confession question

[workingmomof3]

is there a way of confessing sexual sins without embarrassing the priest or the penitant?

 

[Geremia]

is there a way of confessing sexual sins without embarrassing the priest or the penitant?

Making a good confession necessitates being open and honest. I assure you that you cannot surprise a priest in confession.

 

[Tsuwano]

is there a way of confessing sexual sins without embarrassing the priest or the penitant?

A good priest is not interested in making you feel embarrassed about any sin you have committed, but you should allow him to determine how much information he needs to help you make a good confession. Few priests are embarrassed about anything they hear in the confessional and you should not be concerned about it. In an aside, I would also say that we should feel shame about our sins, and not just our sexual ones, and we shouldn’t underestimate what our shame reveals. It means that we acknowledge that our sinful actions are offensive to God and is a sign that we are sorry for those actions. It reveals the presence of grace in our lives and our awareness of that grace. We should not wallow in shame, but we should use our shame to seek sincere repentance. Imagine the release you will feel when that shame is lifted from your shoulders and you are made pure again by the cleansing love and mercy of God.

 

[acadian]

I had impure thoughts. I was impure with myself. I engaged in premarital sex. I had a sexual relationship outside of marriage. I’ve used artificial birth control. I haven’t been open to life in my relationship with my spouse. I looked at pornography.

I don’t think you’re going to embarass the priest. They’ve heard it all. When all else fails - just say it. Don’t worry about finding less offensive words to make it sound better.

 

[Seatuck]

Priests are taught how to deal with these topics when they come up in confession. If it is a big problem for you go behind the screen, that should help. Christ knew what he was doing when he instituted this sacrament. We grow in humility when we are able to overcome this. Priests grow if they have issues in this area and overcome this.
From what I understand the early church was given public penance and everyone knew the others sins. I think our modern way of confession is a cakewalk to that.

I try to remember the priest is only an ear for Christ. He’s almost not really there at all.

 

[FrDavid96]

is there a way of confessing sexual sins without embarrassing the priest or the penitant?

Unless the priest was very very recently ordained, you’re not going to embarrass him (or shock him). That’s not to imply that newly ordained will be shocked, of course.

Confess the sin, but don’t try to get into any more details than absolutely necessary for the sake of actually defining the sin (and the frequency). If the priest-confessor truly needs more details, he’ll ask, but there’s little chance of that since priests understand what a penitent is “getting at” and a priest will only ask necessary questions, not ones meant to embarrass or satisfy the confessor’s own personal curiosity.

Just because a priest is (hopefully) pious, doesn’t mean that he’s naive. That may sound amusing, but it’s not meant that way. It’s simple true.

From the penitent’s point of view, remember that we confess our sins to Christ, Who already knows what those sins are. Not only does that mean that we shouldn’t keep secrets, but the other side of that coin is that Christ certainly knows “what we’re getting at” when we articulate our sins.

Bottom line: simply avoid any details that aren’t strictly necessary for the sake of actually defining the sin.

 

[stuart12]

priests were not born priests. they had to grow up like the rest of us, subject to the same sexual temptations. If the priest has in the past sucumbed to impurity, he is definately not going to fall out of the confessional in shock. It’s God mercy and grace that has brought him to where he is…he should wish for you to have repentance as well.

 

[hilde_the_dog]

I just tell it like it is. Seriously we all could use more humility might as well start in confession. Christ knows what you did, the priest in acting in the person of Christ in confession- why worry about being embarrasseed. Maybe that will help you avoid the sin? It does me.

 

[Spirithound]

is there a way of confessing sexual sins without embarrassing the priest or the penitant?

Nothing you could say would embarrass a priest. And if it did, he wouldn’t show it
Your embarrassment is a good thing! Our sins should embarrass us since we are not living up to the standards God asks of us.

 

[puzzleannie]

simply state the sin in the commonly excepted English word, and the number of times or frequency. the priest will not be embarrassed, and the penitent has the option of either face to face, or anonymous behind the screen, if that is an issue for him or her. Don’t give the backstory or the excuses, just be direct and accurate. If the priest needs more information he will ask for it.

 

[jmcrae]

is there a way of confessing sexual sins without embarrassing the priest or the penitant?

I second PuzzleAnnie’s advice - just say what you did using plain English, and how many times. There is no need to get into any detail; most priests don’t ask for it.

 

[jheii]

I agree with the above advice and would like to add a little bit that I read somewhere: Always start by confessing your most “embarassing” sin, the one hardest to say aloud. That way it will make the rest of the confession much easier for you.
God bless.

 

[workingmomof3]

thanks to all for the advice - I was going to go last Saturday, but i chickened out (again)…I’ve been trying to say this for the last few years and can not seem to get up the courage…Pray for me!

 

[Kenneth_Jones]

Excellent comments so far about how your hesitation and shame indicate your conscience is working.

I have to admit it. I’ve wondered how a priest can manage to hear our sins (My sins) in confession and then see us (me) face to face later on. Sometimes I wonder if it’s fair to the priest. More often I think I’ll feel embarrassed. Mostly I feel loved. It is just flat-out overpowering.

Christ sure knew what He was doing when He instituted Reconciliation. [SIGN]Oh, Really??[/SIGN]
If you can’t work up the courage to talk to the priest you know…go to confession in another parish!

Same God, different part of town. He won’t mind. Go.

…but only say the word, and I shall be healed.

 

[puzzleannie]

thanks to all for the advice - I was going to go last Saturday, but i chickened out (again)…I’ve been trying to say this for the last few years and can not seem to get up the courage…Pray for me!

what you are seeing as a hindrance is actually a valuable spiritual good, a shame and contrition which we should indeed feel about our sins, and should be a huge motivator for us to seek out the Divine Mercy through this wonderful sacrament at the earliest opportunity. Hope you come to see it this way and seek out a priest today to enjoy that indescribably comfort and joy of absolution, so you can be free of this burden. Your joy will be even greater if it has been a long time, will be praying for you.

 

[CentralFLJames]

Workingmom - you need to just get into the confessional and “just do it”. Trust me - afterwords you will feel such a relief like being given a new life almost. Just do it - and don’t hold back on anything.

The priest does not need all the lurid and sordid details and specifics. Just tell him what needs to be said in a charitable way as if you were confiding with Jesus himself. I would say only elaborate with additional detail if it adds to the degree of the shame up to the point where it becomes too graphic. Trust me, that rediscovery of shame in sin is what is going to work to keep you in grace. But on the other hand know that we all develop a concupiscence or addiction to certain kinds of sin and you may find that some old sins that have become habits and lifestyles are hard to break and you will have to keep coming back to confession and praying a lot to beat some of these things over time. Just forgive yourself for being human and try progressively harder to repent and overcome those temptations to sin.

For example confess:

1. “I masturbated habitually for the past year not knowing then that it was grave matter” might be sufficient but if there are extenuating attendant thoughts or actions that add to the severity you might need to further qualify it - e.g. “I masturbated while having thoughts of sex with a minor” or “… with a close friend’s spouse” or “…with a stranger on the Internet cam”. The priest may need to asses the damage to other relationships and risks to your familial situation in order to advise you on how to repent.
2. “I forgot to confess grave sins in my last confession that I have later recollected and now want to confess to clear my conscience” vs. “I deliberately did not confess all my grave sins in my last confession since I felt so much shame and have since received the eucharist but did not know it was a sacrilege when I did that”.
3. “I had illicit sex outside marriage” vs. “I had illicit sex outside my marriage and contributed to the failure of another couple’s marriage” vs. “I experimented with illicit homosexual sex outside of my marriage” vs. “I had deviant sex that involves bestiality that now shames me so badly that I have difficulty confessing it - help me father since I have lost my self respect”. Note: I am not implying you or anyone has done any of these but just demonstrating how progressively hard it becomes to confess graver sins and how it may be neccessary to elaborate more fully. I hope I have not said anything here in a distastful way - but the concept of “coming clean” so you know you did not hold back out of shame I think is important.

Clearly all these cases in #3 above are grave matter but the latter cases are morally more severe and would be very hard to confess. But the additional severity may indicate a problem that the priest would want to know about so he could help you discern if you need some special spiritual counseling and may want to to advise you to speak with a Catholic counselor to help you resolve the emotional damage these sins may have caused you.

You really need to take full advantage of the confessional and “get it all out”. If it has been a long time since your last confession and you know you have a lot of grave sins explain to father that you may have forgotten some sins but want to come clean and repent and get right with God. If he thinks you are sincere he will probably welcome you back into full communion with the Church (mortal sin separates us) and forgive you of all your past sins - both spoken and not immediately recollected. In fact let him know if you are not sure if you have recollected everything completely (but don’t deliberately withhold and recollected sins). This will prompt him happily extend God’s Mercy of general absolution for all past sins if he senses you are sincere.

After a come back from a long period of sin - its a very good idea to start doing some private penance to help you break the old habits and to also offset any purgatorial time that are still due. I’d recommend getting in the habit if daily prayer for at least 15 minutes daily.

In general a re-dedication to God through repentance after a long life of sin will result in a flood of sinful memories after confession. You will remember things that you have forgotten and many suffer from scrupulosity and then keep going to confession very often as you recollect these sins (thinking you are not forgiven of them). But you are forgiven them. But you can mention them as you recollect them to your spiritual advisor (try to go to the same priest and develop a relationship with him) if makes you feel better.

God Bless,
James

 

[jmcrae]

Please also remember that the priest is not there to judge you - he is there to give you the Absolution for your sins. He will not (unless he is having a very bad day, in which case, pray for him) rebuke you at all, or be in any way stern with you.

Instead, you will find him to be very gentle and kind.

 

[mercygate]

thanks to all for the advice - I was going to go last Saturday, but i chickened out (again)…I’ve been trying to say this for the last few years and can not seem to get up the courage…Pray for me!

Practice. Say it to yourself. I did x regularly for x number of years.

Heck! this is the age of Jerry Springer. Who would think anybody could be embarrassed by anyrhing anymore. For the sake of our immortal souls, we women have to get past our generic “problem” of wanting to appear to be good.

Another thing is to give a disclaimer: Father, this is VERY hard for me to say. Then SAY it.

 

[mercygate]

Excellent comments so far about how your hesitation and shame indicate your conscience is working.

I have to admit it. I’ve wondered how a priest can manage to hear our sins (My sins) in confession and then see us (me) face to face later on. Sometimes I wonder if it’s fair to the priest. More often I think I’ll feel embarrassed. Mostly I feel loved. It is just flat-out overpowering.

Christ sure knew what He was doing when He instituted Reconciliation. [sign]Oh, Really??[/sign]
If you can’t work up the courage to talk to the priest you know…go to confession in another parish!

Same God, different part of town. He won’t mind. Go.

…but only say the word, and I shall be healed.

I go to the same priest every time. On the one hand, it’s awful because he knows EVERYTHING. On the other hand, it keeps all the #%$^ in one place!

 

[Michael96]

I offer this only from personal experience: The only time I am able to be really 100% open, honest and transparent (telling absolutely the whole truth including all the lurid details, and opening up myself fully) is when confessing to God privately in prayer.