Confession, Mortal Sin, Medication, and Conscience

[seeker63]

First off, I suffer from manic depression, anxiety, and adult case of ADD, and OCD. For the last few years I have taken various meds for some of these conditions, but not all. I always seem to be on “medicine combo A,” coming off of “medicine combo B,” and about to start up on “medicine combo C.”

Some of these meds helped a bit. Some helped for awhile, then stopped doing anything. And some failed completely, producing effects that were worse than the problems they were designed to fix.

Some of these meds drastically affected my behavior, making me constantly sleepy or beside myself with anger and very prone to irritation. A few years ago I had a temp job where the regional manager called me in and chewed me out because my co-workers said they were scared of me. I honestly wasn’t aware of any problem, and my co-workers realized I wasn’t intentionally behaving badly once I changed prescriptions.

One of the worst things about taking these meds has been that I don’t know where the real me ends and the meds begin. I don’t know when I’m responsible for anything anymore. (And please, if you’re not a doctor or have not taken psychiatric meds before, please think long and hard before you lecture me that this is all ultimately my fault and responsibility–you don’t know how powerful these meds can be and how totally they can take over.)

Now the positive news is I’m not taking as many of those meds anymore. I’m taking meds for cholesterol, sinus, and thyroid, and have not taken depression meds for many months. I have taken mood-stabilizers off and on the last few months, but haven’t noticed them helping or hurting, so I stopped taken them on my own. The downside is I still don’t feel “in charge” of my brain anymore. I don’t know when the meds or my inborn chemical imbalances or my actual mind and will and conscience and heart are at the helm.

As for the OCD, well, that fills me with all sorts of doubts, and as I’ve said elsewhere, has given me a big case of scrupulosity. OCD will make me think such things as “Did I turn off the iron when I left the house today? Is the stove still on?” So you can imagine with a condition like that how it messes up my thoughts about sin, mortal and venial, responsibility, and so forth. I ask myself if I did something intentionally, or was it Satan or my human propensity for sin that pushed me into it. Was it really my true motivation or was it the meds talking or my chemical imbalances in my brain? And what about those sins to which I already have an engrained habit, the ones I find myself confessing over and over?

I have also found that such confusion as to whether I am genuinely in a start of mortal sin or not make my resolve much weaker and makes me more apt to fall into clear-cut mortal sins, the thinking being, “Well, you’re already possibly in a state of mortal sin and need to go to confession, one more isn’t going to matter much more or less.” Such is the confused state of my mind now. Basically I don’t know if I’m going or coming.

If anyone has some constructive thoughts I’d appreciate them. I really don’t need any more condemnation than I’ve already laid on myself.

Thanks.

 

[aurora77]

I’m unqualified to comment on your post, but I will ask, do you have someone qualified you can turn to with these questions? In the case of sin, could you find a priest or other spiritual advisor who can help you? That may be a good start. Good luck to you and I’ll pray for you.

 

[ATeNumquam]

Well, Seeker63, I’m going to get roasted for saying this, but too bad.

I find on these forums that “mortal sin” is a term bandied about so liberally it would scare the daylights out of a scrupulous person.

I even saw someone wondering if mowing his lawn on a Sunday (because the weather prevented him doing so on Friday & Saturday) was a mortal sin.
I wouldn’t laugh at him or anyone who was scrupulous, even though I’d have no scruples mowing the lawn.
There are three conditions for mortal sin: GRAVE matter, full knowledge, deliberate consent.
As one who is not scrupulous, but doesn’t have a slack conscience either (I don’t think) I feel that surely it is reasonably difficult for a practising, prayerful, orthodox Catholic who is oriented to serving and loving God to commit a mortal sin??
If it troubles you reading the threads in the Moral Theology forum (bearing in mind your scrupulosity and OCD and the rather harsh and judgemental attitudes you can find here), I’d advise you to stay out of this forum and stick to less worrying (for you) forums .

I do feel for you, and pray for you!

 

[Pug]

I think you do need to discuss it with a confessor. Certain medical conditions or pills could cause anger outbursts and personality changes that your confessor might be able to explain to you are not mortal and put your mind at rest. It is worth it to have peace in your mind, so I’d ask soon.

Not knowing what you are doing with yourself, if you are in control, if you are just kidding yourself that the meds are affecting you, is a nightmare. I had a time like that and am very grateful it is over. I went to confession a few times in that period and the priest had no idea what to do with me. I didn’t know which end was up. But I wasn’t smart enough to explain it all to him, really. Now I know more, as it sounds like you do.

If I were to revert back to being how I was then, I’d just confess what I knew was grave matter and leave it at that, and move on. Not much else would be possible. God knows your heart and is merciful. Just be honest with him.

 

[seeker63]

Aurora, I don’t have one specific, regular confessor. I have a parish where I’m a member, but lately I seldom worship there. I seem to hop about a lot. I don’t drive and I have to use busses or cabs to get around, and there are no churches really close by.

I from time to time don’t go to Mass due to depression (no excuse–I realize–but I often just want to stay hidden at home and pull the covers over my head). Often I just go to Confession on Saturday somewhere and then just go to the vigil service right afterwards. I tend to go to different confessors because I feel so bad that I’m not making any progress–I keep committing the same sins over and over. I’d hate for the priest to think I wasn’t listening to him or that I was letting him down by making no progress.I’ve gotten some great advice from various priests, but still haven’t overcome my habitual sins.

			A Te numquam, I don't know--are there **any** forums on CAF where there aren't self-righteous, judgmental bullies running amuck? It's gotten to the point I've come to expect a nasty response here for even the most innocent question or statement. I just started this thread in Moral Theology because it seemed to fit best.

I can generally tell whether or not I’ve done a grave matter, but those conditions I’ve mentioned do tend to muddle in my mind whether I have the full knowledge and deliberate consent.

 

[John_of_Woking]

seeker63:

First off, I suffer from manic depression, anxiety, and adult case of ADD, and OCD. For the last few years I have taken various meds for some of these conditions, but not all. I always seem to be on “medicine combo A,” coming off of “medicine combo B,” and about to start up on “medicine combo C.”

Some of these meds helped a bit. Some helped for awhile, then stopped doing anything. And some failed completely, producing effects that were worse than the problems they were designed to fix.

Some of these meds drastically affected my behavior, making me constantly sleepy or beside myself with anger and very prone to irritation. A few years ago I had a temp job where the regional manager called me in and chewed me out because my co-workers said they were scared of me. I honestly wasn’t aware of any problem, and my co-workers realized I wasn’t intentionally behaving badly once I changed prescriptions.

One of the worst things about taking these meds has been that I don’t know where the real me ends and the meds begin. I don’t know when I’m responsible for anything anymore. (And please, if you’re not a doctor or have not taken psychiatric meds before, please think long and hard before you lecture me that this is all ultimately my fault and responsibility–you don’t know how powerful these meds can be and how totally they can take over.)

Now the positive news is I’m not taking as many of those meds anymore. I’m taking meds for cholesterol, sinus, and thyroid, and have not taken depression meds for many months. I have taken mood-stabilizers off and on the last few months, but haven’t noticed them helping or hurting, so I stopped taken them on my own. The downside is I still don’t feel “in charge” of my brain anymore. I don’t know when the meds or my inborn chemical imbalances or my actual mind and will and conscience and heart are at the helm.

As for the OCD, well, that fills me with all sorts of doubts, and as I’ve said elsewhere, has given me a big case of scrupulosity. OCD will make me think such things as “Did I turn off the iron when I left the house today? Is the stove still on?” So you can imagine with a condition like that how it messes up my thoughts about sin, mortal and venial, responsibility, and so forth. I ask myself if I did something intentionally, or was it Satan or my human propensity for sin that pushed me into it. Was it really my true motivation or was it the meds talking or my chemical imbalances in my brain? And what about those sins to which I already have an engrained habit, the ones I find myself confessing over and over?

I have also found that such confusion as to whether I am genuinely in a start of mortal sin or not make my resolve much weaker and makes me more apt to fall into clear-cut mortal sins, the thinking being, “Well, you’re already possibly in a state of mortal sin and need to go to confession, one more isn’t going to matter much more or less.” Such is the confused state of my mind now. Basically I don’t know if I’m going or coming.

If anyone has some constructive thoughts I’d appreciate them. I really don’t need any more condemnation than I’ve already laid on myself.

Thanks.

Hi

I also suffer from OCD and depression. I truly empathise with you. I am constantly in anxiety as to whether I have succumbed to temptation. I doubt and get depressed but instead of ‘going ahead and commiting actual sin’ I will be very depressed and just go to sleep as this is the better path. Of course the best path would be to do some act of heroic virtue but I am a sinner and sometimes feel too tired. mea culpa

I feel grace is working but it is a very hard existence I live. I feel so tired. It is such a misunderstood condition and examinations of conscience culminate in ruminations e.t.c. I am on Paroxetine/Seroxat 30mg and trying to tie down a 9-5 job and support my family.

 

[John_of_Woking]

seeker63:

Aurora, I don’t have one specific, regular confessor. I have a parish where I’m a member, but lately I seldom worship there. I seem to hop about a lot. I don’t drive and I have to use busses or cabs to get around, and there are no churches really close by.

I from time to time don’t go to Mass due to depression (no excuse–I realize–but I often just want to stay hidden at home and pull the covers over my head). Often I just go to Confession on Saturday somewhere and then just go to the vigil service right afterwards. I tend to go to different confessors because I feel so bad that I’m not making any progress–I keep committing the same sins over and over. I’d hate for the priest to think I wasn’t listening to him or that I was letting him down by making no progress.I’ve gotten some great advice from various priests, but still haven’t overcome my habitual sins.

			A Te numquam, I don't know--are there **any** forums on CAF where there aren't self-righteous, judgmental bullies running amuck? It's gotten to the point I've come to expect a nasty response here for even the most innocent question or statement. I just started this thread in Moral Theology because it seemed to fit best.

I can generally tell whether or not I’ve done a grave matter, but those conditions I’ve mentioned do tend to muddle in my mind whether I have the full knowledge and deliberate consent.

In England where I live there are NO Priests who seem to understand obsessive compulsive disorder/scruples
I will pray a rosary for you. Please do the same for me. God loves you during this dark night.

 

[ATeNumquam]

seeker63:

I from time to time don’t go to Mass due to depression (no excuse–I realize–but I often just want to stay hidden at home and pull the covers over my head).]

I’ve often heard that for people who suffer from depression it actually takes an act of heroic proportions for them to get out of bed at all, and I can well imagine it. I’d say, since depression is an illness, that you do have an excuse for missing Mass. It’s abundantly clear to me that you do not miss Mass out of carelessness or laziness. Who could possibly accuse you of not trying to please God, and in the light of your many problems, making a far greater effort than most of us who don’t suffer as you do?

I tend to go to different confessors because I feel so bad that I’m not making any progress–I keep committing the same sins over and over. I’d hate for the priest to think I wasn’t listening to him or that I was letting him down by making no progress.I’ve gotten some great advice from various priests, but still haven’t overcome my habitual sins.]

All, if not most of us, have our habitual sins that we are ashamed to keep confessing over and over.But, as a priest once said to me, better to be struggling with one or two besetting sins than to have a whole new list every time!

             A Te numquam, I don't know--are there **any** forums on CAF where there aren't self-righteous, judgmental bullies running amuck? It's gotten to the point I've come to expect a nasty response here for even the most innocent question or statement. I just started this thread in Moral Theology because it seemed to fit best.]

I’ve found the “safest” forums to be the Water Cooler and maybe the Spirituality forums! However, just as a nasty and self-righteous response can turn up anywhere, you can also stumble upon the kindest and most helpful discussion where you least expect it! I ventured into Non-Catholic religions, a forum I fled months ago, and found an amazingly charitable, merciful dialogue going on - people devoting every effort to help someone, and I was really cheered to read it!

I can generally tell whether or not I’ve done a grave matter, but those conditions I’ve mentioned do tend to muddle in my mind whether I have the full knowledge and deliberate consent.

It’s very muddly for all of us! You are not alone! I’d bet that you would be genuinely less culpable, in the eyes of God, than most of us, precisely because it’s so hard for you, as a scrupulous person, to discern such things as knowledge and consent. The very doubt and confusion themselves, I understand, lessens the guilt for anyone- how much more so for you?
One day, I pray, you’ll come to know the depths of God’s mercy, and His love for you!
.
Alison

 

[puzzleannie]

seeker63:

I tend to go to different confessors because I feel so bad that I’m not making any progress–I keep committing the same sins over and over. I’d hate for the priest to think I wasn’t listening to him or that I was letting him down by making no progress.I’ve gotten some great advice from various priests, but still haven’t overcome my habitual sins.
QUOTE]
this is exactly where going to one priest all the time, say once a month, could help you. Just as with your meds you usually don’t notice a difference until you have been taking them for a few months, the same as with the medicine of grace in the sacraments. If OCD is still a problem, you may need a smaller dose of something that worked before, bearing in mind that if you take thyroid you also have by definition a hormone imbalance, which your doctor should address at the same time when prescribing or adujusting other meds. Since you went off meds on your own, it may be time for a medical checkup as well.

 

[seeker63]

For what it’s worth, Puzzleannie, I’m not taking meds for the ADD and have never taken any for OCD.

 

[joamyred]

Seeker,

I feel for you. I’ve suffered depression and panic attacks over the years. What works for me ( it seems to ease my mind when I’m not sure where me begins and the panic attack ends) is to go to the priest and just tell him what is going on and ask for his help in making a good confession. I figure he has heard everything before. Also, I can tell you that there are times I feel like screaming at myself because I fall in the same areas over and over again. Lastly, I figure the priest has a more objective view and a better understanding of what needs to be confessed than I do, especially when I am in “panic mode.” I’ve been where you are ( at least a little). The point of confession is to give you a clean slate and the grace to start again. I would suggest maybe going to a priest that you feel comfortable with outside of confession. Tell him about your struggles and maybe ask him for some advice? Hope this helps. Take care

 

[seeker63]

John, you also hit another nail on the head. Sleeping is my “drug” of choice. Some people escape their troubles in a bottle or in drugs–I just sleep a lot. It’s cheaper, and relatively speaking, healthier.

Panic attacks have scared the heck out of me, because my family has a history with heart disease and I could stand to lose a pound or two. Panic attacks always feel like heart attacks to me (or what I assume they’d be like).

As for taking myself off certain meds–here’s the story. I got laid off my only decent job in 2001 and haven’t found a decent full-time, permanent job since despite all attempts. I’ve been underemployed most of my life and those jobs have always worsened my stress and depression.

So now I have no insurance and am living off some inheritance. My doctors keep suggesting treatments and other doctors as if I’m made of money. One doc kept trying med combos and wondering why I wasn’t getting any better, then finally insisted on a $3000 MRI because he wondered if I had a brain tumor. All he concluded from that was 1) I have chronic sinusitis, 2) all the pile-up of meds was what was giving me those symptoms.

My current doc concluded I’m manic-depressive and not just depressive, and insisted I go to a shrink as well. He proved useless, and when the mood stabilizers he put me on failed to help, I stopped taken them and stopped going to him.

Then I went for a check-up with the regular doc and she insisted I get back on the mood stabilizers and go back to the shrink. But I refuse to waste anymore money on the shrink, so I’m just gonna have to find a new doc. I got on the mood stabilizers a second time, they had no effect on me, and I’ve taken myself off them. The only effect I’ve noticed is that coming off them has made me sleep a lot, but I’m sure I just have to work it out of my system.

[cont.]

 

[seeker63]

**[cont.]

“I’d say, since depression is an illness, that you do have an excuse for missing Mass. It’s abundantly clear to me that you do not miss Mass out of carelessness or laziness. Who could possibly accuse you of not trying to please God, and in the light of your many problems, making a far greater effort than most of us who don’t suffer as you do?”**

That’s hard to say. The combination of the meds, my imbalances, and the scrupulosity makes it hard to give you a clear answer. Part of me says when I’m trying to explain this to ya’ll or to a priest, that I’m just trying to weasel out of the responsibility or punishment I deserve. I never know what my true motivation is anymore.

**“But, as a priest once said to me, better to be struggling with one or two besetting sins than to have a whole new list every time!”
**
As the kids say, true that!

One thing the shrink concluded was that there were basically three types of meds he could use on me, which would either make me constantly sleepy, prone to anger and irritability, or put on extra weight and possibly get diabetes. I told him none of those were really options, but neither are being stressed out all the time or wishing you were dead.

I’d already tried the first two types of meds anyway. The one that made me overly sleepy made me doze off pretty much anytime I sat down, like on the bus to and from work. One morning I was so sleepy that during the 15 minute walk to from the bus stop to where I then worked, I almost sat down on a rock in the middle of a traffic median to grab a few winks, but I was afraid the cops would find me with no ID and I’d wake up in the drunk tank.

Family and friends have made the equally useless suggestion that all I need is a job to get me straight, and have suggested I either change career fields into something apart from my interests or abilities, or even worse, just get something flipping burgers or sweeping floors, as if something like that wouldn’t upset me more.

One medication gave me a bad case of the shakes. To open my front door I’d have to hold my keys in my right hand, then use my left hand to guide the key into the lock.

Last December I landed a part-time job just to shut my family up. It was not one I wanted, it didn’t pay well or offer any real chance for advancement, was filled with the sort of bureaucracy I hate, and it made me very stressed out. Yet everybody thought I’d be fine now that I had a job to go to, and didn’t listen when I said how miserable I was.

I got to where I was so miserable I stopped going to Mass, because when I wasn’t off doing that job I just wanted to stay at home and hide and decompress. I was eating badly and gained 50 lbs.

Now my shrink had also given me some pills to take now and then on an as-needed basis. These pills were to help me sleep on nights where I was too tense. But the situation at work got so bad I had to take these pills** every** night before the days I worked just so I could get to sleep, then I’d have to take them again in the morning to calm down enough to deal with going to work.

Eventually I quit the job in April and felt the happiest I had in years. I know I’m going to have to find a job before the money runs out, but for now I’m enjoying the peace. The only thing that derailed my happiness was Hurricane Katrina, which has kept me upset all month. And as I said, I’ve been sleeping off the effects of the mood-stabilizers.

The doc and shrink wanted me on mood stabilizers on the theory that since I’ve had a history of being depressed since 1983 at least (but only sought treatment in the last three years, and amazingly, even my own mother didn’t realize I had it), though I seem to be okay now, it’s a safe bet I’ll eventually get depressed again, say when the money runs out and my on-going career woes become acute again.

I agree with them in theory, but I see no need to pay that shrink money I can’t spare just for the privilege of telling him that there’s been no change for months, more or less. And I don’t like anyone, be they doctors or anyone else, trying to give me ultimatums, especially when it involves someone forcing me to spend money for no good reason.

Of course, I’ve seen people on CAF claim that depression is a sin, that people who have it just aren’t right with God, but I can tell from firsthand experience they just don’t know what they’re talking about. I sure didn’t ask for this.

 

[John_of_Woking]

seeker63:

John, you also hit another nail on the head. Sleeping is my “drug” of choice. Some people escape their troubles in a bottle or in drugs–I just sleep a lot. It’s cheaper, and relatively speaking, healthier.

Panic attacks have scared the heck out of me, because my family has a history with heart disease and I could stand to lose a pound or two. Panic attacks always feel like heart attacks to me (or what I assume they’d be like).

As for taking myself off certain meds–here’s the story. I got laid off my only decent job in 2001 and haven’t found a decent full-time, permanent job since despite all attempts. I’ve been underemployed most of my life and those jobs have always worsened my stress and depression.

So now I have no insurance and am living off some inheritance. My doctors keep suggesting treatments and other doctors as if I’m made of money. One doc kept trying med combos and wondering why I wasn’t getting any better, then finally insisted on a $3000 MRI because he wondered if I had a brain tumor. All he concluded from that was 1) I have chronic sinusitis, 2) all the pile-up of meds was what was giving me those symptoms.

My current doc concluded I’m manic-depressive and not just depressive, and insisted I go to a shrink as well. He proved useless, and when the mood stabilizers he put me on failed to help, I stopped taken them and stopped going to him.

Then I went for a check-up with the regular doc and she insisted I get back on the mood stabilizers and go back to the shrink. But I refuse to waste anymore money on the shrink, so I’m just gonna have to find a new doc. I got on the mood stabilizers a second time, they had no effect on me, and I’ve taken myself off them. The only effect I’ve noticed is that coming off them has made me sleep a lot, but I’m sure I just have to work it out of my system.

[cont.]

Its a vicous circle. OCD depletes performance at work. I have a good degree and would say I’m reasonably intelligent but my OCD slows me down so much it seems like i will forever be stuck with a low paid menial job. I went to a shrink and she just spouted a whole load 0f Freudian/Jungian nonsense trying to reduce everything to sex. There are no Catholic psychiatrists/psychotherapists round my way and confession is just a muddle and induces fear and dread. I am blessed to have an understanding wife and family and am delighted to be a Catholic but I wish The Parousia was tomorrow. I long to die in a state of grace as life is so burdensome.

 

[Paris_Blues]

seeker63:

First off, I suffer from manic depression, anxiety, and adult case of ADD, and OCD. For the last few years I have taken various meds for some of these conditions, but not all. I always seem to be on “medicine combo A,” coming off of “medicine combo B,” and about to start up on “medicine combo C.”

Some of these meds helped a bit. Some helped for awhile, then stopped doing anything. And some failed completely, producing effects that were worse than the problems they were designed to fix.

Some of these meds drastically affected my behavior, making me constantly sleepy or beside myself with anger and very prone to irritation. A few years ago I had a temp job where the regional manager called me in and chewed me out because my co-workers said they were scared of me. I honestly wasn’t aware of any problem, and my co-workers realized I wasn’t intentionally behaving badly once I changed prescriptions.

One of the worst things about taking these meds has been that I don’t know where the real me ends and the meds begin. I don’t know when I’m responsible for anything anymore. (And please, if you’re not a doctor or have not taken psychiatric meds before, please think long and hard before you lecture me that this is all ultimately my fault and responsibility–you don’t know how powerful these meds can be and how totally they can take over.)

Now the positive news is I’m not taking as many of those meds anymore. I’m taking meds for cholesterol, sinus, and thyroid, and have not taken depression meds for many months. I have taken mood-stabilizers off and on the last few months, but haven’t noticed them helping or hurting, so I stopped taken them on my own. The downside is I still don’t feel “in charge” of my brain anymore. I don’t know when the meds or my inborn chemical imbalances or my actual mind and will and conscience and heart are at the helm.

As for the OCD, well, that fills me with all sorts of doubts, and as I’ve said elsewhere, has given me a big case of scrupulosity. OCD will make me think such things as “Did I turn off the iron when I left the house today? Is the stove still on?” So you can imagine with a condition like that how it messes up my thoughts about sin, mortal and venial, responsibility, and so forth. I ask myself if I did something intentionally, or was it Satan or my human propensity for sin that pushed me into it. Was it really my true motivation or was it the meds talking or my chemical imbalances in my brain? And what about those sins to which I already have an engrained habit, the ones I find myself confessing over and over?

I have also found that such confusion as to whether I am genuinely in a start of mortal sin or not make my resolve much weaker and makes me more apt to fall into clear-cut mortal sins, the thinking being, “Well, you’re already possibly in a state of mortal sin and need to go to confession, one more isn’t going to matter much more or less.” Such is the confused state of my mind now. Basically I don’t know if I’m going or coming.

If anyone has some constructive thoughts I’d appreciate them. I really don’t need any more condemnation than I’ve already laid on myself.

Thanks.

Seeker63,

I can totally understand what you’re going through too! I myself was diagnosed with ADD too, a reading disorder and even some anxiety! It’s sooo not cool!! In the past, I wanted to kill myself!

I also understand the confusion of where your “brain” is and all that, if you have it under control or not. Sometimes I have similar issues like that as well as thinking, oh darn, am I in mortal sin?" even thogh I didnt do anything, I guess you could say I’m scrupulous too, bummer.

Like someone else here said, God knows your thoughts, intentions and heart! He knows the struggle you go through and He’s willing to help you. Just lift the problem up to Him.

Remember, it’s our “cross” we must carry.

I think it was Fr. Corapi who said that the “cross” is a blessing, not a curse. Something like that.

 

[Pug]

John of Woking:

I am blessed to have an understanding wife and family and am delighted to be a Catholic but I wish The Parousia was tomorrow. I long to die in a state of grace as life is so burdensome.

What an amazingly familiar train of though this is. Uh, wait, that can’t be a thumbs up,……No, that’s not it either…:crying:!!!

I’m trying to sound light, but it is a sad, sad topic. Depression can be a crushing burden. You can lose years of your life and have no idea where they went.

Pug <------- Rummaging about for a few missing years

 

[seeker63]

Yes, even as scrupulous as I am, I do wonder about some of the people on CAF who seem to be seeking out things to worry about, such as the whole sub-group obsessed with “modest dress.” It’s like we’ve been infiltrated by the Amish. On the other hand, when I see pre-adolescent girls sporting thongs, their worries may be justified.

“Depression can be a crushing burden. You can lose years of your life and have no idea where they went.”

Indeed. I have lost years of my life. I’m 41 and still waiting for my real life to start. Most everything up to now has been a real drag.

The principle of restitution for past sins also causes me trouble and revs up the scrupulosity, even with sins I’ve already confessed and been forgiven of.

And to continue with my rambling, I cannot say enough bad things about Wellbutrin. When I was on that I was grossly over-heated all the time, even with the AC cranked up and taking 3 or 4 showers a day. I was hot, sweaty, greasy, oily, and nasty. (Very bad for a germophobe like me.) I’d go to Mass and be sweating and stinking and begging God for relief. My doctor eventually concluded I was having hot flashes akin to what menopausal women have. It was awfiul stuff. I told them I’d rather be depressed than put up with that mess.