Confession, Doubt, Contrition

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scrupulousrvrt

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I recently went to confession to confess sins that i felt i wasn’t contrite about (gasp!) and prayed before hand that i would have contrition. I went about the early morning mulling over wether i should confess or not, seeing if i should give myself more time to GROW in contrition for the sins i had committed.
I decided it would have been better to confess them rather than let them fester and discuss the problem with my regular confessor. i couldn’t tell if i was contrite enough to warrant confession and this is what oftentimes leads me to question my faith.
My confessor said that i was “over analyzing” my sins/confession and he felt that i was imperfectly contrite. I had told him if the end of the world was happening i would definitley be contrite, only imperfectly.
Now i’m sitting here wondering if i WAS contrite, all the while trying not to commit mortal sin again (and even venial for that matter), even though i have a nicotine addiction (i have quit date on good friday btw).

here-in lies the rub; would it be better to pray for contrition prior to confession and then confess or should i hold out on confesssion until i recieve the grave of contrition?
 
Imperfect contrition suffices for absolution to be granted. This means you need be sorry for your sins insofar as you acknowledge that they offend God and that they merit the loss of heaven and the pains of hell. If you have committed an objectively grave sin, it is best to seek out the sacrament of penance as soon as possible. You may not have perfect contrition for your sin, but your very presence in the confessional is an indication that you understand that you have indeed sinned and that the sin will send you to hell. Fear of hell suffices for contrition, so long as you have a firm purpose of amendment. Don’t shy away from the confessional. There is much grace to be granted there. Grace that will help you overcome any sinful habits you may have acquired. There are many pre and post confession prayers that express a desire for true contrition. Offer a prayer before and after confession imploring the Blessed Virgin Mary to make your confession pleasing and efficacious to her Divine Son, that you may be absolved in heaven.
 
The Council of Trent (1545-1563) was the first council to comment on the matter. It defined contrition (perfect or imperfect) as “sorrow of soul, and a hatred of sin committed, with a firm purpose of not sinning in the future”. However, while perfect contrition is motivated out of a love of God, imperfect contrition is motivated for other reasons, such as “the consideration of the turpitude of sin or from the fear of hell and punishment”. Therefore, it declared, “If any man assert that attrition … is not a true and a profitable sorrow; that it does not prepare the soul for grace, but that it makes a man a hypocrite, yea, even a greater sinner, let him be anathema.”

The requirement for a valid Confession is that you do so for supernatural reasons, or literally, “for reasons outside of this world”, which means an acknowledgement and desire for the sacrament’s spiritual healing that it affects upon the soul, as a means of removing mortal sin (if that is the case of what you’re confessing), or for removing venial sins, for sanctification of the soul, reducing purgation, receiving your reward in Heaven, and finally (perfect contrition) doing so out of love for God, as to a master, a friend, a brother, a father, and a husband. If you do so for love of God, and also for the other reasons, then it is likewise perfect contrition. Humans are multi-faceted in their motivations and characteristics and strictly speaking it isn’t possible to do something 100% exclusively for one reason, except for a soul that is enthralled in the Beatific Vision.

Mulling over prolonging the time before your Confession “in order to become more contrite” is an extremely poor reason, namely because it is a quasi-Pelagian approach to the Sacrament. Your priest gave you wise counsel. Please take comfort in the following words from Bl Teresa of Calcutta concerning this sacrament:

“Don’t be afraid, anxious, or scrupulous. You are a sinner full of sin when you go to Confession, and when you come out, you are a sinner without sin"”

It was never dependent on your own efforts. Don’t, as C.S. Lewis says, “attempt to manufacture feelings”. We were given our intellect in order to use it, with or without the corporation of our passions.
 
"Why are you tormenting yourself? Do what lies in your power: I will supply whatever is wanting in you. Moreover, in this sacrament I only require a contrite and humble heart, with sincere will never to offend Me again, and sincere confession. In that case I forgive without delay, and thence comes a perfect amendment."
  • Jesus to St. Margaret Mary
 
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