Confession questions about children

[SeriousQuestion]

I believe she meant the abusers.

 

[FaithHopeAndHolyH20]

I see, I had no idea. Thank you for your replies Gorgias.

 

[Roseeurekacross]

It’s a true question, I am Australian, so it’s certainly not a jab.

Australia is in the post royal commission into Historic institutional child abuse recommendations phase. In my Diocese all closed confessionals have been replaced by open confession.

Your concerns are concerns many parents here face

 

[Roseeurekacross]

I am a she, it was more towards the open confessionals we have. The case of Priests reporting is a few months off from resolution yet, in some states here.

 

[FaithHopeAndHolyH20]

If priests start revealing what they hear in confession… then you might as well stick a fork in the sarament; it’ll be done. Would you confess anything if you thought there was even a remote chance that your confessor would reveal to someone else what you said in the confessional – would you ever trust confession? Of course not. After all, if it’s ok to reveal sexual abuse, how about other criminal activity? How about that one fling you had? How about that time you lied to the IRS or under oath?

No… confession is either confidential, or else it’s nothing at all.

More to the point, if a child abuser knew priests could reveal what they heard, do you think they’d go to confession? C’mon, now…

And, in confession, there’s at least the opportunity to ask them to seek help. Turn the confessional into a tool of police investigation, and you lose even that opportunity. Is that really what you want?

Unless someone is an expert on various types of abusers who can be OCD and engage in repetitive behaviors such as the sacraments after they abuse…I’m not sure I feel comfortable with this answer. I still think if someone is suffering on some level at hands of someone who is doing it, priests should be a mandated reporter. I understand the other side of it, people wouldn’t go. I would still go…but what’s my one confession or trust in the system compared to the masses.

 

[Kris34]

As she gets older you may want to let go little by little so life at 18 isn’t a shock.

Priests are no greater than the general population to offend. And most offenders abuse a ridiculous numbers befor caught. No priest wants to be alone with any minor. Nor teacher, nor coach. Two people deep or even just in a place where anyone could come in at any moment. Married rabbis offend, married pastors offend, the butcher offends, the teacher offends. Honestly it’s more likely my son’s female teacher will sexually abuse him than a catholic priest. Even after me too the media hardly uses the word rape in the title of the articles of a female teacher abusing a male student or students. Most of them are married with kids simply expanding their victim base among the kid’s friends.

She needs confession to come before first communion. It’s important. Does the chaplain have a higher rank and are you concerned with that aspect or can you freely talk to him about how you need to know how it’s done? Is there a director of relgious ed that handles the logistics that you can speak with about the form confession takes for the kids if you don’t want to talk with him. Religious ed person is the one to deal with logistics anyway. That is how it’s done at the parish level. Would it be done in a parish? You may want to go to confession yourself to see how it’s done. There is usually a night where parents learn about it in connection with religious ed classes. Now called faith formation. Every few decades it’s a new term. CCD, religious ed, faith formation…

 

[Kris34]

Thank you for telling me that.

 

[Fauken]

I heard a quote that said, “The road to Hell is paved with the skulls of bishops.” This is why. The erosion of trust between the laity and the confessional is abhorrent and tragic.

Satan must be utterly delighted.

 

[Kris34]

Thank you for your family’s sacrifice to keep us safe.

 

[Gorgias]

I still think if someone is suffering on some level at hands of someone who is doing it, priests should be a mandated reporter.

Alright, so let’s break down this thought.

If your child is willing to tell her priest – someone from whom you shield her at every opportunity – and not willing to tell you, what does that say to you? To me, it says that she needs to speak about it, but only in the context of a conversation which she has absolute trust will not be repeated.

On the other hand, a priest would be able to counsel your child that she can safely share that information with you or another adult. He could even promise to go with her, so that she felt more secure in being able to discuss it with someone else.

If she’s unwilling to share that information with you, her mother, but is willing to share it with her priest… would you really want to take that possible route away from her, by making him a mandated reporter?

 

[babochka]

I will continue to scope out other types of confession rooms in different churches.

Another thought, and I have no idea how this might work in your situation, but I we’ll just put it out there. In the Byzantine Rite, we don’t use confessionals. Confessions are heard in the church, in the wide open, and the priest and penitent can be seen by anyone who is in the church. While this tends to freak out adults who are not expecting it, if you’ve grown up with it it is really not a big deal.

Again, I’m not even sure if this would be an option where you live or if this is acceptable under canon law. I guess you would have to talk to your pastor and the pastor in a Byzantine Rite Church.

 

[Gorgias]

In the Byzantine Rite, we don’t use confessionals. Confessions are heard in the church, in the wide open, and the priest and penitent can be seen by anyone who is in the church.

When I’ve seen this (admittedly, in an Orthodox church, not a Byzantine Catholic one), the priest took his cope (or humeral veil?) and used it to wrap around the head and shoulders of the penitent, effectively creating a “cone of silence” around the two of them. If a parent is creeped out by a confessional, and mistrusts priests… I can’t see how viewing that wouldn’t make them very anxious.

 

[Gingersnaps4]

My parish is rather large and on first reconciliation night they have several priests placed in different areas out in the open and the children just get into the line of the priest they want to confess to. So, you can see the whole thing. They don’t take their stole off and put it on the child so you don’t have to worry about that in a RC Church. My parish also does the “open confession” a few other times per year, one of them being after a reconciliation service during Lent. If I were you I would just inquire about what the plans may be for first rec…chances are they may have more than one priest hearing them to save time, and likely even some in the open.

 

[Kris34]

Are you worried the priest will do something or mad they haven’t reported someone?

When a priest hears a confession they don’t first collect your state ID showing your name, address and phone number. Someone walked in off the street and went to God to work on a struggle that is immoral and most likely illegal. How would they even turn in the person? They have no name or information that would be helpful in most circumstances. Some confession is face to face other times in the box. Should they follow the person to their car and get their plates leaving a line of people? In theory, I understand few go. I haven’t gone in a long time myself. I would think the person would be encouraged to turn themselves in by the priest. But the priest will not.

I know you want a more perfect world. No character flaw in that. But we are all flawed characters. It’s impossible which is why we have confession.

 

[babochka]

babochka:

In the Byzantine Rite, we don’t use confessionals. Confessions are heard in the church, in the wide open, and the priest and penitent can be seen by anyone who is in the church.

When I’ve seen this (admittedly, in an Orthodox church, not a Byzantine Catholic one), the priest took his cope (or humeral veil?) and used it to wrap around the head and shoulders of the penitent, effectively creating a “cone of silence” around the two of them. If a parent is creeped out by a confessional, and mistrusts priests… I can’t see how viewing that wouldn’t make them very anxious.

I’ve only occasionally seen this in pictures, but never in person. The priest usually puts his stole on the penitents head for absolution, but that is the only physical contact. The two are standing very close together so that they can hear each other without being overheard.

 

[Kris34]

In my parish, all parishes in my state that I’m aware of has anyone who comes in contact with a child complete a program. In my state priests are mandated reporters. But the confessional is protected.

 

[Kris34]

Although I still am not convinced. The penitent communication is protected. A victim isn’t the sinner of that particular act. Perhaps I’m looking at it through what the civil legal protection includes and not the canon on the matter.

I can tell someone what went on in my own confession. I can tell my spouse I confessed a sin of addiction and that father gave me a card to get help with the addiction. I mean how else do I explain how I go the name of the addiction recovery place; should not lie as an addict I already would have damaged trust in the relationship? I’m making something up as example BTW.

 

[Gingersnaps4]

The seal of confession only applies to the priest, I’m pretty sure. You can tell people what you confessed and what advice you got, if you want to.

 

[Gorgias]

The seal of confession only applies to the priest, I’m pretty sure.

Actually, it doesn’t. At the very least, if you interpret for someone in the confessional, or if you overhear what’s heard in the confessional, it applies to you, too.

 

[Gorgias]

Although I still am not convinced. The penitent communication is protected. A victim isn’t the sinner of that particular act. Perhaps I’m looking at it through what the civil legal protection includes and not the canon on the matter.

Right:

Can. 983 §1. The sacramental seal is inviolable; therefore it is absolutely forbidden for a confessor to betray in any way a penitent in words or in any manner and for any reason.