Confession Question

[Sir_Knight]

Thank you, I am interested in Canon Law so thanks for the reference and especially the link.

Since you are interested in Canon Law, maybe this will help …

**Church Canon Law 964: **

§ 1. The proper place for hearing sacramental confessions is a church or oratory.

** § 2. **As far as the confessional is concerned, norms are to be issued by the Bishops’ Conference, with the proviso however that confessionals, fitted with a fixed grille between the penitent and the confessor, ALWAYS be available in an open place, so that the faithful who so wish may freely use them.

** § 3. Except for a just reason, confessions are not to be heard elsewhere than in a confessional.

 

[Aramis]

Confessions can be heard anywhere, but the preferred place is in the confessional.

I think I’ve heard that the cannon law demands a screen for protection of both the priest and the pentient.

However, I think most priests tend to be very pastoral in situations like these and will allow for face to face confessions.

It requires a screen be available in Roman Catholic parishes. The CCEO does not require nor even mention a screen.

 

[jmcrae]

I’m not a Catholic (yet!) but I have a question about confession which I hope someone might answer. It is ever permissible to bring a third party into the confessional with you, for support? I’m going to be very blunt here, I was raped as a young girl. In absolutely no way do I think a priest would be indiscreet with me, absolutely not. But having been raped I have difficulty being alone in a small room and a closed door, with any man. Its a serious trigger which causes me a great deal of anxiety. I believe I could handle a traditional confessional with the priest behind a screen, since we would be separated. But the new “open room” setting, well… that would be very difficult for me. If I do indeed become Catholic I obviously am going to work on this problem, but I also don’t want to be unable to go to confession because of past experiences. Thank you in advance for any replies.

If you use a traditional Confessional, you are in one little tiny room, and the priest is in another little tiny room, and you communicate with him through a little opening in the wall. Nothing improper can happen (although I heard of a case where a priest made an improper remark to someone during Confession - I doubt this is very common though, and the person simply left and went to a different Church to make his Confession).

 

[Poor_Clare_tobe]

Thanks again for all the advice, its been very helpful. Just writing about it and reading everyone’s responses helped me to approach the priest. He said when the time comes he would be happy to hear my confession in any way which I feel comfortable. He offered his office also, which is quite large (a larger room is easier for me), has windows and there is a desk between us. Honestly I don’t know why I didn’t think of his office, as I’ve spoken to him in there before with no issues. I guess though I didn’t realize confession could be heard anywhere. I have a lot to learn! Thank you all though for the answers, I appreciate it.

Susan,
I am so very glad to hear that you are doing well. As you can see there are many options [places] for receiving the sacrament. We will be praying for you on your journey.
Blessings of Peace and All Good!

 

[Susan_Calvin]

Susan Calvin, I read your original post and almost cried. I too have been such a horrible experience and I still take actions based on the fear that violent crime induced. I am praying for you to find peace.

Sorry to hear you have had similar experiences in life. I grew up in NYC and as a young kid my particular neighbourhood was pretty much a war zone (there is some improvement now, though not much) so I emphathize with anyone who has lived through a violent situation. Thanks for your prayers. I am not so good at praying yet, but I will pray for you also. I am mostly OK, the majority of my colleagues are men and I function well among them and in life in general… I’ve had extensive therapy. Just occasionally there is a situation such as this where I need accomodations. In any event thanks for your concern and I will try your suggestion of praying beforehand.

GodIsGracious:

That being said, I don’t know what your church is like, but I’ve seen many churches confessionals be like booths.

jmcrae:

If you use a traditional Confessional, you are in one little tiny room, and the priest is in another little tiny room, and you communicate with him through a little opening in the wall. Nothing improper can happen (although I heard of a case where a priest made an improper remark to someone during Confession - I doubt this is very common though, and the person simply left and went to a different Church to make his Confession).

I would prefer this kind of confessional, because the priest and myself would be in separate rooms, and I think I could handle that. The problem is though, there is no such confessional at the church I attend. Simply having a screen within an open room would not help; in my mind I would still be in the open room. That may not make sense to all here but that is the nature of PTSD, its weird how it manifests itself sometimes, and what things bother a person.

There is more than one church here, and I believe one of the others has a traditional confessional. However, my pastor’s mother tongue is English, the other priests do speak English but not nearly as well. So I prefer to remain with this priest if I can manage it. In any event, I am getting ahead of myself because I still have a long way to go before I need to make confession. I was just concerned because the question came to my mind and I knew I would likely have issue with it. I feel much more prepared now.

 

[Susan_Calvin]

Since you are interested in Canon Law, maybe this will help …

** § 3. Except for a just reason, confessions are not to be heard elsewhere than in a confessional.

Thank you for the quotes from Canon Law. I do appreciate it, thanks. I mentioned this particular one to my priest yesterday. There is a strong possibility that being in a small room alone with a man will cause me to pass out / faint (it has happened in the past). Therefore the priest told me not to worry, I have a just reason for the accomodation.

This is not to say that I will not be working on this issue in the meantime. I have decided to seek out more therapy in an attempt to rectify the situation. Obviously I will want to go to confession regularly once I am a Catholic and I would prefer to not have this issue anymore!

Thank you again to everyone for all the kind words and suggestions.

 

[GodIsGracious]

Sorry to hear you have had similar experiences in life. I grew up in NYC and as a young kid my particular neighbourhood was pretty much a war zone (there is some improvement now, though not much) so I emphathize with anyone who has lived through a violent situation. Thanks for your prayers. I am not so good at praying yet, but I will pray for you also. I am mostly OK, the majority of my colleagues are men and I function well among them and in life in general… I’ve had extensive therapy. Just occasionally there is a situation such as this where I need accomodations. In any event thanks for your concern and I will try your suggestion of praying beforehand.

And thank you for your prayers. You know, I’m just now coming back after being lapsed for about 20 years. I’m still learning to pray myself even though the first 20 years (well, I was a kid and a teen at the time) I did pray. It’s all a process and growing in our faith.

I would prefer this kind of confessional, because the priest and myself would be in separate rooms, and I think I could handle that. The problem is though, there is no such confessional at the church I attend.

Bummer!

Simply having a screen within an open room would not help; in my mind I would still be in the open room. That may not make sense to all here but that is the nature of PTSD, its weird how it manifests itself sometimes, and what things bother a person.

I went to confession last week with a confessional room like this. So yes, I know what you mean and why it can be scary.

There is more than one church here, and I believe one of the others has a traditional confessional. However, my pastor’s mother tongue is English, the other priests do speak English but not nearly as well. So I prefer to remain with this priest if I can manage it. In any event, I am getting ahead of myself because I still have a long way to go before I need to make confession. I was just concerned because the question came to my mind and I knew I would likely have issue with it. I feel much more prepared now.

Good! Trust in the Holy Spirit. He will protect you.

Others here given good advice as to who to talk to. I think once you “get into the swing of things” going to other churches and going to confession elsewhere to see what they’re like will be a nice experience. Admittedly, I don’t know what it’s like to convert. I know what it’s like to go and then lapse for a while then come back. heh… But I do realize that it can be a very scary experience to convert from what I’ve seen from other converts.

Peace be with you and I pray the Holy Spirit to protect and guide you.

 

[jmcrae]

I would prefer this kind of confessional, because the priest and myself would be in separate rooms, and I think I could handle that. The problem is though, there is no such confessional at the church I attend. Simply having a screen within an open room would not help; in my mind I would still be in the open room. That may not make sense to all here but that is the nature of PTSD, its weird how it manifests itself sometimes, and what things bother a person.

Right - I do understand. When I was young, I suffered from terrible shyness, and it still comes on me from time to time, and I simply can’t use the Reconciliation Room - it is physically impossible. So I go to a different parish and use “the box” instead.

There is more than one church here, and I believe one of the others has a traditional confessional. However, my pastor’s mother tongue is English, the other priests do speak English but not nearly as well. So I prefer to remain with this priest if I can manage it.

I can understand that, too. The first priest I went to Confession with was from Vietnam, and had learned English in Alabama. I was told at the time that “it doesn’t matter - a priest is a priest” - but for First Confession, I think it really does matter. Once you have some experience with it, you can go to a priest whose English is harder to understand, because you know what he’s supposed to be saying, but when you’re just getting used to it, it’s best to go with someone who is easy to understand, and easy to be with.

In any event, I am getting ahead of myself because I still have a long way to go before I need to make confession. I was just concerned because the question came to my mind and I knew I would likely have issue with it. I feel much more prepared now.

 

[Sir_Knight]

When I was young, I suffered from terrible shyness, and it still comes on me from time to time, and I simply can’t use the Reconciliation Room - it is physically impossible. So I go to a different parish and use “the box” instead.

Sort of shows the wisdom of the early church

 

[Susan_Calvin]

And thank you for your prayers. You know, I’m just now coming back after being lapsed for about 20 years. I’m still learning to pray myself even though the first 20 years (well, I was a kid and a teen at the time) I did pray. It’s all a process and growing in our faith.

Oh wow that is awesome that you have come back after so long. Very brave too, it must be kind of scary in a way. But exciting too!

GodIsGracious:

Others here given good advice as to who to talk to. I think once you “get into the swing of things” going to other churches and going to confession elsewhere to see what they’re like will be a nice experience. Admittedly, I don’t know what it’s like to convert. I know what it’s like to go and then lapse for a while then come back. heh… But I do realize that it can be a very scary experience to convert from what I’ve seen from other converts.

Thanks. Honestly I just hope I get through it OK without fainting or getting sick. I have had rare occasions where I will vomit if I get too nervous. I’m really quite a private person overall and it feels like being exposed, having to go to the priest and then becoming ill… I don’t want him to think I’m a nut. I suppose priests have seen everything but it is embarrassing, especially since I function extremely well in my day to day living and only rarely have issues. But I guess that is pride, wanting to appear “together” all the time. Still its difficult.

 

[Susan_Calvin]

Right - I do understand. When I was young, I suffered from terrible shyness, and it still comes on me from time to time, and I simply can’t use the Reconciliation Room - it is physically impossible. So I go to a different parish and use “the box” instead.

Its very good to know that others have issues with the open room for various reasons, so thank you for sharing. I think after my initial confession I may try going to another parish that does have the box style. Unless of course I am able to overcome my issue with the open room. That would be ideal, then I could go anywhere!

jmcrae:

I can understand that, too. The first priest I went to Confession with was from Vietnam, and had learned English in Alabama. I was told at the time that “it doesn’t matter - a priest is a priest” - but for First Confession, I think it really does matter.

I get the point of “a priest is a priest” but I agree with you, for the first time I would like someone who I am sure understands me and I understand him, at least until I get the hang of things. Additionally, I’m just so excited to have found a priest who speaks much English at all! I mean they all speak some here, but I guess I am still having some culture shock living here, in some respects it would be a lot easier were I back in the USA.

Thanks for your thoughts on this, I’m glad to know I’m not alone in my feelings!

 

[jmcrae]

…] I’m just so excited to have found a priest who speaks much English at all! I mean they all speak some here, but I guess I am still having some culture shock living here, in some respects it would be a lot easier were I back in the USA.

Are you going to be doing your RCIA where you are right now, or are you coming back to the US to do it? (I am thinking that it would probably be better/easier to do your RCIA in familiar surroundings, unless you’re going to be where you are for longer than a year.)

I am also thinking that if you do your RCIA in the US, then First Confession will be a lot easier, because you’ll have your choice of English-speaking priests.

 

[Susan_Calvin]

Well I am here for 2 years, and have only been here a few months. Additionally (recent development) I might be going to another country after this contract is up. Its a great opportunity. So its possible I may not be back in the United States for as long as 5 years.

So no, I guess if I am really serious about this I will have to do it here. I’m not prepared to wait that long.

 

[jmcrae]

Well I am here for 2 years, and have only been here a few months. Additionally (recent development) I might be going to another country after this contract is up. Its a great opportunity. So its possible I may not be back in the United States for as long as 5 years.

So no, I guess if I am really serious about this I will have to do it here. I’m not prepared to wait that long.

Yes, that makes good sense - for some reason I was under the impression that you were just away on a short-term business trip (couple of months), which is why I was wondering.

Plus, I’m just nosy.

 

[chewchoo]

Well I am here for 2 years, and have only been here a few months. Additionally (recent development) I might be going to another country after this contract is up. Its a great opportunity. So its possible I may not be back in the United States for as long as 5 years.

So no, I guess if I am really serious about this I will have to do it here. I’m not prepared to wait that long.

Yes, that makes good sense - for some reason I was under the impression that you were just away on a short-term business trip (couple of months), which is why I was wondering.

Plus, I’m just nosy.

me too i see you changed your location to expatriate! not planning on coming back to the US ever?

 

[mark_a]

But having been raped I have difficulty being alone in a small room and a closed door, with any man. Its a serious trigger which causes me a great deal of anxiety.

I once confessed to a priest in my parent’s back yard.

 

[Susan_Calvin]

me too i see you changed your location to expatriate! not planning on coming back to the US ever?

Nah I am coming back to the States… eventually. I was just fooling around with my profile a bit. I decided to remove location completely for now, until I feel comfortable saying where I am located. I applied for the other position though. So if they accept me I won’t be back for 5 years. A long time! Wow…

Mark, that is cool about making confession in the back yard, I think I could handle that. I am a bit confused now though, some people were saying in this thread that confession can only be heard in the confessional, but then others are saying it can be heard anywhere… oh well one more thing to ask my priest I guess.

I have some good news though regardless… my priest showed me the confessional… I actually had not seen the inside of it. I had googled reconciliation room and what came up were pictures of what I thought the confessional in my church looked like… a priest sitting in a small room and the penitent sitting across. But actually seeing the real confessional , its not like the pictures at all. Like others mentioned, there is a wooden slatted screen attached to a kneeler. You also have the option of sitting facing the priest, but its over to the side. The screen is the first thing you see when you walk in. My priest did an experiment with me where he went and sat behind the screen. Then I came in the room and shut the door. I could not see him at all, and I felt OK kneeling with the door closed. My back was directly to the door (its a small room) so that made me feel safer too, I could get out of there quickly if I needed to. Anyhow its good news because I think I will be able to go through with it now. Thanks to everyone for your help and suggestions.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

Mark, that is cool about making confession in the back yard, I think I could handle that. I am a bit confused now though, some people were saying in this thread that confession can only be heard in the confessional, but then others are saying it can be heard anywhere… oh well one more thing to ask my priest I guess.

I think what is meant is that under “normal circumstances” the appropriate place is the confessional. However, sometimes, however, getting to the appropriate place is near impossible. Or, people may have a situation like yours.

I’ve seen priests set up make shift tents at World Youth Day.

I think you will find that Catholism allows some leeway in things. People deserve their sacraments and priests should be as pastoral as possible (as long as everything is done is as validly and licitly as possible).

 

[Susan_Calvin]

Thanks, its good to know the difference. I was a bit confused, as usual.