N
nsper7
Guest
So I went to Confession today. One of the things I confessed was possible sloth since I am not working currently and have pretty much given up on finding a job in the short term (in Sept/Oct, I plan on heading to Los Angeles and then Latin America as part of a long-term missionary work with the Comboni Missionaries). I think I told the Priest that I have had no luck finding work and that I have pretty muchg given up in the short-term, although I will be moving ahead with the Combonis. Shortly after Confession, I worried that I had somehow lied/misrepresented to the Priest, although I am not honestly sure how I did so, but I worried about it anyway.
Then, at services (the Good Friday celebration), I started to feel angry and angry/hateful thoughts. For example, during the Gospel reading, an angry/hateful thought toward Jesus crossed my mind and it was like I got irritated at His words to the High Priest and then Pilate and it was like it crossed my mind that I wanted Him to suffer. It really disturbed me. Then, because of these issues (i.e. Scrupulosity and bad thoughts), I started to get angry and more angry and hateful, possibly even resentful, thoughts crossed my mind towards God and in general. Its like I feel like that ever since coming to faith all those five or so years ago, my OCD (or Scrupulosity) has really peaked sometimes (esp. now that I am becoming Catholic and go to Confession a lot and I have mortal sin to validity of my Confessions to obsess about) and I feel like my faith journey has been so motivated by sheer fear of Hell (the proverbial gun to my head as it were) that it sometimes angers/upsets/frustrates me. And then, in the pew behind me was a baby that got noisy sometimes, so that added to my irritation and frustration and angry thoughts (i.e. towards the disruptive baby) and stuff. Now I am worried that all these thoughts and thiss stuff constituted mortal sin.
I was able to quickly speak to a Priest afterwards (he is sort of my Confessor) and he said that, in his opinion, there is not an objective reason for me to go to Confession and, in general, he seems to take the stance with me that unless I was intending to act on a thought or there was some act of the will involved (i.e. I was harboring/maintaining the thought, but then I worry what does that really mean), it is probably not sinful. Still, it worries me, especially since my Confirmation and 1st Communion is tomorrow and I do not want to receive Communion unworthily, but I also know I will get a lecture if I go to Confession a day after another Confession.
Then, at services (the Good Friday celebration), I started to feel angry and angry/hateful thoughts. For example, during the Gospel reading, an angry/hateful thought toward Jesus crossed my mind and it was like I got irritated at His words to the High Priest and then Pilate and it was like it crossed my mind that I wanted Him to suffer. It really disturbed me. Then, because of these issues (i.e. Scrupulosity and bad thoughts), I started to get angry and more angry and hateful, possibly even resentful, thoughts crossed my mind towards God and in general. Its like I feel like that ever since coming to faith all those five or so years ago, my OCD (or Scrupulosity) has really peaked sometimes (esp. now that I am becoming Catholic and go to Confession a lot and I have mortal sin to validity of my Confessions to obsess about) and I feel like my faith journey has been so motivated by sheer fear of Hell (the proverbial gun to my head as it were) that it sometimes angers/upsets/frustrates me. And then, in the pew behind me was a baby that got noisy sometimes, so that added to my irritation and frustration and angry thoughts (i.e. towards the disruptive baby) and stuff. Now I am worried that all these thoughts and thiss stuff constituted mortal sin.
I was able to quickly speak to a Priest afterwards (he is sort of my Confessor) and he said that, in his opinion, there is not an objective reason for me to go to Confession and, in general, he seems to take the stance with me that unless I was intending to act on a thought or there was some act of the will involved (i.e. I was harboring/maintaining the thought, but then I worry what does that really mean), it is probably not sinful. Still, it worries me, especially since my Confirmation and 1st Communion is tomorrow and I do not want to receive Communion unworthily, but I also know I will get a lecture if I go to Confession a day after another Confession.