Confession Question

[Eric09]

Hello. I had a somewhat strange experience in Confession today, and was wondering if anyone could help.

Background first, I joined the Church in 2013 after growing up Protestant. While still somewhat new, I am unfortunately familiar with the Sacrament of Penance. I have sins I have struggled with since RCIA, but do want to overcome them and pray for that intention frequently. I went to Confession at another parish today, because they have daily Confession and it is close to my work. The priest was foreign with a moderately heavy accent, so there may be a bit lost in translation both ways.

So here’s what happened: After I completed my part (listing the sins and expressing sorrow for them), the first thing that the priest said was that he wasn’t sure I was ready to make a Confession. He said that I had confessed three weeks prior, and that my sins were mortal. He also stated that we need to have remorse for our sins and not just go to Confession over and over. I’m not sure what he was trying to get across. The only thing I can think of is that he didn’t think I sounded sorrowful enough, but Confession is still hard for me and I basically just list my sins as quickly as possible to get the shame and frustration (with myself) over with. I do feel remorse, that’s why I went. I’m also in the middle of a novena for healing of this situation. I have gone to Confession over and over for this, and I do feel terrible for that, but I’m weak. This just made me feel worse.

I feel confused; I’m not sure if he thought it was a sufficient Confession, or if I need to go back or what. He did grant me Absolution, but I’m confused by the whole experience.

 

[Bookcat]

You confess all mortal sins in number and kind right (and what changes the kind like the person you murdered was your brother…) and were contrite - and resolved to avoid mortal sin (even if one feared that one could fall again). And the Priest heard that confession and absolved you right?

 

[Bookcat]

If we should fall into sin let us remember Jesus of Nazareth: The Lamb and the Good Shepherd (and let us think of such even daily…)

"Jesus is called the Lamb: He is the Lamb who takes away the sin of the world. Someone might think: but how can a lamb, which is so weak, a weak little lamb, how can it take away so many sins, so much wickedness? With Love. With his meekness. Jesus never ceased being a lamb: meek, good, full of love, close to the little ones, close to the poor. He was there, among the people, healing everyone, teaching, praying. Jesus, so weak, like a lamb. However, he had the strength to take all our sins upon himself, all of them.

“But, Father, you don’t know my life: I have a sin that…, I can’t even carry it with a truck…”.

Many times, when we examine our conscience, we find some there that are truly bad! But he carries them. He came for this: to forgive, to make peace in the world, but first in the heart. Perhaps each one of us feels troubled in his heart, perhaps he experiences darkness in his heart, perhaps he feels a little sad over a fault… He has come to take away all of this, He gives us peace, he forgives everything. “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away sin”: he takes away sin, it’s root and all! This is salvation Jesus brings about by his love and his meekness. And in listening to what John the Baptist says, who bears witness to Jesus as the Saviour, our confidence in Jesus should grow. Many times we trust a doctor: it is good, because the doctor is there to cure us; we trust in a person: brothers and sisters can help us. It is good to have this human trust among ourselves. But we forget about trust in the Lord: this is the key to success in life. Trust in the Lord, let us trust in the Lord! “Lord, look at my life: I’m in the dark, I have this struggle, I have this sin…”; everything we have: “Look at this: I trust in you!”. And this is a risk we must take: to trust in Him, and He never disappoints."

~Pope Francis

vatican.va/holy_father/francesco/homilies/2014/documents/papa-francesco_20140119_omelia-parrocchia-sacro-cuore-gesu_en.html

"Jesus is the “Good Shepherd” who goes in search of lost sheep, who knows his sheep and lays down his life for them (cf. Mt 18:12-14; Lk 15:4-7; Jn 10:2-4, 11-18). He is the way, the right path that leads us to life (cf. Jn 14:6), the light that illuminates the dark valley and overcomes all our fears (cf. Jn 1:9; 8:12; 9:5; 12:46).

He is the generous host who welcomes us and rescues us from our enemies, preparing for us the table of his body and his blood (cf. Mt 26:26-29; Mk 14:22-25); Lk 22:19-20) and the definitive table of the messianic banquet in Heaven (cf. Lk 14:15ff; Rev 3:20; 19:9). He is the Royal Shepherd, king in docility and in forgiveness, enthroned on the glorious wood of the cross (cf. Jn 3:13-15; 12:32; 17:4-5)."

~Pope Benedict XVI

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/audiences/2011/documents/hf_ben-xvi_aud_20111005_en.html

 

[Eric09]

You confess all mortal sins in number and kind right (and what changes the kind like the person you murdered was your brother…) and were contrite - and resolved to avoid mortal sin (even if one feared that one could fall again). And the Priest heard that confession and absolved you right?

Well… Not exactly all of that. I did confess all the mortal sins, but I did not mention the number (not out of subterfuge or anything like that, I’ve had priests ask and I tell them freely, I’m just not accustomed to stating the number). I was contrite and after my sins said, “I am sorry for these sins.” He didn’t ask me to perform an Act of Contrition, which has happened before, I just perform it with my penance immediately after.

But, yes, he did absolve me. I guess I’ve just had a feeling of peace every other time I’ve gone and now I’m extremely uneasy and uncomfortable.

 

[Bookcat]

Well… Not exactly all of that. I did confess all the mortal sins, but I did not mention the number (not out of subterfuge or anything like that, I’ve had priests ask and I tell them freely, I’m just not accustomed to stating the number). I was contrite and after my sins said, “I am sorry for these sins.” He didn’t ask me to perform an Act of Contrition, which has happened before, I just perform it with my penance immediately after.

But, yes, he did absolve me. I guess I’ve just had a feeling of peace every other time I’ve gone and now I’m extremely uneasy and uncomfortable.

All mortal sins do need to be confessed in number (not something optional)

It is not something that is to be given only if asked - it is “confession” thus we ‘confess’ I accuse myself of murder 3x, I missed Sunday Mass 4x and committed fornication 2x.

Bring the matter to a Priest in Confession - you will certainly need to confess the number.

In any case they must be confessed.

If omitted out of ignorance…the confession can still be valid. But they still need to be confessed.

And if one is culpable for hiding…that fact too would need to be confessed - along with all the mortal sins - for then it is not a case of innocently forgetting or not realizing one had to confess how many -but of concealing mortal sins.

 

[Bookcat]

I invite all Christians, everywhere, at this very moment, to a renewed personal encounter with Jesus Christ, or at least an openness to letting him encounter them; I ask all of you to do this unfailingly each day. No one should think that this invitation is not meant for him or her, since “no one is excluded from the joy brought by the Lord”.[1] The Lord does not disappoint those who take this risk; whenever we take a step towards Jesus, we come to realize that he is already there, waiting for us with open arms. Now is the time to say to Jesus: “Lord, I have let myself be deceived; in a thousand ways I have shunned your love, yet here I am once more, to renew my covenant with you. I need you. Save me once again, Lord, take me once more into your redeeming embrace”. How good it feels to come back to him whenever we are lost! Let me say this once more: God never tires of forgiving us; we are the ones who tire of seeking his mercy. Christ, who told us to forgive one another “seventy times seven” (Mt 18:22) has given us his example: he has forgiven us seventy times seven. Time and time again he bears us on his shoulders. No one can strip us of the dignity bestowed upon us by this boundless and unfailing love. With a tenderness which never disappoints, but is always capable of restoring our joy, he makes it possible for us to lift up our heads and to start anew. Let us not flee from the resurrection of Jesus, let us never give up, come what will. May nothing inspire more than his life, which impels us onwards!

~ Pope Francis

w2.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/apost_exhortations/documents/papa-francesco_esortazione-ap_20131124_evangelii-gaudium.html#I.%E2%80%82A_joy_ever_new,_a_joy_which_is_shared

 

[tominrichmond]

The confessional is not simply for absolution; one job the priest has is to be a “judge” of sorts and part of that act of judgment is to decide if the penitent has a firm purpose of amendment for his sins.

If a person constantly confesses the same kind of mortal sin, week after week after week, a confessor might, in the exercise of his judgment, conclude that there is not a sufficient purpose of amendment, in which case, hopefully very rare, he might withhold absolution.

In your case, perhaps your confessor was signalling that he senses a lack of sufficient purpose of amendment, although he absolved you; I would guess he was trying to tell you that you need to cooperate with the graces given you and not so easily and quickly fall into the same sins. There is a risk of presumption whereby we find it easier to fall into habitual sin, assuming God will, as before, give us recourse to sacramental confession.

 

[AKDee]

I just joined the Church this year and on my third or fourth Confession, Father made a point to say something about trying harder to not do the same sins over and over. It was hard to hear, but exactly what I needed to hear, and as I had prayed immediately before my confession that Father would be guided by the Spirit, I believe it came from the Spirit. It may be that your Confessor was prompted by the Spirit to tell you a hard truth. Like you, I was also absolved, but I did make more of an effort after that.

 

[pianistclare]

I just joined the Church this year and on my third or fourth Confession, Father made a point to say something about trying harder to not do the same sins over and over. It was hard to hear, but exactly what I needed to hear, and as I had prayed immediately before my confession that Father would be guided by the Spirit, I believe it came from the Spirit. It may be that your Confessor was prompted by the Spirit to tell you a hard truth. Like you, I was also absolved, but I did make more of an effort after that.

This^^^.

 

[fastenatingguy]

I invite all Christians, everywhere, at this very moment, to a renewed personal encounter with Jesus Christ, or at least an openness to letting him encounter them; I ask all of you to do this unfailingly each day. No one should think that this invitation is not meant for him or her, since “no one is excluded from the joy brought by the Lord”.[1] The Lord does not disappoint those who take this risk; whenever we take a step towards Jesus, we come to realize that he is already there, waiting for us with open arms. Now is the time to say to Jesus: “Lord, I have let myself be deceived; in a thousand ways I have shunned your love, yet here I am once more, to renew my covenant with you. I need you. Save me once again, Lord, take me once more into your redeeming embrace”. How good it feels to come back to him whenever we are lost! Let me say this once more: God never tires of forgiving us; we are the ones who tire of seeking his mercy. Christ, who told us to forgive one another “seventy times seven” (Mt 18:22) has given us his example: he has forgiven us seventy times seven. Time and time again he bears us on his shoulders. No one can strip us of the dignity bestowed upon us by this boundless and unfailing love. With a tenderness which never disappoints, but is always capable of restoring our joy, he makes it possible for us to lift up our heads and to start anew. Let us not flee from the resurrection of Jesus, let us never give up, come what will. May nothing inspire more than his life, which impels us onwards!

~ Pope Francis

amen!

 

[fastenatingguy]

My confession yesterday was different, but still good. I often receive this sacrament at a parish run by the Opus Dei priests. They have about 30 hours set aside weekly for confession. So into the city I went…

This priest sounded fairly young, maybe in his early 30’s (who knows?). His dialogue with me was more motivational;he spoke like a coach. “You CAN do this! God WANTS this for you as he LOVES you so! Now get outta here. Make Him even prouder of you than he is already!”

Anyway, I burst out of the penalty box (hockey analogy) ready to go! But mass had ended and the church had already emptied. I said my penance and a prayer for the priest. We are so blessed to have such fine men coming up through the ranks.

 

[powerofk]

All mortal sins do need to be confessed in number (not something optional)

It is not something that is to be given only if asked - it is “confession” thus we ‘confess’ I accuse myself of murder 3x, I missed Sunday Mass 4x and committed fornication 2x.

Bring the matter to a Priest in Confession - you will certainly need to confess the number.

In any case they must be confessed.

If omitted out of ignorance…the confession can still be valid. But they still need to be confessed.

And if one is culpable for hiding…that fact too would need to be confessed - along with all the mortal sins - for then it is not a case of innocently forgetting or not realizing one had to confess how many -but of concealing mortal sins.

To add, yes, sins need number. However, general estimates are usually good enough. Why? Because usually we don’t know the exact number of times that we’ve fallen into a given sin (unless we just went to confession last week). So, usually, things like “about 2-3 times a week” are sufficient.

 

[Neofight]

To add, yes, sins need number. However, general estimates are usually good enough. Why? Because usually we don’t know the exact number of times that we’ve fallen into a given sin (unless we just went to confession last week). So, usually, things like “about 2-3 times a week” are sufficient.

Exactly…the poor poster doesn’t need us to dump more guilt on them. Reconciliation should be a joyful not sorrowful occasion.

Peace and all good!

 

[powerofk]

Exactly…the poor poster doesn’t need us to dump more guilt on them. Reconciliation should be a joyful not sorrowful occasion.

Peace and all good!

Right. It’s dangerous to fall into presumption (I’ll just commit this sin now and go to confession later), but scrupulosity is just as dangerous. The devil is at work in both of these cases. We must be genuinely sorry for our sins, this is true, but we must also trust in the saving power of God and realize that the Sacrament of Confession exists not for our condemnation but, like all sacraments, for our sanctification. And if a person genuinely attempts to make a good confession and receives absolution, that person should be at peace. We should not fret if we can’t remember exact details - just use the best detail that we can remember.

As “Brother Francis” says in the “Forgiven!” video, God doesn’t expect us to remember everything - though He does expect us to try to remember as much as we can. And, then we can say, “Thank God, I’m forgiven!” Or as my First Confession students said after their first confessions - “Hurray! We’re clean!”

 

[Bookcat]

To add, yes, sins need number. However, general estimates are usually good enough. Why? Because usually we don’t know the exact number of times that we’ve fallen into a given sin (unless we just went to confession last week). So, usually, things like “about 2-3 times a week” are sufficient.

When one does not know what that actual number is -yes as I noted one may estimate according to what one does know from ones examination.

If one examines and knows it was 5x. One is to say 5x.

If one knows it was 10x one says that.

If one knows it was 2x one says that.

If one examines and does not know the number -like it has been years etc -but what one knows is that it was 5-6x then one says that.

If one only knows it was around 10x that is what one says … some may only be able say “about 2-3 times a week for the last 3 years” or some may only be able to say “many times” or “a few times”.

It is not a math test and we are not expected to be Spock.

Examine, be contrite and amended and go to confession… to the love and mercy of Jesus.