Confession - yelled at

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So, I went to confession tonight. I went to a priest who I did not know. Well, he yelled at me. Sternly, and with a loud voice, he said you shouldn’t do that! I know he is right…I shouldn’t ever offend God with sin, but that was it. No other words of advice, nothing. Penance. Absolution, done.

So, I guess that is what God needed me to hear, and I do know that all my sin offends God…so maybe I needed that slap…I just haven’t had such an experience.

Thoughts?

’
 
maggiemoo said:
So, I went to confession tonight. I went to a priest who I did not know. Well, he yelled at me. Sternly, and with a loud voice, he said you shouldn’t do that! I know he is right…I shouldn’t ever offend God with sin, but that was it. No other words of advice, nothing. Penance. Absolution, done.

So, I guess that is what God needed me to hear, and I do know that all my sin offends God…so maybe I needed that slap…I just haven’t had such an experience.

Thoughts?

’
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He should not have yelled at you during confession. I am sorry you had to deal with that.
 
Dont get too caught up in the style of any priest’s handling of this sacrament. Leave that between he and Christ.

You went and confessed. You received penance and absolution.

Thank God for His mercy, and pray for the priest. 👍
 
St Pio was occasionally harsh in Confession. It hurt him to be so but he knew it was what God inspired him that they needed. They would go away angry and upset. They would come back humbly later and quite often changed their lives.

olrl.org/lives/padrepio.shtml
 
Sorry. Priests are perfect. maybe he was having a bad day.
 
maggiemoo said:
…, he yelled at me. Sternly, and with a loud voice, he said you shouldn’t do that! … No other words of advice, nothing. …

Thoughts?’
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I can recall several ‘stern yells’ I heard as a kid and they’ve had a profound positive effect on me more than the best piece of advice I ever got.
 
A few weeks ago my parish’s confessions were canceled for the night, so I went to a neighboring parish. The confessor sat there silently until I had finished, and then in an cold and angry voice growled at me and said that I was making excuses for my sin. It really shook me, because I knew I was wrong and was perfectly contrite, and I go out of my way never to rationalize any offense against God or man. I was very upset for several days afterward.

I often think that my regular confessor should admonish me more, rather than simply instruct, but now I can understand how that might not always work out so well.

But, like another poster wrote, priests have bad days, and probably do hear a lot of excuses from some people. They have one of the most stressful jobs I can imagine. What’s important is that they bring you closer to Christ, Who is Love and Mercy. That’s what matters most.

I would pray for that priest, and in fact all priests, and ask God for grace to avoid sin, to release your guilt, and always to come back to Christ when you have erred. Keep your mind on Christ first. God bless you, and I hope your experience doesn’t bring you down!
 
maggiemoo said:
…]Well, he yelled at me. Sternly, and with a loud voice, he said you shouldn’t do that! …] Thoughts?
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Here are some questions you can ask yourself.

How do you react to yourself when you sin? Is it an “I shouldn’t do that” or “Meh…I’ll just go to confession for it later” or “Oh, Maggiemoo! You don’t deserve forgiveness!”

Without knowing your personal thoughts or character I cannot add too much and I might be way off target with this comment, but if it doesn’t help you, maybe someone else might benefit.

Sometimes I am sure Jesus works through His priests in such a way that we see ourselves reflected in their reactions to our sins. Perhaps a confessor’s negative reactions, which we plainly didn’t like or that we clearly view as too harsh, are similar to negative reactions we have toward ourselves that are ultimately an obstacle to spiritual growth. Jesus knows that sometimes to see our own faults or shortcomings we have to see them in someone else.

🤷 I’m no expert though. Definitely you should ask your normal priest what his thoughts might be as he knows you better (no need to mention who the other priest was though…unless he asks I guess?)

In any case, in the end you should take joy in the fact that you can receive Holy Communion with a clean conscience! 😃
 
Was it possible for other people to hear what Father said? Or even discern that he was yelling at you. If so, then he has breached the seal of the confessional.

I wouldn’t go back to him. If you hear of it happening to anyone else, and you have reason to believe that the seal has been breached, then (maybe) he should be reported to the bishop - I’m not sure what the best response is.
"The sacramental seal is inviolable; therefore it is absolutely forbidden for a confessor to betray in any way a penitent in words or in any manner and for any reason.
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(Canon Law, 983 §1)
 
It’s not the approved rite of the Sacrament of Reconciliation, but it seems to have been effective. Just be thankful that your church doesn’t use the open confessionals they use in Italy where anything other than a whisper can be heard by anyone in the church.
 
I was yelled at once in confession and it affected me so negatively that I stayed away for years. There are ways to admonish a person without treating them badly. If a person comes to confession he or she knows that a sin was committed and hopefully is truly sorry for it. The priest could speak to them to make sure the penitent knows the gravity of the sin, but no one should be yelled at. I don’t recall Jesus yelling at those he forgave. He simply said “Go and sin no more your sins are forgiven.” While some people might need a good admonishment, the priest does not know the temperament of the person confessing and getting yelled at could adversely affect them.
 
We used to have a priest like that. One day my Godmother went for her first confession when she was a little girl, and she said “I don’t know what to say, Father as I don’t know of any sins I have comitted.” And he shouted at her and said “WHY? Are you a SAINT!”
Everyone was afraid to go to confession with that priest. We used to play heads or tails to go to confession when we went with our family and friends.
Then one day my father in law went up for communion and he shouted: You have to stick your tongue out farther than that." Really loud in front of the whole congregation. He never returned.
Then he yelled at a mother to keep her baby quiet. “If you going to take your children to church you better learn how to keep them quiet.”
Needless to say, he wasn’t very admired. 🤷
 
once I went to confession-determined to make a “good One” I was returning to Church. I felt a driving need for confession immediately. Not long into it with a retired(probably senile) priest. He was the only one available; he was extremely inappropriate. Instead of addressing my sins, he kept trying to justify the actions of someone who had abused me. I started to get up and leave. I felt like I was looking into the face of the devil. And I quickly realized Satan didn’t want me to be absolved. I made the quick decision that all I needed from this man was his priestly faculties and I was letting nothing keep me from the forgiveness and grace Jesus had in store for me. Immediately having talked myself through it, Peace came over me and a change in the priest as well. It turned out to be the best confession experience ever.

Even when a falible priest is present, so is Jesus.
 
The problem with today’s society is that they take more from someone’s tone or manner of delivery than they do the message.
 
I’ll take Fr. Larry Richards’ advice on getting yelled at in the confessional: Get up and walk away.
 
Cavaille-Coll said:
The problem with today’s society is that they take more from someone’s tone or manner of delivery than they do the message.
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Sometimes the message in inappropriate as well. If somoene forgets something that is no reason to yell at them. Helping them is what should happen.
 
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