Confession Question

[Susan_Calvin]

I’m not a Catholic (yet!) but I have a question about confession which I hope someone might answer. It is ever permissible to bring a third party into the confessional with you, for support? I’m going to be very blunt here, I was raped as a young girl. In absolutely no way do I think a priest would be indiscreet with me, absolutely not. But having been raped I have difficulty being alone in a small room and a closed door, with any man. Its a serious trigger which causes me a great deal of anxiety. I believe I could handle a traditional confessional with the priest behind a screen, since we would be separated. But the new “open room” setting, well… that would be very difficult for me. If I do indeed become Catholic I obviously am going to work on this problem, but I also don’t want to be unable to go to confession because of past experiences. Thank you in advance for any replies.

 

[Joannm]

I’m not a Catholic (yet!) but I have a question about confession which I hope someone might answer. It is ever permissible to bring a third party into the confessional with you, for support? I’m going to be very blunt here, I was raped as a young girl. In absolutely no way do I think a priest would be indiscreet with me, absolutely not. But having been raped I have difficulty being alone in a small room and a closed door, with any man. Its a serious trigger which causes me a great deal of anxiety. I believe I could handle a traditional confessional with the priest behind a screen, since we would be separated. But the new “open room” setting, well… that would be very difficult for me. If I do indeed become Catholic I obviously am going to work on this problem, but I also don’t want to be unable to go to confession because of past experiences. Thank you in advance for any replies.

I would suggest speaking with a priest outside of the confessional situation with someone present. Tell the preist that you are very uncomfortable with the situation as you described. You might find that he is very amiable to hearing your confession outside of the confessional when the time comes. Our confessionals have windows in them so anyone on the outside can see in. You can also go in an office with a window or outside in the church. When we have penance services we often have one or two priests in the corners of the church with a kneeler and a screen to hear confessions, it is very open and visible to all but no one can hear since they know not to stand on line close to the those celebrating the sacrament.

 

[passus]

I’m not a Catholic (yet!) but I have a question about confession which I hope someone might answer. It is ever permissible to bring a third party into the confessional with you, for support? I’m going to be very blunt here, I was raped as a young girl. In absolutely no way do I think a priest would be indiscreet with me, absolutely not. But having been raped I have difficulty being alone in a small room and a closed door, with any man. Its a serious trigger which causes me a great deal of anxiety. I believe I could handle a traditional confessional with the priest behind a screen, since we would be separated. But the new “open room” setting, well… that would be very difficult for me. If I do indeed become Catholic I obviously am going to work on this problem, but I also don’t want to be unable to go to confession because of past experiences. Thank you in advance for any replies.

There are some cases in which it is necessary to have a third party involved in the sacrament of confession, such as when a translator might be needed. For the reason you have stated here, your parish priest may or may not allow it, but I would suggest first discussing it with your RCIA director who can find out about any accommodations you may need. As I understand it, this could be as simple as the priest stepping out of the confessional and you and him having a one-on-one confession sitting in one of the church pews.

Just so you know, a lot of newer confessionals have both a screen and a chair in front of the priest for a face-to-face confession. In a lot of churches also, the confessional is being done away with and confessions are simply conducted face to face sitting in chairs or in one of the pews.

 

[bilop]

I’m not a Catholic (yet!) but I have a question about confession which I hope someone might answer. It is ever permissible to bring a third party into the confessional with you, for support? I’m going to be very blunt here, I was raped as a young girl. In absolutely no way do I think a priest would be indiscreet with me, absolutely not. But having been raped I have difficulty being alone in a small room and a closed door, with any man. Its a serious trigger which causes me a great deal of anxiety. I believe I could handle a traditional confessional with the priest behind a screen, since we would be separated. But the new “open room” setting, well… that would be very difficult for me. If I do indeed become Catholic I obviously am going to work on this problem, but I also don’t want to be unable to go to confession because of past experiences. Thank you in advance for any replies.

Every Catholic has a canonical right to anonymous confession, so you can actually “demand” the traditional form, i.e. a grate between the penitent and confessor. If this makes you more comfortable, by all means do it.

God Bless and welcome home!

 

[passus]

Every Catholic has a canonical right to anonymous confession, so you can actually “demand” the traditional form, i.e. a grate between the penitent and confessor. If this makes you more comfortable, by all means do it.

God Bless and welcome home!

It’s not like it would still be anonymous, though.

 

[OraProNobisIHM]

I’m not a Catholic (yet!) but I have a question about confession which I hope someone might answer. It is ever permissible to bring a third party into the confessional with you, for support? I’m going to be very blunt here, I was raped as a young girl. In absolutely no way do I think a priest would be indiscreet with me, absolutely not. But having been raped I have difficulty being alone in a small room and a closed door, with any man. Its a serious trigger which causes me a great deal of anxiety. I believe I could handle a traditional confessional with the priest behind a screen, since we would be separated. But the new “open room” setting, well… that would be very difficult for me. If I do indeed become Catholic I obviously am going to work on this problem, but I also don’t want to be unable to go to confession because of past experiences. Thank you in advance for any replies.

As the person above said…

Exercise your right to behind-the-screen.

 

[Phemie]

As the person above said…

Exercise your right to behind-the-screen.

But in many parishes ‘behind-the-screen’ still involves being alone in a closed room with a priest. It’s certainly that way in our parish. We step into the reconciliation room and immediately face a prie-Dieu & a curtain. We can opt to kneel and confess anonymously or take four more steps around the curtain for face-to-face confession.

 

[zab]

I’m not a Catholic (yet!) but I have a question about confession which I hope someone might answer. It is ever permissible to bring a third party into the confessional with you, for support? I’m going to be very blunt here, I was raped as a young girl. In absolutely no way do I think a priest would be indiscreet with me, absolutely not. But having been raped I have difficulty being alone in a small room and a closed door, with any man. Its a serious trigger which causes me a great deal of anxiety. I believe I could handle a traditional confessional with the priest behind a screen, since we would be separated. But the new “open room” setting, well… that would be very difficult for me. If I do indeed become Catholic I obviously am going to work on this problem, but I also don’t want to be unable to go to confession because of past experiences. Thank you in advance for any replies.

The reconcilliation room should have a screen and usually a kneeler in it so the person has the option to go behind the screen or face to face.

 

[Cluny]

Ask your pastor, NOT the RICA director. It’s the priest that will have to deal pastorally with your situation, NOT the RICA director.

You also might consider asking an Eastern Catholic priest to hear your first confession, since confessions are traditionally heard before the Iconostas in the open church.l

 

[passus]

Ask your pastor, NOT the RICA director. It’s the priest that will have to deal pastorally with your situation, NOT the RICA director.

If I were the *RCIA director, I know I would feel slighted by one of my students going above my head to the pastor. It’s the job of the RCIA director to go to the pastor.

You also might consider asking an Eastern Catholic priest to hear your first confession, since confessions are traditionally heard before the Iconostas in the open church.l

Confession should be heard by the parish priest at whatever church the penitent is attending to RCIA classes.

 

[Joannm]

As RCIA director in my parish I often go to the pastor to help with confesion problems for our candidates. I present the concern to him and he makes arrangements with me or asks me to have the person call him. For instance, if the OP was in my parish I would discuss her situation with the pastor. He would decide maybe to have her come in for a chat with someone else present, or he would tell me to tell her that he would hear her confession in an open room, like our chapel, at a certain time and he would wait for her behind a screen. Our chapel has a glass door so someone could stand by the door so that she feels like she is not alone. I was in one parish where the reconciliation rooms had glass walls, so while anyone could see the person going to confession the priest was behind the screen and the penitent could not see the priest, or visa versa.

 

[Susan_Calvin]

Thank you all for your answers, its very helpful. I didn’t realize I could choose where or how to confess, or simply make confession in an open part of the church, an office, etc. I assumed it was the open room confessional (if that was all that was available) or nothing. I think that solves my problem actually, if I’m able to confess in a way I feel more comfortable. I will say I am a little confused now about whether its proper to go to the priest or the director, since there seems to be some disagreement over that. I decided though, I will just call the pastor and ask him which is proper, to speak to him directly about things or go through someone else. I assume it varies depending on the priest. Thank you all again for answering my question, I feel much better!

 

[Aramis]

I’m not a Catholic (yet!) but I have a question about confession which I hope someone might answer. It is ever permissible to bring a third party into the confessional with you, for support? I’m going to be very blunt here, I was raped as a young girl. In absolutely no way do I think a priest would be indiscreet with me, absolutely not. But having been raped I have difficulty being alone in a small room and a closed door, with any man. Its a serious trigger which causes me a great deal of anxiety. I believe I could handle a traditional confessional with the priest behind a screen, since we would be separated. But the new “open room” setting, well… that would be very difficult for me. If I do indeed become Catholic I obviously am going to work on this problem, but I also don’t want to be unable to go to confession because of past experiences. Thank you in advance for any replies.

Canon law says the confessing penitent may be assisted by an interpreter, but the assisting person must be sworn to uphold the sacred seal of the confessional. It implies a possible provision for more.

Can. 983
§1. The sacramental seal is inviolable; therefore it is absolutely forbidden for a confessor to betray in any way a penitent in words or in any manner and for any reason.
§2. The interpreter, if there is one, and all others who in any way have knowledge of sins from confession are also obliged to observe secrecy.
vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P3G.HTM

 

[Susan_Calvin]

Thank you, I am interested in Canon Law so thanks for the reference and especially the link.

 

[Aramis]

Thank you, I am interested in Canon Law so thanks for the reference and especially the link.

You’re most welcome.

 

[Poor_Clare_tobe]

I’m not a Catholic (yet!) but I have a question about confession which I hope someone might answer. It is ever permissible to bring a third party into the confessional with you, for support? I’m going to be very blunt here, I was raped as a young girl. In absolutely no way do I think a priest would be indiscreet with me, absolutely not. But having been raped I have difficulty being alone in a small room and a closed door, with any man. Its a serious trigger which causes me a great deal of anxiety. I believe I could handle a traditional confessional with the priest behind a screen, since we would be separated. But the new “open room” setting, well… that would be very difficult for me. If I do indeed become Catholic I obviously am going to work on this problem, but I also don’t want to be unable to go to confession because of past experiences. Thank you in advance for any replies.

I would speak to your RCIA moderator or to your priest.
Explain what you would be comfortable with, what your needs are specifically.

While a third person can’t be present with you in the same room…

1. a third person perhaps could be there within site but our of hearing… Perhaps the door to the confessional could be propped open?
2. You could go to a penance service where the priest is available in a part of a church in plain site of others.
3. Many options exist… Just talk it through with your priest or moderator.

You will be in our prayers while you are on your journey.*

 

[peary]

I’m not a Catholic (yet!) but I have a question about confession which I hope someone might answer. It is ever permissible to bring a third party into the confessional with you, for support? I’m going to be very blunt here, I was raped as a young girl. In absolutely no way do I think a priest would be indiscreet with me, absolutely not. But having been raped I have difficulty being alone in a small room and a closed door, with any man. Its a serious trigger which causes me a great deal of anxiety. I believe I could handle a traditional confessional with the priest behind a screen, since we would be separated. But the new “open room” setting, well… that would be very difficult for me. If I do indeed become Catholic I obviously am going to work on this problem, but I also don’t want to be unable to go to confession because of past experiences. Thank you in advance for any replies.

I don’t think it is permissible to have a third party present for one’s Confession. However, I would suggest that you talk with the priest prior (i.e. make an appointment, and request perhaps a counselor be present). I am sure something could be worked out to alleviate your own suffering. Personally, I do not like open confession; I use the Confessional. The Confessional was created for a good reason - temptation and the fact that the priest, as intermediary, is not the prime focus, but God through the priest.

 

[Susan_Calvin]

Thanks again for all the advice, its been very helpful. Just writing about it and reading everyone’s responses helped me to approach the priest. He said when the time comes he would be happy to hear my confession in any way which I feel comfortable. He offered his office also, which is quite large (a larger room is easier for me), has windows and there is a desk between us. Honestly I don’t know why I didn’t think of his office, as I’ve spoken to him in there before with no issues. I guess though I didn’t realize confession could be heard anywhere. I have a lot to learn! Thank you all though for the answers, I appreciate it.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

Thanks again for all the advice, its been very helpful. Just writing about it and reading everyone’s responses helped me to approach the priest. He said when the time comes he would be happy to hear my confession in any way which I feel comfortable. He offered his office also, which is quite large (a larger room is easier for me), has windows and there is a desk between us. Honestly I don’t know why I didn’t think of his office, as I’ve spoken to him in there before with no issues. I guess though I didn’t realize confession could be heard anywhere. I have a lot to learn! Thank you all though for the answers, I appreciate it.

Confessions can be heard anywhere, but the preferred place is in the confessional.

I think I’ve heard that the cannon law demands a screen for protection of both the priest and the pentient.

However, I think most priests tend to be very pastoral in situations like these and will allow for face to face confessions.

 

[GodIsGracious]

Thanks again for all the advice, its been very helpful. Just writing about it and reading everyone’s responses helped me to approach the priest. He said when the time comes he would be happy to hear my confession in any way which I feel comfortable. He offered his office also, which is quite large (a larger room is easier for me), has windows and there is a desk between us. Honestly I don’t know why I didn’t think of his office, as I’ve spoken to him in there before with no issues. I guess though I didn’t realize confession could be heard anywhere. I have a lot to learn! Thank you all though for the answers, I appreciate it.

Susan Calvin, I read your original post and almost cried. I too have been such a horrible experience and I still take actions based on the fear that violent crime induced. I am praying for you to find peace.

That being said, I don’t know what your church is like, but I’ve seen many churches confessionals be like booths. So you have two doors next to each other along the wall of the church. One door the preist goes into, the other is the person who is to confess their sins. While there is a grate or a screen that can be opened for face to face confessions, it can also be closed for anonymous confessions. But the point I am making is that you and the priest would be in individual separate itty bitty rooms, a booth. The only way someone could touch you is if they were to open the door to your booth and come in. I think some booths even lock. My memory is sketchy on that.

Check your church to see if they have confessionals like this.

Also, if you start to freak out, say the “our father” before going in. That, for me at least, is the single most calming prayer. It is the perfect prayer given to us by our Lord Jesus Christ. I hope you don’t mind a virtual hug because I so know what you are going through. :hug1:

Don’t forget, Christ is with you always. Even when we were enduring such a violation, he was with us as hard as it may seem to believe. But take comfort in that NOW and when you go to confession. He does not love you any less.