Confession nightmare

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Joanne67

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I know a priest is bound by the seal of confession but am I able to repeat what the priest says to me in confession? I recently confessed to a replacement ministry priest who although he resides at our parish, does not know me or my family. He misjudged what I said, then inferred that I said things about my children that I didn’t and then went on to judge me based on what he inferred. He went on to criticise my children’s behavoir even though I never mentioned my children’s actions and judged and berate me five times. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a sinner, that’s why I was seeking God’s mercy as I frequently do in confession, but I didn’t think that it merited attacks on my character by the priest. It was unlike any confession experience that I ever experienced and it left me in tears. Am I at liberty to share the priests comments with my family?
 
Sorry you had a bad experience there. It is especially difficult when a misunderstanding like this happens in the confessional…

Maybe something was unintentionally said in a way that gave him the wrong idea?

In any case I would perhaps see a different Priest in the future.

Remember though the priest cannot defend himself because of the seal. So one needs to take great care in talking about what was said…that was negative. It can be detractive for example…

Sounds like you should pray for him…and perhaps correct him in confession (?).

But I would not say anything to your family etc.

(though if something needs to be reported …it would be reported to the Bishop…but I am not saying it should be)

Your character itself and your children’s is intact. For it can not leave the confessional.

You say it was a mistake on his part…a misjudgment…leave it as such. I would not make things worse and tell your kids etc.

Remember he cannot defend himself…(and such can do harm that cannot be repaired…and many things are simply misunderstandings…)

Priests have bad days an get things wrong too…misunderstand things etc. They to go to confession.

Seek another priest perhaps for confession.
 
Catholic90 said:
You are not bound by any seal; only the priest is.
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The seal goes both ways to protect both the priest and the person confessing.
I’m sorry about the experience.
I’ll keep the priest in my prayers.
 
Joanne67 said:
He misjudged what I said, then inferred that I said things about my children that I didn’t
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Am I at liberty to share the priests comments with my family?
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No, you are not at liberty to share this with your family. It has nothing to do with the seal of Confession. It is because doing so would be the sin of detraction and perhaps even calumny.
 
healonzo said:
The seal goes both ways to protect both the priest and the person confessing.
I’m sorry about the experience.
I’ll keep the priest in my prayers.
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actually, the seal only applies to the priest. He isn’t the one confessing is sins to you.
 
Do not share this with your family.
Telling others would only make the matter worse by causing more negativity over the matter.

Pray on the matter.
Offer up your embarrassment in abject humility.
Consider carefully if any part of what he said might have some validity (remember what Jesus said about the splinter and the plank in the eye).

If, after all of this, you still feel strongly that something needs said, make an appointment to speak with this priest in person, or write him a carefully worded letter (which would be my preference).

Peace
James
 
Thank you for your replies. I know that I need to let the experience go and remember the grace that I received in the sacrament. My husband did mention that I had an unpleasant experience to our pastor and he said that he gets complaints all the time when this priest covers for him. Apparently, he has some personal issues so the best that I can do is pray for him. If anything positive can come from the experience, it’s that we realize that he probably wouldn’t be the best confessor to hear inmates confessions at our local jail, for which my husband had asked him to do, and perhaps rely on the pastor of the nearby parish or our regional vicar.
 
Joanne67 said:
Thank you for your replies. I know that I need to let the experience go and remember the grace that I received in the sacrament. My husband did mention that I had an unpleasant experience to our pastor and he said that he gets complaints all the time when this priest covers for him. Apparently, he has some personal issues so the best that I can do is pray for him. If anything positive can come from the experience, it’s that we realize that he probably wouldn’t be the best confessor to hear inmates confessions at our local jail, for which my husband had asked him to do, and perhaps rely on the pastor of the nearby parish or our regional vicar.
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I’m glad to hear this. I learned something also from this thread about the seal of confession. Thanks. God Bless!
 
Good that you spoke to your pastor and feel somewhat better about it. I do,however, find his answer unacceptable. Praying for this priest is fine but he should be spoken to. If it had been me I would have spoken to him in a different setting about the unrest he caused me. He should know. This was totally unacceptable on his part, a misunderstanding or not. When a person comes to this sacrament asking for forgiveness and absolution in the presence of Christ,he/she should leave feeling at peace,not in a state of unrest and confusion.
 
Anna_Claire said:
Good that you spoke to your pastor and feel somewhat better about it. I do,however, find his answer unacceptable. Praying for this priest is fine but he should be spoken to. If it had been me I would have spoken to him in a different setting about the unrest he caused me. He should know. This was totally unacceptable on his part, a misunderstanding or not. When a person comes to this sacrament asking for forgiveness and absolution in the presence of Christ,he/she should leave feeling at peace,not in a state of unrest and confusion.
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In many ways I agree with this, but then we read of Padre Pio and other great confessors sending people away and berating people who make poor confessions. I’m sure that some of these left never to return after having their feelings hurt, and that many left in, “a state of unrest and confusion”.

Of course I’m not comparing this priest to Padre Pio - positively or negatively - nor am I addressing the specific confession of the OP. I am saying that perhaps there are times when we should NOT feel a sense of peace when we leave the confessional.

Peace
James
 
We should ALWAYS be at peace after we confess,are contrite
and are absolved…if that’s not always true then it’s not worth the effort.
 
Anna_Claire said:
We should ALWAYS be at peace after we confess,are contrite
and are absolved…if that’s not always true then it’s not worth the effort.
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While I agree that we should always be at peace after we confess and are contrite, I do not agree that, if we are not at peace, it is not worth the effort.

If we are not at peace, we need to find out why. What is it that causes the unrest.
Is it poor contrition?
Is it not confessing everything?
Is it still harboring affection for the sins?
Is it not wanting to face up to something father pointed out to us?
Is it an issue of scrupulosity?

Yes - We should be at peace after confession - but if we are not, it is still worth the effort…

Peace
James
 
Anna_Claire said:
We should ALWAYS be at peace after we confess,are contrite
and are absolved…if that’s not always true then it’s not worth the effort.
Click to expand...
Confession is always worth the effort. If peace is not the outcome then there are obviously issues that still need worked on.

Peace
James
 
Anna_Claire said:
We should ALWAYS be at peace after we confess,are contrite
and are absolved…if that’s not always true then it’s not worth the effort.
Click to expand...
Of course it’s worth the effort. One is not guaranteed a nice priest. Confession is for the forgiveness of sins, not for good feelings.

Padre Pio was mentioned as a particularly tough confessor. I know I would have been hesitant to go to him. Once in a while one has a bad experience, with this sacrament as with everything in life. Perfection is not in the cards.
 
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