Confessional etiquette

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atwooddw

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I approached the sacrament of confession at a local parish. When I arrived with my young son, the door to the confessional was shut; however, the confessional light–which is usually illuminated to show that there is someone in the confessional–was not illuminated. Two parishoners who were present when I arrived told me that they thought that the confessional was unoccupied. Not being sure, I waited about ten minutes. I was obviously not trying to overhear anything, but there were no sounds coming from the confessional. I knocked on the door, and there was no response. I knocked again, and, again, there was no response. It is not uncommon at that parish for penitents leaving the confessional to shut the door behind them; as the priest sits some distance away from the door, behind the grille, he will not be aware of this. Anyhow, after knocking twice with no response, I opened the door and, unfortunately, found someone in the midst of confession. I apologized and shut the door immediately. The penitent left the confessional shortly thereafter, and was extemely angry. I tried to explain, but it didn’t help, and all I could do was offer another apology.

I would welcome comments on how to try to repair this damage–and is there anything I should have done differently?
 
Sounds to me that you did all you could reasonably do to not interupt. I think that the penitent probably needs to go back to confession. Seems they have a small problem with “anger”.

I think someone needs to talk to the priest about the confessional light being burned out. Volunteer to replace it.
 
Our parish recently installed a window in the confessional door so you can see if someone is in there.
 
You didn’t do anything wrong at all. When the person heard you knocking they should have just let you know that the confessional was occupied.

The parish needs to install a light or whatever is needed to let others know that it is occupied.

Let your parish priest know what happened.
 
corsair said:
Sounds to me that you did all you could reasonably do to not interupt. I think that the penitent probably needs to go back to confession. Seems they have a small problem with “anger”.

I think someone needs to talk to the priest about the confessional light being burned out. Volunteer to replace it.
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Agreed. The confessional door might have been left closed by the previous penitent, or there may have been no priest there (which is quite common) and then you (the OP), and anyone else, would have been waiting in vain until the end of the confession time. Your actions were perfectly sensible.

I can understand that you were quite upset by the other person’s unreasonable anger.

I was once in a longer-than-usual confession, as the penitent, and someone opened the door to check whether there was anyone there, even though the light was on. That was slightly embarassing for both of us, but after quick apologies the incident just passed.
 
The previous penitent had no right to be angry. here’s why:


  1. *]If the light was broken, then the previous penitent would have known this before walking in, if he was not the first. Hence he would have known you had no way of knowing someone was already in there, and can’t hold you responsible.
    *]If the light was working just fine, then the previous penitent must have failed to do what is necessary to activate it, usually applying weight to the kneeler. Since this is common knowledge, once again he can’t hold you responsible.
    *]Lots of people are uptight about interruptions when it comes to religious rituals, so I’m guessing he heard you knocking but refused to respond. Personally I would have responded by interrupting my confession and poking my head out the door with a smile and a reassuring word to the surprised and embarrassed penitent behind me. Because he didn’t do what I consider reasonable, I say you were not at fault.
    *]Whoever he was, he should have gotten back into line behind you 🙂
 
IMHO you shouldn’t give this issue another thought apart from telling the priest about the light not functioning properly. Can’t help but be troubled by this fellow who you say was “extremely angry”, there’s something about God Almighty Creator of Heaven and Earth extending His Mercy to him, miserable creature, through the priest that escapes him.
 
Some churches I go to, have the confessionals where curtains or doors are open to signify come in, and then you close the curtain/door and make your confession then when done, reopen the curtain/door.

I admit I am lax on going to confession & should go more often.

Some churches make people get appointments for private confession, others have times to come for private confession - maybe its just a local thing in my area.
 
I was once confessing face to face when someone walked in knelt by the screen and started confessing. I just said: “Excuse me, I think I was here first. He apologized and left.” Father commented that he was hoping we could start a new procedure so he could speed things up by hearing two at the same time. 😃

There is no reason to get upset on something like this. Mistakes happen and one should assume the other was acting in good faith.

On the other hand, as my brother once told me, some people are happy only when they have something to be unhappy about.
 
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