Confession: How explicit?

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Arch_Stanton

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I haven’t been to confession in a long time. I’m afraid to go now because I’ve lead a pretty bad life and have done some disgusting things and don’t want to have to say what they are - they’re far too explicit.

I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to play with words too much; I’ve done that before and the result was leaving the confessional feeling . . . incomplete. Like I confessed without really saying what it was I did.

Have any of you felt the same and how did you overcome it? Suggestions? Thanks in advance.
 
Be as specific as you can. Chances are, the priest has heard it all before. Plus, it is much better for you if you are as specific as possible. Believe me, you will feel much better afterwards.
 
Arch_Stanton said:
I haven’t been to confession in a long time. I’m afraid to go now because I’ve lead a pretty bad life and have done some disgusting things and don’t want to have to say what they are - they’re far too explicit.

I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to play with words too much; I’ve done that before and the result was leaving the confessional feeling . . . incomplete. Like I confessed without really saying what it was I did.

Have any of you felt the same and how did you overcome it? Suggestions? Thanks in advance.
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Masturbation can be called a “solitar act of impurity” or “self abuse” among other things. “inappropriate relationship outside of my marriage” denotes an affair. Father will get the point. If he needs specifics, he will ask. Just be truthful. Yes, Just relax, He’s heard it all a million times. The sexual stuff is always the toughest to confess.
😉
 
You don’t have to give specific details. Just keep it general enough so that he has an idea. I’m usually done with the confessing the sins part in like less than a minute since I don’t go into detail.

Hah, in my old parish, I used to go to the Confessional that said “Spanish” because the priest wasn’t so harsh and I usually got out of there in two minutes.

When a new priest came to replace him, (just my luck, it was his first day) I spent 20 minutes in the Confessional!!! The shock of my life!! A really harsh priest who asked for every detail (and I thought he couldn’t hear my fast, mumbled words).
 
Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in Confession to reveal as He knows is needful. Trust Him within the Confessional to inspire what you share. I ask Him to make it so.
 
TLM08 said:
Based on your question, I detect a classic case of scrupulosity.
Check out this site. It might be right up your alley.

mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupulosity.htm
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  1. You shall not hesitate to look at any crucifix or at any statue in church or at home or anywhere else because you may get bad thoughts in your mind and imagination. If such thoughts occur, they carry no sin whatever.
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Q. The most horrible, impure thoughts come to my mind over and over again, especially at communion time. I have horrendous thoughts about Jesus. If I can’t get to confession first, I stay in my pew and do not go to communion because of these horrible thoughts. What should I do?
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That’s an interesting site. I found the above interesting. I never knew that looking at a Crucifix or statue could lead to impure thoughts for some people. That makes a strong case for the usage of icons.
 
TLM08 said:
Masturbation can be called a “solitar act of impurity” or “self abuse” among other things. “inappropriate relationship outside of my marriage” denotes an affair. Father will get the point. If he needs specifics, he will ask. Just be truthful. Yes, Just relax, He’s heard it all a million times. The sexual stuff is always the toughest to confess.
😉
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To the OP:
In case it is “sexual stuff,” you are also allowed just to say (for example), “I sinned against purity with myself.” Or if with a marriage partner, “I committed sexual acts with my spouse that were forbidden by the church.” If you’ve committed any sexual act with another outside of marriage, I personally wouldn’t get graphic, because all fornication & adultery is illicit – thus the particular sexual act (unless violent, such as rape, which would add an offense) is not so material. (I heard that on EWTN radio recently, too.)

It could be important to distinguish actual behavior from entertaining thoughts, – even though we know both are serious, the penance for, & advice against, one is something the priest may consider differently from the other.

Similarly, the use of pornography could be important to mention because you know that it’s first of all serious in itself, but more importantly leads to active & even habitual behaviors.

It’s always much more the context than the graphic aspects that is being looked for, so that spiritual advice can properly be given, even if not requested. And that goes for any sin & category of sin; it’s not voyeurism being sought, but perspective on the person’s state of mind, etc. If a person is immoderate in their drinking, and then getting physically abusive with others, the two could be very much related, & it would be then material for the priest to know that.
 
Elizabeth502 said:
“I committed sexual acts with my spouse that were forbidden by the church.”
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I really don’t understand this. The catachism speaks of the role sex plays in a marriage but I’ve never seen an official Church document that says “it is a sin if a married couple does this or that;” of course, I know that contraception in any form has been declared to be intrinsically evil. But what kind of sex acts between a married couple are “forbidden by the church” and where is there a citation for this?

Just for the record, I remember this coming up alot on the EWTN question site once; there wasn’t one unified answer among the lot.
 
JPUSC said:
Hah, in my old parish, I used to go to the Confessional that said “Spanish” because the priest wasn’t so harsh and I usually got out of there in two minutes.
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My parish priest is like your former spanish-speaking priest! I remember my first confession with him. I was very nervous confessing my mortal sins. After I was done, I just stood there expecting some harsh admonishing. But instead he just asks “Are you finished?” Me: “yes”. Priest: “Go pray 5 Hail Marys and offer your communion in today’s Mass for your family” (since it was one of those confessions that happen during mass on the side).

I walked away shocked at how “easy” it was. I laugh at it now when I think back and replay in my head: “Are you finished?” 🙂
 
Hi, Tim. Regarding your question in post #9,

You can find more explicit details about sexual boundaries within marriage on some of the CAF threads in the Moral Theology forum.
 
JPUSC said:
That’s an interesting site. I found the above interesting. I never knew that looking at a Crucifix or statue could lead to impure thoughts for some people. That makes a strong case for the usage of icons.
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The mind has a way of thinking about the very thing we fear the most. What can be more frightening than having impure thoughts about nuns, statues, The Blessed Virgin, and even… “you know who”… (I can’t even bring myself to type the words). Especially people who suffer from scrupulosity can suffer from the most blasphemous, impure thoughts during prayer.

Should we therefore avoid holy images? No! We should face the fear head on and realize that God knows about this too. He knows that these thoughts are unwanted. He is far more upset that there are people who never pray or go to Mass. He knows your heart and your struggle with unwanted thoughts. He loves us even with all of our defects!

Fr. Thomas Santa calls these unwanted thoughts “mosquitos in the mind”. These thoughts are in no way sinful and they are far more common than you might think. Fear of punishment and sin working in the back of our minds does this. What happens is that while looking at a crucifix our sins are brought forward in our mind.

It doesn’t take the brain long to attach this fear to our sins of impurity and the holy image. The careful person who is always on guard against sin… trying their best NOT to have an impure thought about Holy People and here we go! …that’s all it takes!

Suppose I offered you a million dollars to NOT think about carrots for the next 24 hours. What is the FIRST think you are going to think about? … uh… carrots! You might even start to obsess about them.

Good devout people have denied themselves Holy Communion for decades because they are too embarassed to bring this up in confession and they believe that they are in a state of mortal sin. Satan thinks this is extremely funny, This isn’t even a sin because the thoughts are unwanted.

People are really embarassed to admit that this happens to them, but it is far more common than you think.

:eek:
 
An example would be I committed adultery 6 times.
I used the lords name in vain 8 times.
I killed 3 people

THen if details are needed the priest will ask for them.

Thats what Father John Corapi says in his speeches.
 
kurtmasur said:
My parish priest is like your former spanish-speaking priest! I remember my first confession with him. I was very nervous confessing my mortal sins. After I was done, I just stood there expecting some harsh admonishing. But instead he just asks “Are you finished?” Me: “yes”. Priest: “Go pray 5 Hail Marys and offer your communion in today’s Mass for your family” (since it was one of those confessions that happen during mass on the side).

I walked away shocked at how “easy” it was. I laugh at it now when I think back and replay in my head: “Are you finished?” 🙂
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I think my priest used the same exact words! I think that’s how confession should be. The priest who came to replace him (who was also the new pastor) was a bit much. I used to go to Confession every week, but after that, probably a few times a year.

Good thing a Redemptorist priest told me last year that priests are wrong to scold people in the Confessional. Plus, the recent Church-approved apparitions of Our Lady of Laus had this to say:
  • She often encouraged the two priests who were assigned to the sanctuary to receive the pilgrims with gentleness, patience, and charity, treating the greatest sinners with particular kindness so as to encourage them to repent.
  • To priests, she revealed their indiscretion, their lack of prudence in their manner of questioning penitents, their neglectful behavior, their grudges.
TLM08 said:
The mind has a way of thinking about the very thing we fear the most. What can be more frightening than having impure thoughts about nuns, statues, The Blessed Virgin, and even… “you know who”… (I can’t even bring myself to type the words). Especially people who suffer from scrupulosity can suffer from the most blasphemous, impure thoughts during prayer.
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If this is this case, I pity the people who have to stare at Giovanni Bernini’s Ecstasy of St. Teresa during Mass. (For those who do not know what I’m talking about, google image “bernini teresa” and you’ll get what I mean. I don’t know if it’s proper to post an image here. 😊).
 
just say the commonly accepted English word that best and most accurately described the sinful act or omission.
I cheated on my taxes (for 5 years and am now facing prison, failed to report jury pay, how many times or how frequently)
I slept with a woman not my wife (once on a business trip, every week for 6 years, whatever it was)
I have been hiring illegal aliens in my factory for 20 years and paying them under the table.

not
I have committed sins of pride, impurity, and jealousy
(not specific enough)
 
JPUSC said:
If this is this case, I pity the people who have to stare at Giovanni Bernini’s Ecstasy of St. Teresa during Mass. (For those who do not know what I’m talking about, google image “bernini teresa” and you’ll get what I mean. I don’t know if it’s proper to post an image here. 😊).
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I just went and googled it. That’s kind of funny! But believe it or not, that image is far less likely to cause this type of unwanted thought because it does have the appearance of sensuality where the sight of our suffering savior does not. The impure thoughts I am talking about are driven by fear and loth for the unwanted thought itself.

It all gets back the “I’ll give you a million dollars NOT to think about carrots” idea. Does that make sense?
😉
 
TLM08 said:
I just went and googled it. That’s kind of funny! But believe it or not, that image is far less likely to cause this type of unwanted thought because it does have the appearance of sensuality where the sight of our suffering savior does not. The impure thoughts I am talking about are driven by fear and loth for the unwanted thought itself.

It all gets back the “I’ll give you a million dollars NOT to think about carrots” idea. Does that make sense?
😉
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I know, isn’t that hilarious! To think it’s in the sanctuary of an altar in Rome.

Yeah, I get your point, but still that statue is indeed a sight to behold, haha.
 
Any time I have ever had a doubt about how much detail I should go into, I ask the priest in the confessional.

After naming the sin and quantity in some situations I have asked if I need to give details. Usually, it’s along the lines of no, I get the idea. There have been times where he has asked a few clarifying questions.

It helps me in that I no longer have to wonder “should I have gone into more detail? Am I willfully hiding anything?”
 
TLM08 said:
The mind has a way of thinking about the very thing we fear the most. What can be more frightening than having impure thoughts about nuns, statues, The Blessed Virgin, and even… “you know who”… (I can’t even bring myself to type the words). Especially people who suffer from scrupulosity can suffer from the most blasphemous, impure thoughts during prayer.

Should we therefore avoid holy images? No! We should face the fear head on and realize that God knows about this too. He knows that these thoughts are unwanted. He is far more upset that there are people who never pray or go to Mass. He knows your heart and your struggle with unwanted thoughts. He loves us even with all of our defects!

Fr. Thomas Santa calls these unwanted thoughts “mosquitos in the mind”. These thoughts are in no way sinful and they are far more common than you might think. Fear of punishment and sin working in the back of our minds does this. What happens is that while looking at a crucifix our sins are brought forward in our mind.

It doesn’t take the brain long to attach this fear to our sins of impurity and the holy image. The careful person who is always on guard against sin… trying their best NOT to have an impure thought about Holy People and here we go! …that’s all it takes!

Suppose I offered you a million dollars to NOT think about carrots for the next 24 hours. What is the FIRST think you are going to think about? … uh… carrots! You might even start to obsess about them.

Good devout people have denied themselves Holy Communion for decades because they are too embarassed to bring this up in confession and they believe that they are in a state of mortal sin. Satan thinks this is extremely funny, This isn’t even a sin because the thoughts are unwanted.

People are really embarassed to admit that this happens to them, but it is far more common than you think.

:eek:
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Thank you for this. Been there, done that. Often while I’m kneeling at Daily Mass. Good to know that I’m not the only one!
 
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