Confession left me sad today

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whatevergirl

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Today, I went to Confession with a co-worker, at lunchtime, as I have to take my daughter up to softball practice during my parish’s Confession hours, tonight. I went to an entirely different church, and was a little disappointed with the experience. I have been going every few weeks to Confession, and have always had an enlightening experience from it. I didn’t have mortal sins to confess today, so I’m not sure if the priest was bored? 😦 It was a face to face confession, and he just literally sat there, staring at me, with an expressionless look on his face. Said nothing, just kept nodding his head. I asked him a question about a current work situation, and his answer was, “God washes feet.” Ok, I understand that message, and it’s particularly timely for Holy week, but he said nothing else; and quite frankly, I felt rushed. So, I said my act of contrition, and he told me to say one Our Father. All with no expression on his face.

So, I leave the Confessional booth, and go to pray in front of the altar. When I was through, my friend and I discussed that we thought he wasn’t very…compassionate. I said his reply to my question was, ‘God washes feet,’ and she said he said the very same thing, with nothing else afterwards, to her, as well! We just left with a feeling like, “was this man listening to us whatsoever?” It really felt like he was just going through the motions, as part of his vocation. sigh

I feel we are in desperate need of more vibrant, compassionate priests. When these older priests retire, I wonder what the state of the priesthood (nationally) will look like?

I am grateful for this Sacrament, but I almost feel like I need to go to another church this week, because he really left me with a cold feeling—like he truly could care less what I was saying.

Just feeling kinda sad about it—thanks for listening.
WG
 
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whatevergirl:
Today, I went to Confession with a co-worker, at lunchtime, as I have to take my daughter up to softball practice during my parish’s Confession hours, tonight. I went to an entirely different church, and was a little disappointed with the experience. I have been going every few weeks to Confession, and have always had an enlightening experience from it. I didn’t have mortal sins to confess today, so I’m not sure if the priest was bored? 😦 It was a face to face confession, and he just literally sat there, staring at me, with an expressionless look on his face. Said nothing, just kept nodding his head. I asked him a question about a current work situation, and his answer was, “God washes feet.” Ok, I understand that message, and it’s particularly timely for Holy week, but he said nothing else; and quite frankly, I felt rushed. So, I said my act of contrition, and he told me to say one Our Father. All with no expression on his face.

So, I leave the Confessional booth, and go to pray in front of the altar. When I was through, my friend and I discussed that we thought he wasn’t very…compassionate. I said his reply to my question was, ‘God washes feet,’ and she said he said the very same thing, with nothing else afterwards, to her, as well! We just left with a feeling like, “was this man listening to us whatsoever?” It really felt like he was just going through the motions, as part of his vocation. sigh

I feel we are in desperate need of more vibrant, compassionate priests. When these older priests retire, I wonder what the state of the priesthood (nationally) will look like?

I am grateful for this Sacrament, but I almost feel like I need to go to another church this week, because he really left me with a cold feeling—like he truly could care less what I was saying.

Just feeling kinda sad about it—thanks for listening.
WG
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God bless you. Maybe this whole experience was for some greater plan of God - in your life or in the priest’s life? In any event you know you were forgiven.
Remember priests get tired, too. They are human. Who knows what he was dealing with? Say a prayer for him. It sounds like he might need it.
Pax te cum
 
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whatevergirl:
Today, I went to Confession with a co-worker, at lunchtime, as I have to take my daughter up to softball practice during my parish’s Confession hours, tonight. I went to an entirely different church, and was a little disappointed with the experience. I have been going every few weeks to Confession, and have always had an enlightening experience from it. I didn’t have mortal sins to confess today, so I’m not sure if the priest was bored? 😦 It was a face to face confession, and he just literally sat there, staring at me, with an expressionless look on his face. Said nothing, just kept nodding his head. I asked him a question about a current work situation, and his answer was, “God washes feet.” Ok, I understand that message, and it’s particularly timely for Holy week, but he said nothing else; and quite frankly, I felt rushed. So, I said my act of contrition, and he told me to say one Our Father. All with no expression on his face.

So, I leave the Confessional booth, and go to pray in front of the altar. When I was through, my friend and I discussed that we thought he wasn’t very…compassionate. I said his reply to my question was, ‘God washes feet,’ and she said he said the very same thing, with nothing else afterwards, to her, as well! We just left with a feeling like, “was this man listening to us whatsoever?” It really felt like he was just going through the motions, as part of his vocation. sigh

I feel we are in desperate need of more vibrant, compassionate priests. When these older priests retire, I wonder what the state of the priesthood (nationally) will look like?

I am grateful for this Sacrament, but I almost feel like I need to go to another church this week, because he really left me with a cold feeling—like he truly could care less what I was saying.

Just feeling kinda sad about it—thanks for listening.
WG
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I’m going to confession tonight I don’t think I will get that type of priest. The priest I have actually takes a notebook or something in while he listens to your sins and then reflects back on them for you to explain them fully. He is very long winded and people actually leave his line because he is very long with each person. I actually like a priest who takes interest in you even when they really don’t know you.
 
Maureen Fiore:
The priest I have actually takes a notebook or something in while he listens to your sins and then reflects back on them for you to explain them fully. He is very long winded and people actually leave his line because he is very long with each person. I actually like a priest who takes interest in you even when they really don’t know you.
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Yes! I went to Confession last Thursday and the new associate pastor counseled each and every person in the confessional. It was wonderful to have him use an example from the Bible that related to my particular sin. We are lucky to have three priests and the occasional vacationing priest who adds his own “style”, and they appear at our parish often enough that they’re like family.

As for the op, that’s just too bad, because when we are feeling vulnerable and do not receive the warm, forgiving pastor, we are easily hurt. It’s happened to me on different occasions, but fortunately never in the Confessional. Don’t worry, we all have our good and bad days.
 
I like the priest at my parish, but like I said, I wanted to make it to Confession at lunchtime, as I wouldn’t be able to tonight with my daughter’s plans…so…

I think what I felt was…does he care what I’m saying, or am I another body sitting before him? I don’t expect him to spend an hour with me, but to say the same thing to my coworker as well, left me cold.

Oh well…glad I like my parish! But, he’s not to be judged…and I will just let it go as perhaps he was tired. (or maybe I am??) hmmmmmm 😃
 
Find a different priest. Not all priests are good confessors. Pray that God will lead you to a good confessor.
 
A strong confessor is a very good priest to have. And also remember the Sacrament is not for your emotional well being, it is for the life of your soul.

God Bless You.
 
I read an article not very long ago about a divergence of expectations on Confession. Some people are beginning to have expectations that Confession during regular scheduled hours are to include spiritual direction. But because of the shortage of Priests, the blessing that more people are returning and using Confession more often (not to mention that demands in all areas during this time fo the year on our limited Priests is especially taxing), and limited time that Confession is scheduled, the faithful in need of spiritual direction should schedule appointments for such direction and try to use confession for a listing of primarily their sins that are potentially grave.

Just something for those who use Confession throughout the year to think about. During Lent, just get in and out out of courtesy for the Priest and those behind you in line. During other times of the year when both the line and Priest are less taxed, you can be a little more expansive or schedule spiritual direction.
 
I don’t think I’d be bothered at all if a priest was less than emotional or talkative during my confession… I might even feel slightly less anxious about the experence. I guess maybe it’s like doctors… some people prefer a doctor that shows more concern and empathy toward them, more of an emotional connection, and some prefer a more ‘clinical’ attitude, “Hmmm, redness, irritation… ointment, two weeks!”
 
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RPConover:
I don’t think I’d be bothered at all if a priest was less than emotional or talkative during my confession… I might even feel slightly less anxious about the experence. I guess maybe it’s like doctors… some people prefer a doctor that shows more concern and empathy toward them, more of an emotional connection, and some prefer a more ‘clinical’ attitude, “Hmmm, redness, irritation… ointment, two weeks!”
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LOL 😃
 
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Orionthehunter:
I read an article not very long ago about a divergence of expectations on Confession. Some people are beginning to have expectations that Confession during regular scheduled hours are to include spiritual direction. But because of the shortage of Priests, the blessing that more people are returning and using Confession more often (not to mention that demands in all areas during this time fo the year on our limited Priests is especially taxing), and limited time that Confession is scheduled, the faithful in need of spiritual direction should schedule appointments for such direction and try to use confession for a listing of primarily their sins that are potentially grave.

Just something for those who use Confession throughout the year to think about. During Lent, just get in and out out of courtesy for the Priest and those behind you in line. During other times of the year when both the line and Priest are less taxed, you can be a little more expansive or schedule spiritual direction.
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The expectation that I think is ‘fair’ to expect, is that he’s listening…LOL He just blankly stared at me which was kind of…I dunno…I didn’t feel it was rude, per se…just odd. The other thing I realized after posting this, was that I typically don’t see my priest’s face – so this was my first time having an ‘open’ confessional. Maybe the other priest is blankly staring off into space, too, and I just don’t know it! ha! 😛

Seriously though…I don’t expect anything but to have my soul cleansed, and to give of myself to God, through the Sacrament that I honestly believe was passed down from Jesus.

Thanks for the advice…

GB,
WG 🙂
 
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whatevergirl:
The expectation that I think is ‘fair’ to expect, is that he’s listening…LOL He just blankly stared at me which was kind of…I dunno…I didn’t feel it was rude, per se…just odd. The other thing I realized after posting this, was that I typically don’t see my priest’s face – so this was my first time having an ‘open’ confessional. Maybe the other priest is blankly staring off into space, too, and I just don’t know it! ha! 😛

Seriously though…I don’t expect anything but to have my soul cleansed, and to give of myself to God, through the Sacrament that I honestly believe was passed down from Jesus.

Thanks for the advice…

GB,
WG 🙂
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I have been going to weekly confession for a couple of months now - I still honestly prefer anonymity, the screen, and not to go to the same priest every time. Perhaps as I ‘grow up’ in my faith I’ll feel a need for more spiritual direction, advice and face-to-face contact with the priest. Haven’t reached that point yet.

The poor priests must be so overworked and exhausted during Holy Week - perhaps he was simply having a bit of a ‘brain meltdown’ moment, I know I’ve had those when I’m really tired.

The other thing that occurs is that either his vision or his hearing wasn’t too good - in either case he may have needed to concentrate on looking at you, hence the blank-seeming stare.
 
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LilyM:
I have been going to weekly confession for a couple of months now - I still honestly prefer anonymity, the screen, and not to go to the same priest every time. Perhaps as I ‘grow up’ in my faith I’ll feel a need for more spiritual direction, advice and face-to-face contact with the priest. Haven’t reached that point yet.

The poor priests must be so overworked and exhausted during Holy Week - perhaps he was simply having a bit of a ‘brain meltdown’ moment, I know I’ve had those when I’m really tired.

The other thing that occurs is that either his vision or his hearing wasn’t too good - in either case he may have needed to concentrate on looking at you, hence the blank-seeming stare.
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Yeah, I know…you make perfect sense. I made a concerted effort to not judge him…as he could have been tired…worn out from the week. There were a lot of ppl on line! (but that’s such a great sight to see)

Thanks for your opinion. 🙂
 
Dear Whatevergirl,

I sympathize with you. I went to another church in our area one day because I am not always home on the weekend when confession is available at our parish. Anyways, was the fisrt time I had ever gone to confession at this other parish, and the thing I was confessing was serious and difficult. It took a lot to get me there…and I had questions about it. Anyways, the priest was listening, but everything I would say he would shoot down. I told him that while I was listening to catholic radio I was actually encouraged to go make this confession and he said, “Well, I’m not a big fan of catholic radio” and then when I confessed the sin, he said " You need to put your sin in perspective…there is a war going on, there are bigger sins being commited than this!" Wow!
I know there is a war going on…I’m not sure I understand what that had to do with my sin, which I felt was mortal. He talked to me a little more and gave me my penance. Well, I was kind of sad and confused:confused: and told my husband about it when I got home. My husband said simply, “Well, maybe God sent you to that priest for confession because that guy nees prayers”! Maybe, and maybe that priest you went to needs them too. Let’s all say a prayer for him and all the priest that they be good confessors. Maybe the priest I went to learned of some soldier who had just died in the war or something. I’ve prayed for him off and on ever since that day, although I haven’t gone to confession with him again.😉
 
Expectations in the sacrament of confession seem to hinge a lot on personalities–both that of the confessor and that of the penitent. Personally, I’m always just happy to have my sins forgiven, and really happy not to have to dwell on them at great length. So a short and swift confession is fine for me. I also appreciate short confessions when I’m in the line with quite a few people and only 25 minutes of confession time before weekday Mass. If people take up too much time, not everyone gets in.

It may also be that the very fact of having face-to-face confessions is a detriment to priests listening more closely and compassionately. The priest may feel that in that case, he must adopt a rather neutral demeanor, he might act differently behind the screen. If I were a priest, and bound the seal of confession, I would not want to be face to face with every penitent.
 
the demeanor or personality of the priest has nothing whatever to do with the efficacy of the sacrament. If you confessed and received absolution you received the same grace and benefit as the person who got a 20 minute counselling session and a pat on the back. Your emotional reaction also has nothing to do with the efficacy of the sacrament. You made a good confession and were absolved by Jesus Christ. who could ask for anything more? You have absolutely no idea what the priest was thinking or what his reaction was internally. Perhaps he was so concentrated in is care and concern for you that it took an effort of will to avoid over-emoting. In fact, some priests would do very well to keep their own personality more subdued and let Christ do the talking and acting.
 
Thanks be to God for the traditional confessional…I cannot see my priest and he may recognise my voice but probably not…the blushing humiliation of my sins cannot be seen but heard, I have always found him gentle and consoling as befits the voicepiece of the Lord.

Thank you Lord for the traditional confessional
 
The priest I went to confession to today was elderly and quite confused, and I am sure he didn’t hear half of what I was saying. I was using the screen in the confessional, and I think I suprised him I was there while I was confessing my sins. Then I told him I was done, gave my act of contrition, and he gave me absolution and final blessing. Though I know the sacrament was efficacious, it was a strange experience to say the least.
 
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