O
OLofMtCarmel
Guest
I read somewhere that a person can go to confession without knowledge of sin. I know this is true. But how does one actually logistically navigate through this sort of thing. Now, I do NOT mean to imply I barely commit sin. It’s just that I am not sure on many things and avoid being scrupulous, i.e., I had a bad thought about someone and wanted to ring their neck". Now there are things I do worry about because I’ve heard mixed things from different priests. And there is where I get confused. I tend to believe one priest over the other not because he’s easy on me. He’s not. But he has stated once that for me it’s not a spiritual problem but rather a health problem (mental).
But I went for about 5 years with what I believed to be void of mortal sin for 5 years before triggering again (long story). I’m a disabled veteran that had already grown up in a very disabling environment. It took me way too many years to figure out some things are okay, right or even wrong. I’ve read many poorly formed Catholics try to say certain things were not mortal sin because their natural. Just because something is common doesn’t mean its not wrong, I say. I’m on the verge again of coming out of this nightmare of mine - PTSD. The anxieties often become extremely overwhelming and anything is possible depending on how well I’m doing or not. I confess anyway what I recall. Abandonment issues pay a toll on your life expectancy. When in deep pain, physical and mental, the thought of suicide enters one’s mine because death would be welcome to rid the pain. The fact I’m sitting here is proof that I really don’t want to kill myself, bur rather there are times when I’d welcome death if I were lucky enough for it to grace my path.
Those with serious physical and/or mental illness know what I mean. We avoid thoughts of anything that lead to suicide if possible and sometimes a distraction that may be a gravely wrong prevents us from the temporary insanity at the moment (explanation, not justification). In other words, at times you feel like a gun is figuratively ore even literally pointing at your head, in desperation you may end up doing something you’ve known from your past that helps you get beyond the life threatening moment. Sin is absolved/forgiven in confession, but if you die before getting there, there’s no undoing it. My issues go back to my toddler years, but later developed much worse in adulthood, especially after a major accident changed me forever. Sin was not always clear to me. Taking the condition of seminaries in my day, its a wonder I even believe in God anymore. But I choose it even when I suspect it may be smoke screens (all of the disciples of Christ doubted). As I learn more about the faith I get past certain aspects of confusion. But there are times when I’m uncertain about other issues or even my mindset at the time of the crime/sin. For example, I didn’t understand that detraction was a sin even when the facts are true. In fact, that one still confuses me a bit because I’m not sure if its mortal or venial. How do we defend the innocent if we don’t detract?. Hope that made sense.
Getting back to the original question now. What words should a person use when going in for confession without knowlege of mortal, or even venial sins? But don’t tell me “say, Father, bless me for I have not sinned”. That’s just not what I mean. What comes to my mind during those moments is “i had a bad thought while angry at my wife for hurting my feelings.” Not much of anything original, but it’s all I would come up with. Going to regular confession helps one become holy, a noble goal for all of us. But the sin of pride can bite you in the rear if you don’t watch it there. Waiting patiently.
But I went for about 5 years with what I believed to be void of mortal sin for 5 years before triggering again (long story). I’m a disabled veteran that had already grown up in a very disabling environment. It took me way too many years to figure out some things are okay, right or even wrong. I’ve read many poorly formed Catholics try to say certain things were not mortal sin because their natural. Just because something is common doesn’t mean its not wrong, I say. I’m on the verge again of coming out of this nightmare of mine - PTSD. The anxieties often become extremely overwhelming and anything is possible depending on how well I’m doing or not. I confess anyway what I recall. Abandonment issues pay a toll on your life expectancy. When in deep pain, physical and mental, the thought of suicide enters one’s mine because death would be welcome to rid the pain. The fact I’m sitting here is proof that I really don’t want to kill myself, bur rather there are times when I’d welcome death if I were lucky enough for it to grace my path.
Those with serious physical and/or mental illness know what I mean. We avoid thoughts of anything that lead to suicide if possible and sometimes a distraction that may be a gravely wrong prevents us from the temporary insanity at the moment (explanation, not justification). In other words, at times you feel like a gun is figuratively ore even literally pointing at your head, in desperation you may end up doing something you’ve known from your past that helps you get beyond the life threatening moment. Sin is absolved/forgiven in confession, but if you die before getting there, there’s no undoing it. My issues go back to my toddler years, but later developed much worse in adulthood, especially after a major accident changed me forever. Sin was not always clear to me. Taking the condition of seminaries in my day, its a wonder I even believe in God anymore. But I choose it even when I suspect it may be smoke screens (all of the disciples of Christ doubted). As I learn more about the faith I get past certain aspects of confusion. But there are times when I’m uncertain about other issues or even my mindset at the time of the crime/sin. For example, I didn’t understand that detraction was a sin even when the facts are true. In fact, that one still confuses me a bit because I’m not sure if its mortal or venial. How do we defend the innocent if we don’t detract?. Hope that made sense.
Getting back to the original question now. What words should a person use when going in for confession without knowlege of mortal, or even venial sins? But don’t tell me “say, Father, bless me for I have not sinned”. That’s just not what I mean. What comes to my mind during those moments is “i had a bad thought while angry at my wife for hurting my feelings.” Not much of anything original, but it’s all I would come up with. Going to regular confession helps one become holy, a noble goal for all of us. But the sin of pride can bite you in the rear if you don’t watch it there. Waiting patiently.
