Confession help needed—please reply

[Soler]

I intend to go to Confession tomorrow. I don’t go to Confession very often, but I fear that I may have committed one or several mortal sins since my last confession (although I don’t know), which was on Christmas Eve, and I want to make sure I am in a state of grace by confessing all my sins since then which could have been mortal. However, a number of things make me unsure of what to confess (with regard to both kind and number of sins).

Firstly: since my last confession, I may have committed the sin of gluttony an enormous amount of times, not at all, or anything in between. I may also have received the Eucharist in a state of mortal sin many times, or not at all. There is one sin (which I don’t want to mention here—it’s not sexual, in case you’re wondering) whch I am pretty sure I have committed, but I don’t know how many times.

The reason for the above is as follows: I often find myself in a situation where I am doubtful whether or not a particular course of action is sinful, and I admit I often do take the “less safe” option. I do think about situations like these, not just immediately rushing in and doing what I want, but I often reason that something “probably is okay” (or something like that) and then go ahead and do it, even though there is still doubt in my mind. Therefore, I am unsure whether I committed certain sins at all, or if I did, how many times I committed them.

Secondly: I am often, as I would imagine many others also are, tempted to lust or to doubt the faith, (and perhaps to commit other mental sins also). However, it is hard for me to discern when this has remained temptation and when I have given in.

Thirdly, what if I think it very possible that I committed a certain sin, but am unable to remember for certain? (It has been over three months since my last confession.)

Finally, is it sinful to put off going to Confession when on fears one might be in mortal sin?

 

[Trishie]

Dear Soler, I pray you will go to Confession as you intend.
May I suggest that you print your post to remind yourself what you wish to say to your priest. Otherwise you may find it difficult to remember all the subtleties that you’ve mentioned. I think you may not have peace of mind if you leave any of these questions out, because you are obviously concerned about all these things. Be honest and straightforward as otherwise you’ll only continue to feel troubled.

God grant you healing and peace

From the Catechism of the Catholic Church

1857 For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must together be met: "Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter and which is also committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent."131

1859 Mortal sin requires full knowledge and complete consent. It presupposes knowledge of the sinful character of the act, of its opposition to God’s law. It also implies a consent sufficiently deliberate to be a personal choice. Feigned ignorance and hardness of heart133 do not diminish, but rather increase, the voluntary character of a sin.

1860 Unintentional ignorance can diminish or even remove the imputability of a grave offense. But no one is deemed to be ignorant of the principles of the moral law, which are written in the conscience of every man. The promptings of feelings and passions can also diminish the voluntary and free character of the offense, as can external pressures or pathological disorders.

 

[Orchanian]

There are three criteria for mortal sin:

• Grave matter (serious sin)
• Full knowledge that it is a sin
• Willingly committed (no one held a gun to your head)

From your post, it sounds like your question is related to the first criteria - grave matter. If in doubt, ask the priest in confession. Confess everything, mortal and venial. And don’t wait for 3 months in the future. Try to make a point to go at least once a month. You will get the grace you need to fight temptation related to the sins you confess.

I try to do an examination of conscience each night, writing down what I need to remember. Then I bring that card with me to confession so I don’t forget anything. Maybe that will help you.

Confession is a great gift - a sacrament that Jesus left for us. If you see it in that way, you can approach it with less concern. Jesus is just waiting for you!

 

[Southerncross]

I have been told so many times by priests in the confessional that mortal sins stand out in the conscience like a red traffic light - where there is doubt talk to the priest in confession & be obedient to his directives.Do not put off confession - do it soon & then confess regularly , maybe monthly if you are able, Regular confession helps to eliminate sin & dispel fear.
Pax et bonum.:knight2:

 

[Bookcat]

I could say a number of things…but I think it is best to take your email with you and discuss each point with the Priest in confession…for he may have more questions and can help you more personally.

Of course it is the case that one is obliged only to confess mortal sins (and in number and kind).

Remember what the Catechism says one needs for a mortal sin as well…grave matter, full knowledge and complete (deliberate) consent…

A person who thinks something may have been mortal …it can good to confess them …stating his doubt (one needs to say that one is not sure)…and if one does not know the number then one does what one can…and that is fine. If the person has difficulties with scruples it is often best not to confess doubtful sins directly (one can include all ones sins in the statement at the end…and all the sins of my life particularly Y).

As to overeating…that is ordinarily a venial sin (unless something else comes in to make it mortal) but again one has to look at how you judged them at the time…so tell the priest what you wrote here…

Thoughts that one is not sure of giving full consent too… can be confessed as one knows…saying that one is not sure of any being mortal sin (thus no requirement for number…but it can be good to give a guess saying it is a guess)

Regarding --being in doubt and acting anyway…that depends on what you mean…talk with the Priest on this…for we need to make a good judgment that something is good before you do it…and if we have real (reasonable) doubts we need to not act normally but solve it perhaps by a reflex principle …seek advice reason, research etc…(we only need moral certainty of course) but those with scruples are in a different boat! For they take all their fears as if they were real doubts…and get tied up in knots …they should follow their confessor etc…

so think the best you can…note the things you judge to be mortal sins if any…and discuss these matters with the priest…

in any case you do not want to be either lax or have to bother with scruples…so continue to form your conscience well…for example read the Catechism or the Compendium of the Catechism…

 

[EasterJoy]

Maybe you’re making this harder than it needs to be, or else trying to live a moral life without a particularly necessary tool: an informed conscience. Informing your will not to sin as like informing your body to play tennis correctly. You can’t just show up on the court every three months and expect to hit the ball consistently. You need to look for coaching, and you need to practice the strokes.

Just about everybody spends some part of their life either acting without thinking about the virtuousness of their actions at all, or else kind of idly wondering if they could do better, but casting the thought aside. A very good remedy for that is to habitually examine the conscience–once daily at night is common–repenting with an Act of Contrition and taking the trouble to inform your conscience when you don’t know if you’re doing wrong. You will pick up on your habits and faults fairly quickly this way. If you are in the habit of eating too much, you will quickly catch on to whether it is a deliberate choice, a bad habit over which you need to regain control, a compulsion with which you need some outside help, or maybe even a legitimate pleasure that you’re choosing to feel guilty about. You will often not “just know.” You’ll make your best honest guess, re-adjust accordingly, and then see again the next day how it goes, improving both your aim and your strength and learning how to effectively play around your weak points, day by day. Periodically, you’ll checking in with an expert: not just in the confessional, but by reading and talking to others, especially those who are more advanced than you are.

Sometimes, asking yourself how you would council someone else in your shoes will help. It is easier to be realistic about someone else’s behavior. Remember that a feeling of guilt is like a smoke alarm. It tells you there is a situation to be investigated, but it is not a faultless guide that there is actually a fire to put out. Also, once you start the investigation and resolve to attend to the matter appropriately, the alarm can be turned off. Guilt that is not used correctly can teach us to fear God and fear our inability to amend on our own. Of course we can’t amend on our own, that is a work of grace, and we don’t manufacture our own grace. Trade guilt (and especially shame) for humility, and ask God for help.

In the meantime…
When you’re examining your conscience before confession, ask yourself these things:
To the best of my memory, as I look back on the commandments

1. Did I do something wrong that fell in this category?
2. Did I know it was wrong, and do it anyway, or did I act without thinking?
3. About how many times or how often did I deliberately sin? Once? Three times? Habitually, with a regular occurence of roughly…once a week? twice a month?

Then with the virtues, ask yourself the same about what you failed to do. Again, concentrate on the things that are most serious and that you gave cooperation to.

Then, at the last, ask yourself: Did I do things that I think might have been wrong or fail to do what I might have done better, but then later repeatedly fail to inform my conscience about whether they were wrong or not? You might confess that separately, if you honestly realize it was deliberate: that is, that you didn’t want an informed conscience and deliberately chose not to get yourself one. If that was not deliberate, it is a fault to be amended but not a sin to be confessed.

Once you have a list, resolve to work on your faults but in the meantime decided to confess the things that were sins. Don’t know if you did something on purpose? Look yourself in the mirror and ask. Confess what you chose to do that was wrong or what good duty you chose not to do in order of how grave you judge the matter to be, in order of most grave to least grave. Put the stuff that you judge to be the most grave matters and most in control of your will first. Where you are guessing, say you’re guessing.

If you honestly tell everything you believe to be the most serious, and everything you know to be grave, you are OK. You will be forgiven. In the future, if you learn better, then do better, including how to continually improve on the learning part. Saints are not made in a day. It is steady perseverance and trust in God that wins that battle.

 

[EasterJoy]

I have been told so many times by priests in the confessional that mortal sins stand out in the conscience like a red traffic light - where there is doubt talk to the priest in confession & be obedient to his directives.Do not put off confession - do it soon & then confess regularly , maybe monthly if you are able, Regular confession helps to eliminate sin & dispel fear.
Pax et bonum.:knight2:

Exactly. I’d add one thing: do not be misinformed about what it means to follow your conscience. This is an active area of the work of the devil, IMHO…that is, convincing souls to look to guilt feelings for moral guidance instead of a truly informed conscience. I think Old Scratch is getting us to torture ourself over things that are not even wrong, while we blithely plunge into other sins that we don’t want to believe are as wrong as the Church says they are. A sociopath, a person without the gift of emotional feelings of remorse, is still capable of living a moral life. He just has to choose to follow what he knows to be the moral law, not because of how he feels about it but because he knows. Not easy, but possible.

The badness of the feelings don’t translate directly to the badness of the action. If you have learned that a matter is grave, but chose to do it anyway, confess that, even if you don’t feel that it is any big deal or even* feel* that it was the right thing. If it was in fact the right thing, let your confessor tell you that. Otherwise, always give the teachings of the Church precedence over your own sense of right and wrong. If you enjoy something and know it is OK, but feel bad about it, choose to believe that it is right, too. The bad feelings will usually wear off…and you will have the pleasure God intended you to have.

 

[aspirant]

I often find myself in a situation where I am doubtful whether or not a particular course of action is sinful, and I admit I often do take the “less safe” option. I do think about situations like these, not just immediately rushing in and doing what I want, but I often reason that something “probably is okay” (or something like that) and then go ahead and do it, even though there is still doubt in my mind. Therefore, I am unsure whether I committed certain sins at all, or if I did, how many times I committed them.

A few things here:

1. When you are not sure whether an act is wrong, or whether it is gravely wrong, and you do the act anyway, you ought to confess “acting on a doubtful conscience.” It is not good to act on a doubtful conscience.

2. In the immediate future, you can ask your confessor about whether the action really is gravely immoral.

3. Over time, you should be actively informing your conscience. Make a regular effort to study what the Church really teaches regarding virtue and vice. You can read the Catechism, you can read good books like Peter Kreeft’s Back to Virtue, and so forth.

However, it is hard for me to discern when this has remained temptation and when I have given in.

You have given in when you consent and deliberately entertain the wrong.

what if I think it very possible that I committed a certain sin, but am unable to remember for certain? (It has been over three months since my last confession.)

You should be doing a more frequent examination of conscience and, when necessary, more frequent confession.

 

[Mike_Dye]

I intend to go to Confession tomorrow. I don’t go to Confession very often, but I fear that I may have committed one or several mortal sins since my last confession (although I don’t know), which was on Christmas Eve, and I want to make sure I am in a state of grace by confessing all my sins since then which could have been mortal. However, a number of things make me unsure of what to confess (with regard to both kind and number of sins).

Firstly: since my last confession, I may have committed the sin of gluttony an enormous amount of times, not at all, or anything in between. I may also have received the Eucharist in a state of mortal sin many times, or not at all. There is one sin (which I don’t want to mention here—it’s not sexual, in case you’re wondering) whch I am pretty sure I have committed, but I don’t know how many times.

The reason for the above is as follows: I often find myself in a situation where I am doubtful whether or not a particular course of action is sinful, and I admit I often do take the “less safe” option. I do think about situations like these, not just immediately rushing in and doing what I want, but I often reason that something “probably is okay” (or something like that) and then go ahead and do it, even though there is still doubt in my mind. Therefore, I am unsure whether I committed certain sins at all, or if I did, how many times I committed them.

Secondly: I am often, as I would imagine many others also are, tempted to lust or to doubt the faith, (and perhaps to commit other mental sins also). However, it is hard for me to discern when this has remained temptation and when I have given in.

Thirdly, what if I think it very possible that I committed a certain sin, but am unable to remember for certain? (It has been over three months since my last confession.)

Finally, is it sinful to put off going to Confession when on fears one might be in mortal sin?

Hi Soler, I am just grateful that you are going to confession. I like you should avail myself of the graces of this Sacrament more frequently. Just tell the priest everything and he can help you with determining the gravity of your sins.
Here comes the hard part. I would recommend that you find a good confessor that you feel comfortable with and go face to face on a regular basis. Sometimes we find ourselves thinking many things are sinful that aren’t or at least not seriously sinful. I know at times I can suffer from borderline scrupulosity. A regular confessor can be a big help in this area. My prayers are with you.

 

[EasterJoy]

Here comes the hard part. I would recommend that you find a good confessor that you feel comfortable with and go face to face on a regular basis… A regular confessor can be a big help in this area. My prayers are with you.

A regular confessor is a very good idea, and it is worth it to take the trouble to find a priest who is serious about his own pursuit of holiness. I am like you: I find that face-to-face works better for me. Still, the choice of face-to-face or not depends mostly on which situation makes a person most likely to tell “the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth” and to be compliant with what the confessor says about it. If one situation makes a person more likely to hold back, they should do the other. A lot of people find face-to-face too intimidating for total honesty, and there is nothing wrong with that. All that matters is the telling of the truth and the willingness to amend.

 

[EasterJoy]

On selecting a regular confessor: It is OK to simply choose your pastor or another regularly available confessor at your parish, and to stick with him as long as that works.

IMHO, it is not good to select a confessor because you think him more or less severe. Severity is not holy in and of itself, any more than a doctor is a better doctor because he always wants to do surgery. Rather, a good confessor and a good doctor both put prudence first, and look for what is appropriate, without favoring a course of action simply based on whether it is easy or hard.

Especially for a scrupulous person, it is important that you respect a priest’s judgement about what is and is not sinful. If it is your sense that a confessor holds a “when you see a yellow light, hit the gas” theology of sin, you are less likely to trust his sense of your situation. OTOH, if you believe that a particular priest makes no allowance for sin and yet he tells you that you are being scrupulous, you are more likely to believe him. Again, it is very much like finding a doctor: you need to believe you have found a competent healer with a real passion for fostering health, and someone you will trust. Otherwise, you will either fail to be honest or fail to be compliant, the two biggest things that tie the hands of all physicians of every kind.

Also, like your health, most of your pursuit of holiness is about how compliant you are to the general principles that everyone knows lead to good health but few feel like actually doing. It is the quality of confessing, the openness and honesty of it, the degree to which it comes from a more and more informed conscience, that is most important in making a good confession. The amount of time or what kind of advice you get from the priest, as important as that can be, is of far lesser importance than the honesty and repentance that you put into the confession. Jesus is the healer in the confessional; if you bring your best to it, Our Lord will take care of you.