Confession

[myfiat]

I have a question about a recent experience in the confessional. I am a relatively new Catholic (converted in late 2007), and I have tried really hard to take the faith seriously but still sometimes feel like I need direction. Up until recently, I had always gone to confession at the parish where I was baptized and first received the sacraments. Most of the time (but not always) I also tried to go to confession with the priest who gave me 1:1 instruction in the faith and brought me into the Church.

Recently, my husband and I moved, and I’ve found myself having to go to confession at a new parish with new priests. (I also went to other priests for confession at the old parish, I just tried to go to the one main priest if he was available and his line wasn’t too terribly long. =) My problem now is that I have moved to a new parish with a priest who objects to me bringing in a written list of sins. He says it prevents the working of the Holy Spirit (even though I’ve tried to do the examination of conscience and pray about things beforehand when preparing for confession).

I have never encountered this before. I haven’t always made a list and have gone to confession on the spur of the moment, but I have always felt more prepared by doing the examination of conscience and writing the sins down as I think of them. I also tend to get very, very nervous and I feel like I just go blank and forget everything that I want to confess if I go in w/o at least some notes written down. Has anyone encountered this objection to a list before? And if it’s not a good thing for me why is this priest the only one to ever bring it up?

I went yesterday to confession for the second time to this priest and he told me to first confess the sin of disobedience because I had brought a list. I didn’t realize having a list was sinful (though I think I’m beginning to see that it was just the fact that I didn’t listen to him that was the sin?) Anyhow, the rest of the confession didn’t go much better, and I left feeling miserable. In some ways, I like that he was hard on me, but I I feel like I just took a beating in that confessional and I am terrified to ever go back. I don’t know what to do. Should I just make the hour trip to go to confession at my old parish? Or continue to see this priest? And if I bring a list to my next confession, am I doing so under penalty of sin because I am disobeying this priest?

Also, a more technical question: I know the priest acts in the person of Christ in the confessional. Does this apply to everything the priest says? Or just the absolution?

Any advice or spirtual guidance would be most greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!

 

[teachccd]

While the priest is in persona Christi, he is still a man with his unique personality. I’m assuming that you go face-to-face so that Father sees your list. Assuming that your list does not contain multiple mortal sins, why not try and remember your most serious sins. If you categoize them it might help your memory. Most of us have those pesky sins that are a part of who we are and so we should be able to remember them. Divide them by three: Sins of thoughts, sins of words and sins of deeds.

Confession is not meant to be a laundry list of every little thing that you do. Maybe that is what the priest is sensing and is trying to discourage you from writing down every little occurrence.

Stay with your priest and work with him in the way that he recommends. Your absolution is valid and you are forgiven. Know the mercy of God. He knows your heart and your contrition.

Anyway that is my two cents…God Bless…teachccd

 

[teachccd]

Oh and WELCOME TO THE FORUM!!!

 

[madeup_nickname]

If you go to this priest again I would mention that you are a fairly new convert. It takes awhile to get used to confession and he might better be able to guide you if he knows that you are still feeling things out. I converted 5 years ago and I feel like I’m just now able to confess clearly, concisely, and contritely (I don’t use a list now, though I used too! With time you may find that you no longer need one). A year after I converted I had this priest get kind of exasperated with the way I was confessing, and I realize now that if I’d told him I’d only converted a year ago he might have been able to understand why I was doing what I was doing a lot better.

I would maybe try him one more time and if it is as bad as the last time, go to the priest you are used to. While they are both in persona Christi, one of them might be better at showing you that than another. Confession is such a harrowing sacrament, there is nothing wrong with seeking a priest who makes the experience more powerful for you.

 

[quiet52]

I’ve never been told that bringing a list into the confessional is a sin. My opinion is that your new pastor is a bit quirky. Could you explain to him that you get nervous and tend to freeze up, and that your lists help you to remain focused and to have a better confession? Are there any other priests? I’m not offering a clear-cut solution – but just want to encourage you to hang in there, and to be forbearing of any quirkiness your new pastor may have.

 

[Spirithound]

Perhaps next time you could make your list, but keep it in your pocket? The list is clearly helpful to you, as it lets you see and remember your sins more clearly. I say keep it in your pocket because I think you do owe your priest this obedience. Non-list is certainly not objectively better than using a list, but as another poster suggested, he may have good reasons for his direction. I want you to know also that if you forget to confess any sins, they are forgiven along with the ones that you did say. Also let him know that you’re new, “Father, I’m a new convert and I’m a little nervous.”

Peace

 

[Sir_Knight]

I’ve never been told that bringing a list into the confessional is a sin.

It wasn’t the bringing of the list that was the sin but doing something which the priest, in an official capacity, said not to do. Just like in the 1950’s, the eating of meat on Fridays wasn’t the sin but the disobedience to church teaching by eating meat on Fridays which was the sin.

 

[Ruthie]

Confession is not meant to be a laundry list of every little thing that you do.

Teach, could you elaborate on this? I have some habitual venial sins that I’d like to get rid of, and I’ve been told that confessing them will give me graces that will help. I’m not scrupulous.

Myfiat, welcome to the forums! I love your user name!

I’m also a list-maker, because my memory is like a colander - full of holes. And I, too, tend to go blank as soon as I’m in the confessional. I can make a good examination of conscience, but five minutes later, it drifts out of my head.

I’d suggest talking to this priest outside of the confessional, telling him why you use a list, and asking him to dispense you of this. Or ask him if you can bring a list of the Ten Commandments to help remind you of your sins.

God bless you,

Ruthie

 

[jmcrae]

I know that some priests don’t like you to bring a list, because they want to have a conversation with you about where you are at, rather than just hear a list of what you did.

But, you also have to do what works for you. I have broken every rule in regard to this. I have used lists, I have rattled off long lists of “I did this five times, I did that twice,” I have told long rambling pointless stories in Confession - I don’t know, it seems to work out okay in the end.

I read about this stuff where you shouldn’t have a written list (which makes sense, because you don’t want anyone to find it in the trash or whatever), and you aren’t supposed to tell long rambling stories, and you aren’t supposed to give a recitation like an accountant giving a report on recent purchases, but I have no image in my head of what a “good” Confession would look like to the people who write these things, so I just keep doing it “wrong” from their point of view.

So far, no priest has ever gotten mad at me in the Confessional, though. Perhaps I’ve been lucky.

Of course, I normally go “in the box.” I very seldom go face-to-face.