Confession

[sanz91392]

It has been nine months since I lost my wife. Through the help of a grief councilor and my, often not so strong, faith I have dealt with her loss as well as I can.

I am sure that those here that have lost a spouse or loved one, will understand that we often blame ourselves for maybe being the root cause for our loss. I have questioned myself and blamed myself for not being a good enough Catholic.

That maybe I was at fault for not doing good confession. Over the years when I have gone to confession and been given absolution for my sins, I thought that was all,

Now I go back and think about things that I did, thought and said. I know the prayer says " the sin’s I know, the sin’s I do not know, the sin’s I have concealed so long they are now hidden from my memory".

Now as I have much more time on my hands, I have time to contemplate things and have come to realize that, though I confessed I may have left out details about what I confessed.

My question is, now that I remember some things. Do I have to go back and re-confess those sins that I have already been given absolution for? And are those those things I remember still sins?

 

[Philotheatoo]

According to the Pastor at our church, we are not to seek Absolution for a sin we have already received it for.

If there is something/s nagging you from your past that YOU cannot forgive yourself for; remember ~ God is the boss of redemption. If you have been forgiven in the Confessional, you have been forgiven through absolution by Christ himself. If HE says It’s done, it’s DONE.

God bless you. I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I will remember you in my next Adoration Hour.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

It has been nine months since I lost my wife. Through the help of a grief councilor and my, often not so strong, faith I have dealt with her loss as well as I can.

I am sure that those here that have lost a spouse or loved one, will understand that we often blame ourselves for maybe being the root cause for our loss. I have questioned myself and blamed myself for not being a good enough Catholic.

That maybe I was at fault for not doing good confession. Over the years when I have gone to confession and been given absolution for my sins, I thought that was all,

Now I go back and think about things that I did, thought and said. I know the prayer says " the sin’s I know, the sin’s I do not know, the sin’s I have concealed so long they are now hidden from my memory".

Now as I have much more time on my hands, I have time to contemplate things and have come to realize that, though I confessed I may have left out details about what I confessed.

My question is, now that I remember some things. Do I have to go back and re-confess those sins that I have already been given absolution for? And are those those things I remember still sins?

I am sorry about the loss of your wife.

Please do not let your grief over her death allow you to slide into scrupulosity.

Make an appointment with your priest and explain you views about confession and how perhaps it’s changed since you lost your wife. He will give you the pastoral guidance you need. Your priest may suggest a spiritual director for you.

You may also find good information about Confession at Scrupulous Anonymous mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupanon.htm

Luna

 

[Julia_Mae]

It has been nine months since I lost my wife. Through the help of a grief councilor and my, often not so strong, faith I have dealt with her loss as well as I can.

I am sure that those here that have lost a spouse or loved one, will understand that we often blame ourselves for maybe being the root cause for our loss. I have questioned myself and blamed myself for not being a good enough Catholic.

I’m so sorry for your loss. People here all said the right things about confession. I keep remembering things, too. So I want to say something that probably won’t change anything for you now, but maybe will later if you remember it: she’s fine. You aren’t to blame because this isn’t punishment. God needs her where she is now. And she still loves you. But that doesn’t fill the enormous hole in your life or stop the pain you have. Also, not punishment.

I was thinking a grief group would be a possible choice for you, I don’t know why the sharing helps, even if you don’t say anything, just being there. Just remember: she’s okay. And you will be, too. Try not to spend too much time alone. God bless you both very much.

 

[Leegal]

It has been nine months since I lost my wife. Through the help of a grief councilor and my, often not so strong, faith I have dealt with her loss as well as I can.

I am sure that those here that have lost a spouse or loved one, will understand that we often blame ourselves for maybe being the root cause for our loss. I have questioned myself and blamed myself for not being a good enough Catholic.

That maybe I was at fault for not doing good confession. Over the years when I have gone to confession and been given absolution for my sins, I thought that was all,

Now I go back and think about things that I did, thought and said. I know the prayer says " the sin’s I know, the sin’s I do not know, the sin’s I have concealed so long they are now hidden from my memory".

Now as I have much more time on my hands, I have time to contemplate things and have come to realize that, though I confessed I may have left out details about what I confessed.

My question is, now that I remember some things. Do I have to go back and re-confess those sins that I have already been given absolution for? And are those those things I remember still sins?

No, my pastor says that I may not reconfess the sins I have already confessed to him. If it’s a sin not previously confessed, you can mention that you recalled this sin and never confessed it, but if you have been absolved you should not re-confess.

I’m sorry for your loss and pray that you know that God does not punish us by taking our loved ones from us. I pray you realize that you are not responsible for your wife’s death because you may have felt you could have confessed better or more.

Actually, this is normal to the grief process to feel that “if only I had …” then it would have been different. You are still grieving and I would consult with the grief counselor on this as it’s identifiable. However, this has crossed over into how you feel about your confessions. So, also speak with a priest or spiritual counselor as to how you feel that the absolutions were not complete – not to reconfess, but to be reassured than an absolution is an absolution and those sins need not and should not be confessed again.
It’s the “bargaining” stage of grief and it has manifested itself by making you doubt your previous confessions. So, you should tell the priest that you feel compelled to re-confess with more specificity so he can assure you that you have been absolved of those sins – but not to reconfess them.

God Bless.

 

[Bookcat]

Very sorry for you loss. I cannot imagine. But please do not think along those lines…

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As for remembered mortal sins. If they where mortal that you forgot–then yes bring them to confession the next time…a person who is sorry for their mortal sins and amended …but does not think of one or some…they forgot them …can be “absolved indirectly” in that confession…but they still are to confess them if they remember them when they do (in the next confession after they remember). It is not that they were not absolved for just forgetting them…

Only certain necessary details are needed. Number and kind and a circumstance that actually changes the sin–see below the example of theft. Such as:

I accuse myself of:

Murder 3x
Theft of gold cup --and it was the Chalice from the Church (a necessary detail for it is sacrilege not just theft)
Fornication 2x
Masturbation 2x
Lustful thoughts 5x
Lying in court under oath 3x

etc

One does what one can…sometimes we do not know the number and can only approximate according to what we do know…2-3x a week for a year…many times…few x …alot…

(I would suggest getting a more regular confessor and discussing things with him… he can guide you…you may be tending towards scrupulosity in your grief…and seeing things that where already confessed…or unnecessary details etc…)