Confession, habitual sin, & priest's advice...

[pianistclare]

Maybe it’s a generational thing, and maybe some Catholic teachings change. But, I went to Catholic schools, and was raised by a very Catholic family.

“Scatterbrained” behavior in itself, such as forgetting one’s purse, or forgetting anything was looked as a sin, and in many instances, worthy of, and only corrected by serious punishment.

In my past, family, priests, and nuns seemed very much to confirm that. The sinfulness of scatterbrained behavior was especially emphasized in Catholic schools. I was told it was irresponsible, thoughtless, unkind, and disrespectful. I held others uo when going places with people. YES. Therein lies the sin. The sin is not in the makeup or anything else that you say as an excuse.

So, nowadays, I’m confused about sin. What was once considered a sin is no longer a sin???

Having this clarified really helps, as I felt doomed and buried by my sins, as I feel unable to break free of them.

It’s not that the thing in and of itself is a sin…but your family most likely considered that fact that you seem unaware of the impact this problem of your has on others, and do not appear to want to remedy shows a lack of concern, respect, and consideration for others, which can indeed be sinful.
You need counseling dear. Many have mentioned it, and you have yet to acknowledge it.
See a physician, and the occasions of sin will disappear as a result of taking care of this other issue. Sticky notes for basic actions is not normal.

 

[PietroPaolo]

Maybe it’s a generational thing, and maybe some Catholic teachings change. But, I went to Catholic schools, and was raised by a very Catholic family.

“Scatterbrained” behavior in itself, such as forgetting one’s purse, or forgetting anything was looked as a sin, and in many instances, worthy of, and only corrected by serious punishment.

In my past, family, priests, and nuns seemed very much to confirm that. The sinfulness of scatterbrained behavior was especially emphasized in Catholic schools. I was told it was irresponsible, thoughtless, unkind, and disrespectful. I held others uo when going places with people.

So, nowadays, I’m confused about sin. What was once considered a sin is no longer a sin???

Having this clarified really helps, as I felt doomed and buried by my sins, as I feel unable to break free of them.

If I were you, I’d challenge someone to show you where the Church teaches that “scatterbrained” behavior is sinful (hint: it doesn’t and didn’t when you were little either). It sounds like you were a “scatterbrained” kid, which annoyed your parents and teachers who then harped on it enough to make you think it is a sin to be absent-minded. Forgetting your purse isn’t a sin. Not even a venial one.

 

[Chayla]

Several here have suggested consulting a physcian and conselor. I do not want to get off track here, but the answers is yes, I have done both.

And, the topic immediately goes to drugs.

I do want to do what is correct and have read many times what has been discussed about drug use.

Many Popes seem to discuss the evils of drugs, and I got that info. from here @ CAF.

I wish to lead a clean and healthy life, and don’t want to do dangerous drugs.

So, that is why I hesitate bringing up these matters in medical settings.

 

[St_Francis]

When I took less time, the consequences were potentially disasterous, such as water left running, doors unlocked, heated appliances left on, refrigerator open, etc.

I think what everyone is concerned about is that you leave the water running or the fridge open. Turning off the faucet or closing the fridge is automatic for most people, a part of whatever caused one to turn on the water or open the fridge. This is why I wonder if maybe you aren’t having a lot of thoughts run through your mind all the time and others if you might not have ADD.

Most of my time/energy seems to be spent averting potential disaster. Makeup does not take that long at all, neither does bathing or dressing.

I guess you must feel very neevous all the time, esp wrt your other post in which you were told all these things were sins!

Sigh. Unfortunately, parents back on the olden days did sometimes say that annoying things were sins when they actually weren’t, unless they were thinking of the sin of disobedience. I also got into a lot of trouble for forgetfulness and disorganization, and now we have a lot more information about neurology and see that, hey, some people are just like that. Bit somtimes the nervousness remains.

I see these things as a sort of weakness which needs to be dealt with. I have known people with children who have been diagnosed with something and the parents look at it as a permanent handicap and stop disciplining the child in other areas and don’t try to help the child learn strategies to avoid the problems caused by the diagnosed difficulty.

I join the others who have suggested you get some help for this and that as long as you are trying to get to Mass, you’re ok. However, you might want to discuss this further with your priest–he probably does not know the details you have shared with us. He may be able to offer spiritual direction which would help you.

 

[St_Francis]

Several here have suggested consulting a physcian and conselor. I do not want to get off track here, but the answers is yes, I have done both.

And, the topic immediately goes to drugs.

I do want to do what is correct and have read many times what has been discussed about drug use.

Many Popes seem to discuss the evils of drugs, and I got that info. from here @ CAF.

I wish to lead a clean and healthy life, and don’t want to do dangerous drugs.

So, that is why I hesitate bringing up these matters in medical settings.

Well, the evils of drugs usually refers to the evils of illegal drugs, or drugs which people take to feel good, and most definitely *not *drugs your doctor prescribes for a medical problem. The one thing I would suggest is that if the doctor says, take a certsin amount of this and then in a few days take more, if you are doing cery well on the initial dose, tell the doctor that before increasing the dose. BTDT! The higher dose made me a little crazy in a different way (this was for quotting smoking).

 

[TK421]

Chayla I think this topic might be more relevant to discuss with a pharmacist or psychologist then a priest. A person that is habitually tardy out of laziness/a lack of respect for other people is a spiritual issue. Somebody that is literally unable to focus themselves sounds more like a medical problem. You don’t seem to be tardy out of a flippant lack of respect, because people with a lack of respect don’t set their alarm two and a half hours in advance in the morning… which is a very long time. Something else is wrong here. I feel like the priest is doing his best to spitball ideas because habitual tardiness is an unusual thing to discuss in Reconciliation, especially for a person like you that has already made substantial sacrifices to correct the problem.

If you’re completely unwilling to even explore this problem with a medical person, then your spiritual dilemma might not be tardiness, but pride. The Fathers & Doctors of the Church are unanimous: it is impossible to be a good Christian without asking for both Divine & human assistance. God has deliberately created us so that we cannot save ourselves.

 

[Elizium23]

I am not sure why you have turned to the Internet when you have already refused two different kinds of professional help.

You have refused to obey your priest in a small matter that seems to be a factor in big problems for you.

You have refused to obey your doctor’s orders for medication in an effort to treat your mental/neurological problems.

What exactly do you seek from a bunch of anonymous strangers on the Internet that you can’t get from professionals? What kind of assurance do we have that you’ll follow our advice, assuming that it is good and helpful to you? What kind of advice do you want, considering the severely limited ability we all have to describe our backgrounds and life situation here in the forum?

 

[otjm]

Being late to mass is a sin. (It’s one thing if there was a heavy traffic, but since this is habitual…) being late to work might be a sin, but being late to movies is not.

I am sure you mean well, but you need to review what a sin requires - serous matter, full reflection, and intent. The OP seems to be laying out a classic case of serious ADD if not ADHD, and while it may be something you know little of, anyone suffering from this is not intentionally late.

 

[cena]

I am sure you mean well, but you need to review what a sin requires - serous matter, full reflection, and intent. The OP seems to be laying out a classic case of serious ADD if not ADHD, and while it may be something you know little of, anyone suffering from this is not intentionally late.

Only mortal sin needs grave matter and reflection. Venial sins can be done thoughtlessly.
It doesn’t sound like it is a mortal sin or anything because it does not sound like she is intentionally late.
She should tell her confessor about her ADD or ADHD because that is a circumstance that makes her less culpable for it.

 

[otjm]

Several here have suggested consulting a physcian and conselor. I do not want to get off track here, but the answers is yes, I have done both.

And, the topic immediately goes to drugs.

I do want to do what is correct and have read many times what has been discussed about drug use.

Many Popes seem to discuss the evils of drugs, and I got that info. from here @ CAF.

I wish to lead a clean and healthy life, and don’t want to do dangerous drugs.

So, that is why I hesitate bringing up these matters in medical settings.

No pope has said that proper medical attention is immoral.

You have described what appears to be a classic case of a Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. There are two books I am going to recommend; the second one I will have to look up.

The first is Driven to Distraction (revised): Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder. It is written by Edward M Hallowell, M.D., and John J Ratey, M.D. Both of them are psychiatrists, and both of them have either ADD or ADHD. Reading this book finally identified for me what I already knew, implicitly, but could not name.

I have it too.

The book is wonderful, for it puts a name on what we, who have it, struggle with every waking day. Some have a milder case of it, some a much more serious case of it.

I will post the other book once I nail it down.

And yes, it will probably take medication, but read this book first as the focus is not on medicating; but rather helping to identify what is going on, and put a name on it that starts to make sense.

And from your description ( I laughed when you mentioned the notes!), you sound like you have a classic and fairly strong case of it. More later.

To everyone else: If you don’t know what ADD or ADHD really is, please - back off! This is not a moral issue. And it is not a “get up earlier” issue, nor is it a “don’t put on makeup” issue. Let’s give her some space to breathe.

To Chayla: You are not stupid, you are not lazy, and you are not crazy. Odds are, you are smarter than average. And odds are, you have some characteristics that other people really like. It is just that maintaining focus is near impossible. Believe me, I understand.

 

[otjm]

Only mortal sin needs grave matter and reflection. Venial sins can be done thoughtlessly.
It doesn’t sound like it is a mortal sin or anything because it does not sound like she is intentionally late.
She should tell her confessor about her ADD or ADHD because that is a circumstance that makes her less culpable for it.

It is not a venial sin. It is not a sin, period. It is a medical issue.

 

[otjm]

Maybe it’s a generational thing, and maybe some Catholic teachings change. But, I went to Catholic schools, and was raised by a very Catholic family.

“Scatterbrained” behavior in itself, such as forgetting one’s purse, or forgetting anything was looked as a sin, and in many instances, worthy of, and only corrected by serious punishment.

In my past, family, priests, and nuns seemed very much to confirm that. The sinfulness of scatterbrained behavior was especially emphasized in Catholic schools. I was told it was irresponsible, thoughtless, unkind, and disrespectful. I held others uo when going places with people.

So, nowadays, I’m confused about sin. What was once considered a sin is no longer a sin???

Having this clarified really helps, as I felt doomed and buried by my sins, as I feel unable to break free of them.

People who do not understand what you are dealing with, will have little patience with the issue, because they cannot conceive how anyone could be “scatterbrained”; and they think it is just a matter of discipline, or a matter that you don’t care.

Catholic schools, priests, and parents were not trained to deal with the issue; in fact, many of them would deny that the issue even exists; instead, they blame you for not having proper moral character.

They would call you lazy (I have several of those t-shirts), say that you don’t care (that one is crushing), scatterbrained, and a host of other comments - all of which served to tear you down and make you feel guilty. Yep - I understand; I hear you.

Not. It is not a sin. You are not intending to be late. It never was a sin; it was and is a medical condition. Having a broke arm is not a sin. Having one kidney is not a sin. Having synapses that fire randomly is not a sin.

 

[TK421]

A severe lack of focus is a medical problem. Refusing treatment for a medical problem is a spiritual problem.

 

[cena]

Maybe it’s a generational thing, and maybe some Catholic teachings change. But, I went to Catholic schools, and was raised by a very Catholic family.

“Scatterbrained” behavior in itself, such as forgetting one’s purse, or forgetting anything was looked as a sin, and in many instances, worthy of, and only corrected by serious punishment.

In my past, family, priests, and nuns seemed very much to confirm that. The sinfulness of scatterbrained behavior was especially emphasized in Catholic schools. I was told it was irresponsible, thoughtless, unkind, and disrespectful. I held others uo when going places with people.

So, nowadays, I’m confused about sin. What was once considered a sin is no longer a sin???

Having this clarified really helps, as I felt doomed and buried by my sins, as I feel unable to break free of them.

Forgetting stuff isn’t a sin as far as I know. Sin is intentional. Most people don’t forget things like that on purpose.

They might’ve said it was irresponsible, but are you sure they said it was a sin?

 

[otjm]

A severe lack of focus is a medical problem. Refusing treatment for a medical problem is a spiritual problem.

Maybe yes, maybe no. It may simply be fear driven.

Shall we all back off a bit?

If you have not had ADD, or had someone close who had it and was treated for it, perhaps you could sit on the sidelines and watch and learn?

 

[cena]

Maybe yes, maybe no. It may simply be fear driven.

Shall we all back off a bit?

If you have not had ADD, or had someone close who had it and was treated for it, perhaps you could sit on the sidelines and watch and learn?

I know someone with ADHD and she said the medicine makes her lose her appetite and causes her insomnia. The OP should review the risks and side effects with her doctor/psychiatrist and see if she wants to take it. It sounds like the medicine could help her if she constantly forgets things easily.

 

[Chayla]

Wow, I’m totally amazed about what a deep and interesting discussion this has turned out to be.

I wrote this thread, because I was feeling guilty about not wanting to give up using make-up, so I wanted to find out if a person is morally obliged to follow all of their confessor’s advice regarding stopping a habitual sin.

Well, I got my answer, but I also got a whole lot more…

BTW, when I’m late, it is almost always between 1-10 minutes, with it being closer to 1 minute. Of course, at the workplace, one is penalized for 1 minute late. It’s considered “unacceptable.”

Anyhow, Merry Christmas to a truly awesome group of people.
Chayla

 

[otjm]

The second book is titled Healing ADD - The Breakthrough program that Allows You to See and Heal the 6 Types of ADD, by Daniel G Amen, M.D.