the consecration, I taught her to greet Jesus and tell Him she loved Him. Eventually she brought her stuffed animals to Mass and taught them what I had taught her. This was when she was 2 or 3 years old. When they know what’s really going on, Mass is very engrossing for the little ones. They are not encumbered by adult ideas that some things are impossible. To them, anything is possible, especially for God. It’s a great opportunity to build their faith and renew your own. It’s also harder for them to misbehave, because they have your full attention, which is what they really crave.

Don’t worry about not being certain you’ll be at Mass every week. What matters is that you intend to try. And just confessing the sin brings you specific help to overcome it.

God bless you!

Betsy
 
I say go to confession, because you will recieve graces to help you over come…the areas in your life you need to work on…when I first came into the Church, it seemed like I was confessing the same three sins, almost every two weeks…:o One of which, was missing Mass…in time, God began to work on me, now I never miss Mass, and have been freed from the other two sins as well.

As for the children…Gummy Bears:thumbsup:

Peace be with you…Pam
 
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SavedByHim:
As some of you may have read in the “Effective Confession” thread, I am planning on going to confession for the first time in, oh probably, 14 years.

Here is my problem:
One of my sins is that I do not attend mass every week. I am of course going to confess this, but I feel “stuck” because I cannot guarantee that I will “magically” begin going to Mass every week. I have two very small children and Mass with them is an absolute nightmare. I feel like we are a distraction to every parishioner there. So, sometimes, when I’m able, I leave the kiddos with my hubby and I just go. Other times, rather than deal with the drama of taking the kids, I skip it.

Do you think I should even bother going to confession before I’m ready and able to “commit” to going to Mass every week? I feel like such a hypocrite saying before the Lord that I am truly sorry for not attending Mass every week (even though I REALLY AM) when I’m just going to go on sinning afterwards.

Any thoughts/advice?
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One of the most common excuses I’ve heard for not confessing is the statement," I don’t know if I will never commit that sin again"

Relax Chill out.

Just do your best. Try to go as every Sunday. If something happens and you cannot go, confess it again. Explain this to the priest. maybe he can offer some advice.

God knows we as humans are weak, indecisive and pretty welll incapable of living the proper way without His help. It’s OK., don’t worry, and please don’t use that as an excuse.

Now if you** know ** for a fact that you will not be going, then that is a different scenario alltogether.
 
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SavedByHim:
As
Do you think I should even bother going to confession before I’m ready and able to “commit” to going to Mass every week? I feel like such a hypocrite saying before the Lord that I am truly sorry for not attending Mass every week (even though I REALLY AM) when I’m just going to go on sinning afterwards.

Any thoughts/advice?
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nice excuse.
your dilemma can be solved in 5 minutes by actually going to confession. if you cannot get to Mass, and caring for infants, young children, sick people etc. is a good reason, you have no obligation. Since your husband is willing and able to take care of the kids, you have really no reason to stay home, do you? As to why he is not going to Mass, that is his business and he did not ask for an opinion, so I won’t give it. If we all waited to go to confession until we could guarantee we would not fall into sin the following week, the sacrament as we know it would disappear.
 
Absolutely go to Confession–I’ve missed many masses when my children were a little younger. I’ve confessed my absences, but I don’t know if I went (can’t recall) to Confession until I was ready to recommit to attending, regularly. Eventually, I just went, and I had to sit through some glaring stares from parishioners (don’t you just love that? I mean, shouldn’t they be HAPPY that you’re bringing your kids to mass, and that you’re making the effort?)
sigh I think you should go to Confession, and make the commitment to try your best. God only expects us to try to improve 🙂
 
in the Catechism, there is an exception to the Sunday obligation if you have to care for small children.

From the CCC

2181 The Sunday Eucharist is the foundation and confirmation of all Christian practice. For this reason the faithful are obliged to participate in the Eucharist on days of obligation, unless excused for a serious reason (for example, illness, the care of infants) or dispensed by their own pastor.119 Those who deliberately fail in this obligation commit a grave sin.

Definitely talk it over with the priest. I have a feeling he will tell you to just do your best.
 
Blessings!

I was away from the Church for many years…I confessed my sins, and am now…so very anxious to attend mass. You see, God is going to show you…(in His Own way)…what is or is not relevant…

Then, you need to make your own decision…as to what is most important.

His Beautiful Peace,
TunaBill
 
So I went to confession!! 🙂

It felt really good and I was very happy afterwards. Confession started at 3:00 and then I stayed for the 4:00 mass so I was able to receive the Eucharist in a state of grace for the first time in a LONG time. As I was walking back to my pew from communion, I almost started crying. It was weird.

I did go home after mass though wanting to just hole up to avoid sin and keep myself in the state of grace. I thought, man, I don’t want to go anywhere and do anything to “ruin” what I’ve just done. 🙂

I am glad I went though. Thanks for everyone urging me to go.
 
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