Confession Phobia

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TarAshly

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Hey yall. i have to get some help with this! i have a severe Phobia of Confession, i HATE it. the minute i get in the confessional my hands shake, my mouth goes dry as cotton balls, my voice shakes and my mind goes blank! i go in with my little guide, read through it and feel like dirt after words, even after i do my penance. my first confession, the priest walked out with me after i was finished! i was mortified, i thought they werent supposed to see you if you didnt want them to. the last time i confessed was the week before i got married in December of 2004. i only did it then because i thought it was right to do before i got married. i didnt even do it before Easter. i need to go i know i do, anyone have any advice for getting over this fear?
 
Frequent confession. I’m not trying to be funny. I also had a great fear of confession your desciption of happens to you decribed me to a T.

At first I found a priest whom I was very comfortable with and confessed only to him. This was not always convient or practicle so I just had to force myself to go, shaking hands and all. I would tell the priest I was very nervous -I’m sure they’re used to that.

The more often you go the easier it gets -trust me. I would force yourself to go at least once a month. Try to get there early so you can reflect, and also if there’s a line - the longer I had to wait the more ill and tortured I felt. So it’s better to be at the beginning plus then you won’t have to worry about the priest coming out.

I can honestly say my last confession (this past Sunday) was the first one that I only felt mildly nervous doing. Each time it has gotten easier.
 
I agree with previous poster that the more frequently you go the less stressful it will seem. It also helps if you find a certain priest that seems unintimidating or like a grandfather or something, especially if you are chicken to say a certain sin. :whistle: Most priests I know would respect your request that he wait in the box a minute or two to give you time to escape safely. Well, one priest would laugh as he complied, but I know him pretty well, so that is why he would.😃 He’s always smiling and joking.

You might want to try talking to a priest outside of confession, and asking him how to make it easier. He will probably give you the reassurance that I’ve heard them give that they forget it all anyway. Just talking to the priest that way could help. I think it is less scary if you are simply more used to talking to priests (in any context).

Also, you might feel more comfortable in a certain style of confessional, like the traditional three boxes on the wall with the priest in the middle kind. Good Luck!
 
I have similar phobias, it’s important for me to relaxe and think
positive knowing that good will come out of it, and of course pray.
 
I too used to have a fear of confession. But the more I went the more I got used to it and got over my fear. You have to remember that the priests also go to confession, it’s not like their sitting behind the screen rolling their eyes and judging you. They actually appreciate the fact that you are there and are able to admit that you have been sinful. If anything, they have more respect. Also, a lot of priests I’ve talked to do not remember people’s confessions. What you will say to them, they hear hundreds of times. Don’t be afraid, just go! 🙂
 
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TarAshly:
Hey yall. i have to get some help with this! i have a severe Phobia of Confession, i HATE it. the minute i get in the confessional my hands shake, my mouth goes dry as cotton balls, my voice shakes and my mind goes blank! i go in with my little guide, read through it and feel like dirt after words, even after i do my penance. my first confession, the priest walked out with me after i was finished! i was mortified, i thought they werent supposed to see you if you didnt want them to. the last time i confessed was the week before i got married in December of 2004. i only did it then because i thought it was right to do before i got married. i didnt even do it before Easter. i need to go i know i do, anyone have any advice for getting over this fear?
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I can so relate…I still get nervous going to confession. I like to go to a certain priest…he is so nice…makes me feel more comfortable.
 
Do you ever get the feeling after confessing embarrassing things that the priest is looking at you funny?
 
These posts are all excellent. Remember, too, that your fear of confession has at its root a whole batch of lies that the evil one will feed you:

Oh, you can’t tell him that one! Oh, God won’t forgive that one! Even if He does, his priest won’t. He’ll remember… every time he looks at you, that sin is what he’ll see. He’ll look down on you. Really, haven’t you confessed that one about a hundred times now? How can you admit being so weak? Having done something so, so disgusting? Who is ever going to believe that you really put up a fight? That priest wasn’t born yesterday. Other people get over this stuff. No, no, he’s going to think that deep down, you like that one. Ick… really, doesn’t it even disgust you? Stop embarrassing yourself and just give it up, already. You’re not going to beat that one. It’s just the kind of person you are, and you can’t do anything about it. Okay, maybe you can… but do it on your own, already. Stop putting yourself through the embarrassment of showing off yet another round of failure. You have to hang on to at least some of your pride. Besides, probably everyone else does it anyway. If you hide your sins, you know, no one knows. It’s not as if it hurts anyone… and so on. (Ask me how I know how this dialogue goes… I will admit to you that I have given conversation to these suggestions, too.)

The truth is that God will forgive you, no matter how many times you fall and need to come back for forgiveness. The truth is that the priest is going to be delighted to hear that you have not given up in your struggle against sin, that you are serious in your desire to reject sin, and you are grown up enough and humble enough to know you’ll never beat it on your own power. He won’t remember your sins. He will remember that you are one of the vanishing few who avail themselves of this wonderful sacrament. The truth is that the priest whom you confess to is a sinner himself, a man who himself is stuck telling the exact same sins (or some near variation) to his own confessor… over and over and over.

I think that there is another advantage to having one priest as a regular confessor… it is the same as having a single primary care physician. There will be one person who knows how the course of your struggle has played out, what works for you and what doesn’t. There will be one person that you will, over time, learn to trust with your secrets. That will be to your advantage, in finding the right medicine for your soul.
 
Thanks so much for the great tips yall. Confession is tonight so im gonna go try and give it another go. BLB i cant tell you how RIGHT you are about the conversation with the evil one. those are exactly the same thoughts that go through my head when i am confessing and stumbleing through it. and when im out that ringing my heads and shaking because i DONT want to do it. thats exactly whats going on in my head. thank you so much for your great insight.

Tara
 
Frequent confession and find a priest you’re confortable with.

I used to go to another church because I didn’t want to face the pastor at our church. I’m sure he doesn’t but there’s that itsy-bitsy thought in the back of my head that as he’s greeting me on Sunday that he’s thinking - “steal any jelly beans from your brother’s basket lately”.

I’d even sit in front of the priest.

That got me more relaxed and focused on what’s important - the FORGIVENESS!

I love the sacrament of Confession. What an incredible grace and gift.
 
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TarAshly:
Thanks so much for the great tips yall. Confession is tonight so im gonna go try and give it another go. BLB i cant tell you how RIGHT you are about the conversation with the evil one. those are exactly the same thoughts that go through my head when i am confessing and stumbleing through it. and when im out that ringing my heads and shaking because i DONT want to do it. thats exactly whats going on in my head. thank you so much for your great insight.

Tara
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Thanks for starting this thread…I feel as if I’m getting insight and support as well 👍
 
Been there and felt that way! I have finally found a priest I really like and who I feel totally comfortable with. I had to confess a really embarrassing sin on my first time with him…He was a big help, so I keep gonig back to him.

**The only thing is that he thinks (I think) that one should go to confession when you need to…I tend to go when the Holy Spirit prompts me. But…I think I would greatly profit from gonig more frequently. I think confessing at least once a month kind of hleps to keep you going in the right direction. **
**The best thing to do…if you can…is to find a priest you like…and feel comfortable with… and go to him exclusively…if possible. **
Good luck, and God Bless…Keep remembering that God gave us this wonderful sacrament of reconcilliation so that we could be “in tune” with Him and His Church…I go only because Jesus clearly gave the apostles the mandate to forgive sins…Jesus commanded it, so I do it!
 
OK, I’m trying to get around to going to confession after 15 years (long story). The thing is, I can’t honestly think of any serious sins, and not many of the less serious sort. Mind you, I’m not claiming I haven’t done them, just can’t remember them. I draw a blank. Anyone else experienced this, and what did you do about it? I would like to tell God I am sorry the way he has directed us, but can’t think of what for. No Alzheimer’s here, just absent minded, easily distracted, frequently forget my lunch, which I pack every day.
 
Okay, first of all if you have a phobia (as I did), avoid “face to face” confession. Go to a confessional where there is no seeing anyone involved, no eye contact, etc. This is the old, traditional way that I was brought up using, and it is really the best. If you are paranoid about voice recognition or something like that, simply go to a different church. No big deal, you aren’t required to confess at the church where you are a parishoner. Finally, don’t sweat a confession! Believe me, I’ve confessed things that would make most people on these forums hair stand on end, and it’s never been a problem. The priests have always been wonderful, understanding and forgiving; and I’ve always felt much better when I’ve left.
Finally, the folks who have said here that the more you do it, the easier it gets are absolutely correct. Don’t deny yourself this wonderful sacrament. Trust me, it will be the best phobia you have ever overcome. Good luck and best wishes!!!

Peace.
 
Well, your phobias are not uncommon. I help kids get through their first confessions and they are just as scared and I don’t think they have anything too terrible to confess.

I tell you what I tell them.
  1. I’m sure the priest has heard it before
  2. In fact, I’m sure he’s heard worse
  3. God never holds a grudge
  4. No, they can’t tell your mom what you say
I hate to say it, but confession got a whole lot easier after our pastor was arrested for child pornography. I wasn’t too worried about what he personally thought of my sins after that. I was able to forgive him, and I’m sure he was able to do the same for me.
 
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katy:
OK, I’m trying to get around to going to confession after 15 years (long story). The thing is, I can’t honestly think of any serious sins, and not many of the less serious sort. Mind you, I’m not claiming I haven’t done them, just can’t remember them. I draw a blank. Anyone else experienced this, and what did you do about it? I would like to tell God I am sorry the way he has directed us, but can’t think of what for. No Alzheimer’s here, just absent minded, easily distracted, frequently forget my lunch, which I pack every day.
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saintcyrils.org/confession.htm

Here’s a confession guide. You may want to get a private journal and write them down as you go along to help you remember, you can even bring it with you to confession if you prefer. Certainly feel free to destroy the pages when you are done.
 
BLB_Oregon said:
These posts are all excellent. Remember, too, that your fear of confession has at its root a whole batch of lies that the evil one will feed you:

Oh, you can’t tell him that one! Oh, God won’t forgive that one! Even if He does, his priest won’t. He’ll remember… every time he looks at you, that sin is what he’ll see. He’ll look down on you. Really, haven’t you confessed that one about a hundred times now? How can you admit being so weak? Having done something so, so disgusting? Who is ever going to believe that you really put up a fight? That priest wasn’t born yesterday. Other people get over this stuff. No, no, he’s going to think that deep down, you like that one. Ick… really, doesn’t it even disgust you? Stop embarrassing yourself and just give it up, already. You’re not going to beat that one. It’s just the kind of person you are, and you can’t do anything about it. Okay, maybe you can… but do it on your own, already. Stop putting yourself through the embarrassment of showing off yet another round of failure. You have to hang on to at least some of your pride. Besides, probably everyone else does it anyway. If you hide your sins, you know, no one knows. It’s not as if it hurts anyone… and so on. (Ask me how I know how this dialogue goes… I will admit to you that I have given conversation to these suggestions, too.)

The truth is that God will forgive you, no matter how many times you fall and need to come back for forgiveness. The truth is that the priest is going to be delighted to hear that you have not given up in your struggle against sin, that you are serious in your desire to reject sin, and you are grown up enough and humble enough to know you’ll never beat it on your own power. He won’t remember your sins. He will remember that you are one of the vanishing few who avail themselves of this wonderful sacrament. The truth is that the priest whom you confess to is a sinner himself, a man who himself is stuck telling the exact same sins (or some near variation) to his own confessor… over and over and over.

I think that there is another advantage to having one priest as a regular confessor… it is the same as having a single primary care physician. There will be one person who knows how the course of your struggle has played out, what works for you and what doesn’t. There will be one person that you will, over time, learn to trust with your secrets. That will be to your advantage, in finding the right medicine for your soul.
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This is the best advice I’ve read in a long time. I am terrified of confession myself. My body shakes, my voice shakes, I’m a real mess. But the fact that God will forgive you no matter how many times you need to "re"confess the same sins…is very comforting. I will be going to confession in a couple of weeks because I have fallen in my struggle against a few particular recurring sins. I am nervous, but I know that I am sorry and I know that my priest isn’t there to make me feel like a terrible person. He wants to make it as easy as possible!
 
BLB_Oregon said:
These posts are all excellent. Remember, too, that your fear of confession has at its root a whole batch of lies that the evil one will feed you:
Click to expand...
Excellent post. I always have to remember that the Devil hates Confession. He realizes that he is losing the ability to control you. You are turning away from his lies and darkness and turning to the truth and light found in God. It makes him angry. He will do anything to stop you from going. don’t be surprised if you hit traffic or feel doubt that you really need to go etc… Just go.

My priest at a church retreat told me one time…Listen i have probally heard over 250,000 confessions during my time as a priest. There is NOTHING i haven’t heard and I can’t put sins to faces or even voices. Just come and recieve God’s mercy of forgiveness.

I myself went yesterday. I started thinking about my sins and when i got there i got there about 20mintues early. I spent some time in adoration and then wrote down my sins. It is much easier for me so that i feel like i am being complete and that i am not forgetting anything important. I use to prefer face to face but last night i went behind the screen and it wasn’t that bad. It felt so good to go. Today has been one of the best days in a long time. It’s because even though i have the same stresses and problems as I did yesterday I feel reborn and refreshed in my faith which is giving me Peace in all areas.
 
katy said:
OK, I’m trying to get around to going to confession after 15 years (long story). The thing is, I can’t honestly think of any serious sins, and not many of the less serious sort. Mind you, I’m not claiming I haven’t done them, just can’t remember them. I draw a blank. Anyone else experienced this, and what did you do about it? I would like to tell God I am sorry the way he has directed us, but can’t think of what for. No Alzheimer’s here, just absent minded, easily distracted, frequently forget my lunch, which I pack every day.
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Try using a printed Examination of Conscience. There is a really good one at www.scborromeo.org. I think it’s org. If not, try .com. Anyway, it’s a great way to prepare for Confession.

Peace,
Linda
 
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