Confession question

[Coach]

Some time ago my spouse had a tubal ligation. After prayer and reflection, I was sorry that I went along with it and confessed and was prepared to do what ever it took to make things right.

The priest, who happens to be be very concervative and steadfast in church teachings as far as I can tell, told me to be generous to my children (four) now that I have done something selfish. I tired to interject and ask what more I neee to do. He stopped me and repeated his instructions, absolved me and that was that.

Does this sound right? He did not tell me to end the physcial relationship with my wife. Any advice?

 

[1ke]

Some time ago my spouse had a tubal ligation. After prayer and reflection, I was sorry that I went along with it and confessed and was prepared to do what ever it took to make things right.

That is awesome, I am glad you have realized the truth of church teaching.

The priest, who happens to be be very concervative and steadfast in church teachings as far as I can tell, told me to be generous to my children (four) now that I have done something selfish. I tired to interject and ask what more I neee to do. He stopped me and repeated his instructions, absolved me and that was that.

Does this sound right?

The priest gave you a penance of doing acts of generosity toward your 4 children in ammendment for an act of selfishnes in participating in the sterilization procedure.

Yes, it’s a valid penance and you should complete it.

He did not tell me to end the physcial relationship with my wife. Any advice?

He did not tell you to end the physical relationship with your wife because nothing in Catholic teaching or canon law requires such an action.

You are not required to abstain from relations with your wife.

Listen to your priest. You have received absolution, be a peace.

 

[Tantum_ergo]

Why would he tell you to end the physical relationship? If your wife had had an emergency hysterectomy, she would not be able to have children but you wouldn’t ‘end the physical relationship’, right? or how about menopause? Did she fully understand what she did? After all, it took you a while to understand after ‘prayer and reflection’, she may need more time. . .

God does not hold us to impossibilities. A tubal ligation can only rarely (and expensively) be reversed and even then can cause great complications should pregnancy ensue. But God doesn’t say, “Since you can’t reverse it, I cannot forgive you.”

If she is not sorry, that is between her and God. But for you to stop the physical relationship is not required. You are her husband. By your own example of loving forgiveness and your concern and your increased ‘loving’ to your children, you may indeed help her to realize and understand her actions and their repercussions.

You have children too who need parents who love and care for each other even when they make mistakes, even when they’re struggling and can’t find agreement. I think your priest has tried to steer you in this direction of considering your children and of being loving toward your wife even when you’re disappointed in her actions. JMO.

 

[Coach]

thanks for your guidance.

 

[mom2three]

thanks for your guidance.

I heard someone speak of this on the radio the other day. The priest suggested that they practice NFP as if they were still able to have children because the periodic abstinence (versus the ability to engage at any time) is also a form of penance in a situation like this.

 

[FightingFat]

Listen to your priest. You have received absolution, be at peace.

Great post.

 

[joshua_b]

Nothing really to add except just this for thought…

Never judge yourself harder than God will judge you. And remember the formula for absolution “may God grant you pardon, and peace.” You fulfilled your end of the requirement for reconciliation with God and with His Church, trust that God fulfilled His end.

My prayers are with you.