Confession fears

[Ibelievefaith]

I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic schools in my youth. I am now 44 and have not been to confession in over 20 years. I am terrified. Back as a child and a very strict Catholic school I was terrified of confession. It was very unpleasant. Now that I am older and actually have things to confess about I am even more afraid… afraid of being judged and there is much shame on my part. Will it be that bad? I am such a private person so sharing my dark secrets will be quite hard for me. Can someone offer me some support that it won’t be that bad?

 

[Jerok]

I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic schools in my youth. I am now 44 and have not been to confession in over 20 years. I am terrified. Back as a child and a very strict Catholic school I was terrified of confession. It was very unpleasant. Now that I am older and actually have things to confess about I am even more afraid… afraid of being judged and there is much shame on my part. Will it be that bad? I am such a private person so sharing my dark secrets will be quite hard for me. Can someone offer me some support that it won’t be that bad?

If you want, go to a city nearby and confess to a priest there behind a screen. He will not remember you or your sins, and you can confess to him as to Jesus Himself with no fear.

 

[Gliggle]

Hi,

If you make a sincere confession, it will be really terrible. You will find it so hard to do! You might even feel physically ill with anxiety or fright. But once you walk out of that confessional after speakinh sincerely with a preist you will feel a million bucks, as light as a feather, and you will thank God a million times that he made you a Catholic and gave you this sacrament. Just do it and never look back good luck!

 

[R_C]

I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic schools in my youth. I am now 44 and have not been to confession in over 20 years. I am terrified. Back as a child and a very strict Catholic school I was terrified of confession. It was very unpleasant. Now that I am older and actually have things to confess about I am even more afraid… afraid of being judged and there is much shame on my part. Will it be that bad? I am such a private person so sharing my dark secrets will be quite hard for me. Can someone offer me some support that it won’t be that bad?

You should totally check out all of MaryRita85’s thread on this same experience, for some nice advice and encouragement here :yup:

Some quotes follow from her, describing her experience

March 19:

Hello all!
My name is Mary and I am currently going through RCIA with my Husband. …] Prior to that, all that are already baptized are required to meet for a 30 minute confession with one of the priests and it must be face to face this first time. …] I am scared to death of confession. I know they have heard it all, but mine really is pretty bad, on a whole new level (terrible Mortal sins and frequently) and plus I have 28 years to go through. …]Any words of encouragement?

March 20:

Thank you all for the answers …] This morning went wonderfully, he helped me through it all so I knew what I was doing, which was one of my worries. He was very caring and kept telling me how much he appreciated my honesty and my desire to move forward.This was a first confession but also a step-by-step. Afterwards, we did have a discussion about one of the issues that continually afflicts me. I feel much better,he made me feel hopeful (something that I dont’ usually feel) and his words calmed my soul. God definitely was all around us, through us, with us…] It was amazing.

March 21:

Wonderful, isn’t it great?!
I have been on my best behavior, I feel obligated to be and I can already tell a difference. I was making an effort to be a good Catholic but having those sins lifted from my shoulders just made a huge difference for me.

 

[JohnTomHoc]

I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic schools in my youth. I am now 44 and have not been to confession in over 20 years. I am terrified. Back as a child and a very strict Catholic school I was terrified of confession. It was very unpleasant. Now that I am older and actually have things to confess about I am even more afraid… afraid of being judged and there is much shame on my part. Will it be that bad? I am such a private person so sharing my dark secrets will be quite hard for me. Can someone offer me some support that it won’t be that bad?

The priest is not a private person, but is there solely in Christ’s person, and there are no secrets to Him. It’s Christ who, through the Holy Spirit, is urging you to receive the sacrament. God Himself is waiting to receive you with the same joy that the father in the parable of the Prodigal Son receives his son.

There’s an old saying that the devil doesn’t want us to think about the shame of sin before we commit it, but afterward he wants us to think of nothing else. Shame as such is a sign of a healthy conscience; we don’t let symptoms of an illness stop us from seeing a doctor. The priest is there to offer the healing blessing of a Father, who, as Pope Francis said just the other day “never tires of forgiving us, although we may tire of asking.”

 

[Lancer]

Hope this helps…two things I was given/taught:

First–The “3:1” Rule…
For every 1 minute I spend examining my conscious and thinking about myself and my sins…spend 3 minutes looking at / meditating on Christ Crucified (while intently looking at a Crucifix).

This takes away my sorrow for disappointing my self…into being really sorry for offending Christ Crucified for my sins…remembering that Christ has called me not a servant but his friend…and look at how I treated him as a friend (pierces my heart with a deep sorrow)

John 15:15
Knox Bible (KNOX)
15 I do not speak of you any more as my servants; a servant is one who does not understand what his master is about, whereas I have made known to you all that my Father has told me; and** so I have called you my friends**.

When actually confessing my sins I use three specific things to formulate what I will say: (given to me by an English priest for a good confession):

Second–Exactness…Tranquility…Energy: the three things (when in the confessional) that make a good confession…

Exactness…specific and precise…not verbose and no euphemistic words ( for example–if I told a lie…I confess that I am a liar…not that I mislead someone…if I told a lie…then that makes me a liar…etc., etc.). In other words…say what the sin is precisely and then convict myself of the sin (not condemn…the Holy Spirit convicts us of our sin…does not condemn us).

Tranquility…I confess with the Jesus Prayer in my heart…

Lord Jesus Christ, Risen Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner

which reminds me that I really am a sinner…not a righteous…good guy who just messed up here and there…no…I really and truly am a sinful man…no “ifs” “ands” or “buts” about it…the Truth of accepting that I am a sinner…in all reality…sets me free from self pity and anxiety​

.

Energy…total abandonment and confidence in Jesus who said come to my bottomless Sacred Heart of Divine Mercy…so…I resolve that I don’t care what the priest thinks of me personally…or anyone else…I am going to take Jesus at his almighty faithful Word…and straight forwardly ask for his mercy and forgiveness…and ask for all the graces I need to start over and begin again… remembering that our Baptismal grace that washed us completely clean…is a “Title grace”…in other words…we have a “God-given legal right” to Christ;s blood on the Cross…and He is giving it to me regardless of my wretchedness and recurring sins…and I will not refuse his generous mercy and graces to start over. This doesn’t make sense to me that he would do this over and over again…but “making sense” has nothing to do with it…its his Word that counts. He said that the greater the sinner…the greater the claim he has on my mercy…so my energy is the Word of God…and the realization that he loves me and I can start over… once again. Energy comes to me for I am grateful…thankful…and excited to be given this great gift of love and mercy.

Lastly…I always ask for specific graces to know and overcome the root causes of my sins…and express my sorrow for the sins confessed and all the sins of my past life. After absolution…I express my thankfulness to God for his enduring love and mercy for me…and the priest for being there for me in the person of Christ–Persona Christi.

For your consideration.
Pax Christi

 

[pwlj_christ87]

jesus is in persona while in the confessional, he is the healer… not judger, there is no condemnatio nfor those in christ, he will gie you grace of forgiveness and to be strong to never do it again

 

[ChibiViolet]

If it helps, you can write your sins on paper and just hand the paper to the priest. Most priests will not mind this.

 

[Joy2day]

I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic schools in my youth. I am now 44 and have not been to confession in over 20 years. I am terrified. Back as a child and a very strict Catholic school I was terrified of confession. It was very unpleasant. Now that I am older and actually have things to confess about I am even more afraid… afraid of being judged and there is much shame on my part. Will it be that bad? I am such a private person so sharing my dark secrets will be quite hard for me. Can someone offer me some support that it won’t be that bad?

so - go to a parish you don’t know which has a screen; wear dark sunglasses and possibly some head covering (veil) or maybe a wig or a cap; and hand the priest a piece of paper if possible, (although behind a screen possibly not possible). The paper is good cause then they can’t tell your voice, and try to hide down below the screen; - but importantly - try not to fart from nervousness (or terror) cause that’s really embarrassing! If I think of anything else - I’ll let you know.

 

[ajecphotos]

I recently went to confession and i was dreading it massively!!

I had so many sins to confess and i was really embarrassed about some of them!

I sat down and thought about them, going back years. I decided to make a list. Blimey, it was a long list! I looked at it and shook with fear. But, i knew i had to confess. I wanted to be pure for God. I knew it was going to be hard. Why should it be easy anyway?

I had some good advice from the kind people on here and off i went to confession, my stomach churning!

Well, the priest was wonderful. He put me at ease and explained that he had heard it all before and that making a good confession was very important.

I felt uplifted afterwards. Like a massive weight had been lifted off of my soul.

It may be daunting for you but you have to suffer to gain the freedom that confession gives you. Jesus suffered much more on the cross, in his passion. Think of Our Dear Lords passion and what he went through for us. To confess is nothing compared to that but it is ‘you cross’ to bear. Jesus will take that cross away from you at confession.

Pray for guidance. Make a good confession and become one with God once more.

May god help and guide you and fill you with the Holy Spirit so that you will go forward and rid yourself of the heavy load of sin that smothers your soul.

God Bless you my friend.

 

[HoosMommie]

There is no condemnation when you ask forgiveness of your sins, only love and forgiveness. Be not afraid for the Lord is with you.

I had my first confession earlier this month and I was terrified at first. But once I sat down and started confessing, it all rushed out and I simply could not stop it. The priest was so kind to me and will never remember my words. The feeling of relief and being washed in His blood is indescribable.

Go. Let the garbage out. God bless you.:hug3:

 

[Maristella]

Ibelievefaith - I struggled with the same kind of extreme fear of confession that kept me away for over 20 years. I eventually had a conversion experience and I went to confession. My anxiety level was through the roof while standing in line. Once I got in the confessional (behind the screen) it was much easier. When I left the weight of the world was off me and a new life began. Confession is now a Sacrament I actually look forward to now.

The fear and anxiety is always much worse before you go in since the enemy has a vested interest in keeping you away. I hope you will go soon. The Lord is waiting for you there with His love and mercy. Praying for you!

 

[Ibelievefaith]

Thank you so much for your replies and experiences. I will build up the courage to go this Saturday. I am not sure what kind of confessional we have at our church but I might travel to another parish to do this. I know I will feel so much better and I need to do this. Thank you for sharing your stories and giving me the much needed boost to do what I need to do.

 

[fpiedad]

You might want to try using this app iConfess (itunes.apple.com/us/app/iconfess-confession-handbook/id307804649?mt=8) for iPhones / iPads / iPod Touch. It has a very detailed Examination of Conscience and you can mark the sins, prayers, etc. which you want to remember when doing your Confession with the Priest.

Sometimes one is more comfortable going to Confession if one is better prepared, and equipped not to forget important matters to discuss with the Priest.

 

[Maristella]

Please keep us posted after you go so we can celebrate. Prayers for you!

 

[Chantal25]

I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic schools in my youth. I am now 44 and have not been to confession in over 20 years. I am terrified. Back as a child and a very strict Catholic school I was terrified of confession. It was very unpleasant. Now that I am older and actually have things to confess about I am even more afraid… afraid of being judged and there is much shame on my part. Will it be that bad? I am such a private person so sharing my dark secrets will be quite hard for me. Can someone offer me some support that it won’t be that bad?

Most priest that i went are loving, compassionate and a great help. I resume to church last year and my last confess was like more then 15 years. If anything, they will be thrill to have you back. Have faith. God knows your hear anyway, so please don’t take your life for granted anymore and go to the confession.

I recommend to get a little pamphlet to do a good conscience evaluation. Ask God in your heart to forgive you, pray the Holy Spirit and then go to the confession.

It is truly a liberation!

 

[JohnTomHoc]

There is no condemnation when you ask forgiveness of your sins, only love and forgiveness. Be not afraid for the Lord is with you.

I had my first confession earlier this month and I was terrified at first. But once I sat down and started confessing, it all rushed out and I simply could not stop it. The priest was so kind to me and will never remember my words. The feeling of relief and being washed in His blood is indescribable.

Go. Let the garbage out. God bless you.:hug3:

Me too -- 23 years ago. 

I think a flood of His grace is welling up. What a great grace, to make your first confession around the time of the elevation of Papa Francesco!