Confession Question

[ATeutonicKnight]

On Ash Wednesday in the previous Lent, the new Bishop was giving confessions. I was the first one in there, and I confessed having sex with another person. However, I had also committed the sin of oral sex, but I didn’t want to say both as to “overload” the poor fifty year old Bishop. I don’t believe I realized that doing this was sacrilege at the time, but should I confess these sins again? I have confessed withholding Mortal sins in confession many times after that (Granted, I didn’t remember this one incident when I did, but it still counts… Or does it?) so that part doesn’t bother me, but should I confess these sins again?

Also, when one says they have had sex in confession, is oral sex just assumed, or should you make the distinction?

 

[Lukesgal]

I would mention this to the priest next time you confess.

From what I understand, not advising all sins commited means that there is a possibilty that the correct penance was not given and therefore additional penance may be needed.

I believe that oral sex would be considered a separate sins as they are two different acts.

Being a 50 year old Bishop I would assume that he may have heard confessions far worse than yours.

 

[Edmundus1581]

On Ash Wednesday in the previous Lent, the new Bishop was giving confessions. I was the first one in there, and I confessed having sex with another person. However, I had also committed the sin of oral sex, but I didn’t want to say both as to “overload” the poor fifty year old Bishop. I don’t believe I realized that doing this was sacrilege at the time, but should I confess these sins again?** I have confessed withholding Mortal sins in confession many times after that (Granted, I didn’t remember this one incident when I did, but it still counts… Or does it?) **so that part doesn’t bother me, but should I confess these sins again?

Also, when one says they have had sex in confession, is oral sex just assumed, or should you make the distinction?

If you have confessed withholding mortal sins many times, then has your priest’s reaction been able to give you any guidance on this? Does he, in general, accept these confessions, or does he, in general, say “Stop going over previous confessions”. If he has been indicating one way or the other, then I would strongly advise you to follow his direction.

As to confessing the particular nature of the act, I am not sure. Certainly, we should not confess the intimate details of sexual acts, however if I just confessed “I am unmarried and have had sex with a woman”, and omitted any unnatural acts, then perhaps it is an incomplete confession.

 

[ATeutonicKnight]

I would mention this to the priest next time you confess.

From what I understand, not advising all sins commited means that there is a possibilty that the correct penance was not given and therefore additional penance may be needed.

I believe that oral sex would be considered a separate sins as they are two different acts.

Being a 50 year old Bishop I would assume that he may have heard confessions far worse than yours.

Okay, thanks.

I know. That was the joke, but at the time I literally had the thought of “I’ll just say one for now, because after all, I don’t want to kill the Bishop!”

 

[ATeutonicKnight]

If you have confessed withholding mortal sins many times, then has your priest’s reaction been able to give you any guidance on this? Does he, in general, accept these confessions, or does he, in general, say “Stop going over previous confessions”. If he has been indicating one way or the other, then I would strongly advise you to follow his direction.

As to confessing the particular nature of the act, I am not sure. Certainly, we should not confess the intimate details of sexual acts, however if I just confessed “I am unmarried and have had sex with a woman”, and omitted any unnatural acts, then perhaps it is an incomplete confession.

I don’t do it now, but for a time I had many grave sins and was very afraid of confessing them. I no longer have this problem, so it hasn’t been addressed. However, after confessing that, I did have a very good Priest say, “Okay, good Confession. Just to be sure, you did confess all of your sins, right?” Luckily I did actually confess all of my sins during that confession, but I thought over a moment to make sure and I said, “All of the ones I can remember, Father.” That was good enough for him, so that was that.

This is probably true. I’ll be sure to confess this during my next confession.

 

[Edmundus1581]

Thanks for both replies, TK.

Sounds like you’ve got this one sorted out

 

[dconklin]

“overload” the poor fifty year old Bishop.

Hey! Is this an old age jab/worry? I’m 44. A 50 year old Bishop is at the very young end of bishops.

As far as the act and not reporting it correctly, it might be assumed that if you are doing something that is wrong you are going to do it wrong too.

 

[ATeutonicKnight]

Hey! Is this an old age jab/worry? I’m 44. A 50 year old Bishop is at the very young end of bishops.

As far as the act and not reporting it correctly, it might be assumed that if you are doing something that is wrong you are going to do it wrong too.

I know now that those thoughts were ridiculous, but I really had that train of thought at the time. I don’t believe I knew that it was sacrilege to withhold a Mortal sin at the time (And if I did I obviously forgot because I don’t remember thinking about it), so I don’t think I have to confess that, however, I do think I should confess my sin of oral sex.

 

[oneofmany]

I don’t know what is wrong with saying you had sex—I don’t’ think you need to give the priest a list of what acts you did having sex. I would think having sex would cover it all unless you are talking about homosexual sex and that would be an added concern for the priest to know.

I don’t think the priest wants to be told everything that went on in your bed.

 

[ATeutonicKnight]

I don’t know what is wrong with saying you had sex—I don’t’ think you need to give the priest a list of what acts you did having sex. I would think having sex would cover it all unless you are talking about homosexual sex and that would be an added concern for the priest to know.

I don’t think the priest wants to be told everything that went on in your bed.

Indeed, it is important not to overdo your confession. However, I asked a Priest, and he said these are two different sins, and they must be recognized by number or frequency. Just saying, “I had sex.” is not enough. You must, first of all, clarify if it was a man or a woman, and then you must confess every sin that occurred that night. You shouldn’t go into grave detail, as this would be inappropriate. However, you can generalize sins. Let’s suppose, for example, we are talking about inflicting pain or some kind of sadistic acts. You don’t have to describe them, as this is not appropriate. But you can just say that acts of this sort were also performed. Or this is just what a Priest told me, anyway.

 

[oneofmany]

If you had rough sex than how could it be a sin unless the other person didn’t want it and that would be rape—then you confess you raped someone. Roll eyes.

At some point your confession of sex acts can become scandalous if you are trying to tell the priest something he didn’t know about sex or trying to irritate the priest with a list of sex acts or details of the event he doesn’t need to know or if a woman is trying to turn him on in some way. Then the confession becomes a sin in and of itself. If you don’t recognize that and say you are sorry and confess that, then it is not a good confession since it is a sin in and off itself. I would think the priest would stop you right then, maybe that was the reason the priest got irritated with you in the first place.

I still say confessing you had unmarried sex is all the priest needs to know. If he needs to know more he will ask. He may ask if you used birth control or if you received the sacraments in a state of sin before you went to confession.

 

[Spirithound]

I confessed having sex with another person. However, I had also committed the sin of oral sex, but I didn’t want to say both as to “overload” the poor fifty year old Bishop. I don’t believe I realized that doing this was sacrilege at the time, but should I confess these sins again? I have confessed withholding Mortal sins in confession many times after that (Granted, I didn’t remember this one incident when I did, but it still counts… Or does it?) so that part doesn’t bother me, but should I confess these sins again?

Also, when one says they have had sex in confession, is oral sex just assumed, or should you make the distinction?

You should confess the sins of fornication and of oral sex separately, since oral sex has an extra unnatural dimension that fornication does not.

 

[ATeutonicKnight]

If you had rough sex than how could it be a sin unless the other person didn’t want it and that would be rape—then you confess you raped someone. Roll eyes.

At some point your confession of sex acts can become scandalous if you are trying to tell the priest something he didn’t know about sex or trying to irritate the priest with a list of sex acts or details of the event he doesn’t need to know or if a woman is trying to turn him on in some way. Then the confession becomes a sin in and of itself. If you don’t recognize that and say you are sorry and confess that, then it is not a good confession since it is a sin in and off itself. I would think the priest would stop you right then, maybe that was the reason the priest got irritated with you in the first place.

I still say confessing you had unmarried sex is all the priest needs to know. If he needs to know more he will ask. He may ask if you used birth control or if you received the sacraments in a state of sin before you went to confession.

Why is it that I somehow always disagree with someone on here whose name always starts with “oneof”?

Who said that I’m not sorry? Confessing things is a sign that you are sorry, because trust me, you’d rather have the Priest not know. To quote Father Flynn, “You need to give an accurate picture of what happened.” If all you say is “I had sexual relations with someone.” than this is not a completely accurate picture and it is not all of the details the Priest needs to know. Was it with a woman? Was it with a man? Was it with a family member? Father Flynn has told me these are all necessary to state. He also told me that oral sex is a completely different act that must be confessed if you are guilty of it. If you’d rather not listen to a Priest than be my guest.

 

[Edmundus1581]

Indeed, it is important not to overdo your confession. However, I asked a Priest, and he said these are two different sins, and they must be recognized by number or frequency. Just saying, “I had sex.” is not enough. You must, first of all, clarify if it was a man or a woman, and then you must confess every sin that occurred that night. You shouldn’t go into grave detail, as this would be inappropriate. However, you can generalize sins. Let’s suppose, for example, we are talking about inflicting pain or some kind of sadistic acts. You don’t have to describe them, as this is not appropriate. But you can just say that acts of this sort were also performed. Or this is just what a Priest told me, anyway.

Thanks for getting back to us with the priest’s advice!

 

[oneofmany]

Why is it that I somehow always disagree with someone on here whose name always starts with “oneof”?

Who said that I’m not sorry? Confessing things is a sign that you are sorry, because trust me, you’d rather have the Priest not know. To quote Father Flynn, “You need to give an accurate picture of what happened.” If all you say is “I had sexual relations with someone.” than this is not a completely accurate picture and it is not all of the details the Priest needs to know. Was it with a woman? Was it with a man? Was it with a family member? Father Flynn has told me these are all necessary to state. He also told me that oral sex is a completely different act that must be confessed if you are guilty of it. If you’d rather not listen to a Priest than be my guest.

Disagreeing is ok, Nothing wrong with it and it makes for a good debate.

I totally agree, one needs to confess who they had sex with. A married/unmarried woman, another man, a sibling. We all know those add another dimension to sex outside of your marriage that is wrong. I don’t agree that oral sex is wrong in a marriage and I would think the priest wouldn’t be concerned unless you are saying you had sex with a man.

I had a priest tell me porn was ok in marriage. People on here say it is wrong in all situations. I was wondering so I asked for another opinion. Nothing wrong with that either. If we wonder about what one priest tells us in confession there are always other priests that can help us unless you have no other priest for hundreds of miles. In that case we have the advantage of the Internet and we can use it.