Confessional Etiquette: The 3-minute Rule

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For those younger Catholics who were never taught and those older Catholics who may have forgot …

If you anticipate taking more than 3 minutes in the confessional, schedule a separate appointment with the priest or wait until everyone else in the confessional line has gone to confession.
 
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SFH:
For those younger Catholics who were never taught and those older Catholics who may have forgot …

If you anticipate taking more than 3 minutes in the confessional, schedule a separate appointment with the priest or wait until everyone else in the confessional line has gone to confession.
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I went to a Reconciliation service several days ago. Stood in line with everyone else for probably 45 minutes to an hour I was next to the last person. Several people it seemed took ten to fifteen minutes. (I really was not counting) I thanked God for the extra time given to me to reflect on the state of my soul and any offenses against God.
 
Never heard of this…I think it’s good to be considerate and let others go first if you expect a long time in there, but sometimes it is the priest who takes his time…and sometimes people don’t know how long it will take. I’ve been in situations where I got to church in what I thought was plenty of time and everyone seemed to take 10-15 minutes each and I didn’t get in (it is frustrating). But I doubt this rule is widely observed and I’m not sure it should be. Just pray more! If the priest has to leave for Mass, he should consider coming back after…And if it happens a lot, scheduling longer confession times would be a good idea.
Apart from that, I’m not sure you can enforce an express line concept in the sacrament. Even people who expect to take a while may not be comfortable making an appointment, either, because they want the anonymnity of the normal confessional line.
 
Hate to sound negative but the majority of parishes I’ve been to the main problem in going to confession has been tracking down no-show priests who are scheduled to be hearing confessions. Usually not much of a line to worry about.
 
I think one of the great problems today is that too few people go to confession. If someone ahead of me takes 20 minutes and thus leaves no time for me, I am grateful that this person was able to find absolution; maybe I would do better to take a little more time in confession.
 
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MooCowSteph:
I think one of the great problems today is that too few people go to confession. If someone ahead of me takes 20 minutes and thus leaves no time for me, I am grateful that this person was able to find absolution; maybe I would do better to take a little more time in confession.
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If only we all could remember to do that!:amen: 🙂
 
In my parish, long confessions are not uncommon at all. The priests feel this sacrament is very important and they do not rush things. Also, it seems that people in general do not seem to mind because they know that sometimes they are the one in need of more time on a given day.

I’ve had to stand and wait behind when it was going to take long and what came to my mind is that Father must know what he is doing to keep this person for that time. He could always ask them to schedule an appointment, but does not.

We have ample opportunities for confession in my parish too, which probably helps alot. We not only have confession available starting at around 2:30/2:45 on Saturdays and running to the 4:00 pm Mass, but we have it at least 30 minutes prior to the Sunday Masses and it is not uncommon to see priests go back to their confessionals, even after the last Mass has ended, to attend to those they did not get to. I’ve also witnessed a priest simply go to the confessional prior to any given weekday Mass. People respond to a priest in the confessional.

Unfortnately, I know it is not like this everywhere, but if priests imply gave more time in the confessional, those longer ones would not be a big deal, because you can catch confession many different times.
 
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To Whoever’s In the Confession Line Ahead of Me:

God called you to receive this Infinitely Precious Sacrament, and it happened to be in His Plan that I wait after you in the same line. (I like to pray to be directed to the proper priest for Confession.) So please, feel welcome to take the time you need. Now if you sense in advance that you’re going to be taking up the priest’s entire allotted scheduled time in the Confessional, it would be kind of you to schedule a private Confession. But I always just feel it’s better to trust God, feel overjoyed that the person ahead of me is making his or her peace with God, and am content to wait my turn. After all, one of the sins I’m likely to confess is “impatience.” 🙂

~~ the phoenix
 
the phoenix:
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To Whoever’s In the Confession Line Ahead of Me:

God called you to receive this Infinitely Precious Sacrament, and it happened to be in His Plan that I wait after you in the same line. (I like to pray to be directed to the proper priest for Confession.) So please, feel welcome to take the time you need. Now if you sense in advance that you’re going to be taking up the priest’s entire allotted scheduled time in the Confessional, it would be kind of you to schedule a private Confession. But I always just feel it’s better to trust God, feel overjoyed that the person ahead of me is making his or her peace with God, and am content to wait my turn. After all, one of the sins I’m likely to confess is “impatience.” 🙂

~~ the phoenix
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👍
 
Yeah…that alleged unwritten rule…most of us never learned it because IT DOESN’T EXIST.

The Sacrament of Confession is just that…a Sacrament. It is not timebound, unless one is referring to one’s own immortality.

I did once step in for what I thought would be a short confession, and ended up unloading a lot of information this very holy priest pried out of me…and what he did, in realizing that this was going to take awhile was to ask me to leave and go to the end of th line, or to make an appointment. I had time, so I just waited for everyone else to go and I came back.

Now, there are some people, I have noticed, who seem to habitually take 15 or so minutes…this drives me crazy, because they are always rushing to be at the head of the line and take the most time.

I remember sitting in adoration, once, and I saw a pregnant woman continually looking toward a confessional which displayed a light, indicating that it was in use. That person took about a half hour, and the girl who was nevously looking seemed to be getting more nevous by the moment. But once that first party was out, she was in…and she took a long time too.

I’ve been there…I know what it’s like. I made my 12 year confession at Easter in a long line…and had someone told me I had to make an appointment, I never would have gone through with it.

I had struggled for a couple years, trying to make myself make an appointment to go. Finally I had to let the Holy Spirit goad me into going to confession…and once I was in line, that was it…I was going.

So don’t be so quick to demand a time limit…you never know what a particular sinner is going through, nor do you know when God is going to call them home.

God bless those who have long confessions and make impatient sinners like myself wait. Oh, yes…I’m impatient, too…but I’ve been one of the long confessee’s, and I thank the Lord for his grace and the line for their patience.

I saw throw that 3 min. rule out the window it never came in through in the first place.
 
What works for me while waiting in line to go to confession is that I either pray the Divine Mercy chaplet, or the Rosary. You’ll be surprised how time will fly. Whatever set of prayers I could not finish before enterening the confessional, I will finish it later after confession.
 
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SFH:
For those younger Catholics who were never taught and those older Catholics who may have forgot …

If you anticipate taking more than 3 minutes in the confessional, schedule a separate appointment with the priest or wait until everyone else in the confessional line has gone to confession.
Click to expand...
The posters are missing the point here.
This thread is not to be judgemental to those in front who take longer (one of our priests, God Love him, is a talker) but for each of US, the more informed Catholics to try to keep it short and if we have a long confession or if there are tons of people there.

Our Pastor is wonderful about moving people along. Most of US know how to do it and what we are going to say. We may need to coach those who were not taught. Pass the word!

Most of US also know that if the person in front of us is in there for a while, we are glad we are not them! Prayers, prayers, prayers!
 
netmil(name removed by moderator):
The posters are missing the point here.
… This thread is not to be judgemental to those in front who take longer … Most of US also know that if the person in front of us is in there for a while, we are glad we are not them! Prayers, prayers, prayers!
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Pardon me, but that seems awfully judgemental. :rolleyes:

No, netmil(name removed by moderator), I am not missing the point. It’s that people like JCPhoenix are making excellent points which I feel, with all due respect, outweigh yours.

I do, however, strongly disagree with you. My original post stands. :cool:

… and Hail and Well Met, aurora77! It’s nice to be getting to know the other denizens of the Catholic Answers forum little by little. Looking forward to seeing you around the forums. 🙂

~~ the phoenix
 
the phoenix:
Pardon me, but that seems awfully judgemental. :rolleyes:

No, netmil(name removed by moderator), I am not missing the point. It’s that people like JCPhoenix are making excellent points which I feel, with all due respect, outweigh yours.

I do, however, strongly disagree with you. My original post stands. :cool:

… and Hail and Well Met, aurora77! It’s nice to be getting to know the other denizens of the Catholic Answers forum little by little. Looking forward to seeing you around the forums. 🙂

~~ the phoenix
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I’m sorry if my post offended you, it wasn’t meant to offend anyone just to explain my feelings. I’m not being judgemental about the person in front of me who takes more than a few minutes but I am one of those people who DREAD going to confession and love coming out! I guess I should have put a smilie with it, it was more of a kidding statement than anything else.

Now, as for the 3 minute rule. It’s not a rule, it’s a courtesy. If we are in one of those parishes that has 2 hour confessions, no exceptions, the original poster was saying that if you need a more of a spiritual guidance in your confession, then make an appointment. I find it very sad that some people come to confession and don’t make it in. So it is a vicious cycle. Someone comes to confession and doesn’t make it in one week, then again the next and the next, and finally perhaps give up. See where I’m coming from?

It isn’t meant to insult anyone, just to give everyone a chance. Personally, we have confessions 1/2 before every mass and two hours on Saturdays. We don’t have the problems that are being discussed here. Some parishes are not this blessed.
 
I guess everyone just needs to take whatever time is needed. I do agree that when the time is limited (i.e. 30 minutes before Mass begins) and the line is long, it is simply a courtesy to try to keep it short so everyone in line can have their confessions heard.

The basics of the sacrament are pretty simple. Sins are stated, absolution is given, perhaps with a few words of advice, and there is an act of contrition. Telling sins doesn’t take long; giving absolution doesn’t take long. Perhaps some penitents tend to ramble in the stating of sins; perhaps some confessors turn a few words of advice into a sermonette. Those are not essentials. What is important is that you’ve told your sins, expressed repentance, and been forgiven.
 
I have a theory that confessions tend to take less time when they are the behind the screen type because both the confessor and the penitent are less likely to make it into a counseling session or a friendly chat…just a theory, but somewhat validated in places that have two types of confessionals. Having said that, the penitent should be mindful of time issues if there is a line (the priest won’t know) but should not be rushed or feel he or she only is entitled to 3 minutes…
 
I am glad that I have a priest that takes at least three minutes for his side of penance and advice. The quickest confeesions are about six minutes. That being said, those of us that attend regularly should be considerate if we know we may need an extended time for confession.

Likewise, neither should we be impatient with those that are returning to the confessional after an extended absence and need the extra time. I must confess that I do not always live up to this idea. Anyone have a suggested penance?
 
netmil(name removed by moderator):
I’m sorry if my post offended you, … the original poster was saying that if you need a more of a spiritual guidance in your confession, then make an appointment. … See where I’m coming from?
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Good and friendly greetings, netmil(name removed by moderator),

I believe the reason for our misunderstanding is because you did not take the time to READ CAREFULLY the first post I made on this topic? Because if you did you still wouldn’t be asking even now whether I can see where you’re coming from. You already were provided your answer last night for goodness’ sakes!!! 😛

To save you from scrolling up, I’ll now quote myself from my earlier post dated yesterday at 8:52 P.M.: “Now if you sense in advance that you’re going to be taking up the priest’s entire allotted scheduled time in the Confessional, it would be kind of you to schedule a private Confession.” Gee, kinda rings a bell to what the original poster was suggestin’, huh? And here I was already aware of it, and had posted to that effect, before you pointed it out to me. :o

All’s I’m asking is for people to be aware of what has actually already been stated in the thread before making any dismissive claims that posters are allegedly missing the point.

And, to look at this from another aspect … what sense does it make to automatically assume that those of us who are willing to wait longer than three minutes cannot see the advantages of quicker lines? It’s not that people are missing the point about how long confessor-goers hold up the rest of the line, it’s that, IMHO, we see the point very clearly, are willing to give those long confessor-goers the benefit of the doubt that they are making good use of the extra time, believing that the Good Lord will reward our merciful waiting for them with the Providence of His Divine Mercy when it comes our turn in line.

~~ the phoenix
 
The confession lines that I’ve been part of vary considerably. Most times, people take about 5 minutes but I’ve seen people in there for almost a half hour. I think it is a good idea to make an individual appointment with a priest if you think you’ll be longer that 10 minutes.
 
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