Confession Guidance

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MusicMan

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Like many Catholics, it’s been quite too long since I last visited the Confessional (I won’t say how long, but it’s been too long).

As such, I’m a tad out of practice, but we are having a special time at our church set aside this week for the faithful to get our spiritual houses in order for Christmas and attend Confession.

How do I start… What order do I do things… and most importantly, what do I say for the Act of Contrition?

I ask here because my priest and I are NOT really on the best of terms, but he is the pastor of the parish I belong to, and I have no other options. I don’t want to go into the Confessional and make matters worse because I can’t remember how to make a good Confession.

Thanks and Merry Christmas!
 
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MusicMan:
Like many Catholics, it’s been quite too long since I last visited the Confessional (I won’t say how long, but it’s been too long).

As such, I’m a tad out of practice, but we are having a special time at our church set aside this week for the faithful to get our spiritual houses in order for Christmas and attend Confession.

How do I start… What order do I do things… and most importantly, what do I say for the Act of Contrition?

I ask here because my priest and I are NOT really on the best of terms, but he is the pastor of the parish I belong to, and I have no other options. I don’t want to go into the Confessional and make matters worse because I can’t remember how to make a good Confession.

Thanks and Merry Christmas!
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You could go to confession at any of the neighboring parishes. You want to feel comfortable giving your confession and it sounds like being anonymous would ease your mind.
 
I live in a very small town (2500 people). I don’t know any of the schedules for Confession for the parishes in the small towns around me. My priest is also pastor of the parish in the next town over anyway.

This is the parish where my faith should be lived out. Despite the fact that the priest and I don’t have the best relationship, I am under his jurisdiction by the territory I live in, and it would be best for our relationship if I at least gave him the opportunity to hear my confession.

If I am not pleased or matters deteriorate as a result, then I will start looking elsewhere, but out of respect for him being the pastor of the church I belong to canonically, I will start by going to him.
 
Make sure you’re comfortable with the situation–if you feel uncomfortable with your pastor, go to a neighboring parish. Don’t give yourself any excuse to get out of it!! Get a good examination of conscience, make a list of the things that are really bugging you and just go. The priest will guide you through it, especially after you tell him how long it’s been. You can find an act of contrition on-line. My priest has a laminated card in the confessional for those of us who need a reminder, so that might be an option too.

It’s wonderful that you’re coming back to this sacrament. Going back after so long is really a life-changing event, and I’m not exaggerating.
 
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MusicMan:
I live in a very small town (2500 people). I don’t know any of the schedules for Confession for the parishes in the small towns around me. My priest is also pastor of the parish in the next town over anyway.

This is the parish where my faith should be lived out. Despite the fact that the priest and I don’t have the best relationship, I am under his jurisdiction by the territory I live in, and it would be best for our relationship if I at least gave him the opportunity to hear my confession.

If I am not pleased or matters deteriorate as a result, then I will start looking elsewhere, but out of respect for him being the pastor of the church I belong to canonically, I will start by going to him.
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This is a good attitude and a good approach. I wouldn’t expect matters to deteriorate, and you may find that your relationship with your priest improves. I have been in that situation before, and the priest never judges you for who you are or for what kind of relationship you have with him. Be sure to pray before going, though!
 
Part of the issue is that I’m a volunteer musician at his parish who happens to know way more than the average layman about the General Instruction and Canon Law. He’s a bit more liberal in his approach to liturgy, and there have been times when it has affected my ministry and we’ve disagreed.

My own pride in my knowledge has been a contributing factor, and that is one of the sins I wish to confess. I am hoping that it will help smooth things with us.

I don’t really care how liberal he wants to be with the liturgy… I only get bent out of shape when I want to do something the correct way and he wants to do something liberal or not allowed. He could resurrect the dreaded Clown Mass for all I care, so long as he didn’t make me play Thunder and Blazes as a prelude.
 
Musicman:

I am in a smilar situation. My priest and I don’t see eye to eye. I hadn’t been to confession in years and needed to go because of pending surgery other things as well. In short I called for an appointment because of the time element didn’t have an option of looking for someone esle. So I finally went, I was a little ticked, I was in mortal sin and it took a week for him to make himself availiable. In short, it didn’t go well. I should have walked out after the first comment, but didn’t. Now things are worse.

If you feel there is a problem between you and you feel it will become worse with confesssion. Go to another parish. I understand the travel issue I am in the same boat, I must travel a 2 hour round trip to get to a city where he doesn’t minister. I understand you feel since you are in his territory you are obligated to go to him. That is not the case. If he has given you cause for concern, find someone else, even maybe discuss this with the other Priest, he maybe able to give you some help on how to deal with this.

Don’t make things more difficult, I did and they become more difficult each Sunday. If you feel comfortable taking eucharist from him do that, do confession with another priest until you feel good enough to take it from this one.

Good luck.

scared
 
I have not been to Confession with my current pastor yet. It will be interesting to see how he handles it. If things go well, things may improve, but out of respect for his Office, I will start with him.

I know that the Cathedral of the next Diocese to the west of me (about a 30 minute drive from home) offers a ton of opportunities for Confession this week. If things don’t go well with my pastor, I may sneak over there and see one of their Confessors.

Either way, I will be returning to the sacrament this week, and hopefully my faithlife will improve as a result.
 
Just a few comments…

It sounds like you want to reconcile with the pastor by making a sacramental confession. That’s not necessarily wrong. However, remember that you are reconciling with God in the sacrament for all your sins.

I’m not sure of the details of your relationship with your pastor but you may want to try to smooth the waters with him personally outside of confession as well.

Keep in mind that the pastor is not to bring up outside of confession anything that was confessed. I’m wondering if you are trying to get him to give you absolution as a priest about something he may not agree with you on personally. I don’t mean to accuse you of playing tricks here but I’m a victim of human nature myself. To be perfectly honest, I could see myself being tempted by pride to consider resorting to those tactics. However, I do take the sacrament seriously and assume you do as well.

Please, ignore me if anything I said does not apply to your situation and I don’t mean to falsely accuse you of anything.
 
Denise, you have raised some excellent concerns about this situation, and I appreciate that you have done so.

I too have thought about these things… I do not want to reconcile with this priest by making a sacramental confession to him. I need to make a sacramental confession for all of the sins I have committed since my last confession.

Despite the fact the we don’t always see eye-to-eye, I have a responsibility out of respect for him as the pastor of my territorial parish to make my confession to this priest. As I have never made a confession in this parish or to this priest, not having the most positive relationship with him isn’t sufficient reason to go elsewhere to receive this sacrament.

I am hopeful that by showing him this respect that it will help mend the relationship between us. Although he cannot comment on my confession outside of the confessional, I hope we will have a more trusting relationship because I have faith in him as a confessor.

This is really a matter of trust. I honestly feel like this priest thinks I look down upon him and don’t respect him because we’ve clashed on issues of liturgy. I am afraid that by going somewhere else without first going to him for confession will just make this problem worse.

I don’t want absolution from him for a past wrong. I just don’t want things to deteriorate further.

Does this make any sense? I think you’re accusing me of a post hoc ergo propter hoc that doesn’t acutally exist. Then again, I may just have been trying to find a way to use the phrase post hoc ergo propter hoc on a Catholic posting board. :ehh:
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DeniseR:
Just a few comments…

It sounds like you want to reconcile with the pastor by making a sacramental confession. That’s not necessarily wrong. However, remember that you are reconciling with God in the sacrament for all your sins.

I’m not sure of the details of your relationship with your pastor but you may want to try to smooth the waters with him personally outside of confession as well.

Keep in mind that the pastor is not to bring up outside of confession anything that was confessed. I’m wondering if you are trying to get him to give you absolution as a priest about something he may not agree with you on personally. I don’t mean to accuse you of playing tricks here but I’m a victim of human nature myself. To be perfectly honest, I could see myself being tempted by pride to consider resorting to those tactics. However, I do take the sacrament seriously and assume you do as well.

Please, ignore me if anything I said does not apply to your situation and I don’t mean to falsely accuse you of anything.
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I just wanted to take a moment and thank everyone who took the time to post guidance and advice for me about making a good Confession, since it has been far too long since I last went.

I went this evening, and I’m glad I did. I feel as if a very heavy weight has been lifted from my soul.

There was much discussion about whether or not I should make my Confession with my pastor who I don’t have the most positive relationship with. I made the right call by going to him. We may not always see eye-to-eye on things, but he is an outstanding Confessor. 👍 I do not regret the decision to give him a chance one bit. Whether or not this will result in an improved relationship between us doesn’t matter. At least I have a found a good Confessor in him and I can go from there.

Thank you all again. :blessyou:

Merry Christmas!
 
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MusicMan:
I just wanted to take a moment and thank everyone who took the time to post guidance and advice for me about making a good Confession, since it has been far too long since I last went.

I went this evening, and I’m glad I did. I feel as if a very heavy weight has been lifted from my soul.

There was much discussion about whether or not I should make my Confession with my pastor who I don’t have the most positive relationship with. I made the right call by going to him. We may not always see eye-to-eye on things, but he is an outstanding Confessor. 👍 I do not regret the decision to give him a chance one bit. Whether or not this will result in an improved relationship between us doesn’t matter. At least I have a found a good Confessor in him and I can go from there.

Thank you all again. :blessyou:

Merry Christmas!
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Musicman, Thanks for posting this! You will never know just how much this has helped me! So now I know what I need to do.
God bless you and all on this board!

Merry Christmas everyone!!!
 
Good for you musicman. I am glad you did what your heart told you and it turned out alright. I am glad the is a good confessor out there.

scared
 
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MusicMan:
Does this make any sense? I think you’re accusing me of a post hoc ergo propter hoc that doesn’t acutally exist. Then again, I may just have been trying to find a way to use the phrase post hoc ergo propter hoc on a Catholic posting board. :ehh:
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Oh, yes, your reasoning makes a lot of sense.

But, I’m sorry for making that accusation of post hoc ergo propter hoc. (what the heck does that mean anyway?) *thinking…"*post" means “after”; “hoc” means – well, I’ve eaten pork hocs before, so maybe it has something to do with that, “ergo” means “therefore”, “propter” sounds like “proper”. After eating pork therefore eat pork with a fork. No, that doesn’t make sense. Maybe it means I shouldn’t put my foot in my mouth…:confused:

Anyway, I’m glad you had a good confession and again, I apologize for making any inaccurate or unfair accusation.
 
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DeniseR:
But, I’m sorry for making that accusation of post hoc ergo propter hoc. (what the heck does that mean anyway?) *thinking…"*post" means “after”; “hoc” means – well, I’ve eaten pork hocs before, so maybe it has something to do with that, “ergo” means “therefore”, “propter” sounds like “proper”. After eating pork therefore eat pork with a fork. No, that doesn’t make sense. Maybe it means I shouldn’t put my foot in my mouth…:confused:
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From the first season of *The West Wing *(episode in fact titled “Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc”):
**President Josiah Bartlet: **C.J. on your tombstore, its going to read, Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc.
**C.J. Cregg: **Okay, but none of my visitors are going to be able to understand my tombstone.
**President Josiah Bartlet: **27 lawyers in the room, anyone know “Post hoc, ergo propter hoc”? Josh?
**Josh Lyman: **Post - after, after hoc, ergo - therefore, “After hoc, therefore” something else hoc.
**President Josiah Bartlet: **Thank you. Next?
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:rotfl:

“After this, therefore because of this”

with fork in hand,
tee
 
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MusicMan:
I just wanted to take a moment and thank everyone who took the time to post guidance and advice for me about making a good Confession, since it has been far too long since I last went.

I went this evening, and I’m glad I did. I feel as if a very heavy weight has been lifted from my soul.

There was much discussion about whether or not I should make my Confession with my pastor who I don’t have the most positive relationship with. I made the right call by going to him. We may not always see eye-to-eye on things, but he is an outstanding Confessor. 👍 I do not regret the decision to give him a chance one bit. Whether or not this will result in an improved relationship between us doesn’t matter. At least I have a found a good Confessor in him and I can go from there.

Thank you all again. :blessyou:

Merry Christmas!
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Ain’t it the truth! I have a regular confessor: great confessor. But one time he was going to be unavailable for 3 weeks, and I needed to go to confession (as in needed). So I grabed the institutional chaplain by the violet stole and dragged him into my office. This guy sometimes acts like a total birdbrain with not as much sense as a headless chicken. Not the person you would select as a confessor. Anyway: the guy who heard my confession that day was so different from the guy who walks around the institution as chaplain, that it was clear to me in a very dramatic way that this is truly a *Sacrament, *and it is Christ who hears our confession and Christ who gives us counsel.
 
I am very humbled to see that my request for help on Confession has helped others prepare for the Sacrament as well.

Post hoc ergo propter hoc isn’t just from the West Wing. It is a kind of logical fallacy. I didn’t go to confession from the priest I don’t get a long with so well to make amends with him. I went to him because he is my pastor. As a side effect of this, I was hoping that by showing the respect he deserves as my pastor, it would help mend the rift.

I believe that accusing me of going to him because I was hoping to be absolved of the bad relationship is an example of this kind of logical fallacy.

I think. I’m not explaining this very well today…

No apologies from Denise necessary. You brought up very good points… points that had I not considered would have been very important for me to think about.

In the end, all is well… I received the sacrament, discovered a good confessor, helped a few others, and now all is right with the Lord. At least I hope. I do feel a lot better today than I have in ages.

Merry Christmas to all of you! May the Lord bless you and your families this Joyous Season and may He bring us all peace.
 
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MusicMan:
In the end, all is well… I received the sacrament, discovered a good confessor, helped a few others, and now all is right with the Lord. At least I hope. I do feel a lot better today than I have in ages.
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That’s wonderfu! 🙂 Merry Christmas to you, too!
 
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