confession

[cviolette]

It is very common to put your best foot forward in public, and then all the rest comes out for those close to you. Kind of like those “company towels” people put in their bathroom that no one ever gets to use. Life is full of that, and priests know it!! Priest also get used to pentitents who, as one priest put it, try to “stone themselves to death with cotton balls”. They can handle that, too.

Priests are ordained because people actually need them, even the ones who are far advanced in the faith. Take the sins that burden you to the doctor of your soul, and he’ll work out with you how to get healthier. The idea is to make you into a saint. The work done on you now is that much less to do via Purgatory, and the more glory to God because you chose to try follow him even when you had fallen, and it was hard, and you couldn’t look for applause or a panel of judges flashing the cards with the "10"s.

Choosing a spiritual director is a very personal thing. One piece of advice I did get was: Never choose a friend for a spiritual director. Spiritual directors are far easier to find than friends. So while it is good to have friends to confide in about spiritual things, the professional position of spiritual director is probably something for someone you don’t have as a close social friend. It makes it much easier when you need to change, which you need to be able to do. This is one of the few times when what is best for you is rightly your only concern.

I am going to have to pray on the spiritual director. The woman that does it in our church is too liberal and does not follow all the Church teachings. And the other person has become to close of a friend.

The priest was great today. It was the right choice to go to him. I need to go more often.

 

[cviolette]

cviolette:

Good advice here all around. I would say whatever is comfortable for you, but I’m more concerned about your suspicions. The priest would have the best interest of your marriage and that is to help you maintain a Holy one. Since you consecrate each other by virtue of the Sacrament of Matrimony, he has a best interest in helping you, not pulling the rug from under you. Taking sides would not be what Jesus would want, and he would know it. Rest assured, there are two immediate people who care about the state of the marriage, you and he, and the priest is right there with you.
Talking to your husband about your deepest secrets between Jesus and yourself would
hang a very severe spiritual penalty on him.

If there were any issues in your marriage determined through confession, he could only briefly suggest ways to help your marriage in the context of the sins you state, but will not initiate a pastoral session. You or your husband would need to formally request it. He could not even bring in data gleaned from your confessions, has absolution mends the rift with God, and is a closed issue.

But all the same for your comfort, it’s perfectly OK to confess to another one. The priest is so far removed from tabloid antics has you can ever imagine, so don’t worry.

Andy

It is not the priest. It is just me being insecure. I know in my heart that my priest is a good man and would do what is best for the marriage. I just had a difficult handling my priest and husband talking and getting along. Especially with all the sins I have confessed. And I know that my priest would never reveal anything from my confessions. My parish is very lucky to have an amazing priest. I just felt that he would be less understanding when I confessed.

I always schedule a session with the priest when I want pastoral advice and confession. Those have been the best confessions but do not do it often.

You are right. Both Jesus and the priest will do what is best for me and the marriage

 

[onmyknees]

It a very good friend of mine who is his sponsor. My friend knows me very well. He is the person I confided in when I was in a very dark place in my life. He was my life jacket. He also sees through my husband so that helps. I don’t like them spending time together because he is my friend but I know that he could help my husband spiritually.

I know 4 men in the group who are great guys and very orthodox plus the priest. They could be a good influence. One of the men, my husband is jealous of and it is good for them to get to know each other so that my husband will stop worrying.

I am sure that your priest understands it is an addiction and that you are trying. Don’t be afraid go to confession. I just did and it feels good and is a relief. If you need to, go to a different priest. You get graces every time you confess and it will help with you problem.

Cviolette, It is wonderful that your dh is surrounded by good,orthodox, Catholic men! I am glad that you had a good confession today.

Thank you for your prayers! I asked one other friend to pray for me today and guess what? You two have very powerful prayers!

I finally got the courage to go to my confessor and when I walked in he was in the middle of a funeral. I found out that he had to cancel confessions today.

I thought about all the priests I could confess to on my way home. I could not remember the way to get to two of the parishes that I wanted to go to (priests easy to talk to) and I knew I would be too late if I went to the ones closet to my house so I had to go to the priest that has been voted the most orthodox priest in the dioceses. My young friend (who is going to be a nun) had this priest as a spiritual director. She had told me that he was very strict and never had a problem of telling her like it was.
I went in and he had the old fashioned confessionals ( which I like) he whispered and told me to whisper too. I got my whole vain mess out including the men part and he definitely told me like it was!!! He went on and on about what I needed to do to sort this all out. He gave me the best advice I have ever had! I was meant to go their today. Alleluia! I am soo happy.

 

[RosarioD]

Do you think that giving the Marriage Encounter weekend a try would work? Parishes have it every so often, so check it out. It is good at least that you are able to see yourself in the problem, so that’s part of the solution. I say keep trying. Would you really be happier in a divorce? A very old post about a similar situation suggested watching the movie “Fireproof”. Rent it; it might just enlighten your views and hopefully give you a new perspective.
Going to mass this morning and will be praying for you.:hug1:

 

[cviolette]

Cviolette, It is wonderful that your dh is surrounded by good,orthodox, Catholic men! I am glad that you had a good confession today.

Thank you for your prayers! I asked one other friend to pray for me today and guess what? You two have very powerful prayers!

I finally got the courage to go to my confessor and when I walked in he was in the middle of a funeral. I found out that he had to cancel confessions today.

I thought about all the priests I could confess to on my way home. I could not remember the way to get to two of the parishes that I wanted to go to (priests easy to talk to) and I knew I would be too late if I went to the ones closet to my house so I had to go to the priest that has been voted the most orthodox priest in the dioceses. My young friend (who is going to be a nun) had this priest as a spiritual director. She had told me that he was very strict and never had a problem of telling her like it was.
I went in and he had the old fashioned confessionals ( which I like) he whispered and told me to whisper too. I got my whole vain mess out including the men part and he definitely told me like it was!!! He went on and on about what I needed to do to sort this all out. He gave me the best advice I have ever had! I was meant to go their today. Alleluia! I am soo happy.

That is so great. I am very happy for you. And am happy that our prayers were answered so quickly.

 

[cviolette]

Do you think that giving the Marriage Encounter weekend a try would work? Parishes have it every so often, so check it out. It is good at least that you are able to see yourself in the problem, so that’s part of the solution. I say keep trying. Would you really be happier in a divorce? A very old post about a similar situation suggested watching the movie “Fireproof”. Rent it; it might just enlighten your views and hopefully give you a new perspective.
Going to mass this morning and will be praying for you.:hug1:

I have heard it recommended in several threads. I should rent it.

I mentioned a marriage encounter weekend to my husband and thought we didn’t need it. I do think we need retrouvaille more but it makes me nervous because I am not ready to face all our problems.

I do need to discuss our marriage with my husband but have been waiting for two things to happen. One for me to have more confidence and be farther along in my therapy. Two for things to get resolved with his work. He is going through a nasty legal battle. It may cost us everything and we may end up bankrupt. So he is always crabby and stressed and it is not a good time to approach him. I am okay with losing everything. I just want to have everything finally resolved.

I have been controlled and manipulated all my life by men. My fantasy is to be free and alone. No one putting me down or using me. I don’t know if I would be happy but I would probably cry less.

Thank you for your prayers

 

[Joe_Kelley]

. . . One for me to have more confidence and be farther along in my therapy. …

If you are making progress in therapy it is probably best to stick with your therapist and not mix in other solutions without his advice.

 

[cviolette]

If you are making progress in therapy it is probably best to stick with your therapist and not mix in other solutions without his advice.

That’s how I feel too. I can only handle so much and therapy is a slow process. The goal is to work on me then the marriage. But she has been helping me with communicating with my husband. Letting him know when he is being hurtful or when I need something from him.