Confessions have not changed me

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PelagiathePenit

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I always attend mass. I confess regularly. I am still s a self absorbed and selfish person. I do not take responsibility for my actions. I thought confessions was good enough. I know objectively that I am wrong but I feel no remorse or deep sense of conviction. It is like I do not care that I am a bad person it just hurts my ego. I do not want to be seen as one.
 
I always attend mass. I confess regularly. I am still s a self absorbed and selfish person. I do not take responsibility for my actions. I thought confessions was good enough. I know objectively that I am wrong but I feel no remorse or deep sense of conviction. It is like I do not care that I am a bad person it just hurts my ego. I do not want to be seen as one.
It is ideal to pray for perfect contrition. The Council of Trent (Sess. XIV, iv) stated that imperfect contrition does “dispose him to receive the grace of God in the Sacrament of Penance”.

And as to that imperfect contrition which is called attrition, because it is commonly conceived either from the consideration of the turpitude of sin, or from the fear of hell and of punishment, the council declares that if with the hope of pardon, it excludes the wish to sin, it not only does not make man a hypocrite and a greater sinner, but that it is even a gift of God, and an impulse of the Holy Spirit, who does not indeed as yet dwell in the penitent, but who only moves him whereby the penitent, being assisted, prepares a way for himself unto justice, and although this attrition cannot of itself, without the Sacrament of Penance, conduct the sinner to justification yet does it dispose him to receive the grace of God in the Sacrament of Penance. For smitten profitably with fear, the Ninivites at the preaching of Jonas did fearful penance and obtained mercy from Lord.
 
I always attend mass. I confess regularly. I am still s a self absorbed and selfish person. I do not take responsibility for my actions. I thought confessions was good enough. I know objectively that I am wrong but I feel no remorse or deep sense of conviction. It is like I do not care that I am a bad person it just hurts my ego. I do not want to be seen as one.
Seek counsel from your pastor.
 
I am still s a self absorbed and selfish person.
One of the things that strikes me is that you seem to be open to the possibility that frequent Confession and consistently receiving the Eucharist will not change you, neither in the future nor now.

Being open to that possibility should not be compatible with truly abandoning ourselves to God, nor to a vibrant faith.

Whatever your shortcomings, God will heal them, but we have to understand that God does things in His own time and in His own way.

What we need to look at is what sort of impediments we are putting up to His grace. Because we are, there’s no question about that.
 
I always attend mass. I confess regularly. I am still s a self absorbed and selfish person. I do not take responsibility for my actions. I thought confessions was good enough. I know objectively that I am wrong but I feel no remorse or deep sense of conviction. It is like I do not care that I am a bad person it just hurts my ego. I do not want to be seen as one.
If you’re still this “bad” after doing all that, can you imagine how much worse you’d be if you hadn’t?

All this means is that God isn’t done with you yet. You are called to patience and perseverance.
 
You have to have the desire to change. Confession is good, but you really don’t seem to wish to become a better person. Only you can let the Holy Spirit in to do His work. You have our prayers.
 
It is ideal to pray for perfect contrition. The Council of Trent (Sess. XIV, iv) stated that imperfect contrition does “dispose him to receive the grace of God in the Sacrament of Penance”.

And as to that imperfect contrition which is called attrition, because it is commonly conceived either from the consideration of the turpitude of sin, or from the fear of hell and of punishment, the council declares that if with the hope of pardon, it excludes the wish to sin, it not only does not make man a hypocrite and a greater sinner, but that it is even a gift of God, and an impulse of the Holy Spirit, who does not indeed as yet dwell in the penitent, but who only moves him whereby the penitent, being assisted, prepares a way for himself unto justice, and although this attrition cannot of itself, without the Sacrament of Penance, conduct the sinner to justification yet does it dispose him to receive the grace of God in the Sacrament of Penance. For smitten profitably with fear, the Ninivites at the preaching of Jonas did fearful penance and obtained mercy from Lord.
What a great answer. However, I wonder if PelagiathePenit understands it. I had to read it several times. Vico, you’ve indicated the important point of the quote from The Council of Trent, that the penitent still receives grace. But the quote also indicates a current place, or location in the penitents spiritual journey:

“the Holy Spirit, who does not indeed as yet dwell in the penitent, but who only moves him whereby the penitent, being assisted, prepares a way for himself unto justice,”

“Prepares a way for himself unto justice” (with the guidance of the Holy Spirit). What an interesting statement, albeit seemingly general, to capture the eloquent nature of the workings of the Holy Spirit’s way of preserving free will.
 
If you’re still this “bad” after doing all that, can you imagine how much worse you’d be if you hadn’t?

All this means is that God isn’t done with you yet. You are called to patience and perseverance.
Yes! As any old monk will tell you, conversion is an ongoing, life-long process.
 
What a great answer. However, I wonder if PelagiathePenit understands it. I had to read it several times. Vico, you’ve indicated the important point of the quote from The Council of Trent, that the penitent still receives grace. But the quote also indicates a current place, or location in the penitents spiritual journey:

“the Holy Spirit, who does not indeed as yet dwell in the penitent, but who only moves him whereby the penitent, being assisted, prepares a way for himself unto justice,”

“Prepares a way for himself unto justice” (with the guidance of the Holy Spirit). What an interesting statement, albeit seemingly general, to capture the eloquent nature of the workings of the Holy Spirit’s way of preserving free will.
It is “not yet” since with perfect contrition, the sin is already forgiven, before individual confession occurs, unlike attrition. Yet, with either contrition or attrition it must exclude the wish to sin.

Catechism
1452 When it arises from a love by which God is loved above all else, contrition is called “perfect” (contrition of charity). Such contrition remits venial sins; it also obtains forgiveness of mortal sins if it includes the firm resolution to have recourse to sacramental confession as soon as possible. 51

51 Cf. Council of Trent (1551): DS 1677.

The entire section from Trent:

On Contrition.

Contrition, which holds the first place amongst the aforesaid acts of the penitent, is a sorrow of mind, and a detestation for sin committed, with the purpose of not sinning for the future. (r) This movement of contrition was at all times necessary for obtaining the pardon of sins; and, in one who has fallen after baptism, it then at length prepares for the remissions of sins, when it is united with confidence in the divine mercy, and with the desire of performing the other things which are required for rightly receiving this sacrament. Wherefore the holy Synod declares, that this contrition contains not only a cessation from sin, and the purpose and the beginning of a new life, but also a hatred of the old, (H) agreeably to that saying; Cast away from you all your iniquities, wherein you have transgressed, and make to yourselves a new heart and a new spirit. (t) And assuredly he who has considered those cries of the saints; To thee only have I sinned, and have done evil before thee, (v) I have laboured in my groaning, every night I will wash my bed, (w) I will recount to thee all my years, in the bitterness of my soul, (x) and others of this kind, will easily understand that they flowed from a certain vehement hatred of their past life, and from an exceeding detestation of sins.

The Synod teaches moreover, that, although it sometimes happen that this contrition is perfect through charity, and reconciles man with God before this sacrament be actually received, the said reconciliation, nevertheless, is not to be ascribed to that contrition, independently of the desire of the sacrament which is included therein.

And as to that imperfect contrition, which is called attrition, because that it is commonly conceived either from the consideration of the turpitude of sin, or from the fear of hell and of punishment, It declares that if, with the hope of pardon, it exclude the wish to sin, (y) it not only does not make a man a hypocrite, and a greater sinner, but that it is even a gift of God, and an impulse of the Holy Ghost, --who does not indeed as yet dwell in the penitent, but only moves him, --whereby the penitent being assisted prepares a way for himself unto justice. And although this (attrition) cannot of itself, without the sacrament of penance, conduct the sinner to justification, yet does it dispose him to obtain the grace of God in the sacrament of Penance. For, smitten profitably with this fear, the Ninivites, at the preaching of Jonas, did fearful penance and obtained mercy from the Lord. Wherefore falsely do some calumniate Catholic writers, as if they had maintained that the sacrament of Penance confers grace without any good motion on the part of those who receive it: a thing which the Church of God never taught, or thought: and falsely also do they assert that contrition is extorted and forced, not free and voluntary.
 
Mass and Confession are not magic pills.
That’s like the man who says he pays all the bills and comes at home and sleeps in his own bed at night is a great father and husband.

What you need is to love.

Do you love Christ?
If so, you go to confession out of repentance, not because someone told you it fixes you. You go to tell your beloved that you are sorry, seek forgiveness, and resolve to do better.
You go to Mass to meet your Beloved at the table, to hear His words, to praise Him and to express your love for Him.
Don’t be like the guy who goes through the motions without love.
Those are empty experiences.
Ask yourself. Do I love Christ Jesus? How can I live it?
Does the Lord know that you love Him? How?
If you are as disagreeable/awkward as you claim to be…how does that show the Lord how much you love Him? In what way, does that honor Him?
pray about it. Really pray. Tell Him your want to change. Look at the crucifix and see Him arms outstretched to you. Really look.

peace
 
OP needs to repent.

Repentance isn’t something that happens to us. It’s like exercise. We have to work at it.

Saying “Confession has not changed me” is like complaining buying auto parts to fix your car, not putting them on and complaining that your car still doesn’t work right.

-Tim-
 
I always attend mass. I confess regularly. I am still s a self absorbed and selfish person. I do not take responsibility for my actions. I thought confessions was good enough. I know objectively that I am wrong but I feel no remorse or deep sense of conviction. It is like I do not care that I am a bad person it just hurts my ego. I do not want to be seen as one.
It could be worse. You could be denying that you have a problem!
 
I always attend mass. I confess regularly. I am still s a self absorbed and selfish person. I do not take responsibility for my actions. I thought confessions was good enough. I know objectively that I am wrong but I feel no remorse or deep sense of conviction. It is like I do not care that I am a bad person it just hurts my ego. I do not want to be seen as one.
When you finally decide to Seek JESUS, HE can easily be found. But as you do not approach the Sacraments with humility, you are still very deep within the secular world and enjoying it very much. Like Lot’s wife, you refuse to turn away from that which GOD had declared evil, even while HE is trying to lead you to eternal JOY. Time is short, chose.
 
It could be worse. You could be denying that you have a problem!
Whatever. I know I have many problems I just refuse to face them. I hate being called out on my sins. What is the good in being self aware? Other people are not changing. I know this is the wrong thing to say and think. Why me and why now? There is so much responsibility with God. What am I missing out on?
 
Seems that you recognize your problem but refuse to take care of it. Confession is only good IF you have the intent to at least try to reform your faults. We all fail but, hopefully, most will try to repent.

If you are not willing to go talk to your priest, as has been suggested, then there is not much help I can offer you.

I will offer prayer for you.
 
Whatever. I know I have many problems I just refuse to face them. I hate being called out on my sins. What is the good in being self aware? Other people are not changing. I know this is the wrong thing to say and think. Why me and why now? There is so much responsibility with God. What am I missing out on?
In a word: bliss.

You’re missing His love.
Quite a loss.
 
Seems that you recognize your problem but refuse to take care of it. Confession is only good IF you have the intent to at least try to reform your faults. We all fail but, hopefully, most will try to repent.

If you are not willing to go talk to your priest, as has been suggested, then there is not much help I can offer you.

I will offer prayer for you.
I cannot p(name removed by moderator)oint how I became so hardened. I used to be known for being selfless, caring, and empathetic.
 
I cannot p(name removed by moderator)oint how I became so hardened. I used to be known for being selfless, caring, and empathetic.
It can happen through venial sins.

1855 … Venial sin allows charity to subsist, even though it offends and wounds it.

1863 Venial sin weakens charity; it manifests a disordered affection for created goods; it impedes the soul’s progress in the exercise of the virtues and the practice of the moral good; it merits temporal punishment. Deliberate and unrepented venial sin disposes us little by little to commit mortal sin. However venial sin does not break the covenant with God. With God’s grace it is humanly reparable. "Venial sin does not deprive the sinner of sanctifying grace, friendship with God, charity, and consequently eternal happiness."134

While he is in the flesh, man cannot help but have at least some light sins. But do not despise these sins which we call “light”: if you take them for light when you weigh them, tremble when you count them. A number of light objects makes a great mass; a number of drops fills a river; a number of grains makes a heap. What then is our hope? Above all, confession.135
 
I always attend mass. I confess regularly. I am still s a self absorbed and selfish person. I do not take responsibility for my actions. I thought confessions was good enough. I know objectively that I am wrong but I feel no remorse or deep sense of conviction. It is like I do not care that I am a bad person it just hurts my ego. I do not want to be seen as one.
You have no real knowledge of the kind of person you would have been if you had not been going to confession. I believe each of us has our own besetting sins and struggle with not wanting to change. I know I do. Every morning I wake up and say, “This is the day I begin again.” Some days I do better than others.

I go to confession with the same basket of sins. Most of the time not real serious sins but petty, selfish and self absorbed. Keep praying. Keep trying. KEEP GOING TO CONFESSION.
 
You have no real knowledge of the kind of person you would have been if you had not been going to confession. I believe each of us has our own besetting sins and struggle with not wanting to change. I know I do. Every morning I wake up and say, “This is the day I begin again.” Some days I do better than others.

I go to confession with the same basket of sins. Most of the time not real serious sins but petty, selfish and self absorbed. Keep praying. Keep trying. KEEP GOING TO CONFESSION.
That is true. I could be worse. Maybe God is working within me and I do not know it. I never planned on stopping to go to confession.
 
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