Confession....having a hard time with scrupulosity

[Marianne88]

Hi all…

I’m not sure what to say about this, but I’m trying my best to be faithful to my decision to come back to the church. It’s just so HARD. It’s hard to develop a relationship with God when you don’t have much of one and our society doesn’t support that…I’m trying to make use of the graces that come from confession.

I never really went to confession more than 2 or 3 times in my whole life before now…I’m 23. In the last month and a half I’ve gone 4-5 times. I am having a really hard time with “scrupulosity”.

One big issue, is I’m having emotional problems which I’m seeking therapy for. I feel intense anxiety and also resentment over some family problems that have damaged me and have been going on for years. I am in close contact with my parents right now and I easily fly off the handle. I venture into the realm of major disrespect. It’s not an excuse, but I feel very disrespected myself sometimes and I get overwhelmed with anxiety and frustration and I go to a “bad place”. This causes me to not act like the loving person I want to be. I lash out and go into panic mode. Then afterward, I feel guilty about my disrespect and go to confession.

For example, today I went to confession today after only having gone THREE DAYS AGO. I live in a relatively large city and went to a big church where confession is anonymous and quick. It’s always been the same priest however and I bet he recognizes me. He seemed almost amused that I came back after only 3 days. He had a thick accent and I had trouble understanding him but I know he said something to the effect of I need to pray more before I come to confession. I know I need to pray more in general but I’m not sure what he was trying to get across. I almost wished I hadn’t gone because I feel like he thought I am ridiculous for coming to confession so often…

I also confessed getting “drunk” last night. I have no idea how culpable I am for this or if it is a mortal sin. My brother is in town and we went out for drinks. I haven’t had anything to drink in months and I ordered a delicious martini (large). I’m a lightweight and got quite drunk. I still had my use of reason and I knew I’d be heading home to go to sleep (not driving). I had no desire to get drunk to lose control of my faculties but I did want to have fun and relax and let loose a little. I was definitely not sober. I am having a hard time believing that had I died in my sleep, I would have gone to hell just for that. I confessed it…but I was unsure of how I felt about it. I insinuated to the priest saying “I’m not sure what to think about this…” hoping he’d help me understand how bad of a sin it was and he didn’t say anything. He just seemed amused. I guess I should find a more personal confessor.

Anyway…I’m just trying to be a good Catholic but I feel like I am getting overwhelmed and confused. I wish I had somebody I could talk to…

 

[Oneofthewomen]

My best advice is to find a priest that can act as a spiritual director/confessor.
Start by talking to your parish priest, tell him you are trying to return to the faith and are suffering with emotional problems that you are seeking help for, and you are experienceing problems with scrupulosity. If he does not have time (so many preists/pastors are soo busy), see if he can recommend someone.

Peace be with you on your journey!

 

[ATeutonicKnight]

Hi all…

I’m not sure what to say about this, but I’m trying my best to be faithful to my decision to come back to the church. It’s just so HARD. It’s hard to develop a relationship with God when you don’t have much of one and our society doesn’t support that…I’m trying to make use of the graces that come from confession.

I never really went to confession more than 2 or 3 times in my whole life before now…I’m 23. In the last month and a half I’ve gone 4-5 times. I am having a really hard time with “scrupulosity”.

One big issue, is I’m having emotional problems which I’m seeking therapy for. I feel intense anxiety and also resentment over some family problems that have damaged me and have been going on for years. I am in close contact with my parents right now and I easily fly off the handle. I venture into the realm of major disrespect. It’s not an excuse, but I feel very disrespected myself sometimes and I get overwhelmed with anxiety and frustration and I go to a “bad place”. This causes me to not act like the loving person I want to be. I lash out and go into panic mode. Then afterward, I feel guilty about my disrespect and go to confession.

For example, today I went to confession today after only having gone THREE DAYS AGO. I live in a relatively large city and went to a big church where confession is anonymous and quick. It’s always been the same priest however and I bet he recognizes me. He seemed almost amused that I came back after only 3 days. He had a thick accent and I had trouble understanding him but I know he said something to the effect of I need to pray more before I come to confession. I know I need to pray more in general but I’m not sure what he was trying to get across. I almost wished I hadn’t gone because I feel like he thought I am ridiculous for coming to confession so often…

I also confessed getting “drunk” last night. I have no idea how culpable I am for this or if it is a mortal sin. My brother is in town and we went out for drinks. I haven’t had anything to drink in months and I ordered a delicious martini (large). I’m a lightweight and got quite drunk. I still had my use of reason and I knew I’d be heading home to go to sleep (not driving). I had no desire to get drunk to lose control of my faculties but I did want to have fun and relax and let loose a little. I was definitely not sober. I am having a hard time believing that had I died in my sleep, I would have gone to hell just for that. I confessed it…but I was unsure of how I felt about it. I insinuated to the priest saying “I’m not sure what to think about this…” hoping he’d help me understand how bad of a sin it was and he didn’t say anything. He just seemed amused. I guess I should find a more personal confessor.

Anyway…I’m just trying to be a good Catholic but I feel like I am getting overwhelmed and confused. I wish I had somebody I could talk to…

Well, when you feel really stressed and when you feel that you might lose control, simply pray. Prayer has done more good than talking ever has. Pray to God, pray to Mary, his mother, and pray to all of the Angels and Saints. Ask them for help with your situation. God wouldn’t make you scrupulous and anxious if he knew you couldn’t get passed it.

Also, don’t feel bad for going to confession so often. Pope John Paul II went every single day. I would pay all the money in the world to have the opportunity to go to confession every single day for the rest of my life. Don’t be ashamed that you go so often. I’ve gone every week for the past six/eight weeks, and I’ve felt incredibly thankful for it. Confession is not only for freeing you of your sins, but for helping you to avoid them in the future. I wouldn’t be one tenth the man I am today without the grace of confession in my life. Instead of feeling bad and feeling anxious about going so often, thank God for giving you the opportunity and the option to be able to go so often. However, I would recommend finding a good confessor that could possibly be your spiritual adviser. I have found three + Priests that I find to be very helpful and very uplifting for my more serious confessions, and I’ve found good confessors that are good and quick for my less serious confessions. Find the version you like the most and stick with him. The more you confess to him, the better. He’ll be able to help you in ways that nobody has been able to help you before.

 

[Earnest_Bunbury]

Often we react with a too quick judgment of “scrupulosity” to peoples discernment questions that they have due to a lack of study and information on their part because a lot of us have reached a higher level of knowledge of sin, doctrine, and ourselves. We know we will fail and fall, but a quick return to Jesus with confidence in Him is what He wants.

Having gone to 6 to 8 confessions and seemingly having just returned to the Church is, to me, not being scrupulous but discerning, and not wanting to be lax and lukewarm anymore. Real scrupulosity is a disorder and the alternative to this is trust in authority of the confessor. False “scrupulosity” has its opposite in being unscrupulous and failing to discern oneself. A lot of times it seems that posters here jump to “your scrupulous” at any question involving discernment.

We can do no good of ourselves and we don’t work at being good enough for God to come to us. It is our job to keep from being attached to things contrary to God and desire to do God’s Will is the necessary start, as is trust and discerning our actions and our hearts. Study more of God’s Divine Mercy and remember that we are not held to a standard that we cannot reach nor one we know nothing of. Love of God is most important and even the smallest amount of love we can muster fulfills the commandment of loving Him. I wish you the best.

 

[RedClay]

I understand what your going through. I had a somewhat similar experience with this sort of thing. I was in confusion and really trying hard to work it out. Well, one night, I was at a talk a priest gave about purgatory. It was excellent! So I remembered his name and started to think about how this is the kind of priest that I could really get the answers to which I’m seeking. It took a couple of months, but I eventually called him and set up a time to go talk with him.

Well, just to get to the point, I saw him a couple of times (in fact I went to see him again recently) and I put it all out there for him to help me with – all my confusion and frustrations and questions, I just put it out there.

Well, he directed me, and I’m eternally grateful. He is a serious priest, but balanced and normal, if that makes sense. He takes his priesthood and faith seriously, but at the same time totally approachable. Whenever I called him up and left a message, he’d always get back to me, and always had time to meet with me. (Of course within reason, as I wouldn’t go more than once a month, sometimes after a couple of months, and our sessions lasted about 30-45 minutes.) He helped me tremendously!

So my suggestion in the meantime is to pray for a spiritual director. In turn, this will help you with confession. This way, you flesh out all the issues with your director, and then just go and confess without confusion. I’ve even confessed to my priest spiritual director directly after our session. But otherwise, even though I still like to see the same confessor (not my spiritual director), I’m not afraid to see any priest since my direction has cleared up so much for me. With my confessions I feel that I can get right to the point.