Confession Prior to Convalidation

[JWolf]

Confession before Convalidation.
So my wife and I of 1 years were married at the JOP. Both raised Catholic but not practicing. I want to become more involved in the church and be more religious. Especially since the kids can start CCD classes in the fall. I brought up to my wife about the Convalidation but I will admit I brought it up wrong. Instead of loving, it was the we are living in sin conversation. That got her upset. The main thing is she doesn’t want to admit that in confession that our marriage is a sin. If we were to go through with the Convalidation, are we able to confess that we regret just not getting married in the church. Or do we actually have to admit the past 10 years we’re sinful which would mean our children were sins? I’m trying to smooth this over as easy as possible. Thanks

 

[Vico]

Confession before Convalidation.
So my wife and I of 1 years were married at the JOP. Both raised Catholic but not practicing. I want to become more involved in the church and be more religious. Especially since the kids can start CCD classes in the fall. I brought up to my wife about the Convalidation but I will admit I brought it up wrong. Instead of loving, it was the we are living in sin conversation. That got her upset. The main thing is she doesn’t want to admit that in confession that our marriage is a sin. If we were to go through with the Convalidation, are we able to confess that we regret just not getting married in the church. Or do we actually have to admit the past 10 years we’re sinful which would mean our children were sins? I’m trying to smooth this over as easy as possible. Thanks

Does she not know that for a Catholic at the time, a marriage celebrated without the approval of the Church is invalid? There may have been invincible ignorance of the laws of the Church before, but what about now?

If she will no cooperate then one option is to speak to the pastor to obtain a retroactive convalidation, which does not require giving new consent and dispenses the Catholic form of marriage. This requires that proper consent is still present now. Certain promises are to be made also, per canon law.

 

[Irishmom2]

I can understand your wife being upset. I cannot imagine that conversation going well. Whether you go to confession before your convalidation or anytime it is not your place to tell your wife what to confess, Or to point out her sins, so I am not really sure why it ever was up for discussion to begin with.

Also, I think that if you were unaware that what you were doing was wrong, it is not something you need to be making her feel guilty about. You are taking steps to correct your marriage, so look forward and not back.

 

[JWolf]

Yes. I know I messed up from the beginning with the explanation. I can never take that back and have apologized a million times. I wish I could have done over from the get go.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

OP, I think you had a previous thread on this already here:

Convalidation/Marriage Question Liturgy and Sacraments

I am a new member to the forum but going through a difficult situation. Any help/prayers would be greatly appreciated. So my wife and I who were both raised Catholic but not really practicing were married by a Justice of the Peace 10 years ago. We have 2 great children who we got baptized. Until recently, I did not fully understand the importance of a wedding within the church. I want to become a practicing Catholic. I want our children to start Sunday school and get Reconciliation and the…

First, as 1ke suggested already on the previous thread,

I would suggest you talk to your pastor about radical sanation-- which would make your marriage valid from the beginning and not require a new act of consent, which your wife does not want to give.

Please make an appointment to talk to your local Catholic pastor about resuming the sacramental life, and getting your kids caught up on sacraments.

Second, your wife’s sins and her confession aren’t your business. Tell her that her confession is between her and the priest and God. And your own confession is between you and the priest and God. You should not be discussing with each other what you’re going to confess in confession. If you have a question about what is a sin, then talk to the priest…separately.

 

[1ke]

Talk to your priest about a radical sanation, which makes your marriage valid from the start.

are we able to confess that we regret just not getting married in the church

Of course.

Or do we actually have to admit the past 10 years we’re sinful which would mean our children were sins?

Admitting that you did something wrong when you did not marry in the Church does NOT mean your “children were sins”. I don’t even know how you extrapolate to that. People aren’t sins, ever. Only our actions can be sinful.

Also, for an action to be sinful at all you have to know it’s wrong and purposely do it anyway.

 

[JWolf]

Thanks for all of your kind words. As I have said before, I really believe I messed up this whole situation. Thank you for clarifying about my children. That makes me happy just to hear that. I will do my best to rectify this situation. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers. God bless.

 

[puer.dei]

which would mean our children were sins?

People cannot be sins. Please discuss this with your priest to clear up your confusion.