Confession trouble

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I’d be really greatful for some advice about confession. I’ve been going to confession twice a year(before christmas and easter) since my first. The main reason I go so infrequently is that it makes me really nervous(I know the priest won’t reveal any of what I say, but it still does). Recently I’ve become involved in a bible study and the priest hears confession after mass. I’ve resolved to go more frequently to confession, but often end up not going. When I do go, I just list off my sins and try to get done as fast as possible. I’ve noticed other people spend a lot more time with the preist and feel like I’m missing out on something.

So, I know that was long, but my questions boil down to these:
How do I not be so nervous about confession?
What else is there to do at confession that takes so long and that I’m missing?

Thanks
 
I know that for myself, I get nervous also because I have a tendency to get emotional, and I hate that! There’s usually one particular problem area or another that I tend to focus on and it inevitably becomes emotional for me and then I feel silly. That’s what usually takes me so long when I go, and then I get uncomfortable because I know there are people standing in line…:rolleyes:

Some people like to get very specific in confession, and this also could take some time. I think everyone’s confession experience is going to be different, because we are all unique in our manner and emotional makeup and approach things differently in many areas of life, and we will bring that with us to the confessional.

Bottom line, I wouldn’t feel awkward about not taking a long time. Some of us are feeling awkward for the opposite reason! I guess the grass is always greener on the other side!😉
 
I think the best way is to just keep going. I know I used to go very infrequently and feel really anxious about it, but I go a lot more often now. In the beginning it probably helps to go in there with a list of your sins and your honest questions as well. You can also write down the act of contrition and being it in with you too. I think having everything written down helps take the pressure off. Another thing I have found to be helpful is to be very plain spoken. I don’t beat around the bush or try to come up with “graceful” ways of saying something that is potentially embarassing. I just use the most simple and direct language possible and in the end, that really makes it easier.

In general in life, I find that if you just get in the habit of actually doing all the things that you are afraid of, you end up with more peace than you can imagine.
 
To add to what has been said it is also at times the case that some people need more lengthy council or spiritual direction. So, at times it is not the penitent that is taking a while but the priest. Also, some people are just wordy and then it is just a matter of logistics.

Personally I love confession and try to go every week. I make it as short and sweet and quick as possible. If I need further spiritual direction I tend to do that outside of the confessional. However, some people don’t have as ready access to a priest for direction as I and others have so the confessional is their only opportunity.

The best advice I can give from my own experience is don’t worry about the length of time but rather focus on the quality of your own confession. Pray for a penitent heart and you will be more at ease.
 
Hmm… I’m always nervous when I wanna go confession, even I had mental block once. It’s advisable to write down, so that you won’t miss out.

I usually, my confession takes about 2-3 minutes, it could be because I go frequently. 😃 Some people might be more nervous than you and they couldn’t speak fluently, thus take more time 😛
Except if everyone committing similar sin, then I think every confession is different. I heard a story that when there’s a confession in school, every student in class tend to have the same sins 😛
 
vince2paul said:
Hmm… I’m always nervous when I wanna go confession, even I had mental block once. It’s advisable to write down, so that you won’t miss out.

I usually, my confession takes about 2-3 minutes, it could be because I go frequently. 😃 Some people might be more nervous than you and they couldn’t speak fluently, thus take more time 😛
Except if everyone committing similar sin, then I think every confession is different. I heard a story that when there’s a confession in school, every student in class tend to have the same sins 😛
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I’ve been going weekly or fortnightly for quite a while now. The nerves don’t really lessen but I’m less likely to forget something - although I have had moments. I also tend to be a short-and-sweet, stick-to-the-point kind of penitent.

There are lots of reasons why people may take longer than you. If someone has a complicated situation with marriage, kids or work, for example, it may take a lot more than a simple ‘say five Hail Mary’s and don’t do it again’ type of confession to resolve the situation.

Some ask more questions of the priest than others, some may be combining it with a session of spiritual direction (which is fine if other people aren’t missing out because of it). Some simply may have difficulties with speech or hearing, or not have fluent English, and so take a while to make themselves understood.

I know my local churches all keep boxes of tissues in their confessionals, so some penitents may become emotional and need a while to compose themselves before they leave the confessional.
 
mlbrink:

All you need to do is remember that humility is a virtue, and that the dialogue between others with their maker is not important.

Think of it. We are telling Jesus we are sorry and are asking for his forgiveness. We should humble ourselves in front of him in shame, and that is exacty what we are doing.

If it makes us uncomfortable, then that is justified, and we can offer that fear as our partial penance. Being nervous comes with the crime. Indeed we can only hope for forgiveness and absolution and that He will permit the priest to give it to us. There is no obligation for the priest to give us absolution if he feels our confession isn’t sincere.

Going during these special anniversaries is proper, but I would suggest that you go by need to reconcile instead of by timetable. If we offend someone, he shouldn’t have to wait for an event for the apology. The matter should be a pressing one, as we never know when the end comes, and all reconciliation needs to be settled in this world.

AndyF
 
mlbrink said:
So, I know that was long, but my questions boil down to these: How do I not be so nervous about confession? What else is there to do at confession that takes so long and that I’m missing?
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1.) It helps to go more often. Go when you don’t have anything mortal to confess, and it will be easier. Find a priest who is orthodox, and who you are comfortable talking to. If you haven’t found such a priest yet, pray that God will lead you to one. Tell the priest you are nervous going to confession, so you don’t go very often. Also, pray that you have the courage to go to confession.

2.) Sometimes people take a long time if they also tie in spiritual direction or counseling with confession (which is fine, but for the sake of courtesy, don’t do that if there is a long line, or confessions are about to end).
 
mlbrink said:
I’d be really greatful for some advice about confession. I’ve been going to confession twice a year(before christmas and easter) since my first. The main reason I go so infrequently is that it makes me really nervous(I know the priest won’t reveal any of what I say, but it still does). Recently I’ve become involved in a bible study and the priest hears confession after mass. I’ve resolved to go more frequently to confession, but often end up not going. When I do go, I just list off my sins and try to get done as fast as possible. I’ve noticed other people spend a lot more time with the preist and feel like I’m missing out on something.

So, I know that was long, but my questions boil down to these:
How do I not be so nervous about confession?
What else is there to do at confession that takes so long and that I’m missing?

Thanks
Click to expand...
It is okay to be nervous. Nervous before confession is good. Hope it stays with you.

As far as the other goes, shoot. I keep trying to go to Confession and simply list my sins and the number etc. Our priest will not stand for that. He also insists on face to face confession which i have never cared for at all. But oh well. What he does is interrupts my list and starts asking questions. Before i know it, 45 minutes has gone by. I don’t really mind- I just wonder what the people in the line behind me think. Kind of embarrassing. Probably think I shot someone or something. But it is his option. I think he just wants to get to know his parishioners better.

But when I just can’t face that, I wait for the communal confessions when all the priests from our area show up. A penance service you know? Then, it is just go in the confessional, give your list and out the door. No time for discussion because it is so crowded.😃 😃
 
mlbrink said:
I’d be really greatful for some advice about confession. I’ve been going to confession twice a year(before christmas and easter) since my first. The main reason I go so infrequently is that it makes me really nervous(I know the priest won’t reveal any of what I say, but it still does). Recently I’ve become involved in a bible study and the priest hears confession after mass. I’ve resolved to go more frequently to confession, but often end up not going. When I do go, I just list off my sins and try to get done as fast as possible. I’ve noticed other people spend a lot more time with the preist and feel like I’m missing out on something.

So, I know that was long, but my questions boil down to these:
How do I not be so nervous about confession?
What else is there to do at confession that takes so long and that I’m missing?

Thanks
Click to expand...
For me the key is preparation; reviewing my conscience daily (usually at night in bed before I fall to sleep) and especially before going to confession. I also prepare a list after this review, to ensure that I do not get caught up on my emotional side and confess all that I intend to confess. Additionally, I usually try to associate the root cause and consequence of my sins. This is a tremendous aid for me; increases my self confidence, noticeable improvement in time management in the confessional, as well as, it allows the priest adequate time to provide counsel where and when needed.

Sanctifying Grace is always received during a good confession; sins do not have to be grave or mortal to go to confession. Attachment too many smaller sins may increase our chances to accept sin. All sin to God is against God.
 
mlbrink said:
When I do go, I just list off my sins and try to get done as fast as possible. I’ve noticed other people spend a lot more time with the preist and feel like I’m missing out on something.
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There is nothing at all wrong with just stating your sins and receiving absolution. Don’t worry about the length of other people’s confessions. People take as much or as little time as needed.

Don’t overthink this issue, because too much thinking may cause you to go less often!
 
Wow! There really are some vast differences in how we receive the Sacrament of Reconcilliation. I’m glad this is an area where we have some wiggle room…at least most of us do.

I agree that you need not worry about how long other people take. I, personally, take a little longer. My confessions go a little more like conversations and my priest provides a lot of spiritual direction and insight into repetitive sins. Of course, I know his job is to absolve me, which he does, but I appreciate his spiritual direction when I tend to commit the same venial sins again and again. (One advantage of frequent confession is your priest will get to know you and know if you are falling into repetitive sin) I do see a lot of people go into confession and they are in there literally less than a couple minutes. So, I guess it is just up to the individual.

Not knowing you, I can only tell you what has worked for me. I used to be quite nervous about confession. But then I committed a whopper of a sin :o and had to go. Anyway, I cried the whole way through and was embarrassed. However, the feeling I got afterword is indescribable. I felt the love, mercy and forgiveness of Jesus in a way I’d never felt before. That was it, I was hooked. I had a whole new understanding of confession and how important it is. Please, even though your nervous, try to go frequently. Maybe start with once a month, then twice per month. The more you go, the more comfortable you will be. Also, pray before confession. Ask the Lord to help you say to the priest what you say to Him in secret. I’ve found that the Lord has given me the strength to say the most embarrassing things to my priest and the Lord must give my priest the strength to keep a straight face! 😛
 
Prayer_Warrior said:
I used to be quite nervous about confession. But then I committed a whopper of a sin :o and had to go. Anyway, I cried the whole way through and was embarrassed. However, the feeling I got afterword is indescribable.
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I’ve had similar experiences. For me, going to confession is like going to the dentist in some ways. I don’t always feel like it, or want to go, I don’t feel comfortable while I’m there, but I leave feeling a lot cleaner! 🙂

It gets easier the more often you go. Don’t compare yourself to other people. You don’t know the state of their souls, and it isn’t fair to you or them to make comparisons. Let God do what he needs to do for you. He knows what you need. 🙂
 
I too have trouble getting myself in there and I taught First Penance for several years. Boy, I could tell those kids how wonderful it was going to be! But, I still have trouble.

The trick is to do a really good examination of conscience and then vow to go at least once a month. Eventually, you will want to make that more often.

The other trick is to find yourself a GOOD CONFESSOR, even if he isn’t in your parish. Ask around. He will help you to focus on your weaknesses and give you penances that make you really evaulate your relationship with God. Like, “I want you to meditate on the First Joyful Mystery, the Annunciation, and think about what it is God is asking you to say ‘yes’ to.” Wow! I was blown away. There was no way I was going to just think about that for a minute or too! I went right home to my computer and downloaded several mediations on that mystery. I probably spent close to an hour meditating.

Now, that’s the kind of confessor you must look for. Then you will want to receive the sacrament more frequently! Good luck!

Blessings,
Gigi
 
Try reading this wonderful book, 101 Inspirational Stories of Reconciliation.] I’ve been reading it for about a week, and it has some truly wonderful stories about how the sacrament has transformed people’s lives. Every time I read it, I become more convinced that this sacrament is such a blessing to us. It also has some very good “practical” advice on how to make a good confession, how to tell the more “embarrassing” sexual sins, etc. I just love this book.
catalog.americancatholic.org/product.aspx?prodid=I84475&pcat=100
 
By the way, I totally agree with the other posters who say that the more you go, the easier it gets. I used to just dread it when I went only once or twice a year. I was nervous, and a bit resentful that I “had” to go. Since I’ve started going more frequently ( 2 or 3 times a month), it has gotten much easier. If I have to miss a week or two, I start feeling sorry for myself that I didn’t get the chance to go! I miss it, now! Wow - what a turn around for me.

Good luck and God Bless, mlbrink!
 
a non catholic asked me why go to confession to a priest, when you can go to jesus himself. what do i say to him why catholics need or go to confession to a priest instead of directly to jesus.thanks for help.
 
First off, confession can take a longer or shorter time for lots of reasons. A longer confession is not a better confession, any more than the quality of your medical care or the seriousness of your condition can be gauged by how long your doctor spends with you, compared to another patient.

Second, there is nothing we can’t find a way to feel anxious about. Like anything, confession is easier when it is done more frequently, but you might also have misconceptions that are impeding you or something in your history that is making things harder for you, too.

You might just make an appointment, make a list of your questions and concerns, and talk to your confessor about your worries and how to improve your approach to the sacrament. I doubt if such a meeting would be a long one, but if you had a chance to talk frankly when there wasn’t a line behind you, it could make a considerable difference. I wouldn’t expect an hour-long tutorial. Still, I have so often had a priest tell me something in five minutes that did more good than wondering and worrying about the problem myself for a month that I had to suggest it.
 
I used to be very nervous about going to confession until I became firmly convinced that it was Christ on the other side of the partition in the guise of the priest. It makes all the difference for me and even gets me excited to go to confession!

As for the long confessions, I know for many people at my parish they use the confessional as a counseling room, which is a pet peeve of mine. I only know this because those folks get pretty loud in there and, try as I might to plug my ears, I’ve still heard their rants.
I even keep the line as far back as I can by not moving up as people leave the confessional but you can still hear. I’ve complained to the pastor about the thin door and the fact that there’s a large hole where a knob used to be letting sound out but it’s still there. Anyway, I pray everyone would visit the confessional to confess sins and make an appointment to talk to a priest about family issues, etc. Sorry for my own rant here.

Pax Christi,

trob
 
sbriton said:
I used to be very nervous about going to confession until I became firmly convinced that it was Christ on the other side of the partition in the guise of the priest. It makes all the difference for me and even gets me excited to go to confession!

As for the long confessions, I know for many people at my parish they use the confessional as a counseling room, which is a pet peeve of mine. I only know this because those folks get pretty loud in there and, try as I might to plug my ears, I’ve still heard their rants.
I even keep the line as far back as I can by not moving up as people leave the confessional but you can still hear. I’ve complained to the pastor about the thin door and the fact that there’s a large hole where a knob used to be letting sound out but it’s still there. Anyway, I pray everyone would visit the confessional to confess sins and make an appointment to talk to a priest about family issues, etc. Sorry for my own rant here.

Pax Christi,

trob
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You hit the nail on the head. I think people “abuse” the confessional in this fashion… Not that it’s totally bad or intentional. But the problem is that it seems that parishes seem to offer less and less time for confession (and it’s always on Saturday at 3:30).
 
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