Confession Troubles

[Petaro]

Instead of finding fault with the priest, why is it that you have not worked on overcoming this sin?
We pray in the act of contrition: I firmly resolve…

Seek spiritual direction to conquer this once and for all instead of relying on absolution. Yes, go to confession, but a better question would be
What resources are there to to overcome sexual impurity?

I am not quite sure you understand the depth of despair and feelings of hopelessness many good men have in trying to resolve an habitual sexual sin. There is much self loathing before many can find a resolution, if ever. For many confession is our only connection to the love of Christ we can rely on, for we have lost any respect for our own ability to overcome.
Spiritual direction may indeed help, but only the knowledge that we can continue to go ashamed back to a loving Father after yet another fall keeps us spiritually alive.
There is no ’ once and for all’. There are millions of ‘I firmly resolve…’
Do not be too hard on those that seem to use the revolving door of confession. Walk in their shoes and realise that that well worn path to the confessional is often our only hope.

 

[Bookcat]

Christian charity requires we assume the best, not the worst. Priests take it on the chin a lot these days. They don’t need second-guessing on an Internet forum, anymore than my wife needs to hear conspiracy theories on how doctors are all in the grip of Big Pharma.

Let the priest do his job. He gave the penitent sound advice, the first step for the OP should be to try to heed it.

Who said I assumed the worse? I actually assumed the best for starts.

And the Priest did NOT give the penitent any particular advice just for him but it is a general statement he seems have made…please read his post again and also mine…Need to slow down in your reading …

Note he stated:

The priest at our parish says you should go every 2 months.

That is a general statement not personal advice just to one person.

Note my post:

It may be that he was recommending going every 2 months as a general recommendation to get people to get to confession more frequently.

I assumed the best.

 

[OraLabora]

Need to slow down in your reading …

I misread. English is not my first language even though I speak and write it well and I do occasionally misread especially if I’m thinking in French just before reading something.

That said, the OP should work with a spiritual director or habitual confessor and follow his advice. If that advice he is not mortally culpable due to the habitual nature of the sin, and that he shouldn’t return to the confessional every week, he should follow it. Of course if he says otherwise, he should also follow it. But it’s been my experience that too frequent confession and habitual sin just reinforces the habit rather than breaking it. It becomes a vicious circle and that’s when Satan picks the moment to make you despair and loathe yourself. A good regular confessor can spot when this is happening and work with you to solve the problem.

 

[Bookcat]

I misread. English is not my first language even though I speak and write it well and I do occasionally misread especially if I’m thinking in French just before reading something.

And French is not even my second…or third…or fourth…

 

[Bookcat]

That said, the OP should work with a spiritual director or habitual confessor and follow his advice. .

Yes a regular confessor can be a good idea.

And if he falls into a mortal sin - run to confession.

"Now is the time to say to Jesus: “Lord, I have let myself be deceived; in a thousand ways I have shunned your love, yet here I am once more, to renew my covenant with you. I need you. Save me once again, Lord, take me once more into your redeeming embrace”. How good it feels to come back to him whenever we are lost!

Let me say this once more: God never tires of forgiving us; we are the ones who tire of seeking his mercy.

Christ, who told us to forgive one another “seventy times seven” (Mt 18:22) has given us his example: he has forgiven us seventy times seven. Time and time again he bears us on his shoulders.

No one can strip us of the dignity bestowed upon us by this boundless and unfailing love. With a tenderness which never disappoints, but is always capable of restoring our joy, he makes it possible for us to lift up our heads and to start anew. Let us not flee from the resurrection of Jesus, let us never give up, come what will. May nothing inspire more than his life, which impels us onwards!"

~ Pope Francis

APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION
EVANGELII GAUDIUM

 

[bobballen_18]

I am not quite sure you understand the depth of despair and feelings of hopelessness many good men have in trying to resolve an habitual sexual sin. There is much self loathing before many can find a resolution, if ever. For many confession is our only connection to the love of Christ we can rely on, for we have lost any respect for our own ability to overcome.
Spiritual direction may indeed help, but only the knowledge that we can continue to go ashamed back to a loving Father after yet another fall keeps us spiritually alive.
There is no ’ once and for all’. There are millions of ‘I firmly resolve…’
Do not be too hard on those that seem to use the revolving door of confession. Walk in their shoes and realise that that well worn path to the confessional is often our only hope.

Yes! Thanks for posting this. I can relate to what you’re saying. I’m all for spiritual direction, as it can be a direct means way for accountability, but I see nothing bad at all with coming back to the confessional as often as needed. Unless, of course, one’s personal, trusted spiritual director has advised otherwise.

 

[Don_Ruggero]

The priest shouldn’t decide how often you go. Only you can decide that. You’re the only one that knows when you have mortal sin on your soul. Take his advice into prayerful consideration and avoid being overly scrupulous, but ultimately, he shouldn’t regulate how frequently you confess. I know it is uncomfortable, but if I truly needed the sacrament, I would go whether he agreed or not.

Is there another priest nearby you could confess to?

No. Frankly, this is not correct and you are wrong.

As a priest, I absolutely have the right to determine the propriety of the administration of a sacrament.

In fact, I can decide that a person should not be admitted to the sacrament of penance.

As a priest, it is my prerogative, when a member of the faithful asks for the sacrament of the sick, to determine if, in point, they are eligible and meet the criteria from the perspective of canon law and the norms governing administering this sacrament. If they are not, then canon law demands that I refuse to give them the sacrament.

If I celebrate Mass three times on Sunday and a parishioner approaches to receive Communion three times, once at each of my Masses, in violation of Canon 917, I am obliged by canon law to refuse Communion to such a person.

This applies to each and every sacrament and those in this thread who deny to the priest the right to say that the person is wrongfully approaching the sacrament are incorrect. This is not true and I am horrified that there are people who think that merely approaching the sacrament of penance obliges the priest to confect the sacrament. This is very mistaken from the actual concept of Catholic sacramental theology.

As a priest, I would advise the.original poster to place himself/herself under spiritual direction. If that is not possible, then at least to have a regular confessor.

 

[OraLabora]

As a priest, I would advise the.original poster to place himself/herself under spiritual direction. If that is not possible, then at least to have a regular confessor.

Agreed, and also to respect the advice given by the SD or confessor. When I was approaching confession too often for the same bad habit, my confessor told me that the culpability was lessened by the fact that it was a habit and that I needn’t confess it as frequently as I had been. I also have the benefit of both an SD and regular confessor at the abbey.

I heeded his advice, and I must say although I still struggle, I find it easier to overcome or at least reduce the frequency of the habit with less frequent confession.

Reducing the frequency of confession made me take direct responsibility for my actions rather than rely on brief temporary periods of grace on Sundays (our confessions are Sundays before Mass). I find overuse of confession reduces true contrition and lessens the impact of confession and reduces confession to a mechanical act. It results in confession becoming a means of avoiding, rather than assuming, our responsibilities. A good confessor who understands human psychology is worth his weight in gold!

That said I would never advise someone to avoid confession altogether. A good solid confession on a regular basis is very beneficial. There’s a balance though, between regular confession and too frequent confession of the same thing over and over again. A less frequent confession lets me take an inventory of my progress over the last month or two, confess the failures, try to understand how and why they occurred, and be fortified for new progress ahead.

 

[fbl9]

So I have been struggling with sexual sin and I feel I need to go to confession once a week. The priest at our parish says you should go every 2 months. I just feel that every 2 months is not enough for my situation. At the confessional there is a screen but I think the priest tells when it is me and is getting annoyed when I go more than every 2 months and confessing the same sin in large numbers. What should I do? (btw I hope this is the right fourm this is my first time posting a new thread also please pray for me) God bless

Think about what you are giving up to commit these sins.
you can not pray for anyone, well you can but it is vain. One poster told you to pray for others struggling with this problem. Open your heart to them show them Christ’s love by praying.

 

[AKDee]

I find overuse of confession reduces true contrition and lessens the impact of confession and reduces confession to a mechanical act. It results in confession becoming a means of avoiding, rather than assuming, our responsibilities. A good confessor who understands human psychology is worth his weight in gold!

That said I would never advise someone to avoid confession altogether. A good solid confession on a regular basis is very beneficial. There’s a balance though, between regular confession and too frequent confession of the same thing over and over again. A less frequent confession lets me take an inventory of my progress over the last month or two, confess the failures, try to understand how and why they occurred, and be fortified for new progress ahead.

I think this would be very individual. I go to confession weekly and have found it has helped me immensely. I don’t think of confession as a mechanical act. I do a thorough examination of conscience beforehand, I pray as I wait for my turn, and I confess to the priest to ask God to forgive me my sins. It has helped me to turn away from some sins entirely (praise God!) and to lessen how often I commit other sins by a great deal. Much of this comes from the Grace I receive from the sacrament, and some of it comes from the human aspect of knowing that I will feel humiliated to once again tell Father I did the same sin again and that, too, helps me avoid that sin. And some sins I just can’t seem to stop no matter how hard I try, but I keep going back in hopes that I will receive the Grace to stop that sin also. I agree people should have a regular confessor if that is possible. I think face-to-face confession is also helpful, at least for me. I find the embarrassment/humiliation I feel when facing the priest to be penitential and to increase the efficacy of the sacrament.

What works for you might not work for others, and what works for me might not work for others. That’s why I think you can’t really put a hard and fast rule on how often people should go to confession.

 

[GoGoDiego]

So I have been struggling with sexual sin and I feel I need to go to confession once a week. The priest at our parish says you should go every 2 months. I just feel that every 2 months is not enough for my situation. At the confessional there is a screen but I think the priest tells when it is me and is getting annoyed when I go more than every 2 months and confessing the same sin in large numbers. What should I do? (btw I hope this is the right fourm this is my first time posting a new thread also please pray for me) God bless

One note:

I too, struggle with sexual sin (masturbation and pornography). Now, I just confessed to the Parish Priest after Mass. I told him that I want to lessen and avoid this sin, since it just adds up to guilt. The priest gave me advice on how to overcome it. I always confess to that priest. But on my part, I try to avoid it.

You cannot solely depend on the priest for your salvation in particular. You also have to make an effort. Try spiritual direction and constant prayer as others said, or channel it towards a favorite hobby or sport you do. As a saying goes: “The idle mind is a devil’s workshop.”