Confession

[figaro845]

After hearing for 40+ years “Confess your sins to no man…but Christ alone” I have a problem going to confession now that I’m Catholic. I have gone twice and felt more inept and stupid afterward. Why isn’t " Have mercy on me, a sinner!’ enough to recieve absolution? Why do you need to have pages of notes in case you forget something? Why am I extremely suspious of priests wanting more details of my sins when Christ already knows what my sins are? If I purposely leave something out and it invalidates my entire confession, I wonder where is THAT in Scripture?The explanation of venial vs mortal sins is very vague. Do I just try to ‘priest shop’ till I find someone I feel comfortable? It’s hard to do in remote rural areas…any thoughts?

 

[Deacon_Ed]

After hearing for 40+ years “Confess your sins to no man…but Christ alone” I have a problem going to confession now that I’m Catholic. I have gone twice and felt more inept and stupid afterward. Why isn’t " Have mercy on me, a sinner!’ enough to recieve absolution? Why do you need to have pages of notes in case you forget something? Why am I extremely suspious of priests wanting more details of my sins when Christ already knows what my sins are? If I purposely leave something out and it invalidates my entire confession, I wonder where is THAT in Scripture?The explanation of venial vs mortal sins is very vague. Do I just try to ‘priest shop’ till I find someone I feel comfortable? It’s hard to do in remote rural areas…any thoughts?

The simple answer is that Jesus told us to confess to a priest. Why? Because sin is not a private matter – our sin affects not only our relationship with God but the entire Body of Christ! The priest forgives not only in God’s name but also in the name of the community.

And, no, one doesn’t need to have pages of notes – make an examination of conscience and tell the priest what you remember. If you honestly forget a sin it is also forgiven (but not sins that are deliberately hidden and not confessed).

The reason the priest asks for more details is to determine a) whether or not a sin is venial or mortal and, b) to determine if you had sufficient freedom and reflection prior to the commission of a sin. He isn’t trying to do anything with your sin except to help you with the avoidance of sin.

And, finally, confession isn’t something we should be comfortable with. It’s not comfortable to admit our failings to another, nor should it be.

Deacon Ed

 

[Catholig]

After hearing for 40+ years “Confess your sins to no man…but Christ alone” I have a problem going to confession now that I’m Catholic. I have gone twice and felt more inept and stupid afterward. Why isn’t " Have mercy on me, a sinner!’ enough to recieve absolution? Why do you need to have pages of notes in case you forget something? Why am I extremely suspious of priests wanting more details of my sins when Christ already knows what my sins are? If I purposely leave something out and it invalidates my entire confession, I wonder where is THAT in Scripture?The explanation of venial vs mortal sins is very vague. Do I just try to ‘priest shop’ till I find someone I feel comfortable? It’s hard to do in remote rural areas…any thoughts?

Figaro,

One reason “Have mercy on me a sinner!” isn’t enough is that it isn’t confession - unless you consider stating the fact that you are a sinner a confession

In any case Priests don’t take memos on what sins you are confessing. In fact after a dozen people I doubt that they will be thinking much about yours in particular (although I could be wrong).

However if it makes you feel any better make a confession from behind the screen. Then he won’t know who you are, with the possible exception of him remembering your voice tonality and hearing you talking, or your introducing yourself to him. Then again there may be another parishoner with a similar sounding voice

As for purposefully leaving something out - I don’t know where in scripture it is, but if you are going to leave out major sins why make the confession in the first place?

Catholig

 

[promethius95945]

After hearing for 40+ years “Confess your sins to no man…but Christ alone” I have a problem going to confession now that I’m Catholic.

that’s understandable. Welcome home, by the way. However, the whole confess to no one but Christ is non-biblical and actually contrary to the words of Jesus.

I have gone twice and felt more inept and stupid afterward.

Why? Perhaps you are carrying personal bias away from your previous ‘church’ and into God’s sacrament. I have never been to confession where i didn’t feel absolute relief afterwards.

Why isn’t " Have mercy on me, a sinner!’ enough to recieve absolution?

for the same reason that “i’m sorry i ran into your car” is not enough to settle a wreck. You gotta give your insurance information up, and then you’ve gotta pay your insurance company. Sin is like all other things, it requires reconciling and penance to MAKE IT BETTER! If you’re not trying to repair the damage to your soul by being penitent, then can you say that you’ve really introspected on the nature of what sin has done to you and therefore desire true forgiveness? Penance is not for God, it is not to make us holy, it is to make us whole again.

Why do you need to have pages of notes in case you forget something?

you don’t. I’ve never used notes. If you forget something honestly then it’s okay and still forgiven.

Why am I extremely suspious of priests wanting more details of my sins when Christ already knows what my sins are?

I don’t get what you mean by suspicious… are you holding bias against the priests from your former ‘church’? And yes, Christ knows what your sins are, but the priests need to know enough to ascribe appropriate penance (per above)

If I purposely leave something out and it invalidates my entire confession, I wonder where is THAT in Scripture?

any time you attempt to TRICK God into false acceptance of sacramentals, it is a sin of sacrilage. God sees and knows all things, so if you intentionally leave out a mortal sin then you have not only lied to the priest, but lied before God in a sacrament instilled by Christ Himself.

The explanation of venial vs mortal sins is very vague.

there’s lists online. You can find them there. Others can explain them if you ask.

Do I just try to ‘priest shop’ till I find someone I feel comfortable? It’s hard to do in remote rural areas…any thoughts?

i would suggest you don’t. Rather, were I in your shoes, I would confess before whomever was available at the time until you are comfortable with God’s sacrament (it’s about God’s given graces through the confessional, not the priest in question. It would do well for you to learn and embrace that)

 

[figaro845]

Thanks to all who answered. I did like the car insurance analogy!

 

[PeteZaHut]

I know Jesus instituted Confession when he said to the Apostles whatever sins you forgive are forgiven; whatever sins you retain are retained.

What I would get that is Jesus giving the Apostles, and their successors, the right to hear confession. It is hard for me to understand why we are obligated to go to confession if in mortal sin.

 

[LilyM]

I know Jesus instituted Confession when he said to the Apostles whatever sins you forgive are forgiven; whatever sins you retain are retained.

What I would get that is Jesus giving the Apostles, and their successors, the right to hear confession. It is hard for me to understand why we are obligated to go to confession if in mortal sin.

Think about WHY Jesus gave the Apostles the ‘right’ if he expected only some people to use it. Would anyone use it if they thought it was unnecessary? How many people in liberal Protestant churches will ever confess to their pastors?

Jesus certainly didn’t guarantee forgiveness by any other means in the New Testament. On the other hand, James commands us to confess our sins ‘to one another’. It is believed he directed his letter to the priests and bishops of the particular community he wrote to, so in essence it is a command to confess to priests.

 

[Evan]

Why am I extremely suspious of priests wanting more details of my sins when Christ already knows what my sins are?

The priest needs to determine if he should forgive or retain the sin. If you are (for example) cohabitating and intend to continue. He cannot forgive your sin for there is no intent to reform.

If you had an abortion and would do the same if the same circumstances occured again, he would need to retain your sins.

If you are unforgiving toward your spouse/parent/friend, he would have to retain.

etc.

He can’t just blindly forgive your sins any more than Jesus would: He said “go and sin no more” to the woman about to be stoned.

He said “Forgive us our trespesses as we foregive others”

The priest is there to help!!!

 

[Toni]

The simple answer is that Jesus told us to confess to a priest. Why? Because sin is not a private matter – our sin affects not only our relationship with God but the entire Body of Christ! The priest forgives not only in God’s name but also in the name of the community.

And, no, one doesn’t need to have pages of notes – make an examination of conscience and tell the priest what you remember. If you honestly forget a sin it is also forgiven (but not sins that are deliberately hidden and not confessed).

The reason the priest asks for more details is to determine a) whether or not a sin is venial or mortal and, b) to determine if you had sufficient freedom and reflection prior to the commission of a sin. He isn’t trying to do anything with your sin except to help you with the avoidance of sin.

And, finally, confession isn’t something we should be comfortable with. It’s not comfortable to admit our failings to another, nor should it be.

Deacon Ed

What a great explanation of confession. I wish someone would have answered that so clearly for me 23 years ago.

 

[rob179ny]

Hi,

I have a question. I’m in a state of gathering because I have not gone to confession in a while. Is it possible I can write down my confession because I dont want to forget anything and then receive the eucharist without the grace needed. You think the priest would allow me to read and elaborate on my sins from a peice of paper. It’s been a while…

Thanks for your replies,

Rob

 

[LilyM]

Hi,

I have a question. I’m in a state of gathering because I have not gone to confession in a while. Is it possible I can write down my confession because I dont want to forget anything and then receive the eucharist without the grace needed. You think the priest would allow me to read and elaborate on my sins from a peice of paper. It’s been a while…

Thanks for your replies,

Rob

Of course you can write down your sins. But sins that you honestly forget are forgiven anyway. The only problem is if you remember but deliberately don’t mention a mortal sin.

 

[rob179ny]

Of course you can write down your sins. But sins that you honestly forget are forgiven anyway. The only problem is if you remember but deliberately don’t mention a mortal sin.

But what if it is a sin that happened before the last time I went to confession, I did not remember it then, but now I do…?

 

[figaro845]

I still have difficulty about confessing to a ‘man’. I realize that whatever is said in the confessional is supposed to be left there. But in real life you hear doctors/dentists/therapists talk about their pts to each other. I wonder about priests when they get together. Do they talk about the’Top ten strangest things they heard in confession"? Do they complain about the person who shows up to confess week after week after week who is driving them crazy?? I realize there is a big difference between what people are supposed to do and what they really do.I had a friend who was going through an annullment and the priest she saw asked her a lot of questions about her intimate relationship with her exhusband. He used a tape recorder during their meetings and she wonders what ever became of those tapes? Who in the world did he play them for? She is no longer Catholic. Can you understand my difficulty in trusting someone with all the info of my sins?

 

[Pacbox]

Our priest told us that he has been trained to forget what he hears in confession. He does not remember what you said or how often you go or anything. Priests don’t remember. This is so very true. And we have a one priest parish. So we know that our sins are forgiven and forgotten. Priests have heard it all.

Remember you are confessing to Christ when you confess to the priest because the priest is in persona Christi, in the person of Christ.

Confession is never easy, it’s not supposed to be. Having been Catholic all my life, I never worried about the priest gossiping about what I said in confession. I did think I was boring him though, at least when I was a kid because hearing “fighting with siblings, not listening to parents, etc.” has to get old.

And yet, I just went to Confession today because I felt that I needed to even though I was nervous going but afterwards I felt so wonderful. I’m always nervous but understand that its my being aware of the fact that I have hurt Jesus by my sins. I’m intentionally being vulnerable with Jesus telling Him how I have hurt him and others by my sins.

Our human relationships color how we deal with hurt and forgiveness and if those relationships have taught us to be wary we don’t want to deal with things that cause us pain. If we’ve gone to someone in a vulnerable state in order to express our sorrow at hurting them and ask forgiveness and they’ve said no or even retaliated to the hurt we’ve caused them, then our ability to understand and appreciate confession and reconciliation with Jesus is hindered by this pain.

Hope this helps a little.

 

[Pacbox]

I just want to add, it can be difficult at times to even fathom and accept that Jesus forgives and loves us unconditionally when we have been fogiven or loved conditionally by others.

Jesus does forgive us and love us unconditionally. Repeat this as necessary till it sinks it. Don’t worry. I have to do this myself as well.

 

[tamccrackine]

I am timid about going to Confession as well. But I always feel like I’m going to forget so when I’m doing my examination of conscious, I always make a list. And when I go in to the confessional, I do say the Forgive me father part and then tell him to forgive me but I always get so nervous about forgetting that I have to make a list. Nearly all the priests have just laughed and said it’s ok and they understand.

Keep going and the more you go, the less you’ll feel that old feeling of conflict between confession and “confess to Jesus only”. Grace works in mysterious ways.

 

[Tweety]

I look at reconciliation - as exactly that - i am reconciling myself with God. I am a sinner and need forgiveness…

I enjoy reconciliation and actually look forward to it. I went yesterday as it had been a month already… I walk out of the Church, happy and elated that i am once again ‘forgiven’. That is one of the best parts of our faith.

My hubby is an atheist turned agnostic (and one day may turn Christian… God willing) and in the beginning he used to freak when i said i had to go to confession. “What have you done?” He would ask me, terrified that i done something really wrong… I told him ’ i got upset with you last week, i was short with mum and got cranky with my Boss, told a white lie etc… He has come to learn that i love going to confession but i sometimes think that i bring petty things to my priest and do not want to do that. I would not like a faith without reconciliation with God as even though i know that we are all forgiven as Christians, it is a sacrament that i love in our faith and i think we are blessed! If Peter can be forgiven for denouncing his Lord - anyone can be. WE are blessed to have such a merciful God.

When i was younger and did something wrong - it was SO hard to own up and tell my mum - but after i did i felt so much better and a weight was taken off my shoulders, the same with reconciliation with God - for me anyway.

Shalom

 

[Tweety]

BTW - I always write down my sins, and if i remember one that i forgot last time - i write that one down too. I had one particular sin which i kept on confessing for many, many years due to deep guilt - and had to get it through my thick head that God forgave me, once and for all… I still say sorry to God for offending him in the way that i did, but i have not mentioned it in confession for a while now…

I find that writing them down, helps me. I bring a pen and paper to confession and as i am awaiting forgiveness and examining my sins and praying for a contrite heart, i write any down that i have forgotten.

Shalom

 

[LilyM]

I still have difficulty about confessing to a ‘man’. I realize that whatever is said in the confessional is supposed to be left there. But in real life you hear doctors/dentists/therapists talk about their pts to each other. I wonder about priests when they get together. Do they talk about the’Top ten strangest things they heard in confession"? Do they complain about the person who shows up to confess week after week after week who is driving them crazy?? I realize there is a big difference between what people are supposed to do and what they really do.I had a friend who was going through an annullment and the priest she saw asked her a lot of questions about her intimate relationship with her exhusband. He used a tape recorder during their meetings and she wonders what ever became of those tapes? Who in the world did he play them for? She is no longer Catholic. Can you understand my difficulty in trusting someone with all the info of my sins?

First of all this was in the context into an investigation of the state of the marriage. Not a normal confession, where no notes of any kind will be taken. The marriage tribunal that determines whether the marriage can be annulled or not sometimes needs to know intimate information, as your therapist, doctor, lawyer or a police officer might at times.

They all take notes, often using tape recorders, EXCEPT priests in the confessional. This is simply because their memory is imperfect. And they are all bound by utmost confidentiality unless you’re told otherwise. So are marriage annulments, and confessions - in fact more so, since they are bound on pain of mortal sin and hellfire!

Priests have none of the mandatory reporting requirements that doctors or police might have, not for ANYTHING. So what’s the problem?

 

[NMJenny]

But what if it is a sin that happened before the last time I went to confession, I did not remember it then, but now I do…?

In that case, just mention it the next time you go to confession, and explain to the priest that you had forgotten it during your last confession.

And there are severe penalties for a priest who discloses anything that he hears in the confessional…