Confession: Ever Had to Right a Wrong?

[Lux_et_veritas]

I started to put this in the Stiffest Penance thread and decided to make a new one.

I don’t know why I did it, but I did it: I encouraged a divorced Catholic to date, then confessed it when I remembered some months later (as in earlier today), realizing I was encouraging a married person to do this (no annulment).

The instruction: Correct what I told this person to do by explaining to them that I should not have encouraged them to date given their status. He gave me a few helpful thoughts on how I may approach it. Naturally, I tried delicately to get out of it, but he wasn’t buying it, so I simply gave him a, “Yes, Father.”

:banghead: Doh!

I’m 43 and have never had to right a wrong like this. I’m kind of horrified at the thought of the task. I go to confession twice monthly, so I know I have to get it done before then. It wasn’t part of the penance, but was part of his counsel.

I will give him this much, he sure made me think more deeply about what I did because I think I was a little more casual about it than I realized. 20 years ago I wouldn’t have thought to do this, but then I kind of secularized my Catholicism. I decided to start unsecularizing it about 3 months ago and joined a more orthodox Catholic parish. I don’t think I’ll be doing this kind of thing again.

If I had to do it all over, I would still confess it though, it was the right thing to do (and I know some will defend dating while divorced, but please start a new thread on the topic if you want to debate it. Feel free to link it into a reply here.)

Next time I’m in the same situation, I think I’ll just abstain from conversation or walk away, or simply say, “Look pal, get the annulment, then start dating.”

Anyone else care to share a confession task or righting a wrong? I haven’t done mine yet, so if anyone has had anything similar to mine, I’ll take ideas too.

 

[YinYangMom]

Talk about going on on a limb…

When I was young, poorly formed in my faith despite being a cradle catholic, immature, stupid and everything else that goes with being a teen in California in the 70s…I had an abortion.

Fast forward to my early 20s when I grew up, emotionally and spiritually…I confessed the sin, of course.

My ‘righting’ of my wrong was to take on a foster child through Childreach.

I supported that child from age 8 through 18 and it was the best thing I did before having children of my own. Every check I wrote, while going through college on part time wages, while starting my fancy career making lots of money - and every card/picture exchanged with my foster daughter - made an impact on me.

That priest is near and dear to my heart.

 

[Lux_et_veritas]

Wow, that was some righting a wrong.

It seems that, no matter how bad the sin, forgiveness is there waiting if we seek it. How merciful our Lord is.

I don’t know if it was just the priests never making me right the wrongs, or if this is just the first time I did something that the priest felt required it. But, as I stated earlier, the parish is orthodox and you can read that as interpreting the teachings in their most simple, straightforward manner.

I don’t really want to do mine, but I know I have to do it, I understand why he is making me do it, and I’ll figure it out and deal with it. I have to say quite honestly that I would have thought as deeply as I had about what I did (encouraging someone else to sin).

 

[YinYangMom]

Lux_et_veritas:

Wow, that was some righting a wrong.

It seems that, no matter how bad the sin, forgiveness is there waiting if we seek it. How merciful our Lord is.

I don’t know if it was just the priests never making me right the wrongs, or if this is just the first time I did something that the priest felt required it. But, as I stated earlier, the parish is orthodox and you can read that as interpreting the teachings in their most simple, straightforward manner.

I don’t really want to do mine, but I know I have to do it, I understand why he is making me do it, and I’ll figure it out and deal with it. I have to say quite honestly that I would have thought as deeply as I had about what I did (encouraging someone else to sin).

Yeah.
While I’ve not shared that story before with anyone other than my husband, and generally, believe confessions are meant to be left in the confessional, I guess I felt it would do you well to see your penance in a better perspective.

Honestly, you’ve got it rather easy…by going to your friend and correcting your advice you’re only telling the truth. That should never be difficult. Why do you find it so?

Not that mine was difficult, I should note. It was rather easy to because I had so much love to give to this child. That’s the beauty of a wise priest.

 

[MaryAgnes]

Lux_et_veritas:

I’m 43 and have never had to right a wrong like this. I’m kind of horrified at the thought of the task. I go to confession twice monthly, so I know I have to get it done before then. It wasn’t part of the penance, but was part of his counsel.

Wouldn’t the world be a much better place if everyone received such wise counsel? Your priest is to be commended! :clapping: The Holy Spirit will be your guide and give you the words … you will do the right thing as your name, Lux et veritas, implies!

Think about it … if we were asked to right our wrongs EACH time we confessed–well, it just puts the “Body of Christ” into new perspective, doesn’t it? As the song says, “What a Wonderful World it would be!” :getholy:

 

[Lux_et_veritas]

Both of you are spot-on!

It took me a minute in there to realize he was wanting me to correct my error.

Why is it hard? He’s more than lapsed and not too open to talking religion. I’m trying to figure out how to start a religious conversation with one who is not religious.

I’ll pray on it.

Make no mistake, I respect what he is making me do. I was simply shocked because no priest has ever made me do anything like this. But, I don’t know how I could be surprised because many things shock me at this parish that are quite normal to the priests and parishioners, but so foriegn to one who was raised in what I’ll call more secularized Catholic environments (if you know what I mean). This parish doesn’t preach the fluffy namby-pamby, but good hard stuff (which I suppose has something to do with so many people making frequent use of the sacrament of penance).

 

[ncjohn]

Wow, I applaud both you and YinYang! I’ve not encountered that before, but it certainly makes a great deal of sense and would certainly cause us to think more deeply about some of the things we do and say, as well as what we truly believe, if we were held more accountable in such a way.

Think of the difference it could make on this site alone. Many of us in these forums, myself included at times to my embarassment, have a tendency to get very judgmental and condescending, if not downright nasty in some of our posts. Think how that might change if we were going to hear in confession that we had to go back and apologize to each of those people we hurt! Think how much that might force us to question what right we had to be getting all superior to begin with!

Thanks for bringing this up Lux–it has already helped me to start thinking in a whole new direction. Now if I can just force myself to remember…

Peace,
John

 

[Lux_et_veritas]

ncjohn:

Wow, I applaud both you and YinYang! I’ve not encountered that before, but it certainly makes a great deal of sense and would certainly cause us to think more deeply about some of the things we do and say, as well as what we truly believe, if we were held more accountable in such a way.

Peace,
John

Oh boy! You aren’t kidding. Now I have to go back and tell him about the kids that were present when I did it, that I forgot about. I think it just got compounded. In fact, examples are flooding in. I can’t possibly go back and right each one of them, but needless to say it has creatd one of the most profound effect on me that I can recall. While painful, I see it as good.

Yes, when he wanted me to right the wrong, he sparked a really deep reflection process. Suddenly, I’m very cognizant of everything I say or do in the presence of others.

 

[MaryAgnes]

ncjohn:

Think of the difference it could make on this site alone. Many of us in these forums, myself included at times to my embarassment, have a tendency to get very judgmental and condescending, if not downright nasty in some of our posts. Think how that might change if we were going to hear in confession that we had to go back and apologize to each of those people we hurt! John

One other thing, John … Placing judgment goes both ways. For example, if the person who was hurt by a post assumes the writer intended to be judgmental or condescending (and thus hurtful) than he may be guilty himself!

Relationship, even in these forums, demands that we communicate lovingly–and assume that to be the case when others reply to our posts. If there is a doubt in our mind, before we accuse another or pass judgment we should question … “When you said ______ it made me feel _______. Is that what you meant?” Clarifying another person’s intention usually prevents an argument or a misunderstanding.

 

[ncjohn]

MaryAgnes:

One other thing, John … Placing judgment goes both ways. For example, if the person who was hurt by a post assumes the writer intended to be judgmental or condescending (and thus hurtful) than he may be guilty himself!

Relationship, even in these forums, demands that we communicate lovingly–and assume that to be the case when others reply to our posts. If there is a doubt in our mind, before we accuse another or pass judgment we should question … “When you said ______ it made me feel _______. Is that what you meant?” Clarifying another person’s intention usually prevents an argument or a misunderstanding.

I sure have to agree with you there. One of my main purposes in being on this site has been to try to bring some peace where I see anger and distrust and it is amazing how quickly one can get attacked for doing that. I know I can get pretty hurt when someone attacks me when I’m trying to live gospel teachings, and at times it becomes very difficult to accept that you’ve probably just been misunderstood rather than lashing out. It makes the phrase “Father forgive them, they know not what they do” much more meaningful when it’s you hanging on that cross.

Peace,
John