Confession: OK to ask for a stiffer penance?

[SleepyGuy]

I’m just curious about this because sometimes it seems like they go easy on me because I sound a bit nervous in the confessional. Like today, I just got 1 hail mary and 1 our father.

 

[WanderAimlessly]

SleepyGuy:

I’m just curious about this because sometimes it seems like they go easy on me because I sound a bit nervous in the confessional. Like today, I just got 1 hailt mary and 1 our father.

More likely this is probably the normal penance given by the priest.

At the parish I went to in Philadelphia, I usually went to the priest that gave the stiffest penance.

PF

 

[Kay_Cee]

Of course it’s okay.

Besides, you can do this yourself. I usually double what the priest gives me.

 

[mercygate]

Kay Cee:

Of course it’s okay.

Besides, you can do this yourself. I usually double what the priest gives me.

For my :twocents: , accepting the penance as given is sometimes almost humiliating and therefore better than adding to it for Penance. (Although there is certainly no law against praying all day and all night if you wish for the love of God, is there?)

The toughest penance I was ever given was “one Hail Mary.” It was after a two-year struggle adjusting to the seemingly cursory attitude towards the Sacrament of Confession in the Catholic Church. I came out of the Anglican tradition, where penances were “meatier,” crafted to the situation, personal, instructional, and aimed towards amendment of life. Finally, when my confessor assigned “one Hail Mary,” it was something of an achievement to realize that he understood that I was “ready” to accept a “trivial” penance because my pride no longer required something special.

 

[Lux_et_veritas]

I come close to telling Father I had earned a stiffer penance just as we sat down. Then, I figured I’d leave it up to him.

The founder of Opus Dei, Jose Marie Escriva, use to tell his priests that they should give the penitent a simple penance and do the rest of the penance for them.

 

[mikev]

mercygate:

For my :twocents: , accepting the penance as given is sometimes almost humiliating and therefore better than adding to it for Penance. (Although there is certainly no law against praying all day and all night if you wish for the love of God, is there?)

The toughest penance I was ever given was “one Hail Mary.” It was after a two-year struggle adjusting to the seemingly cursory attitude towards the Sacrament of Confession in the Catholic Church. I came out of the Anglican tradition, where penances were “meatier,” crafted to the situation, personal, instructional, and aimed towards amendment of life. Finally, when my confessor assigned “one Hail Mary,” it was something of an achievement to realize that he understood that I was “ready” to accept a “trivial” penance because my pride no longer required something special.

Well said. I agree with you.

 

[mercygate]

Lux_et_veritas:

The founder of Opus Dei, Jose Marie Escriva, use to tell his priests that they should give the penitent a simple penance and do the rest of the penance for them.

St. Jean-Marie Vianney used to do that also and would discipline himself to blood on behalf of his penitents.

I think that in the normal course of affairs that would be kind of arrogant. A discerning confessor would know who could handle something meaningful and who would need to be sent away gently. It is patronizing to the penitent to make a blanket assumption that he/she is incapable of a little effort or would not profit from it.

But who knows, perhaps experience has led priests to be wary of assigning “significant” penances. We can’t know from this side of the screen. Priests tell me that hearing confessions can be extremely tiresome.

 

[Lux_et_veritas]

I watched a movie (foreign made) on St. Teresa of the Andes (I think that was her name). She requested stiffer penances and one time, he gave her no penance at all. When she asked what she could give to Jesus her confessor told her, the sacrifice of not having the one thing she wanted - penance.

 

[Mike_Dye]

Ask him if it would be ok to spread out your penance over a couple of weeks!

 

[seeker63]

Interesting observations, Mercygate. I converted last year, and had put off converting for many years out of fear of the Confessional. I was also afraid the priest might dole out heavy restitution and so forth for my sins.

All through RCIA I put off and put off and put off my First Confession. I think I finally got it done a day or two before my Confirmation. I had an old priest who ran me through pretty quickly, just giving me an “Our Father” and a “Hail Mary.” I was surprised there was not more, and have been surprised in the confessions I’ve made since then that I’ve not had much more, but who am I to assume in my pride I need something more than the priest assigns me?

 

[Scout]

The priest I made my first Confession to was great. Fr. Jeff gave me real “hands-on” penance, things I had to do instead of prayers to say (like spending special time with my children or something like that). I realize that prayers are good for penance, but I do like the “hands-on” penance better. I feel like I’m not only dong penance, but getting an object lesson as well.

I don’t go to Confession to Fr. Jeff anymore (I know him too well and he makes me nervous). The priest I now go to only gives out prayers. I’d really like to ask him for something else, but I don’t want to offend him.

Scout :tiphat:

 

[Cockney_Clive]

I think one has to be careful not to overstep the mark here. Firstly, one will find in the Rule of St. Benedict for Monastic living that the Abbot is never to impose any penance that might prove too great for the Brother. Mercy and Compassion is to be the watchword. Mother Church is also like this; never burden the faithful with a Yoke that is too heavy to bear.

Secondly; one has to be very aware of acting against humility. It is arrogant to receive a penance from one’s confessor, to then be thinking of how one could ‘improve’ on this penance, and then to carry out the penance that you yourself have decided on. Father who is representational of Christ Himself, heard your confession and he has decided on what penalty to impose. Leave it alone!

Well, that’s my :twocents: Good day to you on this most wonderful feast of the Transfiguration of the Lord.

 

[Kay_Cee]

mercygate:

For my :twocents: , accepting the penance as given is sometimes almost humiliating and therefore better than adding to it for Penance.

Boy, everybody is making it sound as if my doubling my penance is a matter of pride. It is not.

Many of the saints chose mortifications. I choose to do that, and now I’m being told I’m not being humble.

I often forget sins when I’m in the confessional. It’s only afterwards that it hits me that there were certain things (venial) that I should have confessed, since I like to confess everything. I do realize all venial sin is forgiven in confession, but why is it a matter of pride to offer up prayer for sins I forgot to confess?

My spiritual director told me it was okay, and I’m going with what he told me.

 

[Lux_et_veritas]

Kay Cee:

Boy, everybody is making it sound as if my doubling my penance is a matter of pride. It is not.

Many of the saints chose mortifications. I choose to do that, and now I’m being told I’m not being humble.

I often forget sins when I’m in the confessional. It’s only afterwards that it hits me that there were certain things (venial) that I should have confessed, since I like to confess everything. I do realize all venial sin is forgiven in confession, but why is it a matter of pride to offer up prayer for sins I forgot to confess?

My spiritual director told me it was okay, and I’m going with what he told me.

I don’t think it is a matter of pride. I got the impression that St. Teresa of the Andes use to ask for stiffer penances for mortification and her confessor obliged. It was just the one time, when her confessor felt she needed to learn to deal with accepting no penance, when she really wanted it.

For those of us who are “beginners” on the spiritual road (in contrast to the likes of this saint), I see nothing wrong with asking for a greater penance. However, I think it should be asked before the confessor assigns it. Or, once the confessor assigns it, ask for more in addition to what he assigns. This way, it does not take away from what he has given.

If you feel up to it, let us know how it goes. I may do it yet, myself.