Confession Questions

[Mungling]

So, here’s my dilemma. It’s been about 1 year since I’ve received my last confession and several years since I’ve been able to receive communion. Recently I’ve been taking it upon myself to live a more holy and Catholic life and so I believe it might finally be time to confess my sins and restore my communion with the Church.

But there is a problem. I do realize that I am in grave sin and that I have offended God. But my faith in God is tenuous at the best of times and I’m afraid that I’m not nearly sorry enough for what I have done, if I could be said to be sorry at all. By this I mean that I know I have (objectively) done wrong but I don’t feel any particular sense of overwhelming guilt. Furthermore, due to the habitual and mortal nature of two of my sins, I’m not entirely sure that I’ll be able to stop committing these sins. Sometimes I get the feeling that I should be absolutely sure that I will not commit these sins again and that it cheapens or somehow nullifies the confession if I just go back to committing those same sins a week later.

There is a voice in my head that says all these objections are meaningless, that I should be running to confession in the next minute and that as long as I try my best to follows God’s commandments and to lead a life more in accordance with His will I shouldn’t worry too much about feelings or emotions. My priest told me as much, but I feel as if he doesn’t grasp the depths of my apathy. I would be curious to wonder if others believe that these facts would in some way hinder my way to receive the sacrament of reconciliation.
As a last note, I understand that one should attempt to recall the number of times one has committed a sin. Unfortunately due to the time and shocking regularity of some of these sins I feel as if I can’t even deliver a rough ballpark. Should I simply tell my confessor that I can’t recall the numbers but give some indication that I may have done one sin a lot and another not so much?

 

[Matthew_Holford]

So, here’s my dilemma. It’s been about 1 year since I’ve received my last confession and several years since I’ve been able to receive communion. Recently I’ve been taking it upon myself to live a more holy and Catholic life and so I believe it might finally be time to confess my sins and restore my communion with the Church.

But there is a problem. I do realize that I am in grave sin and that I have offended God. But my faith in God is tenuous at the best of times and I’m afraid that I’m not nearly sorry enough for what I have done, if I could be said to be sorry at all. By this I mean that I know I have (objectively) done wrong but I don’t feel any particular sense of overwhelming guilt. Furthermore, due to the habitual and mortal nature of two of my sins, I’m not entirely sure that I’ll be able to stop committing these sins. Sometimes I get the feeling that I should be absolutely sure that I will not commit these sins again and that it cheapens or somehow nullifies the confession if I just go back to committing those same sins a week later.

There is a voice in my head that says all these objections are meaningless, that I should be running to confession in the next minute and that as long as I try my best to follows God’s commandments and to lead a life more in accordance with His will I shouldn’t worry too much about feelings or emotions. My priest told me as much, but I feel as if he doesn’t grasp the depths of my apathy. I would be curious to wonder if others believe that these facts would in some way hinder my way to receive the sacrament of reconciliation.

As a last note, I understand that one should attempt to recall the number of times one has committed a sin. Unfortunately due to the time and shocking regularity of some of these sins I feel as if I can’t even deliver a rough ballpark.  Should I simply tell my confessor that I can’t recall the numbers but give some indication that I may have done one sin a lot and another not so much?

It sounds as if what you are doing is trying to find an excuse not to go to confession and then attempting to rationalise that excuse. Go to confession. It has to be your starting point for your renewed life in the Church. Before you go carry out a thorough examination of your conscience. In confession explain all to the priest. It is his decision whether or not you shall be granted absolution.

 

[NewsTheMan]

It seems you are struggling to believe the imperfect contrition is still contrition. My suggestion for you is to rely less on your feelings and more on what you know - namely (1) you have sinned (2) you need to repent (3) confession is thus necessary.

Furthermore, you do well in recognizing that in order for a confession to be valid and good, one must have a firm will not to repeat the sins. If you happen to repeat them, God forgives you and just repeat them in confession (we all do this, and it becomes less frequent until we’ve conquered the sin). If you go in thinking “I am definitely, by choice, going to do this sin again, who cares what God thinks” then of course it’s not valid. If you go in knowing you are a weak sinner, what seperates you from anybody else? Zero.

You are responding to God’s grace dear friend. He is calling you to Him. Don’t let this go by, Satan will have you for his own and he will do anything in his power to stop you from cleansing your soul and running into the arms of your loving Father in Heaven.

Have a look at this discussion on perfect and imperfect contrition.

God bless you, pray for courage!

 

[Joe_5859]

There is a voice in my head that says all these objections are meaningless, that I should be running to confession in the next minute and that as long as I try my best to follows God’s commandments and to lead a life more in accordance with His will I shouldn’t worry too much about feelings or emotions. My priest told me as much…

Listen to that voice and listen to your priest. Don’t get distracted with wondering if the priest understands you perfectly. He is a trained pastor and a representative of the One who understands you perfectly – better than you understand yourself.

We cannot ever be 100% certain that we will never commit a particular sin again and such is not a necessary preprequisite to go to Confession. In fact, Confession gives us special graces to avoid those sins we commit habitually. It is the medicine we need to take to overcome the infection of sin. It is not the champagne we drink in celebration of having been already cured.

And you’re right, you don’t need to possess an overwhelming emotional feeling of guilt and shame to warrant going to Confession. You know you did something wrong. That is all that is required.

And though we are obligated to give number and kind, you’re not obligated to do what is impossible. Simply state to the priest what you stated here and he will know what questions to ask to get a more accurate sense of where you are at.

It seems like you know what you need to do, you’re just have conflicting feelings. In those cases, that is when we most need to rely on what the Church teaches and what our pastor counsels us to do. You know you sinned. You know you need to go to Confession. So go! And trust in God’s infinite mercy, forgiveness, and love for you. He will guide you.

 

[spife]

i, too, have some “habitual sins” which i really find hard to turn away from. But, i am of the belief that it shouldn’t stop me from going to Confession, as long as i truly repent and have faith in God’s forgiveness. i have also thought to myself what the poster above me said, “an excuse to not go to Confession”. The Sacrament of Reconciliation was instituted in order for us sinners to be reunited with God, right? So it will be the most beneficial to us if we sinners participate in that sacrament, because it was instituted especially for us. Therefore, i think we should not “shy away” from Confession as long as we know that we are truly sorry for our sins.

A good quote that i remember reading may apply to this situation: “You cannot out-sin God”. i think we can never be fully cut off from God as long as we truly desire to come back to Him.

As regards to guilt, i have some issues with that too. But upon reading what the Church has to say in detail about these sins makes me more aware of what i am doing wrong, and it makes me more aware of the grave and sinful nature of my action. In my opinion, a good and thorough examination of the conscience is best.

i will pray for you

Sincerely,
JM

 

[Spirithound]

I know I have (objectively) done wrong but I don’t feel any particular sense of overwhelming guilt.

This is sufficient. You do not have to know you will never sin again to confess. You must simply resolve to try to not sin again.

 

[puzzleannie]

So, here’s my dilemma. It’s been about 1 year since I’ve received my last confession and several years since I’ve been able to receive communion. Recently I’ve been taking it upon myself to live a more holy and Catholic life and so I believe it might finally be time to confess my sins and restore my communion with the Church.

But there is a problem. I do realize that I am in grave sin and that I have offended God. But my faith in God is tenuous at the best of times and I’m afraid that I’m not nearly sorry enough for what I have done, if I could be said to be sorry at all. ?

why not let God worry about how much sorrow is enough. All you need is enough to get yourself into the confessional, let him take it from there. Why, oh why, would you deny yourself the sacraments for one more minute than necessary based on a subjective feeling?

 

[Mungling]

This is all amazing advice, and really something that I should have heard a long time ago. The difference between perfect and imperfect contrition in particular was very helpful in particular.

I suppose if I’m being honest another aspect to the whole equation is shame. I once attended a presentation about confession in which the priest had said something to the tune of: “The devil takes away our shame when we sin and gives it back just in time for confession”. There is definitely a lot of truth in that statement.

Thanks again, you’ve all been a great help.

 

[Joe_5859]

I suppose if I’m being honest another aspect to the whole equation is shame. I once attended a presentation about confession in which the priest had said something to the tune of: “The devil takes away our shame when we sin and gives it back just in time for confession”. There is definitely a lot of truth in that statement.

That reminds me of something a priest once told me. He said that the devil tries to get us to think all about God’s mercy before we sin and all about God’s judgement after we sin. Thus, it makes it easy for us to succumb to temptation and hard to seek forgiveness. In reality, it is better for us to do the opposite. Think about God’s judgement before the sin (as a way of talking ourselves out of it) and thing of God’s infinite mercy after (so we don’t fall into despair and don’t keep ourselves away from his forgiveness in the Sacrament of Reconciliation).

 

[hilde_the_dog]

To followup Puzzleannie: subjective feelings are easily manipulated by and at times created by Satan per St John of the Cross