Confession If I'm Not "Repentant"

[joshman1]

I have a question about confession. Say I commit a mortal sin regularly, like ABC or premarital sex- am I absolved of my sins if I confess knowing that I’ll probably do them again(namely because I don’t see why they are wrong personally, but I defer to the Church?)

In all honestly, I will never feel sorry “inside” for these sins. I hear people on these forums claim that they regret losing their virginities before marriage, and write how such sins are excruciatingly painful to them. I on the other hand, do not feel any of this. However, in deferring to the Church am I absolved?

 

[Trishie]

“Deferring to the Church” is inadequate. You must have a firm intention to not commit these sins again or your Confession isn’t valid.

Can. 987 *In order that the faithful may receive the saving remedy of the sacrament of penance, they must be so disposed that, repudiating the sins they have committed and having the purpose of amending their lives, they turn back to God.

From the catechism of the Catholic Church

*Contrition
1451 Among the penitent’s acts contrition occupies first place. Contrition is "sorrow of the soul and detestation for the sin committed, together with the resolution not to sin again."50
1452 When it arises from a love by which God is loved above all else, contrition is called “perfect” (contrition of charity). Such contrition remits venial sins; it also obtains forgiveness of mortal sins if it includes the firm resolution to have recourse to sacramental confession as soon as possible.51
1453 The contrition called “imperfect” (or “attrition”) is also a gift of God, a prompting of the Holy Spirit. It is born of the consideration of sin’s ugliness or the fear of eternal damnation and the other penalties threatening the sinner (contrition of fear). Such a stirring of conscience can initiate an interior process which, under the prompting of grace, will be brought to completion by sacramental absolution. By itself however, imperfect contrition cannot obtain the forgiveness of grave sins, but it disposes one to obtain forgiveness in the sacrament of Penance.52

 

[Trishie]

Just going through the motions doesn’t fool God and brings about no conversion within you. Confession isn’t a mere formality or a free card to sin again. We aren’t fooling God and we are only fooling ourselves if we treat Confession as such.

vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p2s2c2a4.htm

1431 Interior repentance is a radical reorientation of our whole life, a return, a conversion to God with all our heart, an end of sin, a turning away from evil, with repugnance toward the evil actions we have committed. At the same time it entails the desire and resolution to change one’s life, with hope in God’s mercy and trust in the help of his grace. This conversion of heart is accompanied by a salutary pain and sadness which the Fathers called animi cruciatus (affliction of spirit) and compunctio cordis (repentance of heart).24

1432 The human heart is heavy and hardened. God must give man a new heart.25 Conversion is first of all a work of the grace of God who makes our hearts return to him: "Restore us to thyself, O LORD, that we may be restored!"26 God gives us the strength to begin anew. It is in discovering the greatness of God’s love that our heart is shaken by the horror and weight of sin and begins to fear offending God by sin and being separated from him. The human heart is converted by looking upon him whom our sins have pierced:27

**Code of Canon Law **

“Canon 959: In the sacrament of penance the faithful who **confess their sins to a legitimate minister, are sorry for them, and intend to reform themselves **obtain from God through the absolution imparted by the same minister forgiveness for the sins they have committed after baptism and, at the same, time are reconciled with the Church which they have wounded by sinning.” (Code of Canon Law, 1983)

 

[Khalid]

Without contrition, you are not absolved, and, in continuing to commit, knowingly, mortal sins, place your soul in the rank of unrepentant mortal sinners: elaboration on the spiritual or eternal fate of unrepentant mortal sin is unnecessary.

Temporally, you are unable to receive the Sacrament of Holy Communion at the minimum, and I believe are also excluded from other Sacraments.

Why the specific things you mentioned are wrong is obvious, even without the Church’s authority, but blind obedience when thou wast not contrite doth not forgiveness make.

This is my understanding, and I believe it is the Church’s.

 

[odhiambo]

I have a question about confession. Say I commit a mortal sin regularly, like ABC or premarital sex- am I absolved of my sins if I confess knowing that I’ll probably do them again(namely because I don’t see why they are wrong personally, but I defer to the Church?)

In all honestly, I will never feel sorry “inside” for these sins. I hear people on these forums claim that they regret losing their virginities before marriage, and write how such sins are excruciatingly painful to them. I on the other hand, do not feel any of this. However, in deferring to the Church am I absolved?

It does not really make any sense to go to confession when:
1: You do not believe that what you are doing is wrong.
2. You are not sorry for them.
3: You are sure to do it again.
The Sacrament of Penance is there to help those who have sinned and accept the fact that they have indeed sinned and broken a commandment of God. They are sorry for that sin and are asking God for forgiveness. And most importantly, they promise and ask God’s help not to repeat the sin. If we repeat it, we go back to Him in Confession and ask for forgiveness, as many times as it takes, so long as there is genuine sorry and a will to turn away from that sin. Sooner or later, it does happen. We are freed from recurrent sins.
In the absence of one or all of these conditions, I am afraid your confession cannot be valid. If you told the priest how you feel, I doubt he would absolve you.

 

[thistle]

I have a question about confession. Say I commit a mortal sin regularly, like ABC or premarital sex- am I absolved of my sins if I confess knowing that I’ll probably do them again(namely because I don’t see why they are wrong personally, but I defer to the Church?)

In all honestly, I will never feel sorry “inside” for these sins. I hear people on these forums claim that they regret losing their virginities before marriage, and write how such sins are excruciatingly painful to them. I on the other hand, do not feel any of this. However, in deferring to the Church am I absolved?

If you are not truly repentant then your sins are not forgiven. Your Confession and Absolution would not be valid.
You might be able to fool the priest at Confession but you can’t fool God.

 

[LemonAndLime]

It does not really make any sense to go to confession when:
1: You do not believe that what you are doing is wrong.
2. You are not sorry for them.
3: You are sure to do it again.
The Sacrament of Penance is there to help those who have sinned and accept the fact that they have indeed sinned and broken a commandment of God. They are sorry for that sin and are asking God for forgiveness. And most importantly, they promise and ask God’s help not to repeat the sin. If we repeat it, we go back to Him in Confession and ask for forgiveness, as many times as it takes, so long as there is genuine sorry and a will to turn away from that sin. Sooner or later, it does happen. We are freed from recurrent sins.
In the absence of one or all of these conditions, I am afraid your confession cannot be valid. If you told the priest how you feel, I doubt he would absolve you.

So does that mean there is no point in going to confession? In the poster’s scenario.

 

[PerfectTiming]

I have a question about confession. Say I commit a mortal sin regularly, like ABC or premarital sex- am I absolved of my sins if I confess knowing that I’ll probably do them again(namely because I don’t see why they are wrong personally, but I defer to the Church?)

In all honestly, I will never feel sorry “inside” for these sins. I hear people on these forums claim that they regret losing their virginities before marriage, and write how such sins are excruciatingly painful to them. I on the other hand, do not feel any of this. However, in deferring to the Church am I absolved?

You need to look more deeply in why you don’t think those things are sins and what the Church has to say. You also have to think; do you believe the Church teaches God’s law, do you wish to follow God’s law? I never used to really agree with some things but I just ‘went along’ with the Church teaching but when I really looked into it I found that the Church had truth. It’s not about you, to put it bluntly. Who are you to decide what is right or wrong when we have the word of God telling us what is so?

 

[lauraabarlow]

I hate to be so blunt but why go to confession if you are not sorry for your sins? God knows your heart and intentions-I go to confession, too with sins I struggle with knowing that I will probably slip up again yet I want to overcome the sin problem. I hate it and struggle with overcoming it. When one goes to confession with no remorse, it’s as if that person is making a mockery of this precious sacrament. Not good at all, why not just make an appointment with your priest to discuss this, instead of wasting the priest’s time in confession over something you are not sorry for or not see it as a sin? I think by making an appointment with the priest, you may perhaps then see how what you perceive to not be sins actually is and maybe then can do something about it. Me? Sometimes I don’t feel remorse at first, either yet know in my heart that I shouldn’t do it and my intention is to overcome the sin-that I guess is imperfect contrition-yet there is some measure of remorse-you know? Only God knows your heart-the end question you need to ask yourself is do you want to make it to heaven or not? No one is promised tomorrow-you need to think about that.:tsktsk::heaven:

 

[EmeraldWings]

(Post 1 of 2)

I have a question about confession. Say I commit a mortal sin regularly, like ABC or premarital sex- am I absolved of my sins if I confess knowing that I’ll probably do them again(namely because I don’t see why they are wrong personally, but I defer to the Church?)

In all honestly, I will never feel sorry “inside” for these sins. I hear people on these forums claim that they regret losing their virginities before marriage, and write how such sins are excruciatingly painful to them. I on the other hand, do not feel any of this. However, in deferring to the Church am I absolved?

you already got your answer from the other posters, but regarding “why they are wrong” i will tell you as simply as i can.

first of all, because it is not yours to take, God gave this gift of intercourse for the married, for those who are “one flesh”, and who are in union not just with each other, but with God, because marriage is really between 3, and the marriage act takes 3, husband, wife, and God, to create body *and *soul, and when you take it for yourself that way, you are separating the pleasure from the purpose,
the Catholic church teaches that the only ones who may have sex are “husband and wife, who are validly married to each other, and only in the natural manner, with their proper marriage partner, and only in a manner that leaves open the conception of a child.”
you have to consider here what harm you could be doing by committing this act outside of marriage, to yourself and others,
first to yourself - you are giving into lust, which is “An inordinate desire for or enjoyment of sexual pleasure. The desires or acts are inordinate when they do not confirm to the divinely ordained purpose of sexual pleasure, which is to foster the mutual love of husband and wife and, according to the dispositions of providence, to procreate and educate their children.”, and the reason that is so bad is, because it enslaves you to the flesh, and makes you turn away from God,
it can’t be helped, if you give yourself to lustful desires, you turn away from God whether you want to or not, “No man can serve two masters. For either he will hate the one, and love the other: or he will sustain the one, and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.” Matthew 6:24
you will either hate lust and love God, or love God and hate lust, you cannot do both.

and then what it does to others is, it drags them into hell with you…do you think that you are only risking your own soul? you cannot commit this act outside of marriage without hurting others, most of all by them losing their sanctifying grace, and also by corrupting them in mind, heart, and body,
and despite whether they were okay with that or not, you cannot say that you really love them and yet let them go to hell, love does what is best for the one loved, not what is merely desired or asked,
and that should give you an idea of why God commands us not to take part in the sexual pleasures(mind, heart, or body) outside of marriage, because, since He loves us perfectly, He does what is best for us for our own good, and not merely what we want or desire, since we are so inclined towards evil by our weak human nature, and clearly we don’t know what is best for us, either body or soul, and if you want to know how this can possibly be bad for us in mind, heart, and body, i will tell you,

first in mind, to become attached to these carnal pleasures and to dwell on them makes us perverted, you find yourself, inevitably, thinking of sex at every turn, whether you want to or not, and seeing others as objects of lust rather than of love,
secondly, in your heart, you find yourself always craving the things of the flesh, rather than God and the things of God, and you desire to use others, rather than to do good for them(or what is best for them),
and then thirdly of body, you are a temple of the Holy Ghost, but by this sin you desecrate that temple, and degrade yourself, and lower the dignity of your body to that of an animal. and by having sex outside of marriage, you commit an act of hate on yourself, and the one you are committing it with, and also on God.
and although by this sin we have hurt Jesus, but the reason God has forbidden it is not because it hurts Him, but because it hurts us, all sin is forbidden because of what it does to us, not God, it is for our own good, and by that alone we should see Gods great love for us, that He would forbid even the smallest sin, risking us hating Him and being angry with Him, not thinking of Himself but of us.
and if you wish to see why this sin is so bad, the best thing you can do is learn to love God, and grow in that love, which will both guide you to a true knowledge of good and evil, and motivate you not to commit those evils which so greatly offend the God you love.
**
(continued in next post)**

 

[EmeraldWings]

(Post 2 of 2)

but do you really think that enjoying the pleasures of the flesh is going to make you happy? Don’t be fooled my friend, sex doesn’t even hold marriages together, which we can see by the great number of divorce in our country, which is of more than half of marriages,
sex brings pleasure, but not joy or happiness, it is love that makes us happy, it is love that holds a marriage together, and it is love makes that intimate union of husband and wife more than just a carnal pleasure,

think of it this way, why would God make the most enjoyable thing on earth something reserved for marriage alone and a sin outside of marriage? the answer is, He didn’t!, that is not the most enjoyable thing on earth, people might regard it as such simply because it is so easy to attain, but there are far greater enjoyments in life,
sex is only satisfying for a short time, and then you are left craving more, and it torments you until you get it(when it’s with lust and without love)
but there is one thing that can satisfy you fully, and leave you content and at peace, and that one thing is God,
the carnal pleasures are enjoyable, God made them to be so that we would procreate, just as he made food enjoyable so that we would eat, but the body is only one source of pleasure, and it is the lesser one, and is always subject to rebelling against us by inordinately demanding those pleasures of the flesh, by which we are enslaved…but the other source of pleasure and delight, is the soul, which is far above those of the body, so much so that nothing could be compared to it, and the soul, unlike the body, does not rebel against us, does not enslave us, does not tempt us, and it’s capacity for love and joy and peace and enjoyment are unending, it grows and grows as much as we open our hearts to God…but for an excellent understanding of how to obtain that kind of love of peace and joy, read the writings of Saint John of the cross,

you are seeking satisfaction, happiness, peace, joy…and you are looking for it in what you know, you know sex and you know it’s enjoyable, but you do not know God, and so you are seeking only that which you know…

but take into consideration what God has gone through because of this sin, first of all, He gave sex as a gift to husband and wife for a show of mutual love and for the procreation and education of children, but what have we done with this gift?, we’ve taken it, stolen it for our own selfish gain, used it outside of marriage in the most degrading and shameful ways, stripped it of it’s beauty, and crucified Our Lord by it!
you might want to enjoy those pleasures outside of marriage, but think of what you would be doing if you did, your enjoyment would be Jesus’ pain, while you are enjoying those things, Jesus is suffering cruel tortures, scourges, beatings, mental anguish, and those pains are beyond anything anyone has ever felt, because He loves you so much, and while you are committing the sin, Jesus is begging pardon for it,
would you ever, while someone is beating you, say to them at that moment, “I love you, i forgive you”?
it would take great love indeed, but that is what Jesus does for you,
and i know those are hard things to think about, but you have to think about it, that is the reality of your sins, although it is much worse than that even,

don’t risk losing your life for the sake of enjoying it, it may be hard right now, but when you die and go to meet Jesus face to face for the first time, you have no idea what great joy it will bring you to go before Him without the stain of this sin on your soul, which is a sin greatly displeasing and repulsive to Him.
in heaven, you will be regarded as a hero for having fought this sin,
but…if you give into this sin, what will it get you?..a momentary pleasure, and then regret and guilt, and you will have to answer for it either in this life or in the next…
it is a passing thing, and you need to realize that, it won’t help you, it will only hurt you.

well, i’ve made this very long, which i originally didn’t mean to, so i hope you don’t mind, but for some far better reading on this subject, which will help you understand more than anything i have said, read just these 2 things -
gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=13047641
gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=13047835

and also, check out the sermons on here on lust and chastity -
audiosancto.org/

alright, so i hope this helps, take care.

(and here are some saint quotes you might find inspiring)

‘Prayer, pious reading, the frequentation of the sacraments, and, especially, the shunning of idleness, are the guardians of holy purity.’ St. Paul of the Cross

‘To conquer himself is the greatest victory that man can gain.’ - St. Ignatius of Loyola

‘Until you have eradicated evil, do not obey your heart; for it will seek more of what it already contains within itself.’ St. Mark the Ascetic

‘Cling to God, and leave all the rest to Him: He will not let you perish. Your soul is very dear to Him, He wishes to save it.’ St. Margaret Mary Alacoque

‘O my Saviour, who am I, that Thou shouldst have so long awaited my repentance!’
St. Margaret Mary Alacoque

‘The beginning of evil is heedlessness.’ St. Poemen

‘What is it that renders death terrible? Sin. We must therefore fear sin, not death.’
St. Alphonsus Maria de Liguori

‘For because sentence is not speedily pronounced against the evil, the children of men commit evils without any fear.’ Ecclesiastes 8:11

 

[SMHW]

I have a question about confession. Say I commit a mortal sin regularly, like ABC or premarital sex- am I absolved of my sins if I confess knowing that I’ll probably do them again(namely because I don’t see why they are wrong personally, but I defer to the Church?)

In all honestly, I will never feel sorry “inside” for these sins. I hear people on these forums claim that they regret losing their virginities before marriage, and write how such sins are excruciatingly painful to them. I on the other hand, do not feel any of this. However, in deferring to the Church am I absolved?

“Feeling” sorry for sins or understanding why they are wrong is not a requirement for absolution.

If by 'deferring to the Church" you mean that you accept that the Church has greater wisdom about what is sinful ***and ***for that reason you intend to repent and will attempt to avoid this sin in the future then you have the necessary contrition.

It is one thing to realize that you will have great difficulty avoiding a certain kind of sin and that failure in the future is likely. It is another thing to have no intention to even try to avoid a sin in the future.

Feeling sorrow *can *make it easier to reform.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

The other part of all this is that if you are continuing to commit these sins, you should also not be receiving communion. You are still obligated to attend Mass, but you shouldn’t receive.

Make an honest effort to understand the church’s teachings and apply them in your life. “Deferring” to church teachings doesn’t doyou any good if that deferring doesn’t include applying.

 

[Khalid]

think of it this way, why would God make the most enjoyable thing on earth something reserved for marriage alone and a sin outside of marriage? the answer is, He didn’t!, that is not the most enjoyable thing on earth, people might regard it as such simply because it is so easy to attain, but there are far greater enjoyments in life

E’en in the Realm Carnal, greater Pleasures are there to be found; within the Law and outside it’s bounds: 'tis the Abuse of Drugs that I expound; wheretofore make the sex act pale in compare, and return it from whence it came, to its rightful place;

Yet all of these are dying candles to the sun of the Most Holy Name, and God’s Holy Face, which avert from thee Satan’s glare.

---

**I am not a Priest or Deacon, so take whatever I say with a grain of salt, or with Clerical confirmation.
**
Sex isn’t even one of the best carnal pleasures, and even the best carnal pleasures pale in comparison to pleasure spiritual.

As mentioned, “Sex doesn’t hold marriage together,” it is true, as I am married, and have a better, dare I say so, marriage than most other married individuals of similar age that I know, and I have intimate relations, 4 or 6 times per annum? I can’t count - not because of excess, either.

And I don’t believe I’m that much older than you - I’m in the early part of my third decade of life. (In other words, a “twenty-something”). If one wants to try to point to a cause, me and my wife are both decently religious, and quite erudite (and, as a balancing factor, I am paranoid beyond the comprehension of all mortal ken) - I do not know whether it is the love of knowledge and wisdom (philosophy in the purest sense) or love of God that makes things as they are, but would say it is a combination, as God’s love and infinite wisdom is what gave me a love for God, and love for wisdom.

Sex is of very little importance for the ultimate pleasure and satisfaction of man, and, at best, is a several-second fleeting indulgence from the world.

I advise you to prayerful reading of the Scriptures of the New Covenant, especially the Epistles of Paul to Thessaloniki, meditation, and the Jesus prayer: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, the sinner.

 

[ClayPots47]

Everybody else pretty much covered everything else. What I have to ask you, is are you relying on feelings to determine sorrow? Repentance is an act of the will, and feelings aren’t always felt. Or are you having trouble developing a sense of sorrow and true repentance, but you go through the motions of the sacrament because the Church requires you to? You are in a very dangerous place, if you are incapable of being repentant, and resolving to not repeat your sins (even though due to habit and/or other factors, you might). Padre Pio could read hearts, and he refused to absolve unrepentant sinners in his confessional. You really need to develop a sense of sorrow over sin, and be penitent. Many saints found that meditation on Our Lord’s Most Holy Passion, was an excellent means of developing a true spirit of repentance for sin. I would highly recommend that, plus reading the Penitential Psalms as well. David gives an excellent example of a penitential spirit in those psalms. If these aren’t sufficient, then you may need to seek counseling from a priest. For the sacrament to be valid, you must at least have imperfect contrition; such as fear of Hell.

 

[Khalid]

So does that mean there is no point in going to confession? In the poster’s scenario.

It is my understanding that receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation/Penance is actually a sin if one is not penitent. I’m not sure if it’s a mortal sin, but it seems like it would be, as it is rude and demeaning to the nature of the Sacrament, much like someone who is in constant mortal sin and who has not done Penance receiving the Holy Communion, which compounds the sin by adding another.

 

[laszlo]

This is a serious problem, which cannot be resolved by quoting legalistic statements.

The reason for the exodus form the Church in the late sixties was the requirement against the contraception under the pain of mortal sin, and not the new form of the Mass.

Until the 20th Century the requirement that no sperm should be wasted meant the survival of the humanity, due to the high infant and childbirth mortality. Both problem was resolved, and it turned over that neither the individual families nor the humanity as community can afford the previous 10 childbirth for a woman. Also it is evident that in a sexually overcharged world requirement for the total chastity outside of the marriage is too strict standard.

Naturally the decision belongs to the Church, but he resolution could not be that the majority leaves the Church in the most important age, when families raise the new generation.

The probably resolution is that if someone humbles himself, and confesses his/her sins at least once a month, that is enough for repentance, even is one know that he will sin again. God does not wants impossible.

Meanwhile we should pray for the Church, that the emphasis be on the positive side: three or more children in a Catholic family, and not on the prohibition.

 

[Soldier_Of_God]

Reconciliation is not about removing the sins. It’s about affirming our relationship with God and understanding what we have done disconnects the relationship. To reinforce what has been said by some, there are three things required of the penitent, which are as follows:

1. 
   *]The penitent must make an act of contrition (to be fully sorry for the sin committed) and to firmly resolve not to sin again.
   *]The penitent must confess sins to a priest.
   *]The penitent must make satisfaction for the sins.
   
   There are three things that the penitent must do for reconciliation with the Lord.

 

[laszlo]

Reconciliation is not about removing the sins. It’s about affirming our relationship with God and understanding what we have done disconnects the relationship. To reinforce what has been said by some, there are three things required of the penitent, which are as follows:

1. 
   *]The penitent must make an act of contrition (to be fully sorry for the sin committed) and to firmly resolve not to sin again.
   *]The penitent must confess sins to a priest.
   *]The penitent must make satisfaction for the sins.
   
   There are three things that the penitent must do for reconciliation with the Lord.

1. 
   The problem is what the word ‘resolve’ means
   
   The Mariam Webster does not gives answer.
   
   merriam-webster.com/dictionary/resolve
   
   The Latin is ‘firmiter propono’ with meaning of promise, intend firmly.
   
   In practice: should you break up with your girlfriend/boyfriend if you sinned with her/him? Should you flash the pills and the prescription for them?
   
   Somehow the passage haunts me:
   
   Matthew 23:13 But woe to you scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites; because you shut the kingdom of heaven against men, for you yourselves do not enter in; and those that are going in, you suffer not to enter.

 

[Soldier_Of_God]

The problem is what the word ‘resolve’ means

In the context of my answer, to make a conscious effort to avoid sin.