Confession: privacy concerns

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Ma.Eugenia

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Hello!

I have a problem with confessing face-to-face to a priest–I don’t know why. You see, I prefer to be anonymous when I go to confession, with the priest just hearing my voice and not seeing me.

I really get conscious when I think of the priest seeing me outside the confessional and recognizing me as the the one who confessed about this and that…

In the usual church I go to, there is a little barrier with holes you can peek into and see the face of the person on the other side. Sometimes, when the priest gives me advise he really has his face near that barrier with his eyes looking straight at me and it can be disconcerting.

There are confession booths on both sides of the priest’s cubicle. Sometimes, I even hear the confessions of the other person on the other side of the confessional, without meaning to.

As much as I want to go to confession more often, sometimes this “consciousness” hinders me from doing so.

Am I being too scrupulous about wanting to keep my privacy?
 
Trust me, nothing you have done will “surprise” the priest. Plus, I think confessing face-to-face is a bit more humiliating which is good!
 
Ma.Eugenia said:
I really get conscious when I think of the priest seeing me outside the confessional and recognizing me as the the one who confessed about this and that…
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If you are familiar with who Fr. Corapi is, I heard a talk on CD one time by him where he mentioned that he has been given a certain gift by the Holy Spirit while hearing confessions. Once he is done hearing confessions, he completely forgets what the person confessed as if it is lifted from him. It may sound weird, but the way he puts it is more understandable… even so, I don’t think most priests relate to their parishioners by remembering each time they see them “that sin” they just confessed last week or something.
In the usual church I go to, there is a little barrier with holes you can peek into and see the face of the person on the other side. Sometimes, when the priest gives me advise he really has his face near that barrier with his eyes looking straight at me and it can be disconcerting.
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I think it makes a lot of people nervous. The first time I went face-to-face with my pastor, I got a little jittered and fumbled around on my Act of Contrition a bit. :o It can be strange! But I understand you aren’t trying to go face-to-face, it’s just the layout of the confessionals.
There are confession booths on both sides of the priest’s cubicle. Sometimes, I even hear the confessions of the other person on the other side of the confessional, without meaning to.
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As much as I want to go to confession more often, sometimes this “consciousness” hinders me from doing so.
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Am I being too scrupulous about wanting to keep my privacy?
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I don’t think you are being too scrupulous, but don’t let it keep you from going to confession. I visited a church like this once and while I was waiting in line for confession quite a ways back, although the confession was just whispers, the priest’s advice was coming out quite loudly and all could hear it and the topic of the confession… I left and went to confession the next day at my own parish. Is there somewhere else nearby you’d feel more comfortable going for confession? It is not wrong for you to not want others to hear your confession.
 
Ma.Eugenia said:
Truth is, its the “humiliating” (embarrassing) part that hinders me. :o
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Actually it is the humiliating part helps us strive to sin no more.
Ever since I start to go to the same confessor face to face, I can see my speedy progress of working toward holiness. I don’t think the priest remembers certain sin from certain person to hold against him or her. But face to face confession to the same confessor hold myself accountable. It helps me to be determined not to make the same mistake again and it works so effectively on me.

I recommand face to face confession to the same confessor for anyone who seriously wants to work on virtues.
 
On the other hand, if you feel that going face to face might cause you to hold back on confessing certain sins, you’d be better off going anonymously.

The thing is, get use to going and if you find a good confessor, hold on to him for dear life.

Peace
Jim
 
maybe abit off touc but, i never understood confeesion. imean why do we haev to speak to a priest? can we not just confess our sins to the lord?(with out a middle man) i always just feel awkward after confession, but after i confess staight to god i feel better and relieved. i don know maybe its just me…
 
Ma.Eugenia said:
Hello!

I have a problem with confessing face-to-face to a priest–I don’t know why. You see, I prefer to be anonymous when I go to confession, with the priest just hearing my voice and not seeing me.

I really get conscious when I think of the priest seeing me outside the confessional and recognizing me as the the one who confessed about this and that…

In the usual church I go to, there is a little barrier with holes you can peek into and see the face of the person on the other side. Sometimes, when the priest gives me advise he really has his face near that barrier with his eyes looking straight at me and it can be disconcerting.

There are confession booths on both sides of the priest’s cubicle. Sometimes, I even hear the confessions of the other person on the other side of the confessional, without meaning to.

As much as I want to go to confession more often, sometimes this “consciousness” hinders me from doing so.

Am I being too scrupulous about wanting to keep my privacy?
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No, I agree with you fully. I choose very carefully where I go to Confession because of the poor physical confessional arrangements in many churches.
 
In my parish, we have a “reconciliation room” for confession. We can choose to sit face to face or behind a screen which is set up. The door to the room is closed, so you can’t be heard unless you have a really booming voice. I don’t blame you, I wouldn’t want to anyone else to hear my confession. And I agree with JimR, hang on to a good confessor! My favorite priest will be leaving our parish in the near future for a new assignment, but I may still go to him at his new parish. He is truly a blessing.
 
Ive become more and more comfortable confessing face to face with a priest and even engaging in more comfortable conversation with him.

But let me tell you, the one church around here that offers daily confessions has a priest that talks very loudly and for a long time about your sins, mentioning them and what you can do to improve. And the church will have maybe ten people waiting in line, everyone silent as a mouse.

There is no way you cannot hear him outside of the confessional. very embarrassing! :eek:

I always wonder, if churches would turn on some music if confession would become a more popular sacrament.
 
Perhaps you can find a parish that still has the booth. Mine does (well, they are little rooms, but it’s the same concept). That might help.

Making a frequent confession will help you start to feel less uncomfortable partaking in Reconciliation over all. And then you can work your way up face to face.

I prefer the booth approach. That way, I feel more that I am confessing to the Lord directly, rather than Father. I don’t think that humiliation necessarily will keep you from sinning. More likely, it will keep you from frequent confession. Once I really understood confession (from the CDs of both John Martione and Father Larry Richards), I traveled further down the path of understanding why even venial sin is bad.
 
Sheeniac said:
I don’t think that humiliation necessarily will keep you from sinning.
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You are right, I agree. I need to modify what I said in my earlier post # 6.

I should say “humility” not “humiliation” helps us strive to sin no more. Humility goes with obedience. With humility and obedience, He will increase, I will decrease. Reflect on my past confession experiences, I never had the sense of humiliation but humility. When I put myself low, put God high, sincerely desire to obey his commandments, I can give a good act of contrition and whole heartedly try to avoid sin.
 
passivesquid said:
maybe abit off touc but, i never understood confeesion. imean why do we haev to speak to a priest? can we not just confess our sins to the lord?(with out a middle man) i always just feel awkward after confession, but after i confess staight to god i feel better and relieved. i don know maybe its just me…
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Confession is humiliating, but that is what makes us more humble. There is much theraputic effect on the soul by confessing your sins to a priest. He will never tell anyone what you told him. Think of how many times you’ve told people secrets and they’ve broken their promise not to tell anyone else. It will always be between the priest and you and God. Plus, it feels great to have a man totally devoted to Jesus give you God’s blessing and absolution after you have confessed something that has bothered your conscience. And it doesn’t matter what your sin is, as long as your truly sorry for it…

P.S. - I confess to God in my prayers all the time too. You should always do this. This is good too.
 
Hi!

Thanks for your replies and suggestions.

There is a church, I really, really like to confess in. It has two booth-type confessionals beside the priest’s booth. They do not allow a person to go in the other side while one side is being used. The person waits outside the second booth and will only enter when the person inside the first booth vacates.That way, its only the priest and the person confessing can hear the confession.

Unfortunately, this church is about an hour or more from where I live (and an hour or more to return back home). The distance and the amount of time makes it impractical for me to go often.

I have tried finding a confessor in a church located midway between my home and that church.

The priest (in the middle church) made time for me and I asked him if he can be my confessor. He agreed.

I thought I finally solved my confession problem…until the priest asked me if I I wanted to try an alternative kind of prayer. I said, “Uh…okay” …even though I didn’t know what he meant by “alternative prayer”. Then…he started praying in a manner that I found odd. It was not traditional Catholic prayer that I was used to. It seemed like a “new age” way of praying. I found it weird, so I never went back there again. I went back to my regular church, instead.

I agree that humility is important to ask forgiveness from God. I sometimes feel putting myself in the right frame of mind as to have humility (in order to prepare to go to confession) is hard, but the expectation of “humiliation” makes it doubly hard.

I really want to go to confession more frequently as I know this is the only way I can reconcile with God.
 
The “New Age” sort of prayer you mention sounds very troubling.

Maybe you could bring this problem you are having up to your priest. Perhaps you could ask to make an appointment for confession and ask him to be your regular confessor, that way you would know no one else would be in the other side or outside hearing your confession while you go.
 
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