Confession with a different priest

[cviolette]

Is it okay to go to a different church for confession or should I stay with my parish priest? I feel like I am being a hypocrite because I am not making any progress with certain sins and it is embarrassing. Another solution would be to just stop receiving communion and avoid confession until I work through some issues.

 

[jtodisco]

Cviolette, first and foremost do not give into the temptation “to just stop receiving communion and avoid confession until I work through some issues”. This is a great temptation of the devil’s, though it may seem to us to be a pious idea. We may think, “I do not want to abuse the sacraments and so I will avoid them because I am not worthy”. This false piety strips us of our spiritual defenses. Of course no one is worthy to receive God’s forgiveness or to receive Him in the Eucharist. But God loves us anyway and asks that we only do our best to follow Him, getting up each time we stumble or picking up our cross each time we have laid it aside.

Of course if you are in a state of mortal sin and have not gone to Confession then you should not receive Communion. However, you shouldn’t avoid Confession simply because a particular sin(s) is causing you problems on a regular basis. We all have weak spots in our spiritual armor and those are the very spots that the devil strikes at.* It would be foolish to allow yourself to remain spiritually wounded and not seek the help and healing that comes from the Divine Physician. Remember Christ said, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick; I have come to call not the righteous but sinners.”*

Please know that I’m speaking as one who can relate to the problem you’ve described. I also have some habitual sins that are a cause of frustration and embarassment, but we must not give into despair because that is exactly what the devil wants us to do and giving into despair is almost certainly a greater sin than whatever sin we are despairing over.

Remember, Christ knows we are weak. He entered into our weakness to save us and knew us all before we were born. There is no limit to God’s mercy, He is not like us. He will not get tired of you, He won’t just think one day “that’s it, I’m done putting up with this guy”. Remember the Scriptures when Christ tells Peter that it is not enough to forgive a brother seven times a day, but rather seventy times seven times. Or the simple, yet beatiful story of the prodigal son, which is meant to convey God’s great love for us though we are sinners.

When we go to Confession the priest is merely acting as a representative of Christ. He is “In Persona Christi Capitis”. It is Christ Who forgives us our sins, not the the priest. Christ acts through all of His priests when it comes to performing the sacraments no matter where they are or even whether or not they are good priests. So if you go to Confession at your own parish or at another parish it doesn’t matter because you are still confessing your sins to the Lord Jesus and He is still the one absolving you of those sins.

I personally do not go to Confession at the same parish I attend Mass at because there is no privacy at that parish when it comes to Confessions. The parish is very small and there is no booth/screen to enter into to make Confession, instead you stand in front of the priest in a back room of the church. I’ve been told the option is there to have a more private confession, however since you would need to request it there would be no anonymity. So I go to another nearby parish for make Confession and I don’t think there’s anything immoral about doing so.

Sorry for rambling on so long. I hope I was able to you help you. May God bless you and strengthen you in this difficult time.

 

[Gaudium86]

As a Catholic, you can go to any Catholic priest in good standing for Confession. As to whether you should go to another priests, that is something you can determine better than the good people on this forum.

If you are really struggling to overcome a certain sin and you feel that your regular confessor is being too hard on you, a change might be a good idea - even once to see if another confessor says the same thing as your regular priest. That said, the truths of our faith can be hard, and it can be good to hear them presented forcefull and repeatedly.

While you may find it helpful (or necessary) to avoid the Eucharist, I am of the opinion that you need confession more when you are dealing with a really tough sin, not less. If the notion of offending or disappointing a certain priest is keeping you from confession, go elsewhere. The sacrament is about you and your relationship with God, not the confessor.

 

[Scoobyshme]

Is it okay to go to a different church for confession or should I stay with my parish priest? I feel like I am being a hypocrite because I am not making any progress with certain sins and it is embarrassing. Another solution would be to just stop receiving communion and avoid confession until I work through some issues.

As the old saying goes, “Any port in a storm.” Any validly ordained priest is sufficient to hear your sincere confession. The Sacrament is valid in any case. And, like doctors, sometimes it is helpful to get a second or third or fourth opinion.

Don’t worry about it. Go wherever you feel comfortable. But, nonetheless, go! Both Pope John Paul II and Mother Theresa of Calcutta went to Confession weekly. Are you and I any better than them? I can guarantee you I’m not!

 

[Skeptic92]

Is it okay to go to a different church for confession or should I stay with my parish priest? I feel like I am being a hypocrite because I am not making any progress with certain sins and it is embarrassing. Another solution would be to just stop receiving communion and avoid confession until I work through some issues.

You can go to any Catholic (or Orthodox or SSPX if you are in danger of death) Church for the Sacrament of Reconciliation, I personally go to the closest Church to where I am when i feel i must go to confession (about every 2-3 weeks), these have been my Parish Church, the Cathedral, the Oratory, an Eastern Catholic Church (was byzantine i think)

 

[cviolette]

jtodisco - Thank you for the post. My reason for avoiding confession is I feel I am not ready to give up the sin. I want to do what is right but that never seems to last. I constantly put myself in situation that will cause me to sin. It does feel like I am abusing the sacrament. I went Wednesday and already need to go back. I feel like I am becoming a better person in so many ways since I went back to the church but I am crossing lines that I never did before. I will go to weekly confessions.

Gaudium86 - I feel that my regular confessor is too lenient and he does not ask any questions which I feel would help me confess everything. Hard to say everything. But it would be good to know if a different priest will feel the same way. I feel my penance should be harder.

Scoobyshme - Definitely not better than them. Looks like weekly and towards the end of the week so I can receive communion.

 

[cviolette]

You can go to any Catholic (or Orthodox or SSPX if you are in danger of death) Church for the Sacrament of Reconciliation, I personally go to the closest Church to where I am when i feel i must go to confession (about every 2-3 weeks), these have been my Parish Church, the Cathedral, the Oratory, an Eastern Catholic Church (was byzantine i think)

I live in a small town so not that many options. But there is another Catholic church 20 minutes for where I live. I don’t know anyone that lives in that town so it will be more comfortable.

 

[ConstantineTG]

Is it okay to go to a different church for confession or should I stay with my parish priest? I feel like I am being a hypocrite because I am not making any progress with certain sins and it is embarrassing. Another solution would be to just stop receiving communion and avoid confession until I work through some issues.

Depriving yourself of the graces will make it harder for you fight off sin. At the very least confess regularly so that you may still receive graces to fight off sin.

There’s nothing wrong in going to another priest for confession, many do that. You can even go to a priest of another Catholic Rite, such as a Byzantine Catholic priest or Chaldean Catholic priest.

 

[Gaudium86]

I feel that my regular confessor is too lenient and he does not ask any questions which I feel would help me confess everything. Hard to say everything. But it would be good to know if a different priest will feel the same way. I feel my penance should be harder.

In my experience, a reasonably tough priest can be hard to find. I don’t know where you live, but the local FSSP or the pastor of the local Latin Mass community may be a good place to start. Other than that, if is somewhere where multiple priests hear confessions regularly, look for the guy with the shortest line.

Beyond this, there’s always the option of talking to your regular confessor. Many priests seem averse to asking questions in the confessional. (I don’t know why. Fear of interrupting? Fear of seeming too judgemental or inquisitorial?) If your confessor knew you would like some additional direction, I’m sure he would oblige. There’s also the option of asking for a different penance. You could ask, for instance, if there’s any spiritual writer he knows of who would be helpful in your situation.

In Christ,

JAC

 

[cviolette]

Depriving yourself of the graces will make it harder for you fight off sin. At the very least confess regularly so that you may still receive graces to fight off sin.

There’s nothing wrong in going to another priest for confession, many do that. You can even go to a priest of another Catholic Rite, such as a Byzantine Catholic priest or Chaldean Catholic priest.

Thank you. I will be going weekly.

In my experience, a reasonably tough priest can be hard to find. I don’t know where you live, but the local FSSP or the pastor of the local Latin Mass community may be a good place to start. Other than that, if is somewhere where multiple priests hear confessions regularly, look for the guy with the shortest line.

Beyond this, there’s always the option of talking to your regular confessor. Many priests seem averse to asking questions in the confessional. (I don’t know why. Fear of interrupting? Fear of seeming too judgemental or inquisitorial?) If your confessor knew you would like some additional direction, I’m sure he would oblige. There’s also the option of asking for a different penance. You could ask, for instance, if there’s any spiritual writer he knows of who would be helpful in your situation.

In Christ,

JAC

Only one priest in my church. And barely anyone goes to confession so the line is always short. I live in NH and I do not know if there are any Latin masses in the area. I could drive into the city where there are more options. I am starting to think I should set up an appointment with my priest and just get everything out in the open.

Thanks for the ideas. I think I will ask for a different penance. He did have me fast one time. That seemed more appropriate.

 

[ConstantineTG]

Thank you. I will be going weekly.

You’re welcome. Just to share, our Archdiocese has a Pentitential Service scheduled every Lent and Advent. I take advantage of that always. It means there’s be a number of priests at one parish at one time hearing confessions. I do make a conscious effort to line up with an unfamiliar priest. The names of the priests are posted by their stations (our parish unfortunately does not have confession boxes but is working towards having one) so you know who the priest you are confessing to. I share with your fear.

Although earlier this year because of the sin I commonly fall into, I had to go to confession twice in a short span. I went to the parish pastor. I will say though that doing so helped me fight off the sin. While there are still struggles today, I’m much, much better than where I was last year. So keep going to confession. If you feel you are unworthy to receive the Eucharist, then don’t. But the graces of confession not only cleanses your soul, but helps you from committing sin. Many are in the habit of sin and commit the same sin over and over again. Just keep going to confession and you will realize as time goes by you’re getting better at fighting your habit of sin.

 

[cviolette]

You’re welcome. Just to share, our Archdiocese has a Pentitential Service scheduled every Lent and Advent. I take advantage of that always. It means there’s be a number of priests at one parish at one time hearing confessions. I do make a conscious effort to line up with an unfamiliar priest. The names of the priests are posted by their stations (our parish unfortunately does not have confession boxes but is working towards having one) so you know who the priest you are confessing to. I share with your fear.

Although earlier this year because of the sin I commonly fall into, I had to go to confession twice in a short span. I went to the parish pastor. I will say though that doing so helped me fight off the sin. While there are still struggles today, I’m much, much better than where I was last year. So keep going to confession. If you feel you are unworthy to receive the Eucharist, then don’t. But the graces of confession not only cleanses your soul, but helps you from committing sin. Many are in the habit of sin and commit the same sin over and over again. Just keep going to confession and you will realize as time goes by you’re getting better at fighting your habit of sin.

You’re very lucky to have a choice. We had extra hours for confession for advent but there was still only one priest. Only about 10- 15 people went to confession. Not sure why many of the parishioners do not go.

It did seem to help for a few days. I think the fear of not being able to go to communion with my family on Christmas eve helped. Though, I am not sure if some of my sins between confession and Christmas were mortal. It depends on who you ask.