Confession Hang-Ups. Please Help

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loveconquers

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Hello,

I am in the process of reverting back to the Catholic Faith in a serious way. It has been wonderful and I am thankful that God has led me to this point.

I am a woman/mother in my 30’s and for some reason am having problems confessing certain sins to priests because they are male.

I know that I am not supposed to look at it this way, but I have always just felt uncomfortable in these scenarios. I am a pretty modest person generally, and also always prefer female Doctors, etc.

I obviously am aware that this is something that is not meant to change. Priests will always be men and I will always be a woman. I just get uncomfortable. Our new parish priest is quite young and I think that is throwing me off more. He is a good priest but I feel like he is more of a peer. I kind of modified my last confession a bit. I think this is a form of spiritual warfare. We live in a rural area, so confession times are few and far in between, so I don’t want to avoid going to a confession that I am available to go, to because of this issue.

How do I get over this?
Thanks
 
For mortal sins one needs to confess in number and kind and if something changes the nature of the sin - such as it was ones sister you murdered.

One must get to the actual kind not be general. (so if one commits fornication one would not say “a sin against chastity” but one has to get in some way to what the sin was…such would need to be corrected)

But one does not get into unneeded details.

One is obliged to confess all mortal sins in number and kind but not venial sins.

And with venial sins one can be rather general with what one wants to confess.

Confess behind the screen.

And do not worry - he has heard everything and more.

Like being worried that you might your teeth might not look right when going to the dentist…
 
It can also help to remember that, whether the priest is young enough to be your kid brother or old enough to be your grandfather, in the Sacrament of Confession he acts “in persona Christi”, or in the person of Christ, when he hears your sins and offers absolution. Bear in mind too the years of education and training that all priests receive to carry out their ministry, no matter their age. They are indeed very akin to doctors in this regard, only doctors of souls. And as a guy, let me assure you that I can get plenty embarrassed too over confessing certain sins, the same way I prefer an eye exam to a prostate exam when I visit the doctor. I just tell myself, “It has to be done.”
 
You could always go behind the screen. then the priest might be 25 or 85 for all you can see. You could also go to a different parish to confess if you would be more comfortable with an older priest.
 
loveconquers said:
Hello,

I am in the process of reverting back to the Catholic Faith in a serious way. It has been wonderful and I am thankful that God has led me to this point.

I am a woman/mother in my 30’s and for some reason am having problems confessing certain sins to priests because they are male.

I know that I am not supposed to look at it this way, but I have always just felt uncomfortable in these scenarios. I am a pretty modest person generally, and also always prefer female Doctors, etc.

I obviously am aware that this is something that is not meant to change. Priests will always be men and I will always be a woman. I just get uncomfortable. Our new parish priest is quite young and I think that is throwing me off more. He is a good priest but I feel like he is more of a peer. I kind of modified my last confession a bit. I think this is a form of spiritual warfare. We live in a rural area, so confession times are few and far in between, so I don’t want to avoid going to a confession that I am available to go, to because of this issue.

How do I get over this?
Thanks
Click to expand...
First, welcome back! I join you in thanking God for this special gift that has brought you back to the practice of the faith.

It is a great challenge for various people in various circumstances and those of us who are priests are also very conscious of the discomfort a penitent can feel…because we encounter it regularly. So you are not alone in your discomfort. The priest should make every possible effort to put the penitent at ease and reassure her that he is unaffected by what he hears in the confessional.

Some time, outside of the confessional, you might speak to the specific priest in general terms about this discomfort and he himself can reassure you, in his own words.

I think a lot of people do not realise that, actually, the priest is profoundly touched himself by the confessions he hears in a way that calls him to a deeper communion with the Lord. This phenomenon is wonderfully explained by Pope Francis here: catholicherald.co.uk/news/2015/03/13/confession-should-not-be-a-form-of-torture-says-pope-francis/
 
Much easier to suffer a temporary embarrassment than to be lost for all eternity. It sort of reminds me of that time when the Lord went to wash his disciples feet.
 
They don’t dwell on it, and have likely heard far worse. Priests always are glad when someone turns Back to God.
If they thought about it hard they could never red or function.
It’s a big part of what they do and they are happy to absolve you see your spirit healed. Be at peace. Welcome home. The Lord has brought you this far. Trust. ❤️
 
If you really have a hard time with this, you could always confess behind the screen or if needed, go to a different parish for confession.

Ideally, you would feel comfortable with your own priests. But you don’t want this to be an obstacle from giving a good confession either.

However, as I’ve come to learn, priests really don’t remember confessions (even the face to face ones). They are trained to literally absolve and forget and they really do do that.

But, again, I would recommend confessing behind the screen. I even confess behind the screen during scheduled confessions – I tell the priest that kneeling behind the screen helps me to focus on my confession and keeps me from getting nervous.

I hope this is helpful.

God Bless
 
Remember that the Priest is himself a screen; Jesus is the One who forgives us in the Confessional. Be thankful for the great gift of Confession; confess, and offer the humiliation in reparation for sin.
 
Thank you for the feedback!

We do have a priest in the next town who is older. That seems pretty inconvenient though. Confession times are so few and far between where I live, I really should take advantage of each confession I can make it too when I can have my husband watch the kids.

I always get myself all worked up in the confession line.

Yes, I suppose the humiliation is part of the process. Offering it God is great advice.
 
loveconquers said:
How do I get over this?
Thanks
Click to expand...
By consistently doing it. 🙂

I think everything you mention is absolutely what everyone else feels, at least to some extent. But the more we fight against these feelings by doing their exact opposite, the easier it will be to do so as time goes by. In fact, simply plowing ahead is a wonderful mortification.

… and doing so out of love for God is tremendously pleasing to Him. How many graces He’ll give you for sacrificing yourself out of love for Him—since we should all go to Confession because we love Him, and want to be with Him forever.

Think of almost any discomfort you may have, any sort of loneliness or sadness or shame … and then look on a crucifix and know that Jesus felt all of those things, too. He wants us to share in His cross, and we shouldn’t be afraid of Him, but we should trust in Him, knowing that He is love and mercy.
 
Honestly, I get what you’re saying and I can empathize. When I reverted back, I looked for every way I could to get around going to confession without going to Hell. I couldn’t find a way. What worked for me was that I just sucked it up, very firmly resolved to make sure I never committed another mortal sin so that I would never have to go to confession ever again. I was just going to do it once and get it over with. Since then, thanks to the grace of God, I never again committed another mortal sin after that, yet now I go to confession weekly, only because my confessor won’t let me go more frequently.

I recommend using this humiliation as a strong motivation to never commit such sins again.
 
loveconquers said:
Thank you for the feedback!

We do have a priest in the next town who is older. That seems pretty inconvenient though. Confession times are so few and far between where I live, I really should take advantage of each confession I can make it too when I can have my husband watch the kids.

I always get myself all worked up in the confession line.

Yes, I suppose the humiliation is part of the process. Offering it God is great advice.
Click to expand...
Well, the more regret we have, the easier it is to avoid that particular sin n the future.
Best wishes!
 
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