Confessions Please Help

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luvthelight

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i was wondering if you could help me with a problem i have been having. you see, I have a veryyy large family, all of whom live in a close radius of my house, the majority of which attend the same church. while in most ways this is wonderful, the parish priest has become a very close friend of my family’s. for this reason, i have seen him outside of church at family activies, ect - and therefore do not feel quite confortable asking him for a confession. i know a priest does not judge, but i still don’t feel comfortable. i would like to simply go to another parish but im only 16 so i dont drive yet, and any other parish is at least 20 - 25 min away by car (and there are no methods of public transport, at least none in my town) - and my parents are not particularly religious, never inforced my attending confession, therefore see no need to drive 25 min for another parish - and i truly do not feel confortable asking the local priest. what should i do? will God understand my position and personal prayers be sufficiant until I can drive in about 4 monthes? can i pray for a personal confession and study literagy ect. and be able to recieve communion? HELP!
 
I never go to my own priest for confession. I’d be too mortified thinking he’d know who I was. This has caused problems from time to time, such as when another church I go to has changed it’s schedule, or I get lost on the way there, or I get there late and confessions are over. I’ve missed confession, and thus the next day’s Eucharist, many times because of this.

I’m not defending this practice - it might be wrong. However, on those occasions when I’ve tried to go to confession and missed it, I always feel there was a reason. Usually, I’ll think about what I was going to confess and remember something else I wouldn’t have said, then the next week I make a better confession. Also, some priests are really good - they give wonderful advice and turn your misery into an almost joyful occasion. Some are awful - they sound bored and forget to even give you a penance.

Anyway, I guess there must be another teenager in your parish who doesn’t want to go to your priest and who drives. Drag them to confession with you. It’ll do you both good.
 
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luvthelight:
i was wondering if you could help me with a problem i have been having. you see, I have a veryyy large family, all of whom live in a close radius of my house, the majority of which attend the same church. while in most ways this is wonderful, the parish priest has become a very close friend of my family’s. for this reason, i have seen him outside of church at family activies, ect - and therefore do not feel quite confortable asking him for a confession. i know a priest does not judge, but i still don’t feel comfortable. i would like to simply go to another parish but im only 16 so i dont drive yet, and any other parish is at least 20 - 25 min away by car (and there are no methods of public transport, at least none in my town) - and my parents are not particularly religious, never inforced my attending confession, therefore see no need to drive 25 min for another parish - and i truly do not feel confortable asking the local priest. what should i do? will God understand my position and personal prayers be sufficiant until I can drive in about 4 monthes? can i pray for a personal confession and study literagy ect. and be able to recieve communion? HELP!
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Do you have any friends that live near the other church? Maybe you could stay over with them one Saturday and then walk or have their parents take you by the church before returning you home?
 
no im afraid, sadly, i dont hve any practicing Catholic friends in another parish, not really any in my parish either come to think of it, i mean some others go to church but do not fulfill any of the other sacraments. thank you for the advice though. i will keep thinking.
 
I hope that your parish has the option for anonymous confessions–that is, a confessional. If so, I would just bite the bullett and go to your regular priest. Even if he recognizes you it’s really not a big deal. I was accustomed to going to a neighboring parish for confession because I know all the priests at my parish too well. Even in the confessional, I figure that they will recognize my voice.

But on several occasions, I’ve had to go to my own parish, and gone to confession to the priest whom I know best; and actually he’s the ‘easiest’ confessor of all, and it makes no difference in our relationship outside the confessional.

I really think that most priests hear so many confessions that they either forget it immediately or they all run together in their mind. Once the confessional door closes, it’s forgotten.
 
you are really having trouble with the whole doctrine of the sacrament of penance. please accept the assurance of Church teaching, that your priest does not remember what you say in confession, will never repeat what you say, and once you have been absolved, your sins are forgiven. Who the priest is does not matter. Don’t built up your doubts about the sacrament into an excuse to avoid confession. Virtually all Catholics in my generation lived in Catholic neighborhoods where everybody knew each other, went to the same church and confessed to the same priest. Join the club.
 
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puzzleannie:
you are really having trouble with the whole doctrine of the sacrament of penance. please accept the assurance of Church teaching, that your priest does not remember what you say in confession, will never repeat what you say, and once you have been absolved, your sins are forgiven. Who the priest is does not matter. Don’t built up your doubts about the sacrament into an excuse to avoid confession. Virtually all Catholics in my generation lived in Catholic neighborhoods where everybody knew each other, went to the same church and confessed to the same priest. Join the club.
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I don’t see any doubts about the sacrament at all in his question. How interesting that’s how you understood it.

It is not Church teaching that a priest does not remember what one says in confession.

To the questioner: If you are in mortal sin you certainly know that you cannot receive the Eucharist until you have gone to confession and that your soul is in danger should you die before you are able to get there. If you are in mortal sin I would recommend going to the priest you know since you have no way of knowing what tomorrow will bring.

In Christ,
Nancy 🙂
 
shayward:
Simple answer: Don’t be so proud.
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That’s not fair. This is a 16 year old looking for a solution. You might as well have said, don’t sin.

I would do a face to face confession and explain it to the priest. They are good guys and may have a solution for you.
 
shayward:
Simple answer: Don’t be so proud.
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Well… I wouldn’t have put it so bluntly, but shay has a point (and i knew, because when I read that line I cringed myself, because I have seen myself in this thread).

I too struggle with confessing to priests I know (some of them anyway), but I have come to realize that much of it is pride talking. Therefore, my peaceful resolution to my problem has been to A) go to my regular confessor, or other priests, when I can but also realize that B) I will go to my own priest, and bite my pride, when I must.

I have had to do B) quite a bit in the last couple of months, and while it is still uncomfortable for me, it’s made me realize that the Church is right – it does not matter what priest you confess to, they are all, in the confessional, in persona Christi. My relationships with the priests I know have never been any different afterwards.

One suggestion – if you truly think the priest will be able to “figure you out” by your voice if you use the private screen, honestly consider doing face-to-face. I have the same problem (distinctive voice… what can I say? :rolleyes: ) and I discovered that it was actually easier for me to just go face-to-face with the priests I knew would recognize me, since that way there was no wondering about whether they knew. I’ve discovered (speaking for myself) that confession face-to-face is easier anyway, and I think I get more out of it spiritually.

Also – no priest I know of would be upset if you told him right at the start that you are uncomfortable being there, and to please help you make a good confession. Especially if you know your parish priest well, honestly ask yourself whether he would react badly to such a request at confession? I doubt it.

One other thought – surely you must know other teenagers who can drive? And there must surely be something in that larger town that you can ask them to drive you to, that is near a Catholic Church? Most Catholic Churches have confessions on Saturday afternoons, which is probably a good time to go visit a mall or something with a friend anyway. Just check online for a parish near the mall (or whatever) that has confessions at a convenient time, and then ask a friend to drive you there. When you get there, tell them you will meet them later, you have to go take care of something privately first. If they ask, tell them what you’re doing (Who knows, they might say, “really?” and ask to come to, if for no other reason than to check out the inside of a Catholic church)

All else fails – go to your own priest, trust in the mercy of Christ, and follow the old maxim, be brief, be bold, be gone!

God bless,

+veritas+
 
I’ll chime in on the “bite the bullet” vote. I go to a priest outside my parish for confession. But recently, I needed (I mean NEEDED) to make a confession, and the only person available was a really good friend – a chaplain where I work. I ‘bit the bullet’ and AMAZING: This kind of screwy guy turned into SUPERPRIEST the minute he put on his violet stole, right there in my office. I am sure your priest would be HONORED that you trust him with your confession. And it IS a stout dose of humility!
 
I understand what you mean LtL. It is hard. I was in the same mess. But one thing I came to the light about is that you have to experience shame and embarrasment of what you have done. Talking face to face, especially if it is your parish priest, is one of the best ways, and will help the healing process. Opening up, being totally vulnerable, is the key. You will feel like Satan is not the boss of you and that the precious words “I absolve you” are done with Christ’s authority and truely healing. If you can get over the fear you will be on a new path.
 
Back in the ancient days before there was such a thing as face-to-face confession and there were only those dark confessionals, my mother-in-law had the practice, whenever she went into the confessional, of actually introducing herself to the priest! “Hi Father, this is Catherine.” I thought it was strange at the time; but now it doesn’t seem so strange.
 
Catholic Dude:
I understand what you mean LtL. It is hard. I was in the same mess. But one thing I came to the light about is that you have to experience shame and embarrasment of what you have done. Talking face to face, especially if it is your parish priest, is one of the best ways, and will help the healing process. Opening up, being totally vulnerable, is the key. You will feel like Satan is not the boss of you and that the precious words “I absolve you” are done with Christ’s authority and truely healing. If you can get over the fear you will be on a new path.
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Yo, Dude! Tell it like it is! And when a priest hears a really thorough, modest, simple, honest, confession, it makes his day.
 
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Catholic4aReasn:
It is not Church teaching that a priest does not remember what one says in confession.
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That’s true. However, our parish priest (not particularly traditional) told me that it was one of the graces of ordination - certainly in his experience and in that of every other priest he knew - that priests did in fact forget what was said in confession.

Sue
 
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Teresita:
That’s true. However, our parish priest (not particularly traditional) told me that it was one of the graces of ordination - certainly in his experience and in that of every other priest he knew - that priests did in fact forget what was said in confession.

Sue
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I have gone to face-to-face confession with a priest who is also a good friend. It is intimidating at first, but then you get used to it, especially when you realize that he CAN’T talk about the confession outside of the confessional. My wife draws the line at a guy that she went to high school with who is now a priest. In a pinch, I’m sure she would go to him if it was the only option. Anyways, the embarrassment you feel is just the Devil trying to keep you out of the confessional.

I have also talked to priests who say they just simply forget the sins that are confessed to them by the time they leave the confessional. It takes a very unusual sin for them to remember it. There’s no dogma about that though.
 
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