Confession...very scrupulous...VERY personal!

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THANKS “otjm” and “LilyM” for your very thoughful and kind replies. 🙂

I know in my head that we have a very kind, merciful and loving God. I just can’t realize it. I don’t know if that makes sense. I guess while I have read about it and studied it, am just downright scared of Him sometimes. I know and believe it for others, just often can’t do the same for myself. :nope:
 
We were discussing moral sins this last weekend and agreed that it must be very difficult to commit one. Your posts sound like it must be very easy. What am I not understanding?
I don’t think it’s that difficult. Mortal sins that the average fallen away Catholic might commit on a regular basis:
Missing Mass on Sundays and Holy Days, fornication, masturbation, using the name of the Lord in vain, contraception, alcohol or drug abuse, envy/greed, making a false God of material things, pride (especially failing to go to comfession b/c of pride) etc.

I’m pretty certain I was in a state of mortal sin for about 20 years. Just the missing of Sunday Mass with no good reason achieved that. Thank the Lord that I (with some gentle nudging from my wife) have mended my ways.

God Bless
 
Many years ago now I had a confessor who saved my life as I was headed down the drain to despair because of all my sins. It seemed almost everything I did was a sin. He told me, “I only want to hear those you are sure are mortal sins. If you have actually committed a mortal sin you will know it and have no doubts about it.” When one considers the three conditions necessary for a sin to be mortal, it becomes rather obvious that his statement was true. If there is any doubt, then one of the conditions must not have been met. The other thing he told me was that the devil likes to have us poring over our past lives looking for sins that perhaps we forgot, did not confess exactly right, etc. It weakens our resolve and makes it easier to sin again. Do your best in confession and then forget about it and start fresh. God’s mercy is trustworthy and lasts forever.
 
Many years ago now I had a confessor who saved my life as I was headed down the drain to despair because of all my sins. It seemed almost everything I did was a sin. He told me, “I only want to hear those you are sure are mortal sins. If you have actually committed a mortal sin you will know it and have no doubts about it.” When one considers the three conditions necessary for a sin to be mortal, it becomes rather obvious that his statement was true. If there is any doubt, then one of the conditions must not have been met. The other thing he told me was that the devil likes to have us poring over our past lives looking for sins that perhaps we forgot, did not confess exactly right, etc. It weakens our resolve and makes it easier to sin again. Do your best in confession and then forget about it and start fresh. God’s mercy is trustworthy and lasts forever.
Thanks…your advice is very sweet and very helpful. God bless you for your kindness! 🙂
 
Many years ago now I had a confessor who saved my life as I was headed down the drain to despair because of all my sins. It seemed almost everything I did was a sin. He told me, “I only want to hear those you are sure are mortal sins. If you have actually committed a mortal sin you will know it and have no doubts about it.” When one considers the three conditions necessary for a sin to be mortal, it becomes rather obvious that his statement was true. If there is any doubt, then one of the conditions must not have been met. The other thing he told me was that the devil likes to have us poring over our past lives looking for sins that perhaps we forgot, did not confess exactly right, etc. It weakens our resolve and makes it easier to sin again. Do your best in confession and then forget about it and start fresh. God’s mercy is trustworthy and lasts forever.
That is very well stated, thanks for sharing and thank God for your priest!!
 
Many years ago now I had a confessor who saved my life as I was headed down the drain to despair because of all my sins. It seemed almost everything I did was a sin. He told me, “I only want to hear those you are sure are mortal sins. If you have actually committed a mortal sin you will know it and have no doubts about it.” When one considers the three conditions necessary for a sin to be mortal, it becomes rather obvious that his statement was true. If there is any doubt, then one of the conditions must not have been met. The other thing he told me was that the devil likes to have us poring over our past lives looking for sins that perhaps we forgot, did not confess exactly right, etc. It weakens our resolve and makes it easier to sin again. Do your best in confession and then forget about it and start fresh. God’s mercy is trustworthy and lasts forever.
I also want to say thankyou for this post. It has put my mind at ease and given me something else to think on when I start obsessing over sins.

Convert, I feel for you, I think I too have a tendency towards scrupulosity. It’s hard. I’ll pray for you.
 
Thanks to everyone for your sweet and thoughtful replies. May God bless you and yours! 🙂
 
Convert in 99: I feel for you; I’m in the same boat. A very, very hard year, filled with grave, very hard to bear disappointments, dashed hopes, and concommitant discouragement, anger, fear, frustration, animosity. . . all that bad stuff.

I’m making it a point to get to confession each month. I think it’s something positive I can do toward changing my situation here.

All the best.
 
Convert in 99: I feel for you; I’m in the same boat. A very, very hard year, filled with grave, very hard to bear disappointments, dashed hopes, and concommitant discouragement, anger, fear, frustration, animosity. . . all that bad stuff.

I’m making it a point to get to confession each month. I think it’s something positive I can do toward changing my situation here.

All the best.
I am sorry to hear that.:console: I will keep you and all on this thread in my thoughts and prayers. :crossrc:

BTW: I was thinking of starting a thread just for scrupulants. Would anyone else be interested? :confused: This thread would be fine…though…the word confession might not be the best title for a scrupulous thread. 😉
 
You need to watch out for the danger of despair; despair in itself is a fairly bad sin (against the virtue of hope) because it robs us of the joy (especially in a spiritual sense) we should have at our grace and taking part in the very life of God himself in the eucharist. St Thomas says despair is particularly pernicious because it opens the door to other sins, many of which are bad. Confession is not supposed to make one despair but turn to the mercy of God, which is always open to us.
 
You need to watch out for the danger of despair; despair in itself is a fairly bad sin (against the virtue of hope) because it robs us of the joy (especially in a spiritual sense) we should have at our grace and taking part in the very life of God himself in the eucharist. St Thomas says despair is particularly pernicious because it opens the door to other sins, many of which are bad. Confession is not supposed to make one despair but turn to the mercy of God, which is always open to us.
Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I DO struggle with this lots. 😦
 
Man I definately see where you’re coming from. I definately deal with scruples but sometimes I’m really off my spiritual game and stink to the high heavens. It’s at those times that I’m the most confused.

You know? It’s like, okay am I being scrupulous or am I really that bad right now? Or is it both? Some things really are pretty bad and other ones I’m just being scruplous. And sometimes finding a good priest who really has insight can be pretty hard. Heck, sometimes finding a priest who’s in more than a 1/2 hr on Saturday can be pretty hard. 😛

Great. My head’s hurting right now just thinking about it! I’m going googly.
 
very scrupulous
In terms of confession of old mortal sins that one is doubtful that one confessed them or committed them…normally one would be advised to confess them…and if they were truly forgotten mortal sins one would normally be obliged to confess them.

But a person who is “very scrupulous” can be in a very different boat. They ought to have a regular confessor to direct them.

A few first points then more advice:

One must distinguish between a scrupulous conscience and a delicate conscience.

A ‘tender conscience or delicate conscience’ sees the finer distinctions and seeks very much to avoid even very small sins …and …who can judge normally between mortal and venial sin…when in doubt is able to make judgments overcoming his doubt by prudence or abide by good advice etc

as for scruples…or scrupulosity

scruples or those who are even of a higher degree of scrupulosity take venial sin to be mortal…or non sins to be sins…or are plagued by doubts…unreasonable fears/anxieties about sins…seeing them or fearing them where they need not…etc etc

The french call it the doubting disease (though it is not a disease…and I would use the term “mental illness” either…but it is certainly a disorder within the person) for one has lot of problems knowing one knows…thus with doubt (or more often “apparent doubt”)

of course there are degrees and it is possible for a person to have generally a delicate conscience or a normal conscience and still have a struggle with scruples in certain areas…or have very transient scruples at the time of their conversion …

and a person may go from one to the other…

one combats scruples with a good regular confessor

by forming ones conscience…(with such as the Catechism etc)

and with his guidance acting against ones scruples…

possibly by general principles given often historically by confessors to deal with scruples

by prayer…

by trust and joy in living the Christian life…(not necessarily “emotional” by the way)

With the help of your confessor…etc

Contra scruplos agendum est, et fixo operis pede certandum

(Act contrary to scruples and with a firm foot overcome them)

Overcoming ones scruples…ones fears with a “firm foot”. Learning to act against them under the guidance of your confessor. Dismiss them. Not argue with them. (ie. ones confessor says…“unless you are certain you have committed a mortal sin…go to communion”…and you feel the fear and the doubts and the worries at the time of communion “but perhaps I committed one…?” you tell yourself “I am not certain of any mortal sins and my confessor told me to go” and you act against your fears and go to Communion! or ones confessor says regarding old past sins “only confess old sins if you are certain it was a mortal sin and certain you have not confessed it…(such is often the advice for those who are scrupulous)” one does just that -and if one is mistaken here one it not on you for a it can be the case that those who are scrupulous are in a “different boat” that others.) etc

(in a way one needs be “scrupulous” about attending to ones scruples…)

When scruples arise --turn to God and let the pass by.

Scruples are to be treated like a barking dog or a hissing goose…one does not stop to argue with a barking dog or a hissing goose does one? (image borrowed from a 15th cent. Carthusian).

They are to be “despised”…“dismissed”…

And again a regular confessor is very important here…in even coming to know what ones scruples are…and then what to dismiss…

Hope that helps. Feel free to pm if I can be of other help.
 
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