Confessional Bloopers

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Please don’t embarress yourselves here, but what are some bloopers you’ve made in the confessional that you’d like to share?

One was my First Confession. I was very nervous, and had a four-page printout of all the possible categories of sin, divided by the ten commandments, with my notes scribbled on the page. I got through the last one. The kind Father started counciling me and we were almost to the Act of Contrition, when I noticed something. “Father,” I said shyly, “I accidently skipped a page!” I must say that up until that point I had never imagined a priest laughing in the confessional!

As a new-ish Catholic, I have one recurring blooper. I can never remember the Act of Contrition, so I usually use the one printed on the back of our misallette, along with a smattering of other common prayers. A couple months back I confessed to a priest I usually don’t confess to and when the time for the Act of Confession came I started praying a very sincere Act of Spiritual Communion! I was embarressed, but he laughed. But a couple of weeks ago I did the same thing! “Oh, sorry Father, I did it again!”

Also, this one’s not a blooper, but I confessed to very elderly Carmelite priest once. He was very stern, and seemed to get kind of mad at me! Quite different from other priests I’ve confessed to, but I’ve got to say, I deserved it and, at least on some level, I honestly enjoyed being browbeaten over my sin before he absolved me.
 
I was in confession while running a retreat for teenagers. While in there, I had a phone call from one of the adult advisers of the retreat. I assumed she knew I was in confession, so if she was calling me, I was worried that it was an emergency (I mean, 55 teenagers CAN cause a lot of trouble if you don’t watch out!).

So I answered the phone. When she told me that she was headed home, I realized that she didn’t know I was in confession. So I told her my predicament and said this was a great opportunity for her to confess her sins to Father. She didn’t believe me (I mean, who WOULD answer their cell phone while in confession, right?), so I put her on speaker phone for Father.

Now let me make a few points clear. Father and I were wrapping things up. He’s a very good hearted and fun-loving priest. No one else was waiting behind us in confession.

But you could imagine the lady’s embarrassment when she realized she was interrupting my confession and that I had her on speaker phone with Father pretending to be waiting for her to confess her sins! 🙂

It was funny to listen to her squirm!!!
 
This past Saturday, I was at confession and I was helping my oldest daughter prepare to go into the confessional. She was nervous becasue she was making her first communion the next day. I must have been distracted because I neglected to shut off my cell phone.

No matter how quiet you have set the ringer - it’s LOUD in there. 😊
 
We had a community penance service on PSR/CCD night (whatever you call it in your parish) with 7 priests. We brought in all the kids from the classrooms, from 2nd grade on up.

I was kid-herding for an hour++, directing them into lines for individual confession, keeping them respectfully quiet, re-directing them when some lines came to a standstill while others were moving, and trying to keep the reluctant ones from escaping out the side door and onto the playground. I was also handing out Examination of Conscience guides and Act of Contrition prayer sheets.

For a some of the kids, the reason for their discomfort was that their parents hadn’t brought them to confession since 2nd grade. What I didn’t realize was that some of the other uncomfortable ones were not our kids at all - they were Protestant friends who accompanied their Catholic friends to our classrooms.

I was shooing Protestant kids into the confessionals!!!

6 of the 7 priests were not from our parish; there was no way they would realize they were not Catholic kids by noticing unfamiliar faces. The priests were pretty good at picking out most of them, though. In fact, one of the kids who took the longest in the confessional was a Protestant kid who really needed someone to talk to for spiritual guidance.

I suppose it is an indication that we have a good religious education program when our kids regularly bring their friends, even when they are not Catholic.
 
Another year I was kid-herding again at the community penance service (this time watching out for Protestant friends). I spotted a little 2-year-old running around. Her grandmother had brought her, and was intent on her own prayers while keeping a loose eye on the little one.

The baby was clearly getting tired. I scooped her up and continued kid-herding the older kids while carrying her around, so that Grandma could focus on her prayers and go to confession uninterrupted.

That little darling was halfway dozing off in my arms. The lines of penitents dissipated and the priests were starting to leave. I hadn’t taken my turn yet, but Grandma was nowhere to be seen. She was behind the door taking her time, knowing the baby was safe.

Not wanting to miss my opportunity, I did something I never had before. I went to confession still carrying that baby. I’m sure she had no idea what was going on.

Not really a blooper. Just a sweet true story.
 
The “first” blooper actually occurred at least 60 times (estimating from my first Confession in 1st grade, once a month, until the end of 6th grade)!

I was a pretty good kid, and “mouthed off” to my parents much less than I grumbled interiorly about them – you know, laying in bed at the end of the day thinking things like, “They’re so unfair! I wish I had different parents!” Etc. I didn’t lie because my mother had always told me that once she caught me in a lie that she would never be able to believe me again. I didn’t cheat in school. (I was one of the “smart kids.”) I didn’t get into fights because Catholic school girls back then didn’t fight… maybe the boys did, but boys and girls were segregated. I didn’t steal. After I started school, my mother and I went to Mass every Sunday. I didn’t have too much to confess.

However, I knew that when I grumbled inside about my parents that they weren’t “good” thoughts, so I figured that’s what the Catechism must have meant by “impure thoughts.” What 7 year old in 1962 knew what an “impure thought” was? I didn’t even know what “virgin” meant (Blessed VIRGIN :confused: Mary)! 🤷

So, every time I went to Confession, I confessed having impure thoughts! :rotfl: :rotfl:

:crossrc:

Now, in 7th grade, I stopped going to Mass and Confession. I didn’t return until senior year of high school. I’ll never forget… I went on an “Encounter” (in the 70’s, teen Cursillos were called Encounters). One of the priests on the team was the priest-counselor of my high school. He also conducted the penance service before the Confessions. When he concluded the penance service, he had a roomful of approximately 70 sobbing teenage girls. I was crying so hard, to this day I’m surprised that he could have understood anything I said, because it was to him that I went to Confession after being away for 6 years.

I have absolutely no recollection of what I confessed, but I remember precisely how I started – remember I was a teen, in the early 70’s when I along with MANY others had absolutely no respect for tradition or authority, and hadn’t been near Church in 6 years:

Instead of “Bless me Father, for I have sinned…,” I said:

“I don’t do ‘Bless me Father’ and all that sh*t.” :bigyikes:

To this day, I thank God for Fr. G.C. who draped a very compassionate arm over my shoulder (his Confession “station” was a doorway, and he was way taller than I), and said, “That’s okay. Just say to God whatever you want.”

It might not have been the ideal way to start a Confession, but thank God, it didn’t impact the Confession because when I was through, I felt as though I had been rescued from a swamp. God is so good, meeting us wherever we’re at when we just turn to Him.
 
Maybe not a blooper, but in retrospect, it was soooo funny (least to me)

As a new Catholic, confession was a new thing and I wanted to do it right. I knew that Glutony was a sin, so I confessed to father that I charged $125.00 of sushi (its GOOOOOD—Really:thumbsup: ) to my credit card,and it was just for ME:eek: I thought father was gonna hit the floor he laughed so hard. Naturally, I was scared stiff and totally confused about this. When he calmed down,he apologized to me about his reaction, then went on to tell me that he Too, was a huge fan of sushi and did the same thing once on his credit card.😃

For Christmas the following year, I got him a package of Nori (pressed seaweed used to wrap sushi) as a gift.😛
 
One time when I went to Confession, there were some kids playing directly outside the Confessional, and I was so worried that they were going to open the door and come in that I literally forgot everything that I wanted to confess. 😊

Father was very kind, though - he said, “Well, Jesus knew what you were going to confess, and He forgives you,” and he gave me the Absolution, anyway.
 
For my first confession at 15 (about 30 years ago…) I made a list of my sins to make sure that I did not leave anything out. I waited patiently for my turn (very nervous, though) and I went in an it was dark! NO LIGHTS!!! I could not see my list and I sure was too nervous to remember everything. At the end I remember asking the priest “What if I forgot something?”. I received First Holy Communion about an hour later:)

Annie
 
Ah, I remember another one now!

One time I was in sitting face-to-face with Father in the confessional. He flipped the light switch by his desk (yes, he has a desk in there!)–you know, the light switch that controls the red and green lights. As I was confessing a lady walked in on, was startled, and hurriedly closed the door. He tried to suppress an “oops” grin and flipped the switch the other direction.
 
Ah, I remember another one now!

One time I was in sitting face-to-face with Father in the confessional. He flipped the light switch by his desk (yes, he has a desk in there!)–you know, the light switch that controls the red and green lights. As I was confessing a lady walked in on, was startled, and hurriedly closed the door. He tried to suppress an “oops” grin and flipped the switch the other direction.
 
I went to confession at a very old church that had “traditional” built-in confessionals. The room was teeny and I could only enter by standing sideways. The priest was very long-winded and I unhappily found that by the time I tried to stumble out the door, I had forgotten how to open it!

Yep, it was one of those frameless doors that swung inwards but didn’t have a doorknob. I must have spent at least two minutes pounding on it, wiggling it, banging it, etc although it felt like eons to me. Poor Father just sat there in his sectioned room. (Maybe laughing to death I dunno).

:o
 
Nan_S said:
I was kid-herding for an hour++, directing them into lines for individual confession, …

What I didn’t realize was that some of the other uncomfortable ones were not our kids at all - they were Protestant friends who accompanied their Catholic friends to our classrooms.

I was shooing Protestant kids into the confessionals!!!
.
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LOL ROTF
Would you herd my brother-in-laws in there too.😃 They’re preachers and in deep need of spiritual direction.
 
I was at a youth rally, and they had outdoor confessions. It was really hot, so one of the priest managing the job asked me to bring a glass of water to whatever priest I went to. The first confessional that opened up was the one under the oak tree. I started walking and realized it was the Archbishop of New Orleans! I got flustered and triped over a tree branch and spilled the water all over him! :eek: I think that’s why I got 10 hail mary’s and a rosary! 😛
 
I made my first confession a year ago before I came into the Church during Easter Vigil. Our parish had a reconciliation service and so we had confessions at different areas within the church. The priest I went to was sitting in the presider’s chair area. I was so neverous that after I made my confessions, I just walked off. The priest chuckled and said…“Did you forget something.” I said “Oh yea you have to forgive me for your sins dont you?”…lol that was so funy
 
Some years one of my daughters was in college about two hours from our home. If I happened to be in that city I would pick her up at the end of my day and go to a 5:30 PM daily Mass at a parish in the neighborhood and we would then go to dinner. The parish was very orthodox and probably hears half the confessions in the whole city. There are always lines every day, before every Mass.

There was a line for confession before the Mass and I got on line and was getting ready to confess. My daughter sat in a nearby pew and waited for me. I was next in line to go into the confessional and there was a very loud thump in the confessional. The priest came flying out of his door, tore open the penitent’s door and the man fell out of the box right on the floor, passed out cold.

Through a past job I am familiar with administering first aid so I ran over there and checked the guy out. He came to a bit and could talk. He had heart problems and was on medication and said he did not need it. Things got straightened out and I went into confession and came out and then sat next to my daughter. She was about 19 or 20 at the time and she had quite an astonished look on her face.

She said in dead seriousness with a look on her face as if she saw a ghost: “Did you see that? I am not going to confession in this place. Did you see that? God struck that guy right down. Did you see that? God struck Him down? No way am I going to confession in this place. No way”.

There was no convincing her that this was not a thunderbolt from heaven. I laughed about this for about two days.
 
I sometimes go to confession at our cathedral and it also is only equipped with the old confessional. I once went there, the green light was on. I went inside and made a lengthy confession confessing all of my sins and it was followed by silence. :confused: I wasn’t sure what to do next. I waited for what SEEMED to be forever but in reality it was only about a minute and then I heard some noise. I said “Father?” and he replied, “You may begin.” :rolleyes:

Apparently he stepped out and there was nobody there when I made my confession and the noise I heard was him coming back and I had to confess all over again.
 
About the only one I can recall, is the time the priest told my Mother to “say her beads” as pennance…she didn’t understand, and asked him twice to repeat. He got irritated and said “say your beads, lady…say your beads!”

😛
 
I remember one time when I was still a very new Catholic, my Confessor told me to “do an act of charity” for my penance.

I’d been last in line, and there was only five minutes left before the start of Mass, so I ran outside, stopped the first beggar I saw, and gave him five dollars.

Later, after Mass, I was idly flipping through my prayer book, and ran across The Act of Charity. :o :rolleyes: 😛
 
jmcrae said:
I remember one time when I was still a very new Catholic, my Confessor told me to “do an act of charity” for my penance.

I’d been last in line, and there was only five minutes left before the start of Mass, so I ran outside, stopped the first beggar I saw, and gave him five dollars.

Later, after Mass, I was idly flipping through my prayer book, and ran across The Act of Charity. :o :rolleyes: 😛
Click to expand...
Five bucks is a cheap lesson on life 👍
 
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