Confession question

[Mark1970]

Quick question about confession, a situation I’m not quite sure how to handle. I confess regularly, and traditionally always go to the same church and priest. It isn’t my parish church, it is a church in town which it is convenient to go to because they always have confessions on Saturday mornings when I’m in town anyway.

The former pastor of this church, who I got on with very well, recently retired. When i first went to confession to the new Pastor, I did everything as normal. His approach to confession was slightly different - and although I’d already told him, he did question me on how long it was since my last confession.

When I told him again, he repeated the time back to me in a tone of voice that I can’t decide was either surprised/shocked or critical. But his tone of voice definitely sounded as though there was something he wasn’t happy about in the information I gave.him, and the way it happened, I didn’t think to ask if there was a problem.

As I’m thinking of going to confession again this weekend, just wondering if there are any ideas on how to handle this and how to judge his response? As he didn’t elaborate (and I didn’t ask) I can’t decide whether he thought I was confessing too regularly, or whether he was surprised at that I was confessing to in the time span since my last confession, or what. I should point out that the sins I confessed to were what I considered to be serious sins (and the CCC would agree with this), and he didn’t correct me on this. SO just wondering what it was all about and how to deal with this.

 

[ChadS]

Quick question about confession, a situation I’m not quite sure how to handle. I confess regularly, and traditionally always go to the same church and priest. It isn’t my parish church, it is a church in town which it is convenient to go to because they always have confessions on Saturday mornings when I’m in town anyway.

The former pastor of this church, who I got on with very well, recently retired. When i first went to confession to the new Pastor, I did everything as normal. His approach to confession was slightly different - and although I’d already told him, he did question me on how long it was since my last confession.

When I told him again, he repeated the time back to me in a tone of voice that I can’t decide was either surprised/shocked or critical. But his tone of voice definitely sounded as though there was something he wasn’t happy about in the information I gave.him, and the way it happened, I didn’t think to ask if there was a problem.

As I’m thinking of going to confession again this weekend, just wondering if there are any ideas on how to handle this and how to judge his response? As he didn’t elaborate (and I didn’t ask) I can’t decide whether he thought I was confessing too regularly, or whether he was surprised at that I was confessing to in the time span since my last confession, or what. I should point out that the sins I confessed to were what I considered to be serious sins (and the CCC would agree with this), and he didn’t correct me on this. SO just wondering what it was all about and how to deal with this.

Since this was your first time with a new priest you are probably not used to his tone of voice or inflection. While you knew the other priest for a long time you got used to his mannerisms while with the new priest you essentially have to learn it all over again. So there might be a “getting used to the new priest” time that after some time you won’t even think about anymore.

If something the priest says in the confession confuses you or he still seems surprised when talking to you, just ask. The only other person that can give you a concrete answer is the priest. Maybe he has never had regular penitents who confessed weekly or perhaps he misheard you and after a few questions he realized he heard correctly.

Keep doing what you are doing and talk to the priest and ask questions.

ChadS

 

[exnihilo]

I understand how a perceived tone may make you uneasy. The best thing to do is not worry about it. If the priest wanted to say something he could have and should have. He didn’t so I wouldn’t worry about imagining what you think he may have wanted to communicate but didn’t. I try to see any perceived tone in the most charitable or favorable way I can. Again, I know that can be difficult sometimes but it keeps me from needless worry.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I agree that this might just be you getting used to his tone. Maybe he was just surprised that someone actually confessed so regularly in a time when many people wait a long time between Confessions. Anyway there is nothing wrong with going every week.

I edited this because I see he asked you again “how long” even though you already told him, which makes me think even more so he was either surprised, or maybe is hard of hearing.

 

[Beryllos]

Maybe he has never had regular penitents who confessed weekly or perhaps he misheard you and after a few questions he realized he heard correctly.

I was thinking something similar. Having not seen you before, he perhaps assumed it must have been longer since your last confession and was momentarily confused. Don’t worry about it.

 

[reggieM]

As he didn’t elaborate (and I didn’t ask) I can’t decide whether he thought I was confessing too regularly, or whether he was surprised at that I was confessing to in the time span since my last confession, or what. I should point out that the sins I confessed to were what I considered to be serious sins (and the CCC would agree with this), and he didn’t correct me on this. SO just wondering what it was all about and how to deal with this.

His concern may have been about the repeatedness of the sin - not that you are confessing too regularly, but perhaps wanting you to consider trying something different.
One way to handle it is to admit to him upfront: “Father, I have confessed this serious sin just a few weeks ago and I bring my repentance to God again for having fallen again.” Something like that. It’s best to open up and search for the reason for your fall.
You may discover you’re becoming addicted to something. If, for example, you are getting drunk each weekend and then confessing. It becomes a habit and can be serious and may need more attention and care.

It’s also important to let the priest know what you’ve done since your last confession to try to overcome the sin, why you didn’t think it worked, and what you will do this time to improve.

I think you’ll find that if you make your soul known to your confessor - no matter what kind of sin or how often you fall, he will be able to help and guide you. Even if the only progress you make is understanding better the root cause of the sin (“I’m getting drunk because I am lonely or feeling grief or I’m afraid of something … etc.”) – your confessor will be able to help you.

 

[Mark1970]

His concern may have been about the repeatedness of the sin - not that you are confessing too regularly, but perhaps wanting you to consider trying something different.
One way to handle it is to admit to him upfront: “Father, I have confessed this serious sin just a few weeks ago and I bring my repentance to God again for having fallen again.” Something like that. It’s best to open up and search for the reason for your fall.
You may discover you’re becoming addicted to something. If, for example, you are getting drunk each weekend and then confessing. It becomes a habit and can be serious and may need more attention and care.

It’s also important to let the priest know what you’ve done since your last confession to try to overcome the sin, why you didn’t think it worked, and what you will do this time to improve.

I think you’ll find that if you make your soul known to your confessor - no matter what kind of sin or how often you fall, he will be able to help and guide you. Even if the only progress you make is understanding better the root cause of the sin (“I’m getting drunk because I am lonely or feeling grief or I’m afraid of something … etc.”) – your confessor will be able to help you.

I’ve actually started having spiritual-direction-by-e-mail with a spiritual director who is a priest for roughly similar reasons, although things are going slow as he’s quite busy…

An issue I’ve had in the past is that the priests I’ve been to confession to have tended to be of the “be brief, be sorry, be gone” school of confessing… No time-wasting and definitely no spiritual direction in confession, even if requested! In fact the previous priest - the one who just retired - would actually start on the absolution while the penitent was making the act of contrition - you all you heard was the “I absolve you” etc at the end - just to speed things up.

But your suggestions are good, worth considering to give a bit of a “rider” to my confession to illuminate why I may be having problems.

 

[Irishmom2]

When I told him again, he repeated the time back to me in a tone of voice that I can’t decide was either surprised/shocked or critical. But his tone of voice definitely sounded as though there was something he wasn’t happy about in the information I gave.him, and the way it happened, I didn’t think to ask if there was a problem.

My take is a bit different. There is nothing to “handle.” If there was a question or instruction, the priest would have said something to you. He did not. Let it go.

We do not need to interpret, or receive an answer to why a priest asks what he may ask. Just be happy for absolution, and go in peace.

 

[Mark1970]

I was thinking something similar. Having not seen you before, he perhaps assumed it must have been longer since your last confession and was momentarily confused. Don’t worry about it.

With that particular confession, I’d had what may be called a “bad week” - I had wondered if he was surprised that I’d done what I confessed to in such a short time!

 

[Joe_5859]

I understand how a perceived tone may make you uneasy. The best thing to do is not worry about it. If the priest wanted to say something he could have and should have. He didn’t so I wouldn’t worry about imagining what you think he may have wanted to communicate but didn’t. I try to see any perceived tone in the most charitable or favorable way I can. Again, I know that can be difficult sometimes but it keeps me from needless worry.

I find I avoid a lot of pointless stress and worrying by simply not trying to read people’s minds, or by trying to spin their actions in the best possible way.

Rather than worrying that he thought you were doing something wrong, I would say maybe the priest was impressed with your devotion, and then let it go and move on.

 

[reggieM]

I’ve actually started having spiritual-direction-by-e-mail with a spiritual director who is a priest for roughly similar reasons, although things are going slow as he’s quite busy…

An issue I’ve had in the past is that the priests I’ve been to confession to have tended to be of the “be brief, be sorry, be gone” school of confessing… No time-wasting and definitely no spiritual direction in confession, even if requested! In fact the previous priest - the one who just retired - would actually start on the absolution while the penitent was making the act of contrition - you all you heard was the “I absolve you” etc at the end - just to speed things up.

But your suggestions are good, worth considering to give a bit of a “rider” to my confession to illuminate why I may be having problems.

Sounds like you’ve got a good plan!

 

[robertmidwest]

He may have some hearing loss and not heard you when said it the first time. A lot of times hearing loss can come across as aloof or thoughtless or angry.

 

[Mark1970]

Sounds like you’ve got a good plan!

The spiritual direction is going quite slowly because the priest and I are communicating by e-mail and he’s a busy pastor. My hope is that over time there may be some kind of resolution as to why I am having problems with certain sins by determining the root cause. I have been taking certain actions to try to overcome these sins but they have proved difficult to overcome. One concern I had was that regularly confessing the same sins could easily appear as though my firm purpose of amendment was inadequate, the pastor could maybe think this if I was confessing the same sins regularly. That’s why I wondered at his questioning the time since my last confession.