confession help

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If a person were to come back to the church after many years{ and told the priest this} and make a confession of all known mortal sins, but not tell exactly the number of times they sinned, is it a good confession? As long as one doesnt lie and say “i did this once”{ while knowing they did it more than that}, does the priest know what you mean when you confess and dont give exact numbers? if you mention you struggle with something does it suffice? The priest usually doesnt ask for any more clarification about more common sinful behavior…
 
Well I would say that one should try to relay how many times a particular sin was done. In the case of being away from the Church for a long time, something like “I committed this sin many times” should suffice if it really is unknown how many times it was committed.

This is just my opinion, but, if you really did forget to say how many times the sin was done or relay some sort of number then you should be OK. Trust in God’s grace and be at peace that you brought your sins in front of Him in the confessional.
 
In the case of someone returning after many years, the priest will correctly assume you cannot remember the exact number of times you committed a certain sin (unless it’s unforgettable, like murder or something), and that you’ve probably committed it many times.

Think of missing Sunday Mass, for instance. Once you leave the Church, it’s quite probable that you will no longer be fulfilling your Sunday obligation, but he’s not going to do the math or make you do it (let’s see, 52 Sundays, 6 holy days times 30 years…oh, wait, some of the holy days fell on Sundays - now what - who’s got a calendar?) He gets the picture without any calculations at all.

The same goes for many other sins. Say you had a two-year affair with someone who is not your spouse. Only God knows exactly how many mortal sins that entails, but “two-year affair” conveys enough information for confession.

The other thing is, unless you deliberately hid the number of times you sinned, you made a good confession. And what really matters more than anything is not enumerating the sins, but being truly sorry for them and resolving not to sin again.

Betsy
 
baltobetsy said:
In the case of someone returning after many years, the priest will correctly assume you cannot remember the exact number of times you committed a certain sin (unless it’s unforgettable, like murder or something), and that you’ve probably committed it many times.

Think of missing Sunday Mass, for instance. Once you leave the Church, it’s quite probable that you will no longer be fulfilling your Sunday obligation, but he’s not going to do the math or make you do it (let’s see, 52 Sundays, 6 holy days times 30 years…oh, wait, some of the holy days fell on Sundays - now what - who’s got a calendar?) He gets the picture without any calculations at all.

The same goes for many other sins. Say you had a two-year affair with someone who is not your spouse. Only God knows exactly how many mortal sins that entails, but “two-year affair” conveys enough information for confession.

The other thing is, unless you deliberately hid the number of times you sinned, you made a good confession. And what really matters more than anything is not enumerating the sins, but being truly sorry for them and resolving not to sin again.

Betsy
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This is some good advice. I wouldn’t be too worried about enumerating sins. I was away from the box for 17 years and told the priest that. So, that helps him guide his questions and feedback he is giving. I would say things “I fornicated a few times and missed mass frequently.” The important thing, I think, is saying in what ways have you sinned.

Your priest and God aren’t accountants, if you can rembember or give a ball park figure, that’s fine.
 
Tell ya what, I was never taught as a child that we need to confess mortal sins by number, and occasionally I still slip up and forget. Never been pulled up on it by a priest. 🤷 I’m sure it doesn’t invalidate the confession if you genuinely forget.

The main purpose of numbering your sins is so that the priest knows whether it’s an habitual or frequent sin or just a one-off event, really. And if you can’t exactly numerate you can just say how often - ‘daily’, ‘about twice a week’ or ‘about once a fortnight’.
 
LilyM said:
Tell ya what, I was never taught as a child that we need to confess mortal sins by number, and occasionally I still slip up and forget. Never been pulled up on it by a priest. 🤷 I’m sure it doesn’t invalidate the confession if you genuinely forget.

The main purpose of numbering your sins is so that the priest knows whether it’s an habitual or frequent sin or just a one-off event, really. And if you can’t exactly numerate you can just say how often - ‘daily’, ‘about twice a week’ or ‘about once a fortnight’.
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Thanks-- just wondering that, if by numbering sins they are then more"specifically" forgiven. If not, do they need to be “re-confessed” if you just never mentioned how many times and the priest never asked?..
 
coda said:
Thanks-- just wondering that, if by numbering sins they are then more"specifically" forgiven. If not, do they need to be “re-confessed” if you just never mentioned how many times and the priest never asked?..
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No they don’t need to be reconfessed, if you genuinely forget and the priest doesn’t ask it’s his bad, if it even is a bad, not yours. Perhaps he forgets too. 🤷
 
coda said:
Thanks-- just wondering that, if by numbering sins they are then more"specifically" forgiven. If not, do they need to be “re-confessed” if you just never mentioned how many times and the priest never asked?..
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Here is the thing. If you are honest and open and the priest does not ask, do not worry, they are all forgiven. If you try to obfuscate and block, trying to shift it off so that you avoid a sin or two, that is a problem.

Just be honest and open. If he doesn’t ask, it is ok. If he does, tell the truth, and the truth can be “Lots” or a “few times.”
 
My pastor used to tell the RCIA class that he wasn’t interested in whether they had done something 21 or 22 times. What he is trying to do is get an idea of how ingrained the sin is. Did you only do it once? or once a year? or five times a week? Just give him your best estimate of how much of grip this sin has on you.
 
I will give my first confession soon. Thank God I will be initiated at the Easter Vigil. Before that, however, I will be grateful to confess my sins. Let’s start with the 10 Commandments. Well, I have just about covered those. I literally have broken every one.

Should I take the poor Father’s time and give every story and bad description of every thing or should I just reveal that I have done a bad thing according to the 10 Commandments? I would not have a problem telling him the details,however, would he want to even hear it?
🤷
 
Sherri_Irvin said:
I will give my first confession soon. Thank God I will be initiated at the Easter Vigil. Before that, however, I will be grateful to confess my sins. Let’s start with the 10 Commandments. Well, I have just about covered those. I literally have broken every one.

Should I take the poor Father’s time and give every story and bad description of every thing or should I just reveal that I have done a bad thing according to the 10 Commandments? I would not have a problem telling him the details,however, would he want to even hear it?
🤷
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Hi, Sherri, and we’ll be so glad to welcome you to the Church soon!

No, Father doesn’t need every gory detail of every sin. But he does need to know what the actual sins are. You can say you broke the fifth commandment, for example, and it could mean many different things, from abortion to murder to hatred of someone.

You have to discover the right amount of detail. For example, it is not enough to say, “I broke the 6th commandment.” It is too much to say, “I met this great guy in a bar, and he reminded me of somebody I really liked in school, so when he asked if he could come home with me, what could I say? Of course I slept with him that night and several times a week until we broke up two months later because of his cheating,lying, drug dealing and drinking. And then the next guy I met at the library, and he was really cute and sweet, so we did it right there in the study area…” The right amount of detail might be something like, “I’ve had five serious boyfriends and slept with them all, each one for about a year.”

It’s important to limit your confession to your own sins, no matter how much the other persons involved also sinned. But the most important thing is your sorrow for the sins and your firm resolve not to commit them again. It’s all about repairing your love relationship with Jesus.

I hope you, like many here, find your first Confession to be a wonderful experience, and that you return soon, perhaps monthly, to receive those graces again and again.

Betsy
 
Bless you Betsy

I knew that was right. I just needed a good person to give me the will to do the right thing.

Thanks to you and thanks be to God.

I can’t wait to Easter Vigil!😃
 
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