Confession - How to and should I?

[McSinsalot]

Hello,

I’m new here. Sorry if this is long winded.

I attend a non-religious men’s group and I recently brought up an issue I’ve been struggling with for over 20 years. One of the guys suggested I go to confession. The problem is, is that I’ve never gone to confession and I don’t really understand it or even how to do it for that matter. But the thought of being forgiven for this sounds amazing.

During my Communion we did the type of confession done in a special mass. It’s been 20 years since so I forget the term. Reconciliation Mass?

A little back story. I pray daily - just to God and thank him for all the blessings he’s given me and my family and to make my requests. One of the problems I’m facing is that I’m not sure what I believe. And I realize I’m not the only one who has ever questioned the existence of God, but I wonder how much of a hypocrite I am asking for forgiveness if I’m not 100% in my beliefs.

Then there’s the matter of not understanding what is a sin and the 2 types of sins. In my current situation I am unmarried and have a child with my partner of 15 plus years. We’re very much husband and wife in all aspects outside the church. She’s not open to religion at all. It’s a long story but the gist of it is that her mom suffered a terrible illness and she questions why God would punish her like that.

Getting back to my sins… I know the Catholic Church is against premarital sex and I honestly don’t see my personal life changing. So if I go to confession and tell Father this, I’m supposed to stop doing this, right? In other words, if I don’t see it as a sin but the church does…?

I’m pretty scatterbrained right now. I really only want forgiveness or closure on one of the bigger sins of my teenage past - something my therapist and I have discussed but I can’t let go. But I know if I go to confession I have to confess all my sins, of which, some I don’t recall or feel are sinful.

Should I go to confession or continue my life as it is? Talk to a Priest face to face before I confess and let him know all the things I’ve just written?

Thank you

 

[Amen118]

Hello! I have many thoughts on this as I have been so closely in those shoes, but it was 4 years ago now. The fact that you even came here is a step, that you show gratitude, that’s a step, and with every step of faith you make you move closer to God, but with sin we cut him out of our hearts. Or close them a bit maybe? Not sure how to put it in to words. But for me I had to first make the steps to heal the deepest of wounds from the biggest of deep sins which is such a hard step to take. It took a long time for me to get to confession because like you, there were things I wasn’t ready or willing to change. Eventually I did get to confession, and let me just say that it’s such a beautiful thing. But it took me working with a spiritual director for a while and truly uncovering what I believed and didn’t, what the rules were and why, there was so much I didn’t know yet so I didn’t even feel educated enough to know what I believed - if that makes sense? It sounds like you have started talking and thinking about it. The best advice anyone ever gave me when I was at that point was to ask God to guide me, to take the wheel. Ask him to show you his will in this, what are your next steps to be. Maybe it will lead you to talk to a priest or pastor or member of a church who can help further.