Confession Question

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My wife and I are interested in joining the church and will be starting RCIA this fall. We were both baptized in the Southern Baptist faith roughly 30 years ago. We will need to confess all of our mortal sins before confirmation and my wife is struggling a bit with this. We attend a fairly small neighborhood parish in the Pacific Northwest and we are both southerners with noticeable accents. My wife is concerned that if our priest hears our confessions (even behind a screen) our accents will be a dead giveaway as to our identities. I think the initial confession is what is really causing her anxiety as we both may have been a bit wilder in our younger days…not as much to worry about moving forward 🙂 I guess i really have a couple of questions…is anonymity even considered in confession? Do parish’s have priests from outside the church come in to do confession instead of or in addition to the pastor of the parish? Is it appropriate to go to a different parish in order to maintain anonymity?

Thanks in advance for any info you can provide.

God Bless!
 
Simplicity! Your wife can go to the parish the proverbial two-towns-over to fulfill that requirement. In this case, a priest is a priest is a priest.

That being said, I used to be afraid of the same thing. I have a regular confessor and I mentioned once that I was confessing the same sin again (because I needed to) and he said that was good, because he does remember what I confess from one time to another. They all develop this confession amnesia. It’s pretty common.

There is noting that states your wife needs to go to a priest who knows her. Any priest will do.

And welcome home!

Fermat
 
Even if the priest should recognize you, he is bound by the seal of confession. No one can force him to reveal what you tell him. There have been numerous cases of people trying to get a priest to tell what was told to him, and to my knowledge not even a judge can force a priest to tell what was said to them. I think that a priest is a better person to tell a secret to rather than a lawyer. Ethics can be violated but not the sacrament of confession. I can’t think of a single instance where a priest has ever been forced to divulge what he has heard.
 
Thank you for your responses. I don’t think my wife is worried about the priest divulging the contents of the confession as much as the embarrassment of confessing past actions that she’s not proud of. Additionally, then seeing the priest outside of confession and being able to look him in the eye.
 
I don’t think that there is anything a person could tell a priest that he hasn’t heard before. We all have skeltons in our closet that if they burst out would embarass us. The purpose of confession is forgiveness. We’ve all done things that can and probably did raise some eyebrows. Once you stumble, pick yourself up and don’t look back.

Sometimes were are our own worst enemies, afraid to let some old bone go. I we worried about our past mistakes nothing would get done. One of the rules of life is that people make mistakes and we are forgiven and let’s move on. No one can hurt us unless we allow them to.

Keep our head up, look everyone in the eye and don’t flinch over past mistakes.The priest is not going to think bad about you because you say that you have sinned. Everyone has, tries not to do it again, but in all probabability will do so again. Does that make us bad people no, just human.

Besides, if you keep smiling people will just wonder what you’re doing. Keep 'em guessing. Our parents knew what we were doing as kids, and they still loved us. It’s no different now as adults.
 
Confession is completely and totally anonymous and private. The priest cannot, under any circumstances whatsoever, reveal your sins to anyone at all, not even the police. It doesn’t matter if you committed murder and the priest is told to tell you what you confessed to him even under oath, he still cannot reveal the contents of your confession. If he does, he will be excommunicated and the excommunication likely would not be lifted except with the Bishop’s approval. That’s how serious a violation of the seal of Confession is.
 
DKIN said:
Thank you for your responses. I don’t think my wife is worried about the priest divulging the contents of the confession as much as the embarrassment of confessing past actions that she’s not proud of. Additionally, then seeing the priest outside of confession and being able to look him in the eye.
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After confession and absolution, one’s sins are forgiven, one is free from sin. Priests have heard it all, over and over. Even if the priest doesn’t have “automatic amnesia”, he knows that your past is past, and that’s that. Being a priest and being able to give God’s absolution to you must be so humbling, so joyous.

Not to worry! I too have a Southern accent.
 
DKIN said:
My .is anonymity even considered in confession? Do parish’s have priests from outside the church come in to do confession instead of or in addition to the pastor of the parish? Is it appropriate to go to a different parish in order to maintain anonymity?

Thanks in advance for any info you can provide.

God Bless!
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the degree of anonymity is up to the penitent, but it is important to understand the priest will never refer to what you confess outside confession (unless you were to bring the matter up yourself in order to ask for more guidance). He probably won’t even remember it even if he does recognize your voice, they just don’t they can’t. Think of the family doctor who is also a family friend. He does not go around chatting about your medical problems.

But yes you can go to any priest you want. Sometimes parishes do bring other priests to help, during Lent for instance, but you don’t need to wait for that. If there is a shrine that is a pilgrimage or “tourist” site nearby there may be extended opportunities for confession there as well.

welcome home
 
I can sympathize, I have the same southern accent, the ONLY southern accent in our Church over here in the UK. I don’t have to mention who I am if I ever call the Priest. So, I can understand.
Thing is when you go in our confessional there is no screen, so he can see your face and you can see his. Even more of a challenge especially if it’s been over 30 years since your last confession and you just know you are going to make the walls melt.

What you have to believe in your act of humility, is that you are not confessing to a man, but at that moment Jesus himself is the one listening, it is, after all through the power of Jesus that the priest can absolve you of your sins. He, Jesus, is using that same Priest to listen, as you are using that same Priest to show your sincerity in your act of contrition and humility.

Think of it this way… can you hide from God? Would you try to jump over to the next confessional to avoid confessing your sins to God because you are embarrassed? Show your act of contrition to God, be humble and ask God for fogiveness.

Don’t be afraid… to quote a great Pope

God Bless
CP
 
I had the best experience with first confession, kind and understanding priest who was not my regular priest. My embarrassment came a month later, when I had my next confession. Now there was a time frame on my sins, however Priests hear all kinds of sins. Yours will be no more shocking than others he has heard:eek:. And remember, he knows we are going to sin, we are fallen creatures. We should be getting better, I think regular confession helps with that.
I was apprehensive about confession at first and now I love this sacrament:D.
 
My opinion is that if you feel uncomfortable, simply go to another parish to confess. It is true what others have said: Priests have heard it all, and aren’t going to ever mention what you said in confession, nor hold it against you.

That said, there can certainly be circumstances where it wouldn’t be wise to confess to your own parish priest when you can be identified. It’s your choice, and you are free to confess to any priest you want.
 
just take it easy bro ! I had my first confession this April 2011 and was suprised that it was a face to face confession. I’m not sure if there was an curtain in the confessional box as it was the first time I entered in in my church. I saw the priest entered the room and I followed immediately. Probably, he wasn’t ready ?🙂

anyway, I confessed my past sexual sins to a French priest and he has given me some kind advice.👍
 
Its no big deal if the priest recognizes you. He is bound by oath to the seal of confession, he will not reveal your sins to anyone!

Besides, many Catholics confess face to face. No issue has arisen from that.
 
DKIN said:
Thank you for your responses. I don’t think my wife is worried about the priest divulging the contents of the confession as much as the embarrassment of confessing past actions that she’s not proud of. Additionally, then seeing the priest outside of confession and being able to look him in the eye.
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We all become embarrassed over confessing past actions - that’s part of our pride. Be certain that the priest will never think less of anyone who confesses, regardless of the number of sins, the seriousness of them, the type of sins - quite the contrary! He will be joyful that they acted on the grace given them by God to repent and return to God.

Priests seem to have a special grace from God - that of being able to immediately forget the sins that were confessed to them. We are encouraged to have a regular confessor so that the priest can know our souls and be able to give spiritual guidance. Even in a confession box where you cannot see the priest and he cannot see you, you will be known by your voice, and you will know which priest is there, by his voice.

Talking to the priest in confession is totally separate from talking to him outside of confession. It is almost as if that priest is two separate persons as he will never give the slightest indication of knowing the sins you confessed. God ensures that it is that way.

There is nothing to fear - and, with time, your wife will cone to realize that. Confession is a wonderful sacrament.
 
A couple of things that come to my mind about your situation (and some of this was covered by other posters):

All priests are bound by the seal of the confessional - meaning that they cannot discuss past confessions with anyone. Technically, this means they cannont even discuss your own past confessions with you, I think.

All priests have pretty much heard all sins under the sun, with probably a few exceptions (i.e. I don’t think most priests have heard confessions about murder or bank robbery). You’re sins aren’t particularly special, he probably hears the same things over and over and everything probably blurs together.

You can visit another priest if you so choose.
 
I just went to my first Reconciliation on Saturday, and I had a lot on my mind to confess.

Granted, Father is known as Easy Ed because he makes it so easy on you. He walked me through the 10 commandments and how/if/how I had sinned against them. I had a lot on my list when I went in. It took less than 10 minutes, and I feel SO free. I had a lot to confess, the least of which was 2 abortions that I deeply, truly, and totally regret.

When I walked out of the confessional, I had a burden lifted.

This weekend I was confirmed, convalidated, had a child baptized, and Reconciliation. Of these, the latter was the most powerful.

And that’s saying something!
 
Your wife can go to any priest at any parish. At my parish (though is a rather large parish) Father has a communal penance service during during Lent (week before or Holy week) and during Advent. Several priests are available at this service and there is an option of face to face confession or behind a screen in the confessional.

As others have said, I wouldn’t worry about one’s sins being divulged as priests are bound by the seal of confession and can be excommunicated if the seal of confession is broken. I doubt if priests even remember who confessed what sins as they hear so many - maybe unless one confesses to a spiritual director who is a priest and at regular intervals. I am certain your wife could confess anything that the priest has not heard in the past.
 
I would suggest go to another parish if it makes you feel comfortable. I was in RCIA in 2004 and had the same problem. But, I figured he was a priest and I trusted him and went to confession, it was a big step for me to do that. I understand what your going through tho. Good Luck
 
ComputerGeek25 said:
A couple of things that come to my mind about your situation (and some of this was covered by other posters):

All priests are bound by the seal of the confessional - meaning that they cannot discuss past confessions with anyone. Technically, this means they cannont even discuss your own past confessions with you, I think.

All priests have pretty much heard all sins under the sun, with probably a few exceptions (i.e. I don’t think most priests have heard confessions about murder or bank robbery). You’re sins aren’t particularly special, he probably hears the same things over and over and everything probably blurs together.

You can visit another priest if you so choose.
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If someone has confessed and later outside the confessional would like some more advice or spiritual direction (from the priest he confessed to) the penitent must be the one to bring up his prior confession to the priest. Then and only then the priest can give give advice. The priest can never bring up someones confession.
 
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